Kyuhyun twisted and turned in his sleep, seemingly disturbed by a nightmare. His hair was tousled and a thin film of sweat coated his entire face. He found himself back in the room with the heavy man in front of him. The atmosphere was hauntingly similar to the last time he was here- the same dark room, the same ear thirsting silence, the same tension hovering in the air. The same grubby, fat, old man. The same cursed belt in his hand. The only striking difference was that the girl was nowhere in sight. And Kyuhyun was the proxy.

 

Cold shivers ran down Kyuhyun’s spine as painful memories of that day flashed through his mind. Eyes still on the man, he winced slightly, remembering the sorrowful cries of the girl. An image of the belt whipping at the girl with a prominent ‘snap’ produced in front of his eyes. The memory played out once more right before him. He glared daggers at the man, who stepped closer, coiling the belt with his fist and smiling menacingly at him. Kyuhyun knew what his next move would be, he knew what was coming, but he didn’t know how to prepare himself for it.

 

The first lash was flimsy, not enough to hurt him. The man was obviously teasing him. Kyuhyun glowered as the man curled the edge of his lips, baring his fang-like teeth. Detestation filled Kyuhyun’s entire being. He wanted to hit the man. He wanted to hurt him so badly. There was a lion within him, striving to break free from his impound. It wanted to roar with rage, wanted to rip apart the man standing before him. It wanted to prove its valour, its glory. But it was chained and helpless. It was a hostage.

 

As the man raised his hand once more, his surroundings dissolved in a dense, opaque cloud. Soon everything, except him and the man in front of him, turned into a black void. It seemed as though the both were floating in emptiness. Their feet never touched the supposed ground. He saw the man give a flick of his wrist and the whip came soaring at him again. But before the whip had even reached midway, a mysterious sort of shiny, transparent barrier materialized a foot away from him. It looked like a glass pane, about five feet down and across. Kyuhyun didn’t have time to react to the unexplained structure before him as the whip assailed it full force.

 

Kyuhyun’s arms impulsively flew up, covering his face. He waited for a few seconds but then realized that nothing happened. He tentatively removed his arms and looked at the glass in puzzle, tilting his head to one side, as a single crack echoed in the silence, then more appeared in rapid succession. He saw through the cracks that the man was gone, but there was a broken reflection on the faulty glass, of someone that wasn’t him. He leveled his head again. The face looked familiar. While he was trying to figure out the familiar face, constricted walls built around him. He saw the road forming below, before another partition formed underneath his feet. He was now seated in what looked like the inside of a minivan. His minivan. He looked up from his feet towards the glass, towards the familiar face of a boy with a warm smile and a dimple on his left cheek. And then the glass shattered into innumerable pieces.

 

Kyuhyun woke with a start, instantly clutching and grappling at his blanket. He stared at the ceiling for a good minute or two, catching his breath, beads of sweat dangling from his forehead. He knew that after the eventful meeting with the girl and the man he’d be traumatized by nightmares. And sure enough, he did! The shattered image of the boy yielded before him and it suddenly struck Kyuhyun as to who it was- Leeteuk. Leeteuk? Kyuhyun heaved a sigh and rolled onto his side, his brain in a mess. He breathed out a long, exhausted sigh, mumbling curses to no one in particular.

 

Sleep rested heavily on Kyuhyun’s brows but the sudden pain in his back overpowered it. It was like it had gained a character of its own, demanding to be checked. Kyuhyun sat up groggily and literally dragged himself out of his room and towards the bathroom, swearing all the way. Once inside, he locked the door securely.

 

He peeled his pajama top over his head and winced when it brushed against his bruises. He stood, facing his back diagonally to the mirror, to examine his wounds from the other night. His jaw almost gave away when he saw his state. He had several streaks of red running from everywhere to everywhere and a few prominent stripes of blue-black. He never really had the time to check his wounds after returning from the hospital. He was too busy pretending to be OK when, actually, he was not. Tiny beads of arid blood clung to the skin where it broke near the edge of his neck and shoulder. His back looked like some kind of modern art in red and blue. The fat man was sure an artist! He sighed. “Now that’s gonna take a while!” Kyuhyun mumbled to himself.

 

With a wet towel in his hand, he carefully perched himself on the counter and gingerly ran the cloth across his shoulder. He yapped in surprise when the cool touched his bare skin and then whined in dismay. ‘Maybe warm water would help’, he thought but then rejected the idea because it was later than midnight and he felt too tired and lazy. He adjusted his posture and attempted to wipe his wounds once more. “Ouch! Ouch! OUCH! OWWW-CH!!” Kyuhyun hissed through pressed lips, curses flowing out, as if instinctively. He had forgotten for the moment that it was 2 a.m., he had six other members living with him in his dorm and that he had occupied the only bathroom present.

 

Kyuhyun was caught off guard by a sharp rap on the door. Then a sleepy voice followed, “Hey! Come out. I need to pee!” It was Donghae. “! Um…” Kyuhyun hastily tossed the towel in the little basket in the corner containing dirty clothes, “I’ll be right out.” He swiftly wore his shirt back, forcefully ignoring the twinge when the cloth scathed his back. The shirt clung to his still wet back and the water seeped through the fabric forming wet blotches. Kyuhyun struggled hard trying to hide his back when he passed Donghae at the door and so he was spontaneously happy to see that Donghae was just too sleepy to notice anything wrong. “Goodnight Leeteuk” Donghae mumbled before slamming the door shut on Kyuhyun’s bemused face.

 

Kyuhyun made his way back to his room and plopped himself on the bed. He tried to make himself cozy so that sleep would come faster but as the night progressed he realized that it was a failed attempt. He counted sheep but lost count at a little over six hundred. He stayed up till sunshine trickled through his window shutters, swatting flies, digging his nail bed and wondering where he learnt his stockpile of curses. Sleep came while deciding that he ought to be more cautious of Heechul and his corrupted company.

