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They sleep in the same bed that night. Jongin wakes up uncomfortable because he feels dirty and sticky and he wants more than anything to just shower. He would have, the night before, but Sehun wouldn’t let go of him and because the younger demanded Jongin didn’t want to ruin things.

He looks at his side and Sehun is all curled up against him resting his head on his shoulder. Jongin’s arm feels dormant beneath the younger’s weight but he doesn’t say anything and stays still until he wakes up on his own. It feels nice nonetheless. The feeling of a warm body against his. He never actually stayed to experience that before. It’s different and it feels good. He smiles because for once he thinks to have made the right choice.

When Sehun wakes up he almost punches Jongin in the nose while stretching. It’s obvious he isn’t used to wake up next to a person either. Well, Sehun was never the morning person but it apparently gets worse. He practically crushes Jongin while trying to get off the bed. It would have been smarter to get off from his side but he decided to walk all over Jongin’s body instead. The older winces in pain at Sehun’s knee in his stomach and thanks god the knee didn’t go any lower. Not really the most romantic morning.

Sehun goes straight for the bathroom not even bothering to cover up and closes the door behind him ignoring Jongin’s existence. The older sighs. He’s used to morning Sehun but this time it actually affects him that the younger doesn’t even spare a glance at him. Not even a kiss. Nothing. After all they did have the night before and it was supposed to at least mean something important to Sehun. Jongin is surprised with himself for wanting those things.

When Sehun gets out of the bathroom, showered with a towel on his waist, fully awake and seemingly less cranky he doesn’t dare to look Jongin in the eyes as he tells him that he can use the room. Jongin wants to snap at him and say something but again he doesn’t want to ruin things. He’s scared though. That he might not deal with Sehun the same way he used to. Freely and comfortably. He wants that. He doesn’t want their relationship to change. He’s scared that they won’t be the same now that was involved. He’s actually afraid Sehun regrets having slept with him. He stays quiet and goes to the bathroom giving Sehun the same cold reaction.

When he comes out Sehun is already dressed and stuffing a pair of sweatpants inside his bag. None of them speaks the whole time and as Jongin takes off his towel to get dressed Sehun leaves the room. The older sighs. He wonders if Sehun is really regretful as he feared. Everything seems so awkward now and Jongin hates it. Now he doubts that his choice was indeed right. It probably wasn’t after all. Could it be that when trying not to lose Sehun he ended up losing him anyway? Could it be that he ed up everything again? He wants to cry because it really feels like once more he threw things out the window. He doesn’t though. Because Jongin is strong. Because Jongin is the golden boy. A little dance prodigy. Enrolled in the best dance academies of Korea to always be the best. The one among millions. Because Jongin is strong. Because people say he’ll do wonders. But Jongin knows that’s not who he is. Maybe as he dances he might captivate people but as a person he only pushes them away. Everything he touches turns into sadness and pain and he swore not to do that to Sehun anymore. It kills him to think he might have just done that precisely.

The walk to school is even more uncomfortable that he ends up pulling out his headphones and listen to some music so he won’t feel the urge to smash his own face against the concrete. He tries to distract himself by looking at his surroundings and kicking the occasional stone on the ground but he gets surprised when suddenly he feels a cold hand latch on his. He looks at Sehun who is facing the other way. He doesn’t say anything and lets the younger intertwine their fingers as they walk.

It was stupid of Jongin to think Sehun wouldn’t let go at the view of people. Jongin was never afraid to show who he was but he guesses it isn’t the same with Sehun. Well to be honest he never actually saw Sehun with anyone. Until yesterday he didn’t even know the younger was into guys. It makes him feel guilty that maybe he was the reason why Sehun never had a boyfriend before while he was flaunting his conquests in his nose. It must have hurt.

“How long have you…” He starts and Sehun still doesn’t look at him. “…liked me?” The younger snickers.

“Does it matter?”

“No. I’m just curious.” Sehun’s grip becomes tighter.

“Too long...I don’t remember.” Jongin sighs because this wasn’t the answer he wanted.

When Sehun finally let’s go of his hand seeing that they’re getting close to the school Jongin feels somehow lost as if Sehun was guiding him. All these new feelings get Jongin nervous and edgy. And especially sad because it seems as if Sehun isn’t replying back. It’s stupid really. How he was the one confessing and pleading and asking to be loved back and now that Jongin is actually trying it seems as if he forgot. There’s no way Sehun would fake those tears in order of having Jongin get into his pants. Jongin shakes off that thought. He refuses to believe that. Those tears and his pain were too real to be an act. He glances at Sehun but the boy is already way ahead walking fast to make it to practice.

When he gets to the studio Sehun is already surrounded by Luhan. This makes Jongin’s breath hitch. Never was he fond of Luhan and neither was the boy of him. Speaking of sharp tongues, Mister Luhan has a pretty pointy one. He doesn’t do anything as usual and goes stretch at one end of the studio particularly far away from the two so he won’t accidentally catch Luhan bad mouthing him. It’s stronger than him though. Holding on the glances. He simply can’t keep his eyes away from Sehun and somehow he ends up doing his best to read out his body language to decipher if he might be angry or sad with Jongin. He’s in the middle of his brooding when the teacher orders them to align and start the choreo.

Two sets get done and when he was in the middle of his counterpart with Sehun a voice echoes louder than the music.

