A/N: The past week was a nightmare for me, so I'm afraid this story is a shipwreck. 

Nevertheless, I honestly worked hard to be able to write it. 

It is dedicated to lily191 who is one of the best people I have ever talked to!!

Everyone please read and don't hesitate to comment or request.

Chapter 4: Krishun

Sehun was bored.

Well, he was always bored.

But that particular winter day, with the snow falling outside the dorm’s window and Kris hyung trying to read some strange book, Sehun was particularly bored.

“Hyung, let’s play a game.” He put down his cup of hot chocolate -because according to the older man bubble tea would give him a sore throat in the winter- and suggested.

Kris raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up from his book.

“I’m reading, Sehun-ah. Not now.” He spoke in his deep voice, making Sehun cross his arms.

If Suho hyung had been there, he would have stopped whatever he was doing to entertain Sehun. Kris hyung wasn’t like that, though.  Sehun had realized as much by the way the Chinese Leader disciplined s.

Acting cute in front of him never worked and he scared Sehun sometimes when he glared really hard at him during practice. Suho hyung would have just patted Sehun’s back and proposed a break to regain his strength.

But Kris hyung glared at Sehun through the mirror, not even caring that Sehun was the youngest of the members, and told him to concentrate and work harder.

And just like in dance practice, the Leader of Exo-M was now ignoring Sehun and giving him half-frustrated looks over his book. Like it was no big deal that Sehun was bored.

Like Sehun himself was no big deal.

“Hyung!” Sehun wasn’t giving up so easily though. “You can read that book whenever you like, but when will you have a chance to be alone with your favorite dongsaeng again?”

“Tao is my favorite dongsaeng.” The highschooler felt his blood boiling at that answer.

“Fine. Then your second favorite.” Sehun was going to accept second place. Because he was mature and he didn’t need everyone to ‘dote on him’, despite what Jongin might say.

“Chanyeol is my second favorite.” Despite that, Kris hyung was being too much. To go as far as saying Sehun wasn’t even second place...

“Then what am I? Third ?!” The younger boy didn’t want to show his annoyance, but his precious pokerface was starting to crack.

“No. Third is Yixing, then fourth is Junmyun…” Sehun’s stoic expression broke completely, when his hyung looked up and started counting.

“Ok that’s it!” Sehun bolted up, angrily. “It is stupid that I’m not hyung’s favorite. Especially when I- when I try so hard and…”

“It is because hyung doesn’t know me enough. That’s why I’m not your favorite!” The highschool boy declared accusingly.

Once again Wu Fan hyung raised his eyebrows. “Why do you have to be my favorite, though?” He asked curiously. “Every other member adores you. Isn’t that enough?”

The Korean crossed his arms.

“That’s because I’m adorable.” He deadpanned. “I am handsome and tall and my body is good, but even though I look cool I can actually be very cute too. Plus my innocent character makes everyone want to take care of me.”

At least Kris hyung had the decency to lower his book and stop reading for a moment.

“Did you read that from a fansite, or something?” He laughed at the younger boy.

“It’s the truth.” Sehun defended. Fansites were very nice and accurate in their descriptions of his overflowing charisma and beauty.

“I see.” The Leader of Exo-M nodded and seemed ready to go back to his book when Sehun interrupted him again.

“If Kris hyung knew me better, he would like me the best.” The highschooler repeated confidently.

“So what do you suggest?” Completely giving up on reading, Kris hyung straightens up on his seat, expecting an answer.

“Let’s play ‘10 Questions’!” The Korean blurts out, smiling widely at the older man.

“How does that work exactly?” Wu Fan hyung asks in a tired tone, which makes Sehun even more anxious to prove himself to him.

“I ask 10 questions about you and you have to answer truthfully. Then, you ask 10 questions about me and I do the same. That’s how we’ll get to know each other.” It was pretty simple and the young boy wondered how could Kris, who already seemed to know everything, not know about this.

“Ok. Fine. Go ahead.” The blonde sighed.

Sehun already knew what he wanted to ask first. It had been going around in his mind ever since he first met Kris hyung.

“Why did you decide to be an idol?” He asked, his eyes watching the Canadian’s every move and expression.

“To be in the spotlight.” Kris hyung shrugged, easily answering the first question.

Sehun felt something stirring in his chest. He had expected this hyung to be blunt about it.

