What did she ever expect from him?

From a married man?

She watched as him, his wife, and their children ate happily together. She was sickened by the sight. He was happy, and their family was happy. She was not a home wrecker. And so she stepped out the loser of this game that was love.

He didn't need her anymore, didn't want her existence in his perfect life. Their relationship was wrong, loveless and purely physical. He didn't feel anything for her, and yet she couldn't help but fell into the traps of love. Watching him caring for his wife and played with his children made her heart clenched tightly. There was no future in their relationship, no stability, and no affection.

And yet she kept hoping for something from him. Something that proved she mattered to him.

Guessed she was wrong. She was his mistress, nothing more.

Still, she couldn't help but watched the scene before her with tears down her face and her heart broken to pieces. Despair filled her as she thought of him. She was there just for his pleasure, a substitute for his entertainment.

And yet, she loved him.

Like a broken doll, she walked away from the happy scene. Packing her bags out of the house that he rented for her, she left silently just like her worth in his life.

Nothing.

---------------------------------------------

She lowered her head, didn't look at her bestfriend as he continued to gaze at her with that I-knew-it look.

"What did I tell you Bommie?" He said.

"That I shouldn't get involved in the first place." She said guitily, like a kid who was being lectured.

"Did you listen to me?"

"Bae you can't expect me to repressed my own feelings. You can tell me what to do, but you cannot tell me what to feel. Now quit the I-told-you-so and help me." Her bestfriend sighed. He knew arguing with her was no use.

She ran to her friend to cried in sorrow and confided in him, but also to borrow his help. She now had nowhere to go and he was the only one that she could rely on.

"All right all right." Bae said, and she jumped to hug him.

"I knew I could count on you!"

And that's how she came to live in an apartment far away from where she used to be. She didn't want to meet him, heck she wasn't even sure that he would go looking for her, she thought bitterly.

Thinking about him led her to wonder. What was he doing? Did he even think about her? Was he sad that she left? How did he feel? She didn't have any answer for any of those and sighed.

"I'm sorry baby. I'll do my best." She said to her belly.

Yes, she was pregnant.

The news came to her a few months ago when she went to the doctor to do a monthly checkup. She didn't tell him, she couldn't. She didn't want to burden him down or ruin his happy family by announcing the news to him. She didn't want her child to have a dad that neglected him or her.

She would rather him or her didn't have any at all.

Tears came to her eyes when she thought about it. She knew, she knew in the end pain and sorrow were her ending and yet she still got involved in that gamble with a tiny hope that somehow things would change. But, she could never regret loving him, never regret having this little being inside her now.

She was going to be both mom and dad for this child.

The child would be her greatest comfort in life, it would be her most valuable treasure and happiness. It would be her family, it would be her pride and joy. And even though the future ahead would be tough, she made a vow to herself to always loved, cared, and provide the best for this child. She hadn't told anyone about her pregnancy, not even Bae although she planned to tell him soon. She wanted someone there for her, someone for her to talk to and someone to ask for help and her best friend was the most likely candidate.

She tried to ignore the pain in her heart right now and instead focused on the future with her child.

-------------------------

"What?!" Her best friend choked on his drink.

"I'm....I'm pregnant."

"Does he know?"

"No." She smiled sadly. "I don't want to burden his life with it."

"Burden? That's his own flesh and blood! He has to take responsibility." Her best friend said angrily.

"No. I'll take care of the child myself."

"How? You don't have a job and you can't work when you're pregnant." He sighed."Tell you what, I'll lend you money. And when you have the child and recovered, you can pay me back."

"But..."

"No buts. That's what friends are for, right?"

"Thanks." She smiled at her friend.

------------------------

Months later, the bump in her stomach was visible. She settled into a routine of her new life and took care of herself more. She refrained from thinking of him and the past as much as possible. But sometimes, she had her weak moments and cried. He was still a part of her, despair was still a part of her, but this child inside her was her source of happiness and joy. It gave her will and determination to go through life.

She was extremely grateful for her best friend's help; if it wasn't for him she'd probably be out in the streets. She resolved to pay him back and thanked him deeply in her heart.

One day, she went to have her monthly checkup with the doctor. She had a bad feeling when the doctor called her to his office after the checkup. Trying to calm her anxiety, she told herself that she was overreacting.

"Sit down Miss Park." The doctor said grimly, and she did as she was told.

"After monitoring your pregnancy over the past months, I've came to a very bad new that there's a very high chance that your body cannot overcome the hardships of having this baby."

"What...what does that mean?"

"It means that, Miss Park, there's a very high chance that you might not survive if this baby comes into existence."

The news struck her like a bolt of thunder. She might not survive? Then what will become of her child? Who would take care of it? The questions popped up in her head. Despair filled her.

"You're going to have to make a decision. Either you keep this child, or not keep it. I know it's tough, so I'll wait for your decision. See you next month Miss Park."

----------------------------

Tears rolled down her face as she walked on the streets. Why was life so unfair to her? Why did it make her so miserable? Why did it have to take him-her love-away from her? Why did it have to involve her in loving him? And now, just when she thought her life was worth living; it decided to make her choose between her one joy in life and her own survival.

Why? She looked up at the sky, but there was no answer. Touching her belly, tears fell out of her eyes even more. What was she to do? Her life or her child's? That was a decision that she could never made.

But his face appeared in her mind.

And she knew what to do.

--------------------------

"Bae can you promise me something?"

"What?" Her bestfriend turned to her.

"Promise me that if something happened to me, you'll take care of this child."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just do it."

Seeing that his bestfriend was serious he said it.

"I promise."

"Thank you." She smiled sadly at him.

The next month, she met up with the doctor.

"I'm keeping my child." She said, determination in her voice.

---------------------------

The day she went into labor.....

That day, her stomach was churning and she didn't feel very well. She could felt it, she could foreshadow that today was the day. The day that she've been both dreaded and anticipated.

She didn't tell anyone what the doctor told her, not even Bae. She kept it to herself and resolved to be strong, for the sake of her child. No matter what happens, she would not regret her decision. Sometimes during the pregnancy, she had those moments when she felt that life was so cruel for making her miserable like this. But if her life would save her child's, then let it be so. The child was something invaluable to her; it was the only thing that connected her with him. It was her own child, it was something that she created and brought into existence. Even though she hadn't seen it yet, she love it with all the heart of a mother.

Now, as she looked up overhead at the passing lights on the ceiling in the hospital, she gritted her teeth and braced herself for what was about to come. Bae's face hovered over her telling her that she was going to be ok gave her more courage, and she smiled at him.

"Push! Come on you can do it!" The nurses around her urged as they assisted her and encouraged her.

She gripped the railing of the bed tightly and used all her strength to gave another push. The pain was excruciating, but thinking of her child she told herself to bear with it and keep pushing. After several attempts, the cry of her child finally reached her ears. Tears rolled down her face as she held it and looked at the beautiful living being that she brought into the world. A boy, and he looked just like Seunghyun. She could feel her body spent and being uncooperative. She could feel the beating of her heart gradually slowed its pace. This was it, she thought and despair filled her. When Bae rushed in behind her, she grabbed his hand as she handed him her child. Her breathing quickened as her whole body shook.

"Bae....Bae keep your promise to me alright? Take care of him for me and tell him that...that I'm sorry and I love him a lot." She said between breaths as Bae looked at her in confusion and shouted for the nurses. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she took a last look at her son, the beautiful thing made her satisfied to took her last breath.

An image of him flashed through her mind.

And her eyelids closed as a peaceful and satisfied smile appeared on her face....

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