“From the top since Mr. Zhang decided to interrupt.” Jongin turns his head and sees Yixing in the back with his face lowered in guilt and an amazingly vivid hicke,y pretty visible probably all the way from Korea. Luhan is mocking him from the side. Jongin sighs. Even if he really had fought for Yixing it would have been in vain. The place where his boyfriend punched him still feels a bit sore. It was really a foolish move of him to have push it that far. He should’ve got the hint when Yixing didn’t stay by his side when he received the blow. And to think supposedly the douchebag is the one who gets the girl.

None of that matters anymore. Yixing is an old page in his life journal by now. He has other things to worry about. His feelings and Sehun. Sehun who is currently making his mind a pool of doubts and guilt mixed with want and anger. It gets a bit too much so Jongin releases everything on his dancing as usual. The best part of it is that precisely. Being able to free his mind through his body.

End of practice gets fast because really who counts the seconds? Sehun leaves almost immediately, not even giving a chance for Jongin to open his mouth. He starts to feel like a real idiot by now. Sehun is obviously ignoring him and he doesn’t like that one bit. He goes by his bag to fetch a water bottle and notices that it’s the idiot of the guy, that is currently making his life miserable, that has the water. He sighs in frustration and merely grabs a towel to wipe off the sweat of his face.

“I don’t care about whatever you kids do on your private lives Zhang but this is a first and I hope a last. The show is Friday I’m not tolerating slack right now.” The teacher is talking to Yixing. Jongin feels bad for him at some point but, really, to come in class with such evidence is just reckless. Although he imagines it was probably not his idea to have a mark on his neck this morning.

“I’m really sorry.” The rest of the conversation gets muffled because the teacher starts talking really softly. Jongin isn’t curious to know anyway and is busier trying to gain strength to go to the locker rooms. He really doesn’t want to receive Sehun’s cold shoulder again but he can’t let this prolong anymore. Sehun can’t wake up, ignore him than grab his hand in the middle of nowhere and suddenly go back to act like nothing happened; that is not how things work.

Everyone ends up leaving the room but Jongin lingers a bit more. He would have talked to Yixing but the boy’s busier hiding his shame and truthfully there isn’t an official form that says they’re actually friends and if Luhan has any say about it Jongin’s sure it won’t happen. But having Yixing as a person who doesn’t despise him is already a big conquest so he shouldn’t complain too much. He feels lonely nonetheless. Serves him right, he thinks. Bottom down this was probably his fortune.

After a bit he decides to finally go to the locker rooms and when he gets there the first thing he faces is Sehun. He’s looking at him with a weird expression so Jongin decides to avert his gaze after lingering too much. It really feels too awkward right now and as he looks to his left and sees Yixing and Luhan the atmosphere becomes ten times worse. He just prays those two don’t know. Hopes that Sehun didn’t have the indecency to tell them what happened. It’s none of their business anyway.

He feels like saying hello to the other two occupants but he chooses not to. He feels weird inside that cramped space so he leaves. Something inside him wishes Sehun would come rushing after him. Always delusional. He was never the romantic type, or probably he never gave himself a chance to express that side, but suddenly everything seems Korean drama scenario for him. He tries not to think about Sehun’s skin, Sehun’s eyes, Sehun’s body, , about Sehun’s being. He almost considers go ask Yixing’s boyfriend for another punch to see if he gains some judgment. His frustration is starting to build up.

He leaves the gates and even if doing his best not to, he looks back with that girly hope that his little prince might be just two feet away from catching him and evolving him in hugs and kisses. Too much cuteness maybe. He groans at his own thoughts and as he confirms that no one is behind him he starts walking again. Probably yes he is meant to be alone. If only he grew a pair and faced Sehun. Because honestly that was never Jongin’s problem. Facing by its horns. He just has faith that the boy will come around and stop ignoring him so they’ll go back to either be friends or lovey-dovey disgusting little idiots, either way he accepts it as long Sehun is actually there. By his side.

“Jongin.” He didn’t hear steps behind him so he’s surprised to hear his voice. He stops and turns a little too reluctant and when he comes face to face with Sehun he hums. Sehun doesn’t say anything else and again does what Jongin doesn’t expect and grabs his hand interlacing their fingers and starts walking towards the dorm. Jongin finds the word confusion to be an euphemism. His head is drowning again trying to find an explanation for Sehun’s each action.

When they get to the dorm Sehun is still grasping his hand and leads him to the kitchen. On their way there the other seems to be checking if any of the remaining students are in the house. It seems to be silent so it’s confirmed that nobody’s home. The next minute Jongin feels a mild pain in his back as it hits the kitchen counter and before he could worry about that Sehun has his lips crashed against his. If his head wasn’t damaged enough already Sehun seems to take pleasure in ruin it a bit more. It’s eager and sloppy and fast and Jongin can’t even take a second to breathe. Sehun is latched to his neck involving it with his arms and does the impossible to bring themselves closer to each other.

But like every human the younger has to inhale oxygen to survive so he pulls away and they both take a deep breath. They dispose their bags on the floor and Sehun really isn’t one to wait and Jongin has still to find out if he likes that trait or not. He loses any last shreds of coherency when he sees the younger fondle around his bag to grab the small portable bottle of lube he keeps inside and hands it to him followed by a peck on the lips and goes position himself facing the counter demanding silently for Jongin to take him. The older gulps. He really has no idea what to think of this. He wants, or needs, yes needs to talk to Sehun because that’s the way things get solved and at the moment he has too many doubts. And it certainly looks like Sehun is using him for and that prospect scares him.

Because he hesitates too long Sehun looks at him and reaches to grab the hem of his shirt to bring him closer and kisses him.