 

~~~~~

 

Leeteuk stood closer than the previous time, close enough to hear their conversation, close enough to hear the urgency in the boy’s voice. “Come with me, please,” the boy would say desperately, “Please?” But the girl just kept her head hung low. Leeteuk could tell she was repenting it, that she wanted to come but she couldn’t, for some nameless reason. He moved closer, slowly making his way beside the boy so that he could see both their faces and the feelings portrayed on them.

 

Both Leeteuk and the girl cringed a little when the boy scoffed in resentment and threw his hands in the air. “This has to stop. You know this has to stop!” The girl raised her head and Leeteuk could see her eyes b with forlorn tears. “I…can’t,” she lowered her head again, tears spilling over and dropping on the cool pavement, “I’m sorry, but I can’t…leave.” She raised her head and looked into the boy’s eyes sincerely. Leeteuk saw something fierce in her eyes, a strong kind of determination. “Not ‘now’…”, she said, stressing. Leeteuk could tell there was something missing, something she’s not mentioning. There was something in her eyes, something like the mixture of fear and resolve, and also a lot of longing. Both stood looking deep into each other’s eyes. She wanted to come with this boy. What’s stopping her? The boy kept searching her eyes for the answers he needed. And as if he had found the wrong answer, he shook his head from side to side, rage building inside of him. And then suddenly he lost it. “Look what he’s done to you!” The boy roared at her, twisting her wrist so that the underside of her arm showed. There were two long and very prominent marks on her pallid skin, where it had burnt. Burnt. Leeteuk looked up at her face with shock. Her face betrayed no emotions. She just kept her head hung low.

 

Leeteuk’s eyes fluttered open. He was breathing evenly but heavily. Moonlight danced on his ceiling, slowly building a sense of calm within him. He rose from his bed and swung his legs down. He sat there, sweeping his eyes over every object illuminated by the moonlight. He was trying hard to get his dream off of his head, because he knew, or at least he thought he knew, that these dreams meant nothing significant, but the harder he tried to forget, the harder it was to forget.

 

He sighed, exhausted, exhausted of these recurring dreams, exhausted of his hectic schedule, exhausted from his late night rehearsals, exhausted from schooling his twelve other members, some co-operative and some not, exhausted because of deprived sleep, exhausted from being the leader, always needed to take the responsibility, exhausted from his constant complaints. Exhausted from himself. Maybe what Kyuhyun said was right. Maybe he should take some time out to rest.

 

Leeteuk’s head shot up. Kyuhyun.

 

Leeteuk’s brows furrowed attentively at the thought of Kyuhyun. It bothered Leeteuk that he got jumpy whenever Kyuhyun was around. Sure they had settled everything out the other day at the hospital, but the way they sat awkwardly in his van told a whole different story. They hadn’t talked once after returning, and it was already more than a day. He still regretted talking to Kyuhyun the way he did, figuring that might be the reason for Kyuhyun’s awkward behaviour. It’s always easy for someone to say they’ve forgiven you, when in reality they haven’t. Therefore, Leeteuk felt oddly uncomfortable with Kyuhyun around, anxious actually. Like the feeling you get when you can’t adapt to a change in the environment, agitated and uncertain. Like there’s something you should know but you can’t just put your finger on it. Anxious, like the way he felt when Kyuhyun was in the hospital and he thought he might be in some kind of danger. He wondered if his uneasiness was due to the dreams, or Kyuhyun. Or maybe both. He wondered if the dreams were related to Kyuhyun somehow…

 

He sighed again. He was thinking too much. He needed to stop thinking. He needed to stop making a big deal out of little things. Maybe Kyuhyun was still sick and needed some time alone. Maybe he needs his personal space. Or maybe he’s waiting for Leeteuk to approach him first. Maybe Kyuhyun’s feels the same as him. Maybe.

 

There was no way he could sleep now. He had given himself a lot to think about. He stood up from his bed, stretching casually, releasing all the tense muscles, when he thought he heard someone talking outside. Who’s up this late? He opened the door, trying to make as less noise as possible. He saw Donghae blearily stepping into the washroom, crossing a very uneasy person. Leeteuk shrunk a little behind the door. He didn’t want to be seen.

 

Leeteuk didn’t know why he was hiding. It was dark and no one could possibly see him. He could easily go out and ask why they’re up this late. But he couldn’t make himself do that. He felt like something was out of its usual order. “Goodnight Leeteuk” Donghae mumbled and shut the washroom door. Leeteuk rolled his eyes and shook his head. He smiled a bit and looked up to see the person standing dazed.

 

His smile faded slowly when he saw the person turn and enter Kyuhyun’s room.

 

~~~~~

 

“Whaf’s phiz?” Sungmin asked with his mouth full of noodles when Ryeowook placed a nicely arranged plate of sandwich in front of him. “It’s lettuce sandwich. I made it for Kyu.” Sungmin eyed him as if asking ‘so?’ while he chewed on his food. Ryeowook struggled with figuring Sungmin’s thoughts and stood awkwardly, playing with his fingers, until he realized that Sungmin didn’t get why he was handing the plate to him. “Oh! I was wondering you could pass it over to Kyu before you head over to the gym?” Ryeowook suggested and it finally hit Sungmin. “Oh! Sure.” Sungmin shrugged before turning his attention back to chomping on his breakfast.

