Awkward.

 

The only word that explains my current condition...

 

I'm in the middle of a crowd of people who are chatting and laughing like there's no tomorrow. But here I am, sitting between the two massive class clowns, with a straight face on.

 

Meh. Confusing, right? What can atually make Choi Jieun laugh if even the class clowns of the whole school population can't?

 

Well, nothing can.

 

That's just so me. Awkward, and straight-faced.

 

"Jieun-ah! Why don't you laugh with us? How come your face can show no expressions?" Jinri teases. The crowd goes silent. Gahh, typical high-school girls. Curious, huh?

 

I raise my eyebrow "Well, you all know that's just me. I mean, this is my happy face. See?" I shrug, still with no expression but I twitch the edge of my lips up a bit. Then suddenly they all burst into laugh, some even got tears in their eyes.

 

"Omo, Jieun-ah you never failed to make us laugh" CL says as she wipes a drop af tears falling down her left eye. "You should've seen your face. It's priceless. In a funny way."

 

"Yeah" Jaejoong adds, still half-laughing. "Your face looks like your toes got bitten by a rat or something rather than smiling"

 

I roll my eyes, "Said by someone who cried to me last week because he had mistaken an ant bite as a SIGN of ALLERGY"

 

The crowd laughs again, even harder than before. Except for Jae, he barely makes any sounds aside of a soft whimper of protest. His cheeks are tainted crimson red as he facepalms himself. "Yah! I didn't know, okay! I was too panic to observe the bites more"

 

I scoff and mumble a "Yeah, sure" at him before directing my attiention to yet another joke made by the class clowns, feeling utterly relieved that they finally drop the topic about my expressionless face. I must admit that talking about that topic makes me feel uneasy, who would want their lackings to be exposed?

 

I have my reasons to have this expressionless face.

***

 

I smile unconsciously, looking down at my phone that shows a picture of me and Sungyeol at the beach two years ago. He's now at the UK to work as a journalist, and he'll be back next month to visit Junior Journalist Camp which I joined too. I'm really looking forwards to this event, I finally can have a chance to see Sungyeol's gummy smile again.

 

I closed my phone and back to finishing my dinner absent-mindedly.

 

My umma suddenly speaks out of the blue, "You only got 98% for your math test last week"

 

"Umma, can we talk about this later? We're in the middle of dinner" I say as I stab the poor steak on my plate, trying hard not to roll my eyes in front of her

 

But she doesn't seem to care about her surroundings, because she ignores what I said as she continues, "Why only 98 when you could get 100%?"

 

"And nobody in class could get that score, umma. I am the only one who could get a score over 80%."

 

"Now is the time for you to be ashamed of yourself, not to defend yourself" Umma shoot a stern gaze through me. I give my steak more attention than it actually needs, not wanting to meet umma's gaze. "Even your brother got straight 'A's for his math. What a shame of you"

 

"Plus a 'B' umma" Jonghyun oppa interrupts, trying to defend me. "And two 'C's"

 

I smile in my head. Jonghyun oppa. If there's someone I love the most in this house, that would be him. Jonghyun oppa is always there for me, he always defends me no matter what.  Not that I'm an ungrateful daughter, but as you can see here, this house place a pretty much gap between a son and a daughter. And that's not much of a help.

 

I know, this is the 20th century, but this house somehow still hold that type of... Discrimination.

 

I don't even know how can I survive living here if it's not for you always keeping me happy, Oppa. I try to say it all to Jonghyun with my eyes,  and he seems to understand because he gives me a sneaky wink.

 

"Still, I don't need a dumb for my daughter. No more score under 100% or you won't have my permission for that whatsoever-journalist-something you want to join"

 

"That's not fair!" I exclaim as I look straight into her eyes. The hell?! I'm fine with getting scolded but this is just not fair! I've been wanting and collecting money for this Junior Journalist Camp, no ing way she will do this to me. "You've agreed with this way before this score thingy, besides, this is the only test that I missed to get 100%. My other scores are flawless, straight 'A's!" I argue

 

I barely able to asess the situation before I feel a stinging sensation on the side of my face. Umma has just slapped me, but no, not the way an umma would do in the feel of guilt to teach their children. This slap is the one people do when all they're feeling is hate. Let alone the feel of guilt, there's deffinitely no hesitation in this action.

 

"Do.not.talk.back.to.me"

 

I shut my eyes, preventing any tear that threatens to fall down. I look down as I chew my last piece of steak, losing my appetite "Arasso umma."

 

I scramble up the stairs after the dinner, but stop right away when I feel a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"

 

I faked a cheerful look.  "Of course oppa! You know I'm used to this"

 

Jonghyun stares at me for a while before sighing heavily. "I'm just worried. What she said to you is unacceptable... But no matter what, she's still our umma, I can't do anything about it. Mianhae, Jieun-ah"

 

I hug his waist, feeling so grateful for having him as my brother. God knows the lack of love for me from umma, so oppa is given for me to fill the emptiness. Funny the situation we are in, he's the one trying to assure me that everything is okay, but it ends up the other way around.

 

"I'm really okay oppa. I mean, I already knew this would happen sooner or later, cause she's been too nice for these past days" I chuckle bitterly. "If only appa is here, she won't be this fierce"

 

Oppa hugs me back and squeezes my shoulder assuringly. "He'll be back soon, just trust him" he says as he pulls out from the hug. "I'm in my room if you feel like talking"

 

"Ne, oppa" I say as I walk up to my room. "Oh, and oppa?"

 

"Ne?"

 

"I love you"

 

"I love you too, Jieun-ah" he chuckles. "Can you say it while smiling? It looks like you don't mean it if you're expressionless like that"

 

I frown at this "You know I mean it with all my heart". I look down in sadness, "And you know I don't smile"

 

"We'll see, I believe time will do something about it"

 

Silence.

 

"Plus, you look good when you do, dongsaeng-ah"

__________________________________________________________________

A/N:

Annyeong!

What do you think? First chapter is up! ^_^

I'm so nervous >_<

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