11,264 WORDS. THIS IS A REALLY DAMN LONG CHAPTER, CHEESUS. DOUBLE UPDATE, BUT ALL IN ONE CHAPTER, YOU'RE WELCOME  >.<   *read all author's note below.

Nichkhun's POV

We sit on the bench, eating our lunch in silence. Well, I've eaten. I finished quite a while ago. But, Qian? That's another story...

Her food sits in front of her, sealed and untouched. Her hands lie on her lap, fiddling idly, as if waiting for the moment they'll be useful. She's facing me, but her eyes are directed at a spot on the table in front of us. I follow her gaze for the umpteenth time, and my eyes land yet again on her mobile phone, resting on the bench.

And as always, the screen remains blank. 

I sigh. She doesn't move.

Qian's been like this since we first arrived here. Still, unmoving and silent. Her gaze hasn't moved. She hasn't spoken. And it's killing me.

She held up pretty well for the whole of the morning, especially considering our early wake up time. A whole hour more than she would've had otherwise. I saw her glance at her phone now and then in practise, her behaviour still indifferent. But her expression has slowly been dropping throughout the day, her hope drifting away, along with her facade. 

It's today. It's the day. It's now...

And she hasn't heard from him. No phone call, no message. Not a peek. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but as I lock my gaze on the phone with the blank screen, I know what I do feel. I'm going to kill him.

God so help me if I ever come across this , I am going to put him through an equal amount of pain that he has put her through. Just in a more violent manner. 

Still, he isn't here now. And there is absolutely no point in getting wound up about it. Especially when we have a show case with barely a few days to spare. 

But that doesn't mean I can bring myself to say anything to her. It's her right, and it's what I'd expect, some emotion. But this numbness? It's awful. Any emotion, sadness, crying, heck she could laugh in relief for all I care, just something to tell me she isn't closing up. I respect her life being her choices, but at what point does it become my obligation to stop this?

Ten minutes straight pass, and I decide it's now or never.

I open my mouth to say, I don't know what, anything, but am interrupted.

"Q-"

Her phone immediately goes off, and I'm forced to stop my words, as her hand dives forward, collecting her phone and answering it, before pressing it to her ear. I look up to her expression, hopeful, but hesitant and wonder how I should be feeling.

"Yoboseyo?"

I watch, counting the seconds, before her expression falls from hopeful to numb again, and watch as a little spark goes out in her eyes.

"Li Jie," she murmurs, still faint happiness in her expression.

Lian. 

Of course, she must be worried about Qian. 

I thank Lian silently, yet again, for helping Qian and therefore, myself. If I'm as worried as I am, Noona must be having trouble not jumping the fence and coming to Qian's aid. 

"Huh, oh yes, yeah, I'm fine," Qian says, her eyes trailing around the garden in which we sit. Not the normal place, just the first quiet bench we could find.

She isn't meeting my eyes either. But I understand. I can't let my feelings get in the way right now.

"Nichkhun?" her eyes flicker in my general direction, and it hurts just a little. "Yeah, he's here. Sure."

She hands the phone over to my wordlessly, her gaze set behind me some where. Her large bunny eyes, one of the first things I ever really noticed about her, glisten slightly, but stayed fixed in their position. I try to reach out for the phone, I really do. But my arm isn't obeying my request. Instead, I just stare at her, the pain growing with every second she ignores me. 

Finally, after noticing my hesitance to take the phone, she looks up to me. I automatically catch her eyes, and smile a soft, sad yet reassuring smile. She stares at it for a second, before attempting to return the favour. But it looks painful, and it doesn't take a genius to see that. Satisfied for now at least, I take the phone.

"Yoboseyo?"

"Nichkun, how are you?" she says, her voice missing the certain element of teasing it always has when she speaks to me. I know immediately she is all business. I glance over to Qian, but she's only half here, staring into space again. Still, I stand up, and walk a little away from the bench. "How is she right now?"

"Sh-"

"She's been staring at her phone all morning, hasn't she?"

"It-"

"But he hasn't called, has he?"

"N-"

"She hasn't even spoken to you, right?"

"Wel-"

"You've moved away from her right? I doubt she'd be listening any way."

"Yeah-"

"Ah, I shouldn't have let her in school," Lian pauses at last, and I wonder whether her family really are some type of geniuses. They are so very observant, it's slightly scary.

I wait for her to add anything, glancing over to a still only subconscious Qian and moving a little further from the bench, but it seems she really is done this time.

"Noona, she's empty," I murmur worriedly, knowing Lian will understand my words.

"I should've kept her at home," she mutters, stronger than the last time.

"Li Noona, you can't just shelter her inside. You know she's strong, more than anyone else. And you also know that she has her assessment which could potentially alter her future, coming up very soon. You knew what you were doing."

Theres a pause but it's broken by her sigh. We both know Lian did the right thing. But it's very easy to question your own actions.

"Yes, you're right... she had to be in school..."

"It's okay Noona," I say, shifting on my feet and glancing back to a still oblivious Qian. "I'll look after her."

"... I know you will Khunnie," she sighs, her tone lightening just a little. "It's not your effort I'm worried about."

There's another pause, as we both silently ponder, almost having an unspoken conversation.

"... Noona," I say, though I try to stop myself. "Do you think he'll come back?"

Hesitance.

"If he is still the same as he was he'll do anything in his power to see her again."

I exhale at the finality in her words.

"But... he may've changed. A year might not mean so much in the long run, but it is a long time. He's been nothing but the heir to a family business for the past year. His priorities may have changed."

"Hm," I acknowledge doubtfully.