Wu Fan hyung wasn’t like Junmyun hyung and Chanyeol hyung and Luhan hyung, who became idols because they wanted to make other people happy. Or like Jongdae hyung and Baekhyun hyung and Kyungsoo hyung and Jongin, who did it because they loved singing and dancing.

Kris hyung, just like Sehun himself, had wanted to be famous. To have people admire him and scream his name.

The highschool boy had once felt too embarrassed to admit that he had such a selfish motive. However, upon meeting this hyung, who said it with no regret, he started feeling a little better for wanting to be famous.

Something in the way Wu Fan hyung said that he wanted to be in the spotlight, as he shrugged nonchalantly, made Sehun relax and feel happy about his selfish dreams as well.

“Who’s a better Leader, you or Junmyun hyung?” The boy sniggered a little, because he was aware of how proud his hyung was about his position as the Leader.

“Junmyun.” The older man surprised him by saying.

“Really?” Sehun gaped at him. “Why?”

“He’s good at taking care of people. And he’s very easy to talk to, so everyone just tells him all their secrets. I think my members have worries, but they always hesitate to talk to me about it.” The blonde’s expression didn’t change noticeably, yet Sehun still felt his tone becoming slightly depressed.

Suddenly, he felt like an idiot for asking something serious like that, during a silly game.

“Why do you always read books? Are you a nerd hyung?” He tried to lighten the mood.

“Is that one or two questions?” Kris hyung smirked, causing Sehun to look at him alerted.

“One. T-The first one.” He mumbled shyly.

“I read books to improve myself. Because I lack in many ways, I read to learn.” Sehun would easily swear that he couldn’t find one thing that Wu Fan hyung was bad at, but he still didn’t dare to counter the other’s words.

“Do you think you’re the most handsome in the group?” To be honest, the highschooler hadn’t been planning to ask that.

This was supposed to be a friendly game and here he was making it personal. Sehun couldn’t help it, though.

“Luhan is the prettiest. And Jongin is the most charming one.” Kris hyung replied, making the younger guy question his sincerity.

How could it be that the Canadian thought everyone was better than him? If Sehun was proud about his looks, then shouldn’t Wu Fan hyung be ten times more confident?

“You say it so easily; that others are better than you. Aren’t you ever jealous hyung?” The boy was starting to frown without quite registering the move.

“I know my own abilities. So why would I be jealous of others?” Apparently there was no question that his hyung found hard to answer, Sehun thought, forcing himself to think extra hard for the next one.

“Does hyung have a girlfriend?” It was kind of childish, but the boy was at the end of his wits.

“No.” Kris hyung shook his head apathetically.

“Then a boyfriend?” The younger guy felt his face heat up a little at the question, feeling more like he just confessed a secret of his own, than exposed someone else’s.

“No.” The answer was the same. However, Sehun could swear that he saw the other stiffening a bit as he replied.

“Don’t you feel lonely?” The highschooler pouted instinctively.

“I do. That’s why I have good friends.” Wu Fan hyung sipped from his coffee.

“Aish!” Sehun messed his hair. “It sounds like Kris hyung has everything figured out.” He whined under his breath, not even trying to suppress the disappointment.

The truth was, every time Sehun thought about the Leader and took mental notes about his character, he came to the conclusion that the two of them were very much alike.

But at those times when Kris hyung spoke like that, calmly and seriously, with all the right answers read and prepared in his head, Sehun saw just how big the distance between them really was.

Perhaps, he and this hyung had the same goals, yet Wu Fan hyung was mature and had everything planned out, whereas Sehun was still a shy, stuttering kid who needed other people’s praising to have some confidence.

 “What’s your ideal type?” Somewhere at the back of his head, the highschooler knew he was digging his own grave with these personal questions.

Still, his reckless mouth was saying whatever it pleased.

“And don’t tell me the things you say in interviews!” He added, pointing a warning finger at his hyung.

 “Ideal type, huh?” Wu Fan hyung stared at him for along moment, contemplating his answer.

“Just someone with understanding. A person who will love my talents and accept my flaws.” And the older man smiled a little, or maybe it was a smirk, and his eyes became crescent moons and his lips widened slowly into the smile. He looked like he was filming a commercial and whatever he was selling, Sehun was most definitely buying it.

Despite how dazed Sehun was, though, he couldn’t help but translate this reply into something else entirely.