 

~~~~~

 

Kyuhyun turned his at the mirror and craned his neck until it hurt. He dabbed the last and longest of his wounds with the cotton dab, swearing again, before realizing that he ought not to. He peeped with his greatest efforts to see if there were any more unattended wounds left and did a double take at what he saw in the mirror. He thought he looked like an owl with its head turned all the way.

 

An owl!

 

Kyuhyun burst into hysterical laughter. He didn’t know why he was laughing. It’s just that at the seriousness of the moment, with all the weird things going on with him, with all the pain that he’s been suffering, a thought as simple as that seemed totally random and funny to him. His laughter was momentary though and it subsided within a few more moments. Kyuhyun wiped the tear off of the corner of his eye with his pinky and continued with his search, till he heard the dreaded knock.

 

Sungmin knocked ever so lightly on Kyuhyun’s door afraid that he might be asleep, but smiled when he heard Kyu’s voice on the other side of the wooden partition asking who’s there. “It’s me, Sungmin.” He replied leaning closer to the door. “Oh nooooo…!” Kyuhyun panicked amidst throwing the discarded cotton balls into the bin. Sungmin waited, tapping his fingers on the frame, listening to the much scuffling going on inside. “Kyu?” He called. “Yeah?” Kyuhyun’s voice was muffled while he wrestled into his shirt. “Is everything alright in there?” Sungmin asked. “Yeah! I’m just getting dressed.” Kyuhyun shoved the last bit cloth gauze and an uncapped Betadine tube under his bed.

 

 Kyuhyun checked and rechecked to make sure that all the suspicious objects- bloody cotton balls, cloth gauze, ointments, etc- were out of sight. Although he could get them out of sight, he could do nothing about its smell. He took in a deep breath and opened the door, hoping that Sungmin wouldn’t catch the smell. Sungmin was holding a small box and gummy-smiled at him when he opened the door. Kyuhyun grinned, happy that Sungmin didn’t find anything suspicious. Sungmin stepped in, handing him the box. “Ryeowook made this for you and asked me to…” he sniffed, “what’s that smell?” Kyuhyun’s face drained of its entire colour. “Smell? What smell? I don’t smell anything!” He said in a hurry. Sungmin walked in and around the room making gestures into the thin air as if he found something. “No. There’s definitely ‘some’ kind of smell.” He said pacing around some more. “Smells like…” Sungmin said, scrunching up his nose. Kyuhyun gulped. This was it! Sungmin would find out about his little secret. It would make him worry and Kyuhyun would have to tell him all about his dreams. Sungmin would think he’s lost it, he’d think maybe he hit his head in his recent accident. He might be sent back to the hospital!! Think Kyuhyun! THINK! Kyuhyun frantically looked here and there to come up with an idea. “Smells like…” Sungmin thought hard and fast to determine the peculiar scent. Kyuhyun grabbed the lunch box and said, “What’s in here?” Sungmin turned towards him with a bright expression. “It’s lettuce sandwich. Ryeowook made it for you.” He said in a jolly tone. Phew! Kyuhyun mentally sighed. Dodged a bullet there! He thought maybe if he could keep Sungmin distracted he’d get used to the smell and forget all about it!

 

He placed the box aside and sat on the bed, patting the space next to him, inviting Sungmin. Sungmin sat there. He looked like he had a lot of questions. Kyuhyun hoped he wouldn’t ask about the smell. “So…” Sungmin asked, looking and acting uncomfortable. “So?” Kyuhyun prodded. “So… what’s up?” Sungmin asked innocently. Kyuhyun laughed. ““What’s up?” That’s it?” Sungmin shrugged naively. “Come on! I can tell there’s a lot on your mind right now, hyung. And that’s the last question you’d want to ask.” Sungmin smiled. “You know me a lot.” Kyuhyun shook his head, “We know each other a lot.”

 

Sungmin shrugged and looked down, drawing imaginary patterns with his feet on the floor. “I was just wondering…” he said, absent mindedly. “Yeah?” Kyuhyun urged him to continue. “I mean…it could be personal…and…you don’t really have to answer it.” “Just say it, hyung!” Kyuhyun said, getting impatient. Sungmin sighed and looked up towards Kyuhyun and asked him sincerely, “Why aren’t you and Leeteuk hyung talking with each other? Is something wrong?”

 

Kyuhyun couldn’t help but smile at Sungmin’s innocence and sincerity. Now it was his turn to feel uncomfortable. He looked down and copied Sungmin’s actions of painting the rug with his bare feet. He could feel Sungmin’s eyes fixed on him. Leeteuk and he weren’t talking. It was true. And he knew that sooner or later he’d have to face this question. But he’d have preferred it to be somewhere later, when he was prepared with an answer to the question. Hell! He didn’t even know ‘why’ they weren’t talking! And it’s been more than a day. That evening in the hospital when he woke up to find Leeteuk beside him it brought a sense of calm in him. He felt protected. He felt cared for. Then why this now? Leeteuk had even apologized for his previous actions. And he had forgiven him. Then why was there an apparent unsettling feeling in the van on his way back? Why didn’t they even face each other? Sure everything was settled out. Then why? Why does he feel guilty whenever he is around Leeteuk, like he were a schoolboy who eats glue and Leeteuk knows of his dirty little secret? Why’s he scared of ‘Leeteuk’? Leeteuk? Kyuhyun raised his eyes towards a photo frame hanging before him, afraid of what he just realized. He’s… ‘scared’ of Leeteuk? He eyed the picture with warm eyes. He and the rest of the Super Junior members stood in a queue, Leeteuk right beside him, linking his arm with Kyuhyun’s. Kyuhyun felt bubbly inside remembering the moment, the feelings. For him, it was the start of a new memorable journey with twelve weird but caring strangers. Back then, Leeteuk was a big tease, but Kyuhyun secretly knew that he cared. He knew that Leeteuk was the strong shoulder he could hang on to. He knew Leeteuk would never hurt him.

 

Kyuhyun smiled and turned his attention back to Sungmin who was still staring at him. “Wha…Why are you smiling?” Sungmin asked, thoroughly confused with his sudden change. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with me and hyung. If you’re wondering, yeah, we’re still on good terms. We’re just…” Kyuhyun stopped mid-sentence, not knowing whether or how to continue. “We’re good. And I’m sure things will pan out soon.”

 

Sungmin smiled as though that were the reply he was waiting for. But his smile faded as soon as it had appeared. “So…you’re not mad at hyung?” Kyuhyun looked at him quizzically, “Mad? Why? No.” Sungmin hesitated, not wanting to start the topic again and hurt him any further. “You…aren’t mad about what he said…the other day?” Sungmin didn’t meet eyes with Kyuhyun. He didn’t want to see him hurt.

 

Kyuhyun sighed remembering those painful words…

 

“DO YOU THINK NONE OF US CARE FOR YOU??”

 

“DO YOU THINK SOME STUPID TRIP MATTERS MORE THAN YOUR SAFETY??”

 

“DO YOU THINK YOU CARE FOR US MORE THAN WE CARE FOR YOU???”

 

He cared for them. But it didn’t, it couldn’t, compare with how much they cared for him. “No. I’m not.” He said with his eyes planted on his feet. Sungmin looked at him as if he were talking Greek. “You mean…it didn’t hurt you?” Sungmin asked, looking like he was about to bawl his eyes out. He felt like Kyuhyun was lying to him, and if he ‘was’ lying, then he must be hiding the immense pain he received from the words. Sungmin wouldn’t like that. He didn’t want him hiding it. “It did. It felt like daggers to the heart.” Kyuhyun said honestly, “But it doesn’t anymore. Because I know.” He looked over at Sungmin with earnest eyes. “Because you know what?” Sungmin tried hard to hide his depression. “Because I know why he said that.” Kyuhyun said it like he was stating the most obvious thing in the world, like ‘The sky is blue’. It went over Sungmin’s head though. “Okay… ‘why’ did he say that?” Kyuhyun shrugged and kicked a plushie with his feet. “Because, you know, we’re family. And sometimes family say stuff like that. It hurts, but then you realize they said it because they care. And that heals the pain.”

 

Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun with tears b in his eyes. He could’ve kissed him full on if he could have but that would have been highly inappropriate. Kyuhyun looked over at Sungmin and saw him almost ready to burst into tears. “Hyung! Are you OK? Something wrong? Did I say something?” Kyuhyun almost panicked. Sungmin wiped his face with the back of his hand and in the tears. “Nothing. It’s just that…” He turned towards Kyuhyun, “that was the sweetest thing I’ve heard someone say in a long time.” Sungmin giggled dreamily while Kyuhyun just smiled at him. “It makes you want to…” Sungmin continued with a dreamy smile plastered on his face. “It makes you want to kiss me?” Kyuhyun asked with a naughty grin. Sungmin laughed and punched Kyuhyun in the arm. “You wish!” He said, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I was going to say, “It makes you want to go meet your family.”” Kyuhyun laughed, mouthing an “O”. “You should go meet them.” Sungmin smiled and shook his head. “No, I should go to the gym, which I was supposed to-”, Sungmin said while he stood up, “before Ryeowook had me hand this sandwich to you.” Sungmin dusted invisible dust off of his pants while Kyuhyun stood up to join him. “Yeah you should head back to the gym.”

 

Sungmin turned to face Kyuhyun once he was out the room and said, “I’m glad I stopped by. Things are a lot clearer now that I know how you feel about it.” Kyuhyun smiled. “Yeah you should stop by often. It makes me happy. We live ONE floor apart and I don’t get to see you much.” Kyuhyun joked. Sungmin grinned like a child and turned to leave. “Take good care of yourself, Kyuhyun.” He said before turning back. “Yeah, you too hyung.” said Kyuhyun. “Come back when you’ve made your mind about the kiss.” He called towards Sungmin’s already departing figure. Sungmin grunted and replied without turning, “Get a girlfriend, Kyu!” “But why? I have you!” Kyuhyun mischievously shouted back. He heard Sungmin laugh out loud and it made him smile. “I have you guys…” He repeated in his mind before shutting his door.

 

Sungmin never asked about the smell.

 

