November 25th, 2012

         Dear Ilji,

              When I woke up eomma was still asleep so I decided to make him breakfast. When I exited the room quietly I looked around to see if 'you know who' came crawling back but to my luck for one he didn't. I went into the kitchen and attempted to climb on top of the counter but it hurt too much. The only other option available was to drag a chair to the counter and get the pancake mix from the cabinet. When I got all the ingredients I mixed them all together in a bowl before heating the frying pan on the stove.

I just have to cook it like eomma does it.

     After 20 minutes of struggling to flip a pancake and making sure the bacon was done, I put the food on a pororo plate that eomma likes. To finish it off, I added a cup of orange juice, the fork and knife, and a note that said  on the top right of the tray.I carried the tray to eomma's room where I could still hear the sound of soft snores. I placed the tray calmly on the night stand before lightly shaking eomma.

"5 more minutes" he mumbled. I repeated the same action but this time he woke up. "Good morning Jun Min" he chimed while attempting to hug me but I was still in too much pain so I flinched, which caused him to frown. 

"Did he come back?" Eomma said in a mono tone voice and I shook my head. "Good" he smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes. There was dissapointment. I grabbed the tray of food and put it on eomma's lap.

"You cooked this?" he asked and I nodded "Is it cooked all the way this time? Remember what happened to our tummies last time."

         The image of me cooking bacon for the first time and eomma and I getting food poisoning came back into my head. I made sure it was well done this time so I nodded my head before running to the other side of the bed and climbing next to him.

"Oh, there's a note in the corner." Eomma clapped. He unfolded the paper and began to read:

"Dear Eomma,

       I can't begin to explain how much I love you and glad you're in my life. Even when things get tough you still stay strong and I admire that the most about you. You are the best eomma anyone could ever ask for and I love you so much! I wake up every day looking forward to seeing your face, eat your cooking, and especially watching you smile. Your smile is the most beautiful thing, whenever I feel upset I think about it and it cheers me up all the time. Times maybe hard right now but we can't face it in all frowns, we must learn to overcome it with smiles and positive attitudes. I will always be right by your side to make sure that you are smiling. Whether it's a small breakfast like this or small gifts, I will always try to make you smile. Love Jun Min" When he hugged me this time it didn't hurt as much so I hugged him back tightly. "I will always smile as long as I have you, Now let's eat."

 Eomma and I shared the food that I made. The food this time was better then the first time I made it. Eomma complimented my cooking as he ate. When we finished, I took the tray and went into the kitchen to clean up my mess. Eomma came in right after me and helped me clean the counters and dishes.

"Since it's too late for you to go to school, how about we do something today?" he asked me. I grabbed my note pad after finishing the last dish in the sink and wrote back.

We should go visit Chen

Okay, What's the special occasion?

I forgot to tell you something really important... Suho wanted me to tell you two days ago

What are you in trouble?

Nope.Chen is....

Jun Min stop messing with me and tell me right now! >.<

Pregnant

What?

I don't think I mispelled it...it's P r e g n a n t right?

"Yes it is! Oh my god let's take a shower then cook something for him and Suho! I'm so excited!" Eomma enthused before his phone started ringing. "It's your father..."

'You better have something prepared for me when I come back home after what you said to me last night. Do you hear me?' I heard appa yell.

"Yes Jongin..." Eomma hung up the phone. "Let's get ready quickly before he comes."

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     Once eomma and I left we quickly got into the car and drove to Suho's house which was located on the other side of town. When we arrived at the comfortable looking residence I rang the doorbell and heard Chen's voice on the other side of the door.

"Who is it?" He sang.

"A mother and son looking forward to talking to the pregnant man" Eomma said. Chen opened the door and oh my god he was glowing. His stomach only had a little bump to it but his skin looked so nice. I don't know what urged me to do it but I started rubbing his arm.