And so his admiration was soon replaced by a pain at the pit of his stomach.

“Is that why hyung doesn’t like me?” He whispered. “Because I don’t understand him?”

The boy felt his whole face heat up as his hyung’s smile fell and the older man looked at him seriously.

“You’ve already asked your 10 questions.” The Leader pointed out. “This one is out.”

For some crazy, unfathomable reason, Sehun felt sad that he didn’t get a chance to be turned down, possibly in a very embarrassing way, by his favorite hyung.

“Oh…” Was all he managed to breathe out.

“Well, now it’s my turn.” Kris hyung closed his eyes, as if trying to concentrate.

“But the problem is,” He paused, knowing that the younger boy was hanging from his every word. “I already know all about Oh Sehun.”

At Sehun’s disbelieving look, Kris hyung began to explain.

“You’re a good dancer, mainly because you can’t possibly stay still for more than two seconds. You have a lisp, which makes you uncomfortable. You’re ambitious, but you don’t admit it. You act cute to get everyone to do whatever you want. Your tongue is out of your mouth more than it is acceptable. And the thing you’re most scared about is being ignored by people.” The Canadian listed in one breath, causing Sehun to wonder just how obvious he must have been for him to notice all that.

“You said that if I got to know you, I would make you my favorite.” He stated and Sehun would have nodded had he not been so shocked. “But I already know all that much and we’re still not that close to each other. What if, after finding out more, I end up disliking you?”

The highschooler bit his lower lip and urged himself to stop feeling so disappointed at those words. Besides, he already knew Kris hyung wasn’t an easy person to impress.

“Hyung won’t hate me. Because he knows I speak with an honest heart.” Sehun felt like the biggest loser for saying that. So much for being a cool idol who everyone would admire.

From the corner of his eye he could see the other frowning and he prepared himself for heartbreak.

Was Wu Fan hyung going to laugh at him for being cheesy and childish? Or was he going to scold him for confessing such shameful feelings?

Either way the Korean had gone too far this time.

“I’m offering my honest feelings.” And there was no turning back.

“Aren’t you being shameless, right now, Oh Sehun?” If his hyung had felt particularly disgusted by this confession, he didn’t show it. Instead, he tilted his head to the right and just stood there, all superior, unaffected and slightly teasing.

“I’ve always been shameless, didn’t hyung know?” Sehun bit back, facing his lap awkwardly.

The ghost of a smile appeared on the older man’s face. “Aah, yes.” He said slowly. “I knew it already. Oh Sehun is very shameless.”

Silence fell between them after that, making Sehun hold his breath in expectation.

“What I haven’t found out yet is how strong you are. So… how strong are you?” The boy thought it was a really stupid question. While he had thought well about what he should ask his hyung -at least before his feelings got the best of him- Wu Fan hyung was asking all sorts of random question that lead nowhere.

“Aren’t you answering?” The Leader leaned forward to observe Sehun better. “Then should I test your strength? I have a fist made of steel, just so you know.”

“I’m stronger than you think! Actually, I-I…” The highschooler raised his voice, offended. Then upon registering what he just said, he hurried to add in a whisper, “My body might not be very strong, but my heart is.”

“And you just wasted two questions like that…” He scoffed, trying to look extra cool about the other’s obvious mistake.

“It seems like I did. How stupid…” Kris hyung softly laughed at himself, making Sehun jealous again, because he was beautiful even when he giggled girlishly with his own stupidity.

“I’ll ask seriously then.” He announced, his humorous expression changing into a worried one.

You keep talking about your heart and you feelings, but what if it’s wrong?” The Leader looked pretty troubled by this.

“You mean if these feelings are wrong?” Sehun surprised even himself when he scoffed indignantly. “My heart isn’t bad hyung!”

As an insecure person, Sehun had doubted himself often; his looks, his motives as well as his personality. Yet, that side of him that only looked at Kris hyung and only cared for him, was never questioned. Something so natural and innocent couldn’t possibly be bad.

“A-And if I can’t accept it… y-your heart?” It was unexpected to hear the older man stuttering.

“You can.” Sehun glanced at his hyung, taking in his distraught expression and the sweat trickling down his forehead.

“And if I’m not allowed to accept it?” The Leader of Exo-M continued, tension building u in his voice.

