Author's Note

well... ._. i think this chapter is pretty cracked up. 

BUT I SWEAR. I like angst. this story is gonna be angsty... but i'll make it... by making it cracked O_O
enjoy :3

Love is Blind

            They say that love is blind, oh baby I’m so blinded

            To fall for someone like you

            Oh tell me why

            I’d think that our fates are intertwined

            Oh tell me why

            I can’t start anew

            Oh tell me why

            Just tell me why

            I had to fall for you… 

            Tapping his pen on the desk repeatedly, the teen replayed his melody, his lyrics. Glancing up at a rather small picture of his favorite idol, he smiled.

            The obsession with T.O.P. started a few months ago. He was never into kpop, neither was he into men.

            But yet again, T.O.P. seemed to defy all. As if the laws of nature were void to that man. Never before has he seen a human so perfect. Never before has he been legitimately in by the charisma of another human.

            Jiyong himself was popular, charismatic and winsome. In a way they were similar. And in many ways they were different. Girls often flocked towards the two males. Though his fanclub was far smaller than that of the idol’s but nonetheless, it exists. Both were rappers, though his own rap was nothing compared to T.O.P.’s. And finally both carried an unbelievable aurora that instantly intrigued others. Jiyong made sure to exploit this unprecedented quality to the fullest.

            And in many ways they were different.

            T.O.P. was a world class rapper and Jiyong, some street rap battler.

            T.O.P. was an idol, admired and respected worldwide. Jiyong’s fame only extended throughout his community and the underground.

            T.O.P. was humbly kind while Jiyong was often seen as arrogant. For the underground was a harsh learning place. The teen often used vitriolic language that sent his competitors into an abyss of depression and self doubt.  

            T.O.P. was admired and adored, while Jiyong counted more haters than supporters.

            “Why do I even like you that much?” he questioned himself.

            Smiling as he remembered his first encounters with the elder’s music. It was the song, ‘Oh Mom’ that had captured his heart and refused to let go.

            He was impressed to say the least. The emotion, the sincerity and the amount of heart poured into the lyrics touched Jiyong beyond a comprehensible level. Not to mention the man was insanely attractive.

            It was compilation of genuine sympathy, admiration and attraction that nurtured this obsession.

            The obsession that blossomed into affection and love

            It was a transition that Jiyong had tried to resist. But let’s face it. It’s nearly impossible to resist T.O.P. No human in their right minds would ever.

            Jiyong was human.

            Therefore he fell for T.O.P.

            As much as a straight teen wants to deny it, he couldn’t. Although succeeding in hiding this love affair from his friends and fans, he couldn’t shield his heart from the charm of the older man.

            And at one point, he stopped resisting.

            He allowed his heart to fall; he quieted his mind’s rationale and protests. In the name of a love he’ll never have.

            “Forever left…” snapping out of his dazed mind, the teen snatched the previously discarded pen and began to write.

            Forever lost, baby this is the last

            Don’t know why I fell so hard

            Maybe it was your looks, your charm or your goddamn smile

            Don’t know why I didn’t stop

            Girl, this ain’t some short-term love affair

            This is the real deal, can’t live without you girl

Come into my arms and let me have you, ‘cause I can’t live without your light.

“…che. Pathetic” he grumbled slightly, hating having to substitute the pronouns. This song was void, he wanted to scream out his frustration and write down who he really was directing the song towards. But he couldn’t…

Forever baby, that’s what you said

Guess that didn’t mean much did it? Huh?

Guess it’s me being naïve, but I thought you the good girl

And me the bad boy

 “forever… just not meant to be” he whispered quietly.

We’re not meant to be baby

Enough days spent wasted on you

My love is eternal, but my patience thin

Let’s take a break now, let’s say goodbye

‘Cause baby, we’re just not meant to be.

Those were his lyrics, his song, his tribute to their nonexistent love affair.

Crumbling the scribbled lyrics, he promptly tossed in the bin.

He sought perfection. That was what ultimately held him back. That was the final step to falling in love with T.O.P.

He desired pure perfection and had found that in T.O.P. And once perfection had been found, he could not let go.

“God, I’m so blind” he mumbled. “!” suddenly glancing at the clock, he quickly gathered his hat and sunglasses and stormed out of the door. It was nearly 10. His battle starts in only a few minutes. And not just any battle, this was the battle. The one battle that truly mattered, he was challenged by a well known, signed rapper, not to mention that if won, it would put him into the record books. Fifty consecutive wins, it had taken him nearly a year to such a point, there was no way in hell, he was going to be late and forfeit that chance. He bolted for the arena.

“Aye, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, today we have a huge TREAT. ARE YOU READY?” the MC screamed just as Jiyong stormed into the dimly light arena. It was a simple club setting with a rather large stage set in the center. It was made for battles.

“TODAY, our challenger is the renowned YOUNG! GIVE IT UP FOR THE MAN THAT BOLTED TO FAME!” to the left a young man entered. Styled rather plainly, Jiyong knew better than to underestimate the man. He has heard numerous tracks of the rapper; who was accomplished, gifted and furthermore signed with YG entertainment.