~~~~~

 

Donghae dropped the weight as soon as he lifted it. He bent over, hands on his knees, and coughed severely as if his life was running dry. He looked to a side to see Siwon, drenched in his sweat but still looking handsome while lifting the dumbbells, and felt like a weakling. His eyes dropped and his spirit shrunk a bit. He looked the other way to see Eunhyuk trying his best to lift the twenty’s but only achieving to look as if he’s constipated. Well, at least he was not the weakest. Donghae shook his head and walked over to his mate.

 

“You’re not made for that, you know!” Donghae said while sipping water.

 

“Oh yeah?” Eunhyuk asked, a bit offended. “Watch me!” He gathered all his remaining strength into his arm and the dumbbell flew…

 

…about 3.751849 inches from the ground. Eunhyuk released it in a split second and almost collapsed on the floor.

 

Donghae laughed his heart out, pointing at poor Eunhyuk and patting his stomach while he was at it. “Oh YEAH!!” He stuck his tongue out at him before taking a seat next to him on the floor. He handed him the bottle and patted his back. “Stick to dancing.” He said, to which Eunhyuk vigorously nodded his head.

 

Donghae tucked his knees by his arms and let out a short sigh. “What’s up with Leeteuk?”

 

Eunhyuk mopped his mouth with the back of his palm and handed the bottle back to Donghae. “What’s up with him?” Eunhyuk imitated Donghae’s posture and shrugged.

 

Donghae looked at him incredulously for a minute and then shook his head, as if quietly admitting the fact that his best friend would forever remain the dork! “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed!! And Kyuhyun too!” He tipped his finger towards an imaginary Kyuhyun standing somewhere before him.

 

Eunhyuk looked around, as if he was supposed to find Kyuhyun standing somewhere right beside him. “Noticed what?” He finally asked, giving up on his search.

 

Donghae swatted Eunhyuk upside his head, to which Eunhyuk vigorously rubbed his scalp. “Aigo, pabo yah!” He let out, disgusted by the fact that his buddy was stupider than he assumed. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how Leeteuk hyung is all jumpy when Kyuhyun is around!” Eunhyuk’s mouth turned into an “O” when he realized what Donghae meant. “Oh ‘that’!” He said, still his head. “Yeah, they have been acting quite weird lately.” Eunhyuk said, scratching his head. “But that could be because they’re tired, you know.” He continued while staring at the ceiling as if trying to figure something out. “Do people who survived death feel tired Hae?”

 

Donghae stared at Eunhyuk for a ‘long’ moment with a dubious look. But inside his brain he was planning on whether he should hang his friend or push him off a cliff.

 

Donghae almost jumped at Eunhyuk which startled him and caused him to fall back. “What did I say?” Eunhyuk asked, trembling. For a second he thought his best friend was going to kill him. “It’s not what you ‘said’. It’s what you ‘are’! And you ‘are’ STUPID!” Donghae mocked at Eunhyuk’s face. “Get that? S. T. U. P. E. E. D! That’s what you are!” Eunhyuk stared at Donghae in bewilderment, not really getting Donghae’s point. (A/N: enter frogs croaking here! *ribit*!) Donghae sighed at him hopelessly, and then continued. “What has surviving death got to do with them avoiding each other?” “Um…I don’t…know?” Eunhyuk let out, still laying on his back, his hands drawn to his chest in a defensive manner. Donghae grabbed him by his collar and pulled him up and looked at him with a grim face. “I don’t think they’re related Hyuk.” He said with a straight face. “How can you tell?” Eunhyuk asked, busy fixing his collar. “I have that…that…what do they call it?” Donghae scratched his head as if he could dig up the word. “Sixth sense?” Eunhyuk naively suggested. Donghae clicked his fingers upon remembering the word. “Exactly! That! I can tell when something’s wrong.” “Well…is something wrong?” Eunhyuk asked, b with curiosity. Donghae scratched his chin and smirked like he knew the answer. “There sure is!”

 

Siwon listened to Donghae and Eunhyuk’s conversation from afar and shook his head. “Gosh, they’re at it again!” He perfectly remembered the last time they gossiped this way and almost got caught. He wiped his face and neck with a towel and walked over to them. “What are you guys talking about?” He said, throwing the towel across his shoulder. “Looks like something serious.” He took a seat next to Donghae and huddled his legs into his arms. “It is!” Eunhyuk looked excited, as if he had discovered an alien spaceship on his front yard. He dragged himself ahead so that he could get a better view of both Donghae and Siwon. “There’s something going on between Leeteuk hyung and our maknae Kyuhyun.” “Like what?” Siwon shrugged. “You haven’t noticed that they aren’t talking?” asked Eunhyuk.

 

Siwon took a moment to ponder over the topic himself. Leeteuk and Kyuhyun ‘actually’ weren’t talking. If he wouldn’t have heard it from the two then he might not even have noticed.

 

“Donghae says that his sixth sense tell him there’s something wrong.” Eunhyuk said in a barely audible whisper.