“I’m allowing you.” The boy nodded reassuringly, but it didn’t seem to help, as Wu Fan hyung only shook his head in denial.

“If I say I don’t want to accept it?” The older guy asked, not even facing Sehun anymore.

“You’d be lying.” Frankly, Sehun didn’t know what made him so sure that this hyung cared for him. Before they had started this game, the highschooler thought Kris hyung disliked him. Now, though, it sounded stupid to say that.

Because Kris hyung had been willing to play along to Sehun’s stupid games and he had cared enough to notice all these things about Sehun’s character and on top of everything else, his eyes at that moment looked like something had set them on fire.

These were not the signs of apathy.

“You make everything sound so simple Oh Sehun!” The Canadian sighed exasperated.

“I told you I know everything about you already. You’re a student. You’re not an adult yet. You are my teammate. Someone like my younger brother. You’re also a guy. And I’m also a guy.” He said, standing up and pacing around the room, his back hunch, like he was carrying a huge burden. “Knowing all that, I can’t possibly see things as simply as you do.”

Sehun pushed his chair back and walked over to his hyung.

Perhaps he should be more worried about his heart jumping off his chest, but at that moment all he could think about was the blonde man in front of him. Wu Fan hyung seemed ready to jump off the eleventh floor, orpull out all his hair, or something dramatic and reckless like that.

“Hyung…” The boy called out, putting a hand on the other guy’s shoulder.

The Canadian stopped pacing momentarily to stare at him, fear and something else, something much like flames, burning in his eyes.

“You can’t go offering your heart to me, idiot.” Kris hyung said in a cracking voice. “Because I might not be able to stop myself and accept it someday.”

Sehun thought someone had just smacked him at the back of the head with a stone.

He widened his eyes and unable to do anything like walking away, or taking a step back, or even standing straight in those numb feet, he tightened his grip around the Leader’s shoulder, keeping himself steady.

“It’s okay, hyung... Even if it’s wrong, even if no one allows it, even if we can’t, it’s going to be ok. Cause my heart is honest.” He didn’t know the reason he was consoling the older man, when in fact he needed support himself.

Was it possible that by hearing all this, he could feel his hyung’s burden as well?

Sehun had been too innocent about it, really.

There were going to be problems, if Kris hyung accepted his feelings. Problems that the highschooler had not thought about.

Of course, the older man had seen trouble coming. That was why he kept reading books in front of Sehun and scolding him with every small, almost unnoticeable mistake he made in dance practice. Or so Sehun thought…

But what solution could they find about it.

The problems could not be fixed. There was no easy way.

So the only thing the boy could do was face it with strength and honesty.

 Suddenly, Sehun felt his hyung stop shaking under his touch.

Wu Fan hyung relaxed and raising a hand, caressed the back of the boy’s head, tenderly.

“I learnt something new today with this game.” He whispered, in a voice that sounded so sweet and beautiful that the Korean wanted to drown in it. “Oh Sehun is stronger than me.”

Sehun felt the infamous butterflies dancing in his stomach and his feet giving in to the stress and pent up feelings and buckling.

So it was fortunate that Kris hyung had already wrapped his arms around him, because otherwise he would have certainly landed on the floor, ridiculing himself again.

The hugs that Sehun had received from his hyung up till that day were always lacking. They were either hugging before a performance, or after getting some award, or bidding each other goodbye in airports, with every fans eyes on them.

All the other hugs were lacking, because they were not honest. Not tight and warm, like this. Most of the times everyone was hugging together, their arms wrapped around many people at a time. Sehun had felt infinitely annoyed by those half-hearted group hugs. Even more so with goodbye hugs.

But this was different.

Wu Fan hyung’s arms were only holding Sehun and there was no sweat, or makeup ruining their clothes, or tears of separation. And the boy was shamelessly burying his face in the crook of the Leader’s neck, trying not to breathe in to the scent that was only his hyung’s, because he’d hate to be called a ert.

This hug was different.

It was real connection, between only the two of them.

It was something Sehun had wished and dreaded since the first day he met Kris hyung.

“This is my honesty, Oh Sehun. How about it?” The hyung said and Sehun considered teasing him again for wasting his last question, but in the end he decided against it.

He pulled back and before Wu Fan hyung could protest, pressed his lips on the other’s.

It was to prove his own honesty, he explained, much later, after they broke the kiss to take some air.