I remembered our first meeting, when Chanyeol tripped you by accident in the hallway during our freshman year, and being the awkward klutz that he was, he ran away after that, leaving you behind to be the laughing stock of the hallway. I couldn’t help but feel attracted to you, even when you looked distraught, sitting on the floor with papers all around. Before my mind could register, my legs brought me to you, my hands automatically picked up the pieces of paper scattered on the dirty tiles and my head lifting up to see if you were alright before helping you to the infirmary. I thought you would need some rest so I just gave you a smile and left.

After our encounter, we managed to bump into each other everywhere we went, and as cheesy as it would sound, I thought it was destiny. Day after day I would fall in love with something new that I found out about you. The way your nose crinkled when you smile, how you would frown when you were clueless about something, how you would stuff pickled radish to your friend whenever you found them in your lunchbox and grumbled about how your mother should know your dislikes by now. Oh, the things I would do to know if you felt the same.

My wish came true, because the next Valentine’s Day, I received a box of my favorite double chocolate chip cookies with an alphabet on each one. It spelled out “I like you” and on the box were your initials. I couldn’t explain how happy I felt that day. After I went home that day I called up Kyungsoo and Chanyeol and told them that I needed help.

On White Day, I told Chanyeol to help me put the box of chocolate and the note that I prepared in your locker. After school I rushed to the gym and changed out of my clothes while rehearsing what I was about to do later. I told Kyungsoo to stand by the door in case you came. I was a nervous wreck and my palms started sweating when I heard you outside. I ran to my spot and prayed that everything will go well. I saw Kyungsoo guiding you in and couldn’t help but fume a little over the fact that he was holding your hand.

He then took off your blindfold and went out of the gym. I heard you gasp and stared at me with wide eyes. So beautiful, I thought. I started singing your favorite song before walking to you and passed you the balloon. You shook your head profusely when I told you to pop it and I asked why. You mumbled about being afraid of them and I laughed because it was just so adorable. So I popped it and passed the note that I stuffed inside to you. I saw you get a bit teary-eyed but you gave me a huge smile and agreed to be my girlfriend. It was definitely one of the happiest days of my life.

Soon, it was senior year. We were still a couple, lending each other our shoulders for comfort in times of need. Walking out of the school gates one day, I was approached by a man who claimed to be a talent scout from SM Entertainment. He said that I had the looks to be a star and told me to bring his name card to their office for an audition if I was interested. I was ecstatic, literally jumping for joy after the man left. You congratulated me and told me to go for it so I did. I went for the auditions a week later and got in.

I started training and it was tough, but I had to persevere, for it was my dream to stand and perform on the stage. I would go home late and have little time for you but you never complained. Instead, you stayed my side and gave me all the encouragement that I needed. I had never felt so blessed in my life.

My streak of luck did not end, as I was chosen to debut in their new group, along with 11 other boys, including Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. I rushed home after that and gave you a tight hug, revealing the good news. You cried tears of joy and told me that you knew I could do it.

On the day of the showcase debut I was a nervous wreck. Even though I had been on the stage many times before, this was different. From this showcase onwards, I’m officially an artiste. People from all over the world will know who I am. I heard the door open and saw you walking in dressed cutely with a red scarf and beanie. I went over to you and did my backstage ritual, a hug and a peck on the lips. It was a form of strength to me and it gave me courage to do well.

We had a very successful showcase and our popularity shot up fast, causing us to have more schedules, more performances and for me, less time to spend with you, but you never complained, you would always say that it was alright, it wasn’t my choice or yours so we just had to go with the flow and spend any free time together.

_

Two years into the showbiz and we were busier than ever. The schedules are endless, we have to perform the same songs at tons of different events, and we had to practice at least three hours a day. As much as performing being my burning passion, I was very tired. I hardly met you anymore and even when we did it was only for a while because most of the time I would be too tired and would fall asleep halfway through a movie on the couch or something similar. It was hard to keep up but I didn’t want to lose you and you seemed fine with it so I didn’t do anything much. I felt guilty though, the time when you came to our dorm to give us some exotic Spanish snacks and only then did I find out that you had went on a trip three weeks back. I was surprised that you hadn’t inform me of your trip until the guys started asking you about how was it the moment you stepped in and I realized that it had been my fault for I had forgotten about it when you told us in the practice room a month ago.