 

Sixth sense? Siwon rolled his eyes. They weren’t talking. True. The ‘Bigger Truth’? Donghae and Eunhyuk gossip like little girls and exaggerate little issues. So it might not even be a serious thing to consider. Plus, Leeteuk and Kyuhyun weren’t kids. They’re old enough to settle their disputes themselves. If there ‘is’ something wrong then it wouldn’t last long, considering both of their natures. “You guys are seriously…” He said with a defeated sigh.

 

Donghae’s eyes bulged out. Siwon just defamed his sixth sense. “What? You don’t find anything weird?” Siwon grabbed the bottle from Donghae’s hand and smiled. “No. I don’t.” He said coolly while sipping water. “I think they’re just upset about what happened the other day at the hospital.” He handed the bottle back to Donghae, who just stared at him as he had just revealed that he’s actually a girl. “What?” Siwon asked, resting back on his elbows. “You think it’s because of the incident in the hospital?” Donghae asked with a straight face. Siwon nodded. “Would Leeteuk go bring Kyuhyun back, before he was due to be out, if he were upset about the hospital incident?” That shut Siwon up. He looked at Donghae with wide eyes. “That night…” Siwon started but paused mid-sentence as Donghae continued with a victorious grin, “…wasn’t the night Kyuhyun was supposed to be released.” Siwon blinked, recalling that night right before Leeteuk left the dorm and returned with Kyuhyun with him.

 

…..

 

“What was up with him?” Donghae said with a pout. “I’ve never seen hyung that angry.” He continued, cuddling a stuffed bear, gifted to him by his fans. “It wasn’t anything to be angry about in the first place. I’m sure Kyuhyun must’ve felt awful!” Eunhyuk complained. Siwon rested his head on the arm of the sofa and exhaled heavily. “I think he was just stressed out, you know. Kyuhyun’s been kinda sick lately.” He said, staring at the ceiling. “Exactly! Kyuhyun’s sick! He should remember that. He can’t just explode on a sick person because he’s stressed.” Eunhyuk’s frustration clearly showed, but Siwon hushed him down. “Lightly, will ya! Someone might hear you.” He looked around making sure that the room was clear. “Let ‘em! Someone has to speak out. He can’t just…” He was stopped by Siwon’s palm over his face. He heard a click and a door close, and out came Leeteuk from his room.

 

Siwon dropped his hand as soon as Leeteuk entered the living room. He was afraid Leeteuk heard them talking behind his back. He gave Eunhyuk “A Look”, while Donghae whacked him on his head with a cushion. Eunhyuk scratched his head, obviously flustered. Siwon had to clean the mess, like always.

 

“Hyung!” Siwon called out as he headed towards where Leeteuk stood beside the door, hoping that Leeteuk didn’t hear them talking, but he got nothing in response. ‘Oh ! He must’ve heard!’ Siwon thought as he grabbed hold of Leeteuk’s shoulder before he left. “Hyung, where are you going? You should rest.” His voice came out sturdy, and it sounded demanding. He didn’t do that on purpose. He was just trying hard to mask his anxiety. Maybe he could convince him to stay and then talk about what happened. And perhaps apologize for gossiping.

 

Leeteuk gave him one stern look.

 

OK…maybe they could talk later.

 

Siwon immediately let go of his grip on Leeteuk’s shoulder and dared not to ask a question.

 

“I need to go somewhere. It’s important.” Leeteuk stated while Siwon tried hard to read Leeteuk’s thoughts, but it seemed nearly impossible since Leeteuk refused to meet eyes with him. “I’ll be back soon.” And with that said, Leeteuk walked out the door, leaving Siwon and the others in a puzzle.

 

…..

 

Siwon snapped back to reality when Donghae pinched him on the cheek. “OW!” Siwon impulsively smacked Donghae’s hand away. “What was that for?” He said vigorously rubbing the sore spot. “That’s what you get for wandering off in your head and leaving us behind.” Donghae said, sticking his tongue out. “What were you thinking?” Eunhyuk poked Siwon. “That night before hyung left…he said he had to go somewhere.” Siwon whispered, unknowingly beginning to take part in the gossip. “Go where?” Donghae asked, his face looked as if he were unearthing clues to a big mystery. “Don’t know. He said it was important though.” Siwon scratched his head with a finger. “He said it was important…and he came back with Kyuhyun?” Eunhyuk thought aloud. He turned towards Donghae hoping he’d find the solution. “Does that mean something Hae?” Donghae sat, determinedly staring into a far away spot, deep in thoughts. “Yes…” he turned and eyed them both, “…it means Leeteuk’s hiding something.”