It was even a miracle that such a person would even be in an underground rap battle.

“AND GIVE IT FOR MY BOY, YOUR BOY, THE YOUNGSTER THAT SHOCKED THE ARENA BY CLAIMING 49 CONSECUTIVE VICTORIES! G-D!”

Pursing his lips slightly, Jiyong grabbed a mic and promptly entered the stage on the right hand side. Point directly into the crowd, he fed off the incredible cheers and energy. His bleach blonde locks and blood red hat, commanded the crowd. This was his arena.

“AIGHT, you’all know the rules but for the sake of the newcomer, the battle is divided into 3 rounds, the crowd only plays a part in the judging, today we have three judges who will determine the FINAL WINNER! LET US BEGIN, CHALLENGER! DROP THE BEAT DJ” the MC announced loudly before a steady, beat began.

“Yo, yo, unnnn, underprivileged….” Jiyong tuned out right about there. Never the attentive one, he much preferred to allow his words to flow according to the beat. He doesn’t need to hear the repetitive arguments. He generates his own without any aid.

“BOY, better bow down, I’m SUPER MAN~”

“Che.” He whispered, what an arrogant er.

“Un, yo, yo, underprivileged you say, well I got a reality check for you boy. The fans be screaming my name, not yours. I’m the original, at the tender age of whatever, I made a name. Follow in my footstep boy, you got nothing on this. Go back to where you belong, the underground ain’t for you. Stare in awe as I woe your girl, your fans, your all. They dig this pretty boy, they scream my name, where you at bro? I guess even superman bows in face of this” arrogantly, he pointed towards his own slightly declined figure.

Harsh words were exchanged. Jiyong felt himself being pushed to limits inexperienced previously. To be honest, Young had touched and hurt him deeply.

“You’re just a pretty boy, nothing without your looks. Living in a dream, it’s all pretend. Wake up son! Don’t joke around…”

Words that he has been told all his life, they struck home for the teen. Swallowing in nervously, he felt his throat constricting. Glancing at his opponent’s gaze, he gnawed at the inside of his cheeks. Take the insults, and throw them back. Come’ on… I can’t lose here.

“A lesson from this pretty boy, better listen up.   Nothing I can do about this perfection…” arrogance was the façade he mastered years ago. Insults that hit home were his forte. Crushing his opponent’s spirits was his hobby. This was a piece of cake. “A disappointment that’s all you are, embarrassments are your tracks. Specialized in repelling, missing out on the action you can’t get.”

That glint. He’s won. Jiyong had caught it, that same gaze. For every opponent he ruthlessly crushed, they all gazed the same way. That look filled with realization and sorrow was precious. If he could, he’d snap that exact expression and frame it. It was the source of his arrogance. Knowing that he could bring someone down to their knees with a few words, it was glorifying, unbelievably great. Smirking, he promptly finished it off. “Can’t be displaced, can’t be replaced, don’t even try, ‘cause I’m the king”

And the crowd cheers. The results were obvious. The rapper in front was on the verge of break down. Funny really, that a few words can make someone cry.

            Jiyong smirked wildly.

            “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…” the MC announced, tuning out the rather pointless speech he gave to further motivated the crowd, he gazed into the audience. Glancing over the fascinated faces and expressions, his smirk grew wilder. This was it. He was going to be breaking a record held for decades by an underground legend. He would be remembered. He would be ed into popular media with such intensity that-

            “YOUNG!”

            Everything stopped. It was as if the whole club quieted down. No. The entire club did quiet down. Even the MC stared at the ballot in his hands with disbelief. “Yes. The winner of this ultimate battle is YOUNG!”

            Cheers, quiet and hesitant. Jiyong stared. Eyes wide open, mouth hanging slightly open. No. ing. Way. Snapping his attention towards the panel of idiotic judges, his jaws dropped to the floor.

            From left to right he acknowledged their presences.

            First, the talent scout of YG entertainment

            Second, the talent scout of a Korean reality show.

            And third….

            There he sat. In all his glory. ing T.O.P.  He had just rapped in front of the god of rap himself. ing Seunghyun Choi.

            his life.

            Unable to shake off both the disbelief of his defeat and the presence of his idol, Jiyong remained on the stage long after Young gave up on shaking his hand.

            . . . .

            That was all he could think. Nothing more, he just embarrassed himself in front of ing T.O.P.. He wanted to cry. Biting his bottom lip, he swallowed as he promptly ran off the stage. Bolting for the bathroom, the teen immediately rushed into a stall, tears already wetting his face. This wasn’t suppose to happen. He wasn’t suppose to embarrass himself in front of what probably was the three most important people to his career… and life.

            “…” he sobbed. They hated him. They actually preferred that weak bastard over him. They preferred his weak rap. . his life.

            Screwing his eyes shut, he screamed out in frustration. This was not happening. No.

            “Um… hello? I believe it was GD?” a voice called.

            He knew that voice. He’d recognize it even if he was dead. He shivered. He stopped crying. He stopped doing everything. He was frozen.

            “Um… could you please come out?”