"Hey Jun-Min!" Chen tried to hug me but I ended up cringing again. "Oh no he hates me! how am I supposed to be a mother when kids don't even like me?!" Chen was starting to have the mood swings.... I shook my head rapidly before hugging him. When he tried to hug me back I kind of yelped. Chen looked up at eomma and he mouthed;

'What happened?'

'Jongin' Eomma answered.

"Come inside you two, Jun Min I have a game that I bought just for you to play okay? Your mom and I are going to talk in the kitchen, if you need anything please just tell me." Chen welcomed us into there clean house. Suho liked the color white a lot and you could tell...his house was almost all white. I remember Chen had to force him to add some sort of spice to it, and Uncle Suho being the whipped husband he is, obeyed. I sat down and played the game he got me which was brain age...I maybe smart Ilji but sometimes a child likes to play pokemon. 

  Chen and eomma talked for awhile (hours) before they came into the living room to have tea. Chen gave me a cup also and I sipped on it while I listened their conversation about pregancy.

Chen how far along are you? You're still in the 1st trimester right?

"Kyungsoo where did he get this information from?" Chen asked.

"He read a pregancy book and refused to put it down until he read all of it." Eomma answered.

"Did he read about the making of the baby?"

"The stork put the baby in the tummy the night after the special hug right?" Eomma asked me and I nodded with a smile.

Right now I am only a month..I have 8 more months to go

Can't wait to see him/her

Do you want to feel my tummy?

The baby doesn't even have legs it's like a sea horse...

You have learned well from me Jun Min

"I'm home" I heard Suho chime as he entered the living room and gave his spouse a kiss.

Ilji they are so cute! 

"Hey Jun Min I didn't see you in school today. Would you like to practice some lessons?" he asked.

"Give the child a break for peeps sake! Let's just have a calm discussion while we drink tea and play games, then later we could eat the spaghetti Kyungsoo and Jun-Min made okay?' Chen asked while winkning at Uncle Suho.

"Okay." He smiled.

Like I said before Ilji he is whipped.

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  We all ate and helped clean up before eomma and I got ready to leave. Suho had his hand wrapped around Chen's waist and Suho was whispering in Chen's ear.

"Jun-Min lets leave the couple alone." Eomma put on my jacket.

Are they about to pray?

"You could say that...but they aren't going to do anything holy...more like sinful" Eomma put on his jacket and we waved goodbye before getting into the car.

"When you get into the house I want you to get ready for bed because it's late, okay?" Eomma asked and I nodded. I wonder if appa is there..

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When we got out of the car we saw all the lights were turned off in the house...so Appa was sleeping. Good.  We entered the house but there was an eerie feeling...When I the lights there were alcohol bottles on the table....

Oh no appa was drunk

You should know when appa is drunk there's trouble. Appa is not a happy drunk like most people, He's an angry one. Angry drunks are always mad when under the influence of high amounts of alcohol. They usually end up screaming and fighting, which appa did.

"J-jun Min I want you to pack your things right now...we're going to Baekhyuns house." Eomma ordered. "Where is Jongin..." 

When I was about to go to my room appa stumbled into the living room with a bottle in his hand...we were too late.

"Where the hell were you b***h?!" He screamed while gulping down the last drops of a bottle.

"You don't talk to me like that!" Eomma shouted.

"I can talk to you however the f**k I want to talk to you you !"

"Don't. call. me.that." Eomma started trembling. I stood there frozen.

"..! ! ! !" He threw the glass bottle and it hit me in the eye. I fell to the floor in pain screaming and sobbing my eyes out.[tear stain] It hurt so much.

"Jun Min!" Eomma went to crouch down next to me but appa grabbed him by the wrist and started shaking him. "Let go of me Jongin! You evil bastard! You don't hurt your child!"

"Stop calling him my child. He is probably not my son you ." He spat and clenched eomma's wrist tighter. Eomma began to yelp in pain. Even though I was in pain I had to save eomma. I got up and ran over to where they were and I tried to break them apart even though I felt blood dripping from the side of my face.