 

~~~~~

 

Leeteuk had too much on his mind and it confused him. It didn’t let him think straight, it didn’t let him work. He pulled the ropes of the weight machine and then gently released it. “Do you think you care for us more than we care for you?” What did it mean? Why did he say that? He towed the ropes again and held it. What was he thinking back then? What crossed his mind when he said that? Surely not because of what Kyuhyun said. Then why did he react the way he did? He released the ropes and looked around him, his dongsaengs working out, working to make a living, to support themselves and their family. They put so much effort into it, it pleases Leeteuk. He once vowed that, because he’s their hyung, he’d act like one. He’d take responsibilities and keep up to them, nurture s, his brothers, and be their role model, someone they would learn from, willingly, and someone they could count upon. It ashamed him that he acted like a big baby in front of s that day. He ruined his policies. Would he ever be able to gain back their respect? Kyuhyun’s respect?

 

“Yah yah yah! What are you thinking?” Kangin whacked Leeteuk in the chest with his towel. “You don’t come here to day dream. You come here to work out and grow muscles.” He said rolling up his sleeves up showing his biceps. “Look at that, will you! Look at these muscles!” Little did Kangin know that Leeteuk wasn’t even paying attention. Leeteuk stared at a blank wall before Kangin jerked him back to reality. “Yah! You’re not even listening!” Kangin complained with a pout that didn’t suit him. Leeteuk barely woke from his trance. “Kangin…why did I say those awful things to Kyuhyun?” Kangin’s face dropped and he scooted away from Leeteuk as if he had some contagious disease. He busied himself with wiping his sweat and drinking water and acting as if he didn’t hear Leeteuk. Sungmin, who was working out a few feet away heard Leeteuk’s question and felt sympathetic when he saw Kangin rush away. Everyone was trying to avoid that question. Kangin peeked at Leeteuk in sudden spurts and when he saw Leeteuk’s hollow face he turned and said, “Because you are stupid.” Leeteuk looked at him to see if he were referring to him and Kangin expression said it all. He looked down at the floor and played with the bottle, screwing and unscrewing it. “You’re right. I am…” Leeteuk let out in a pitiful whisper.

 

Sungmin had had enough of people bullying Leeteuk for his sudden change back at the hospital. Even an idiot could see that Leeteuk was awfully repenting his actions, but the ones he has been with for over ten years didn’t want to understand him. He stood up from where he was working out and headed over to Leeteuk. He pulled a foldable chair beside Leeteuk and sat down, glaring at Kangin all the while. Leeteuk felt a sudden gush of relief and guilt when Sungmin sat beside him, hands his back. “I see you’re wrong there, almighty Kangin.” Sungmin spat at Kangin. It felt like a smack to the face. “Oh! So if ‘you’ know why he yelled at Kyuhyun without a valid reason, ‘you’ explain!” Kangin quickly retorted. Leeteuk didn’t like them fighting because of him. He didn’t like them fighting at all. “Because we’re family.” Sungmin said with an air of pride. Leeteuk looked at him with wide eyes. He thought he didn’t hear him right. Kangin just scoffed. “So now what? Everyone comes and yells at everyone else and justifies that they can do so because “we’re family”?” Kangin said, emphasizing on the last bit by forming quotes in the air. “I didn’t say that!” Sungmin shot back.

 

He turned towards Leeteuk and smiled sincerely before turning back at Kangin and glared at him. “Someone I know said that it doesn’t matter, because we’re family.” Sungmin stole a look towards Leeteuk and smirked. Leeteuk caught the smirk but didn’t quite get it. “Someone”? Sungmin continued saying, “And because we’re family, we sometimes say stuff like that without realizing. It hurts, at first, but then we realize that they said it because they care.” Sungmin finally completely turned his attention on the beaten soul and completed Kyuhyun’s thoughts, “And that heals the pain.” He gave Leeteuk his most brightest, sunniest, happiest smile which said “Don’t worry hyung. I’m there for you.” all over.

 

Kangin stared at both of them with piteous eyes, a wave of remorse engulfing him from within. It was clear who that “someone” was. He had never really cared to ask Leeteuk about his side of the story. He just blamed his hyung because he thought he was defending his dongsaeng. But he didn’t even know what his dongsaeng felt about it. Sungmin pet his teary, angel hearted hyung on his back and whispered, “Don’t hate yourself hyung. He doesn’t.” Leeteuk lips quivered at Sungmin’s words of support. Could that “someone” be Kyuhyun? Does he really think of him as his ‘family’?

 

A heavy burden was finally lifted off his weary shoulders. Leeteuk felt blissful again. He looked at Sungmin, who was still beside him, hands on his back, looking at him with a motherly feel. Leeteuk always thought ‘he’ was the one responsible for moral support and protection towards s. But then he realized the value of family. They support you when you are breaking down and shield you from harm’s way. “Thank you.” He lipped and even though it was not audible, Sungmin smiled and gave a nod. He understood. And that’s another thing about family- they understand unspoken words. They help take away the pain.

 

~~~~~

 

Pain. Immense pain. That was the only way Kyuhyun could’ve described it.

 

The director of the popular TV talk show Super Junior was to appear in, peeped inside the waiting room, where the idols, wearing chic clothes, were waiting for the show to air. “You’re up in five.” He said. “FIVE MINUTES???” Heechul shrieked as soon as the director left, “My make-up’s not even polished yet.” He looked this way and that into the mirror. “Yah, hurry up!!” he yelled at the stylist. “Heechul, you don’t even need make-up. You look handsome anyways.” Hankyung said with his accent. “Aww~, you’re so kind.” Heechul said, lovingly pinching Hankyung’s cheek. “You almost look as good as me too!” He said, trying to be modest. Hankyung’s smile froze and he turned away, unwillingly grinning and nodding his head at Heechul. Eunhyuk laughed till he was at the edge of tears.

 

Kyuhyun watched the others goofing around as always and he wished he could join in. He turned away from everybody and secretly pulled up his left hand sleeve above his arm. Two eminent, deep, bloody cuts. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down and looked around to see if anyone noticed. No one. Everyone was busy with their last minute touch-ups. “I’ll be coming from the restroom.” He declared and rushed out of the waiting area. Leeteuk looked at him rush out and looked at Sungmin, who nodded his head towards the door, as if asking to go and check on Kyuhyun.

 

Once inside the restroom, Kyuhyun locked himself inside a stall and pulled up his sleeve in a hurry. He was worried the blood would seep through his satin shirt. A droplet of blood dripped from his wrists into the toilet and Kyuhyun could feel himself loosing grip. He held himself up. No. He was not going to pass out. He was going to be a man about it. It’s just blood.

 

He heard someone step into the restroom. “Kyuhyun?” It was Leeteuk. “Kyuhyun are you in here?” Kyuhyun in a deep breath and steadied his voice. “I’m here.” His voice wavered and, of course, nothing goes unnoticed by Leeteuk. “Are you alright?” Kyuhyun saw Leeteuk’s shadow beneath the stall’s door. He was not alright. It hurt. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and wanted to cry very, very badly. He wanted to hug Leeteuk and tell him about all the things that have been going wrong with him lately. He wanted to tell him about the girl in his dreams and how everything that affects her, affects him. He wanted to let it out. He did not want to keep secrets. But alas, things can’t always happen the way you want them. “I’m alright.” Kyuhyun said and cursed himself mentally for being a horrendous liar. “You don’t sound alright.” Leeteuk’s voice was right at the other face of the door. It was soft and sad. Kyuhyun leaned his head on the door and sighed. Oh how he wished he could tell him, but he couldn’t risk being sent to the ward again. So close but yet so far. “I’m alright. Just horribly nervous, that’s all.” “Lost the touch of talk shows, eh?” Leeteuk laughed lightly.

 

Kyuhyun joined him. Leeteuk’s laugh sounded like a distant melody, like a song you loved but stopped listening to. Kyuhyun’s blood surged through his wrist. “Hyung…” Kyuhyun began but paused. He let out a short puff of air on the wooden door. His head felt light. “I’m sorry for everything. Really. Can we like, start over?” Leeteuk leaned his head on the door and smiled. It was like he could feel Kyuhyun’s presence on the other side of the door. “Don’t be sorry Kyu. We’re family.” Kyuhyun recognized his words and smiled. “Yeah…” he said. “Should I wait outside?” Leeteuk asked. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.” Kyuhyun could swear he was floating above the ground. “Don’t take too long.”