A few days after that incident, I had a day off and feeling guilty, I called you up and asked to meet me at our usual café for a date. The ends of my lips curled as I heard how happy you sounded before hanging up and heading to the café with my disguise. I conveniently ordered a cup of iced latte as I usually had for the past two years before settling in a secluded corner of the café. You arrived shortly after wearing the blue beanie that you took from my room a few years back. Suddenly feeling a little awkward I gave you a small smile and continued drinking my latte to cover up the awkwardness. You sat down and waited for me to finish before we went out.

We were walking on the streets when I decided to hold your hand. I glanced at you to see you all giddy and trying to hide your smile. I smiled at this and continued walking. From a distance I saw Alice from Hello Venus coming towards us and I don’t know what went through my mind but I immediately let go of your hand before she approached me. Soon I was engaged in a conversation with her and I didn’t know how long we talked for but when we said our goodbyes the sky was dark. I felt like I forgot something when I realized that you were gone. I panicked and looked through a few stores nearby to see if you were around but to no avail. I was extremely guilty for what I have done and I know I needed to apologize. I figured that you would’ve gone home so I took a cab back to our apartment.

When I opened the door, the apartment was strangely quiet. I called for you but there were no replies. I realized that the pictures of us that you hung on the wall were gone and I knew something was wrong. I rushed into the bedroom to find the wardrobe doors opened and your side of the wardrobe empty. I turned my gaze to the bed and found a box and a letter. I sat down on the bed and opened the box.  Inside were all the pictures, notes, letters, and our couple mug. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I opened the envelope addressed to me in your pristine handwriting.

“Dear Baekhyun,

By the time you see this, you would’ve realized that I’m gone and you will probably not see me ever again. I can say it confidently that these few years with you have been the best yet, and I don’t regret every single moment. However, that doesn’t change the fact that things between us have been the same as before. Ever since you became an idol, we had been spending less time together. I never complained and I’m not complaining, because I knew this was what it would be like and I was the one who encouraged you to be an idol in the first place.

 I don’t know if you realized, but recently we have been distant and the distance is nothing but widening every single minute. At first I overlooked it because I thought that maybe you were just tired. From practicing, from the schedules, the performances, but over time I realized that you were indeed tired, not from all the idol activities, but from me and this relationship.

No, I’m not tired of you, how can I ever get tired of you? I continued reading on while fresh tears rolled down profusely.

Ever since a few months ago, the calls have ceased, I mean I don’t even get a voicemail now. I visit the dorms once in a while and I feel like I’m not welcomed because you would always be walking around, going into your room and coming out only for a while before retreating back in.

I was tired, and I thought you would understand. You always seemed to be fine with just the boys around you in the dorm. I’m sorry I never noticed.

Today, during our date, or meeting as I think would be a more appropriate term, when you hastily pulled your hand away from mine when you saw a fellow idol has finally got my questions answered. That one action had verified all my doubts and confusion for the past few months and I finally see it.

It was a foolish action, I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that and if time could turn back I would never do it.

So, I came back to pack up everything and decided to leave. I bet you were so engrossed in the conversation that you didn’t even notice didn’t you, considering I had ample time to finish packing my stuff and writing this letter. It’s okay though, people change, I know, and even though you were the last person that I expected to change so drastically, I respect and embrace it, which is why I’m willing to let you go now.

But I’m not ready to let go of you, I never want to let go of you.

By the way, don’t bother looking for me; I won’t be in Korea now by the time you’re back. I never told you but I got accepted into an established American university for a further degree and I was contemplating about it but since I have nothing to hold on to now I see no reason why I shouldn’t accept their offer. So, goodbye, and hopefully if we ever meet each other again we can still be friends.

                 Ps. Happy 5^th Anniversary Byun Baekhyun, not that this matters anymore.

Love,

________________. “

I clutched the letter to my chest as I let out a painful cry. I didn’t know what to think anymore, and I just couldn’t accept the fact that you were gone like that. I didn’t realize how much you suffered these few years, how I was being a jerk yet you never left my side. I even forgot that today was our anniversary.

I guess I couldn’t blame you for leaving. As much as it hurts to be without you, I’m going to let go for now, for both of us, mostly me, to grow and be a better person. So wait for me, and I’ll be back as a brand new Byun Baekhyun. 

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A/N: And.....that's the end of Baekhyun's POV. Not really satisfied with this though, thought I could've done better but I hope you liked it anyway! ^___________^