I cannot sleep. My mind is off somewhere I don’t know.

“Where are you now?” I’m staring at her framed picture once again. I guess, no matter how I try to brush her off my mind, I’ll just end up missing her more.

An hour passed by with me just staring at her picture. I’m holding a pen and is tapping it on my lyric notebook. I wanted to write a song for my emotions are so intense. Thing is, I don’t even know how to express what I’m feeling. It’s so mixed up.

“Hello?” I picked up a call. It’s so late already and someone still called.

“Jiyong…this is Noona” she said.

This is odd. Noona is not the type who will call in the wee hours of the night. This is making me nervous for this can be an emergency or something serious.

“OH! It’s already late….why aren’t you sleeping yet?” I asked and transferred to the balcony to smoke.

“I can’t sleep and I don’t know even know why….you…why aren’t you sleeping yet? Are you still in the studio?” she asked.

I sighed in relief for there’s no emergency. This is something new to me for Noona rarely calls me just to chat. Well, I think it’s the other way around. It’s me who doesn’t call all the time for I’m really busy with work.

“I can’t sleep as well Noona” I answered and she chuckled.

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of J again….aigoo…Jiyong-ah…aren’t you tired yet?” she doesn’t know how much J means to me.

Am I not getting tired of thinking of her? No. How will I get tired in the first place? I’ve breathed and lived that girl for so many years. She was the first girl who ever made my heart skip a beat.

August 20, 1994. Jiyoung and I are super close already. We go to each other’s houses to play and can even spend a whole day with just the two of us. I’ve got a lot of friends but after she came, I rarely play with them anymore.

It’s Jiyoung’s first day in school and she’s nervous as hell. I can still remember her fidgeting inside the car while biting her nails. Yes, she also has this habit of nail biting and I can say that she’s much worse than me.

Omma and Appa offered to drive her to school with me because her parents are so busy with work that they can’t even spare an hour or two for her. Her Unnie on the other hand is with my noona for they’re best friends now and they just chose to ride the bus to school together.

“Can you stop” I hold her wrist and put her hand down “Your nails are going to ran out” I told her and she sighed.

“I’m so nervous!” she said, making Omma to look at us.

“Aigoo…J….there’s no need for you to get nervous….your classmates are going to like you…your teachers are all kind as well” she said and I nod in agreement.

“That’s right J” I reached for her hand and hold it tight “I’m going to be there as well so don’t be nervous” I told her and she smiled at me.

Well, our words of encouragement didn’t help at all for the moment we reached the classroom, her nail biting started again and she looks like she’s going to hide under the table because of shyness already. I cannot say that I’m popular amongst the kids there, but I’m friends with everybody and I want her to be friends with them as well.

“Where is Jiyoung?” I asked my friends when I noticed that she’s not in her seat.

“Huh? Who’s that?” Chung-hee asked and I looked around the room again.

“Our new classmate…the one who walked in with me….she’s just sitting there awhile ago” I pointed at her seat then run out of the classroom.

I can still remember, that was the first time that I ever got so scared. I looked for her all over the 1st grader’s floor but didn’t even see a shadow of her, so I’ve decided to go back to our classroom, hoping that our teacher is already in so that I can tell her about J.

“Huuuuu…huuuu…huuu” the moment I heard someone crying, I already have a feeling that it’s J for she’s the only person I know that have high pitched-glass breaking cries.

I found her near the fire exit. She’s sitting on the floor, knees on her chest, her head resting on it.

“Yaaa...why did you go out of the room without even telling me?” I crouched down and her head.

She looked up at me, her cheeks full of tears “I want to go back to Jeju Jiyong…I don’t want to go to this school…I miss my friends already” she is crying so hard, making it so difficult to understand what she’s saying.

I gave out a pout and sighed. At that point, I really feel like I’m nothing to her. I feel like, no matter how I entertain and play with her, she will still look for her old friends. That really made me sad and slightly disappointed.

All I can do at that time is wait for her to calm down since I don’t know what to do. If it weren’t for our teacher, she wouldn’t even go back to our classroom at all.

I stretched my arm out in front of her and she just looked at it “Wipe your tears” I am offering the sleeve of my sweater to her again.

She held my arm and wiped her tears with the sleeve of my shirt “It’s so wet now” she said and I just sighed.

“It’s OK…it’ll get dry later” I told her and she pinched my cheek.

“Thank you Jiyongie” she said and smiled at me.

I’m telling you, my heart still beats so fast even now whenever I’m reminded of that sweet moment. She’s really the sweetest girl that I’ve ever met.

“Alright kids! Settle down now” Ms. Han, our homeroom teacher said with a wide smile on her face.

Jiyoung is being eaten by her nerves once again and I can really feel it even if I’m a table away from her. I looked at her and when our eye