 

Kyuhyun heard footsteps exiting the restroom. As soon as the footsteps faded he rushed out of the stall and fumbled his way to the wash basins. Blood. He saw blood. Lots and lots of it. He washed his hands over and over and over, but the gush of blood never seemed to hold up. He looked into the mirror and saw his reflection distorting. Soon he was in front of a mirror with the girl beside him.

 

Kyuhyun watched as the bloody razor dropped from her pallid hand and clanked into the counter. He looked at the knife and then the girl. Her mascara was running, her eyes were red and swelled up, and at one glance anyone would say she looked like a tramp. But Kyuhyun knew better. She was a part of him now. He knew something was wrong. But before he could figure out what, he was back in the restroom again. “Kyuhyun?” Leeteuk called. “We’re getting late. Don’t be a scaredy cat! It won’t be that bad.” “I’m coming! I’m coming!” Kyuhyun made a tourniquet with his handkerchief right above the slits in his wrist and fastened it tight with his teeth, so tight that he could hardly feel his hand anymore. But he knew it wouldn’t hold for long. He hoped for a miracle.

 

Kyuhyun walked out, managing pretty well to look nervous. “You look pale.” Leeteuk said as soon as he stepped in front of him. “Really?” Kyuhyun chuckled nervously. “It feels like my first time being on air.” He lied, but didn’t get caught. Phew! “Oh Kyuhyun, when will you grow up?” Leeteuk laughed, guiding him towards the set.

 

~~~~ A few minutes into the show~~~~

 

“So Leeteuk ssi, it’s been quite a long time since you performed as thirteen members, am I right?” The talk show host directed the question at Leeteuk. Leeteuk smiled warmly at her, “Hmm, yes. Quite a long time.” The other members nodded in approval. “What are your thoughts on being able to come back together as thirteen members again?” The host asked. “My time spent in the hospital brought me a lot of realization. It taught me the value of my friends, family and members. It brought me a lot of love from our fans. I also realized how much I missed being on stage with my fellow members. In a way, I’m glad that the accident occurred. Now I have more respect for life, and I know how abruptly it can end. So, I’m very glad that I’m now full well and I can once again perform as Super Junior.” Kyuhyun reminisced the feelings he got when he first returned to the dorm and was shocked at how well it matched with Leeteuk’s. This made him smile. It almost healed the pain he felt at the moment.

 

“What are your plans for the comeback? And how do you feel about it?” the host continued. “Right now, we’re planning to make a comeback pretty soon. It’s going to be a lot different than our previous album. I’m thrilled to be able to sing again. Can’t wait till I’m back on stage!” Leeteuk said with overflowing enthusiasm. The host smiled and nodded and turned towards Kyuhyun, who had his head down, saying, “Kyuhyun ssi is very quiet, isn’t he?” Donghae, Eunhyuk and Siwon exchanged glances at each other, knowing probably ‘why’ Kyuhyun is quiet. Leeteuk. Leeteuk laughed and pet Kyuhyun’s back. “Our maknae is like that.” Kyuhyun smiled towards Leeteuk. Donghae’s eyes widened at Leeteuk’s actions. THEY’RE TALKING??

 

Siwon turned to look at Donghae with taunting eyes. Sixth sense, my foot!

 

Donghae gave a pout and Eunhyuk just scratched his head.

 

“Right before the shooting I found Kyuhyun in the restroom. When I asked him what’s wrong he said “I’m feeling horribly nervous” and “I feel like it’s my first time being on air”!!” Leeteuk’s words set the whole studio in an uproar of laughter. Leeteuk playfully elbowed Kyuhyun while Sungmin lightly smacked his shoulder.

 

“Yes, he might be nervous because of being away for so long.” The host laughed along with them. Kyuhyun face’s flushed and he laughed while hiding his face in embarrassment. Thankfully, no one actually knew the reason for his visit to the restroom. His thoughts immediately directed to the scene where he saw the girl’s soiled face in the mirror and the gory razor she held in her palm. At her thought he realized that his surroundings had started distorting, shaping back into the little bathroom. Kyuhyun stood wide eyed as he saw the girl wrapping layers and layers of gauze around her wrist. He carefully touched his wrist and then looked back at the girl. How did he get here? Usually this happened randomly and not when he wished to. “So Kyuhyun ssi, tell us how ‘you’ feel about your return?” Kyuhyun turned his head towards the source of the voice. He saw the host sitting on a high stool at a corner of the dimly lit bathroom and looking at him intently, awaiting an answer. He blinked. “Kyuhyun ssi?” As the host repeated, his surroundings started to melt again and one after another all the members were finally visible.

 

“Sorry?” Kyuhyun asked, flabbergasted. “Oh sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” He bowed as an apology. “It’s alright.” The host seemed uncomfortable with his actions. “So, tell us your views.” Kyuhyun smiled, “It’s been a tough journey till this point.” He smiled because he realized something. “We’ve had our share of ups and downs.” He shifted into ‘her’ world…at his will. “And through each experience we’ve learnt so much.” His smile deepened. “From my recent accident I’ve realized how valuable the life given to me is. I’ve received so much support from my members and my fans. I want to be able to show how grateful I am. I wish to grow into an independent and respectable man, who is loved by everyone. I want to show others a more humble side of me.” Kyuhyun slightly bowed towards the camera, referring to all his viewers. “Please welcome me with an open heart. I promise to work hard so that I don’t disappoint you.” His ending words were greeted with applause from the studio audience and the other Super Junior members alike.

 

“Wow. Some really touching words there.” The host smiled and nodded her head. “I’m sure you will receive a lot of love from the people. And wish you all the very best for your comeback.” Super Junior bowed in gratitude. “So…” the host continued, “as an ending note, why don’t we hear a song from you.” Leeteuk smiled. “If it’s a song, it’s Kyuhyun.” He turned towards Kyuhyun. “Kyuhyun, I’m sure you’re eager to sing a song again. Shall we?” He held his hands towards Kyuhyun’s mic, asking him to sing. Kyuhyun smiled and nodded placidly. The host clapped her hands in encouragement. “What are we hearing, Kyuhyun ssi?” Kyuhyun thoughts drifted back to the girl and his surroundings switched to a different one. This time, more rapidly. He saw the girl sitting on her bed, cuddled underneath a blanket. She looked sad. She looked pure and innocent. He smiled. He had a song in mind. His thoughts drifted back to where he was, bodily, and as before, his surroundings switched again. “I’d dedicate this song to my dream girl.” He smiled at the pun. “It’s a song very dear to me. It’s called ‘Hope is a dream that never sleeps’”. His heart thumped a little stronger with every beat. He could finally control when he meets her. He could check upon her anytime. How much relief it brought him.

 

“It doesn’t matter if I’m lonely. Whenever I think of you a smile spreads across my face...” he sang into the mic. The lights dimmed and soft music began to play.

 

“Even if I’m tired, when I close my eyes, I only see your image…”

 

He wondered how beautifully the lyrics matched, as if it were a song made just for him…and her.

 

“To me, the happiness of those precious memories will be warmer during hard times. For me, hope is a dream that never sleeps…”

 

Will he actually ever meet her?

 

“I’ll always hold on to the dreams I want to fulfill with you. I’ll try to call for you at the place I cannot reach…”

 

He promised himself, he’ll never give up, never lose faith.

 

“I love you with all my heart…”

 

