NOTE TO SELF: Suicide doesn't solve your problems
Superiority Complex
I do the only thing I know I can do in such a situation.
I take the bag back.
I refund the money.
I avoid Kris at all costs.
I dutifully leave the pile of homework in front of his door every morning, slipping in an envelope with his money in the back of a textbook.
I know he gets it.
I start skipping out on the English tutorials, because I don't want to see him.
I know he tries to talk to me.
He walks up to our group in the cafeteria but I always make a quick beeline to the bathroom.
He attempts to see me after mathematics class but I always run straight away when the bell signals the end of the lesson.
I don't want to get hurt.
I don't understand him.
He treats me like dirt, then buys me an expensive bag?
I don't trust it.
Soon I stop doing his homework altogether, and I still don't do my own.
I flunk every test for the mid semester exams.
I stop eating.
I sleep. All the time.
"Tao, what's going on?" Sehun asks worriedly from his seat on the ground.
I ignore him, pulling the blankets closer.
"It's Kris, isn't it?" He asks.
Silence.
"Tao, just talk to us about it. Please."
It's Kyungsoo this time.
I give a low groan and roll over.
I decide my time is best spent sobbing into my pillow.
"Tao!" Chanyeol yells.
It's almost the end of the break. Class should be starting any minute.
But I ignore the bell and my friend's pleas for me to get up.
Once I know they have left without me, I rip the blanket off my form, hissing as my bare feet hit the cold wooden floorboards.
I've lost weight.
I poke my sides a bit as I make my way across the room to the small bathroom that hangs off the left wall.
I step over to the basin, turn the tap, and splash some freezing water on my face.
I feel horrible, so I begin to cry.
I open the cupboard above the sink and run my hands over the medicine bottles, stopping on one I'm quite familiar with.
Sleeping pills.
I've been taking them regularly because sleep is the only thing I can do to escape Kris completely.
Dreamless sleep.
I toss a couple of pills into the palm of my hand.
Six.
I've never tried six before in one go.
I tried five, but I was sick and threw half of them back up.
I should try more, see how my stomach can handle it.
I take a mug off the bench and sit it under the running tap, moving the handful of pills to my mouth.
I gulp in the water, and swallow harshly.
That wasn't too bad.
Before I know what I am doing, I have another handful of pills sitting on my palm.
I down these too.
This repeats until there is nothing left.
I stand for a few seconds, before my vision starts to go funny.
"Tao?" A deep voice knocks on the door.
Class finished already?
I walk out of the bathroom, still carrying my bottle of pills.
"Tao?"
I almost stumble when I reach the door.
I push it open.
"Tao?"
It's not Chanyeol, it's Kris. He's using my name for the first time.
"What do you want?" I stutter.
I don't feel so good, like I'm going to faint any second.
"The teacher wants me to check on you..." He begins, his eyes trailing down my torso.
"Are you OK?"
I hold out the empty bottle of pills.
"You tell me," I splutter.
Kris' eyes widen as I begin mumbling and my voice becomes slurred.
I stumble around and fall on top of him, .
"Tao? Please don't tell me.."
I start to laugh hysterically.
And then I pass out.
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