"What do you think you're going to do?!" He let go of Eomma and pushed me into the book case. The pain from yesterday came back 50 times worst! The pain was unbearable [tear stain], I screamed again. "Shut up!"

"How dare you harm my baby!" I heard a slap and a body hit the floor. I felt myself getting picked up and I heard a door lock before getting put down.

"let me in Kyungsoo so I can kill you and your son!" I heard appa yell from the other side of the door. I was still on the floor sobbing as the stings on my back started to set in. Eomma was in the room quickly packing our bags trying to hold back tears. I heard his sniffles, which made me cry even more. Eomma lifted me up and put me on my feet.

"I know you're scared but we have to get to Baekhyun's house. You are soldier Jun Min. The enemy is out there and when I open the door you have to run as fast as you can to the car." I shook my head as tears were still falling down my cheek. Eomma wiped them away before saying "Please Jun-Min let's do this together." 

   I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. We were going to get through this. Together. Eomma held onto the door knob and we still heard appa screaming profanities on the other side. When he opened the door we immediately pushed passed appa and made a run to the front door. We were almost there until I felt a pair of hands wrap around my ankle and the next thing I knew I was on the floor.

Eomma don't leave me! is what I wanted to yell. Why is it so hard to talk?! Why Ilji?! [tear stain]

"Now I got you! when you go to heaven make sure you say hi to your s-" 

"Let go of him!" Eomma came back and grabbed me. He rushed to the car and put me in the passengers side. "Put your seat belt on."

"You two are so dead!" I heard appa yell from the front door...he was coming. Eomma ran to the drivers side and tried to start up the engine but it wasn't starting.

"C'mon C'mon!" Eomma said through tears. Appa was getting closer. 

Right when he was about to reach the car, the engine started and eomma stepped on the gas and we were finally away from the house. I watched eomma stare at the road blankly while sobbing....I failed to make him smile. [tear stain]

"I'm sorry I failed you as a parent." He started crying even more. His sobbing plus the pain in my back caused me to start crying. The car ride was filled with sniffles and tears. When we arrived at the Park house we rang the doorbell and Chanyeol was first to open the door.

"I'll get your bedroom prepared." He welcomed us in. This wasn't the first time this has happened. It happened roughly once a month on the 16th but it never ended up like this, usually it was just a huge verbal argument. Baekhyun came downstairs and immediatly broke out into a fit.

"Is that bastard still at the house? I'm going to kill him! " Baekhyun raged.

"please Baekhyun, you're going to wake up your kids." Eomma whispered.

"Kyungsoo, it's time for you to leave his sorry ! He's changed and he's not going to come back! Look what he did to Jun Min for heaven's sake! He has a black eye and bruises all over, he's bleeding! What is it going to take for you to leave? Jun Min's death?! You want him to be with-"

 Eomma broke out into tears once more but this was worst than the other times.Baekhyun quickly pulled eomma into an embrace.

"Shhh shhhh I'm so sorry I said that.Jun Min will be fine...calm down. let's just rest and talk about it in the morning....please don't cry." Baekhyun his hair.

"C'mon Jun Min we have to get you cleaned up." Eomma said.

"I'll go get the first aid kit." Baekhyun said before going into the kitchen.

    After 30 minutes of alcohol stings,bandaids, and ointment I was finally ready for bed. I had an ice pack over my left eye while tears were still streaming from the right. Eomma got into the bed and laid next to me.

"I'm so sorry I made you go through this, It's all my fault." Eomma was about to start crying again until I put my finger on his lip and shook my head. I got my note pad out and wrote.

It's not your fault...It's appa's, but please answer this one question.

He looked at me with teary eyes.

Why don't you just leave?

"B-because I-i still l-love him." he said before more tears started streaming. 

Ilji it hurts a lot to even write. I don't even know if I spelled everything correctly because my eye is bruised really bad...that's all I have...good night