~~~~~

 

They stood hand in hand. It was hard to tell how long they have been standing that way. Time moves slow when you’re anxious and afraid of what is coming in the future. “Come with me, please,” the boy said urgently, almost begging, “Please?” He had been waiting for a long time to ask her this, but he didn’t wish for the circumstances to be this critical. He ought to have asked her at a better time, in a better way, but when things got out of hand he had to take necessary actions. He didn’t want to ask the love of his life to come live with him in such a pathetic way. He didn’t want it to sound desperate and needy. He had planned it in a different way, a more loving way. But time and state pressed at him. She had to come with him. Right this moment.

 

The boy waited patiently. He had waited a long time. He could wait a little more. But the girl just kept her head hung low. The wind blew, softly rustling the fallen leaves and twirling them around. It looked as if they were playing, running around with each other. He wished time could stop. He wished he could make amends. He didn’t like the way things were going. He didn’t like the way they were headed. He wanted to make life easier for her. For them. But he got no answer. He scoffed in discontentment and threw his hands in the air. “This has to stop! You know this has to stop!” He didn’t want to shout at her. He loved her. But she refused to understand him. She refused to trust him. Why couldn’t she see that he was doing this for her.

 

 The girl raised her head and he could see a pool of tears in her beautiful eyes.

 

Love. How he wished he’d never loved her, never knew her, because now that he does, he doesn’t know how to protect her, how to keep her happy, how to make her smile. It kills him a little every day, knowing that she’s probably sitting in a corner, crying. He loved her eyes. He didn’t like tears in them.

 

“I…can’t,” she said and lowered her head again, tears spilling over and dropping on the cool pavement, “I’m sorry, but I can’t…leave.” She raised her head and looked into the boy’s eyes sincerely. “Not ‘now’”, she said with resolve. He knew what she meant and her will scared him. He couldn’t risk letting her go this time. He didn’t know if she’d ever come back. The thought alone made him lose his mind. Both stood looking deep into each other’s eyes. He knew she wanted to come, but she wouldn’t, because it’s not in her nature to leave things incomplete. If she’s into something, she in it till it ends. He didn’t want it to end. Not ‘this’ end. Maybe if he could persuade her, she’d come. They’d run off to a faraway place where he could keep her safe, bring back her happiness. He kept searching her eyes for the answers he needed. ‘Come with me. Please say yes.’ He thought. But her eyes reflected the wrong answer. That’s not the answer he wanted to hear. Reality was becoming too brutal for him. If he couldn’t be with his love, then…

 

He shook his head from side to side, rage building inside of him. And then suddenly he lost it.  “Look what he’s done to you!” he roared at her, twisting her wrist so that the underside of her arm showed. There were two long and very prominent marks on her pallid skin, where it had burnt. Burnt. It could be so much worse than this. He didn’t want that. He’d rather kill!

 

He took her hands into his. So feeble they were he thought they could snap any moment. How could he leave her? Here? Who’d look after her? Love her as much as he does? He couldn’t rest a second knowing she’s in danger. How could he even think of leaving her? How could she expect he’d agree? He knelt before her, spilling his pride on the floor. Nothing in the world mattered more than her. “Marry me.” He said.

 

She cried, tears streaming down her face leaving trails of silver behind. He couldn’t tell if she was overwhelmed or if he had hurt her. “Don’t make this hard for me, please.” She said. “Here I am, kneeling before you, asking you to marry me, and you tell me I’m making this hard for you?” he was hurt. It pained. Did she…refuse?

 

“Marry me. Come live with me. We can leave all this behind. Things don’t have to be this way. Please. I’ll give you my everything. Please. Come.” He pleaded, holding on tight to her hands, afraid she’ll run away. She placed her free hand on his face and looked at him with longing in her eyes. “I love you, but I can’t be with you.” Pain. Thousands of emotions going haywire inside of him, but the one prominent feeling, pain. “Just…let go.” She said, pulling out her hand from his and turned around.

 

He frowned. Sadness and fury crumbled his heart. Where did he go wrong? He gave her his everything. He lived and breathed because of her. She knew. Was that not enough reason for her to come? Did she not love him back? “What? Now I can’t even hold your hand? Things have gone down to the point where you have to ask me to “let go”?” he said, grinding his teeth.

 

Her breath hitched. She didn’t mean it that way. “Depends on how you see it.” She said, and it surprised him to see that she still sounded calm. “Go home, Daehyun oppa. Come back when you’re calmed down. You seem too upset right now.” She said, wiping her stray tears. “You make me upset.”  He said, getting back up on his feet. “You break my heart.” He couldn’t hold his own tears anymore.

 

Far away up the lonely street a black van came into view.

 

“I love you.” He said. He looked and felt like a loser. He lost his love…

 

The van was closing in.

 

“I’m leaving. I wish you…” his words got stuck in between his pitiful sobs, “…all the happiness in life.”

 

He stepped down the pavement just as the van was about to take the bend.

 

A loud bang and then the noise of shattering glass.

 

The van flipped on its side, taking down the boy, and then finally running over the girl.

 

When he opened his eyes her picture left a deep impact on his mind. As he lay on the road, drowning in his own pool of blood, every moment of his life played like a movie, dancing around him, and right before his eyes. His parents, his mother’s warm smile, his father in a suit, on his way to the office, his best friend’s hug on his birthday, the kind aunt who lived next door, his grandmother’s flower garden, the day he first saw the love of his life, their secret meetings, hugs, her smile, her eyes, her hands and the way she trembled when he held them, their first date, first kiss…

 

His last breath stretched on an eternity. So this is how it feels to die…

 

He looked at her, blood streaming down her head. She looked peaceful. She looked like she was asleep. He loved her. He didn’t want things to end this way.

 

Love and life, lost in a night…

 

Leeteuk woke with a start, covered in sweat and panting really hard.

“Aeyoung…”