            His mouth refused to move, as he continued to stare wide eyed at the closed door of the stall. his lips nervously, he teen spoke. “I rather not…” trying his best to keep his voice somewhat calm and collected.

            “Look, I just want to say something to you and I think that it’s best if you looked at me”

            “Che.” He spat as his hand involuntary moved to open the stall door. that damn hand.

            The teen rose almost in anticipation as the door swung open. Bit by bit, his visage of revealed. Jiyong nearly gasped. Nearly.

            “Star-struck much?” the older man teased. Looking at the motionless boy in front of him, he chuckled.

            Choi ing Seunghyun just laughed. The most perfect, mesmerizing thing he’s ever witnessed.

            “I guess… really start-struck…”

            “…. Don’t flatter yourself.” He murmured under his breath. The blonde made sure to keep his gaze away from the towering figure in front of him. If he caught sight of the other’s gaze, only god knows what the would happen.

            “There’s the GD I saw on stage.” The brunette smiled.

            Jiyong’s heart stopped.

            “….nevermind he’s gone now”

            It was him that smiled this time.

            “Okay, well” the older male extended a hand towards the blonde.

            Swallowing slightly, Jiyong took the outstretched hand.

            Feeling the warmth, even if it was for that brief moment made him feel like he was in heaven, he helplessly looked at the man he’s idolized. His heart screamed.

            “Hey… you alright?” Seunghyun inquired, allowing his eyes to roaming around the teen’s visage. He was right. This boy was extremely attractive. His blonde locks seemed to fit his face and personality just about perfectly. His features brought out by the radiance of his individuality. For the first time, in a long time, he felt a pull. As if he was being into a vortex. His charisma… confidence radiated even he was in such a state. This boy was something special. Even if he was just a teenager battling in the underground.

            “Yeah” Jiyong whispered.

            “Well… I just wanted to tell you that, you really deserved that win” awkwardly, the elder man reached for the back of head. Gazing away at a white tiled walled he continued. “But the other two… they couldn’t stand a star losing to someone… well like you.” Seunghyun’s eyes softened at the sight of the younger boy. Desperately, he attempted to resist the desire to pull the younger into an embrace, and failed to do so. His arms reached out almost automatically. Stepping closer to the smaller blonde, he wrapped his around the slightly shivering body.

            Jiyong buried his face into the chest of the other. Hiding that blush creeping up onto his cheeks, he felt like he was in a dream.

            Beep, beep, beep

            “Hello?” the brunette quickly pulled out his phone from his pocket, with one arm still around the smaller teen. “Oh, hai baby. Oh I see, I see. Okay I’m on my way. I love you too baby, yes see you soon”

            Jiyong felt his heart shatter.

            For the third time in the day, he felt his body absolutely frozen.

            “Hey, listen- uh” he refused to look up at the speaking male.

            “It’s Jiyong” he mumbled.

            “Yeah, here’s my number. I think you really have talent, feel free to call me and maybe we could introduce you to the president” Seunghyun whispered nonchalantly. “See you later! My girlfriend just called, gotta get her some kimchi” leaving behind a business card on the sink counter, he promptly left.

            “… I’m so stupid”

            He cried like he’s never cried before. A ing rollercoaster described the day just about fine. Ups, downs, well more downs than anything else.

            He spent the last five hours of the night collecting the pieces of his shattered heart.

            And his memories re-shattered his heart after ever little progress.

            “I guess obsessions don’t go down easily” running a hand through his bleached and tangled locks, he sighed deeply. He became accustomed to the dull, throbbing pain in his chest. It hurt. It really hurt. Everything hurts.

            A vicious cycle

            The teen doubled over in pain as he desperately clutched his chest. Biting his lips, he tried, in vain, to control his tears.

            It was so cruel of him, to bring up his hopes, to pull him into that accursed embrace, to make him believe that just maybe.  

            It was so ing cruel.

            And yet, he didn’t not regret. He would not have traded that encounter, this pain for perpetual distance.

            It hurt.

            But, it was worth it.

            Those few minutes talking to him, those few moments while his hand was in his, those few seconds that he leaned against his chest, everything had be engraved into his memories. He’d never forget.

            That also meant he’d never forget the pain.

            Grabbing pen and his notebook he wrote what came to mind.

            Tears continuously dripped off of his face and onto the paper. It was if the paper itself was absorbing the pain, the morose.

            I’d trade anything in the world

            Anything from the past, present and future

            For those few seconds

            I’d trade my voice to feel you in my arms

            I’d trade my heart to feel your lips against mine

            I’d trade my life

            Just to stand by you.

            Drip, drip, drip.  

            That’s the sound of my tear drops falling

            Girl, you’re killing me slowly

            Drip, drip, drip.  

            I just can’t stop.

            Drip, drip, drip.  

            I will never stop

            “’cause I’m so ing blinded. I’m so blinded by this love obsession that…” he whimpered. Desperately clawing his pain out on the bed sheet, it hurt. 

Author's Note

All of the sudden... I start cursing madly at the end idunno ._.

well THAT'S what you get when you try to write a rap battle OTL
pretty funny right?
i ended it on a angsty note though :3