"But seriously, there could be many other reasons, and he may not come back at all," she says truthfully. "If not the first, he may have matured, well he was already mature. But he may've become less selfish. Being a way from her for a year must've made him see that he could move on, both of them could. Any one can move on, we all have the ability, other just subconsciously prefer not to. Even if his love has grown stronger, it could be even further reason to leave Qian pain free. Then again, he may decide he's grown up they've had their time to cool down, and now is the time to make it work. He could have even been forced to stay behind by his family..."

I nod again, as if she can see me. 

Lian has ideas, but it's very clear she doesn't know for sure. It could go either way, though she seems to linger on the fact he will return if he can.

But, then where is he?

 "He has her number," she stated. "He still will have kept it. She hasn't changed it, she hasn't changed a thing. He could talk to her if he wanted to."

I groan, for her pain, for this complication. I'm beginning to forget who I was before Qian came into my life. It's all beginning to feel suffocating, way too much drama, tolerance and hurting for a group of teenagers.

But then, Qian doesn't have the mentality of a teenager. And Changmin is 19.

"I guess there's nothing more we can do... there's no way we could stop her waiting, and it isn't anyone else's decision any way. All we can do is stand by her and be there if she falls."

I sigh. She's right I know.

I sneak a glance at Qian.

But that's not enough for me. 

"I'll do what I can," I promise Lian.

"I know... Thank you Khunnie. You and I are about the only ones who can even support her for now."

"I know," I reply, reassuringly. 

"Good... well I better leave you to your lunch. Not long now," she lightens her tone again.

"Yeah, see you Noona... do you want to speak to Qian?"

"Hm, I pretty sure you've got it from here," I can hear her smile.

I smile, recognising her hint. She trusts me. I doubt her trust is a very easy thing to gain.

"Thanks," I say, knowing she will understand my subtlety.

"See you Khunnie," she chuckles.

"See you," I grin, hanging up as I hear the blunt tone.

I turn off the phone screen, before slowly turning back to Qian. Nothing has changed from the last time I looked. She still sits still, unmoving and emotionless. Still, even as she is, she is beautiful. Even with bags under her eyes and dark circles, her wrinkled brow and her wavy hair. She still takes my breath away. 

How did I not notice her before?

As soon as I think the question I have an answer. She wasn't... an option. Why would I let myself know more about her if she could never be anything to me...

Old me was wiser.

I grin to myself. That whole policy went out of the window as soon as I got close to her. 

I walk back to the bench placing the phone down in front of her stoic face. It was painful to see a beautiful lady in this state. I couldn't make Changmin pick up the damn phone and call the 'love of his life', but I sure as hell was going to do everything in my power to see the girl so close to my heart smile again. 

Not that that will happen any time soon, but I would shelter her, look after her, and protect her whilst she herself is unable, until I could see that again.

After all, I sacrificed what I wanted a long time ago. I decided to put my feelings aside. And that is the way it has to be now.

Still, as I sit down with her again, analysing her stony features, I have to force myself to not reach forward and take her under my wing, look after her and fix her myself. Because I know I can do it, if only she would let me... 

But this is just the way things are. And right now, I know, whether consciously or subconsciously, it is not me Song Qian is craving. 

The finality of this fact tugs at something in my chest as I stare at the girl I've wanted now for so long, and yet have to wait on, for what is seeming scarily close to forever.

Soeun's POV

"... And the rice is just plain bland, not to mention a little over cooked, plus have you tasted the meat," Yoonah rants. "I mean did they buy it in a tin or what? How long has it even been sitting in the store room? Ew... do you think it's processed?!"

Yoonah pushes her tray away from her side of the picnic table, with the tip of her finger in disdain, whilst I just watch amused at her diva- face.

"Ew."

I chew the rice that's in my mouth less enthusiastically as she details how disgusting it is... I didn't think it was bad. But then again, Yoonah is a little bit of a freak about her diet. You know, it ties in with the whole perfection appearance; a good diet means healthy skin, good weight, thick hair - all things that re vital in your presentation of yourself. She has always been particularly picky about what she ate, or she wouldn't eat it at all, especially giving her aspiration to be a model. Food has to be good for you, well prepared and presented nicely.

This is the Yoonah who has been out of touch for a while. And I missed her.

"It's not that bad," I argue, sticking my chopsticks in quickly and stuffing in some food.

"Yah," she mumbles, but chews it any way. 

"You're skinny enough already," I riposte. "You have to eat something."

Silence, and a little sulking, as she shifts around opposite me.

"I miss Omma-unnie's food," she pouts finally, swallowing reluctantly, and retrieving her tray and cutlery.  

I giggle. Yes, she has all these reservations about eating, but that isn't usually a problem, as Qian makes her lunch every day. Back a couple of years ago she never used to eat lunch, or she would buy it to make it look like she did, but end up chuckling it all away. She lost a lot of weight, to the point she was unhealthy. I don't think she really meant to, but sub consciously she was malnourished. She was assumed anorexic by her doctors but I doubt that was true; she wasn't against eating. All food made her feel sick, simply cause she wasn't used to eating it... and it may have had something to do with her insecurities. Plus, she can't cook. It was for this very reason Qian took matters into her own hands.

I mean, who could call Qian's food sub standard?

It did the job, and Yoonah was soon healthy again. 

Unfortunately today isn't just any day, and Qian hasn't made any food... I doubt she's even eaten herself. Yoonah of course had assumed last night that she wouldn't see unnie today, and would have no time to prepare anything, as well as the special circumstance. The school had stated that they would be providing food for this day free, so we took advantage of their buffet. I don't mind the food, but I'm a little insensitive to all this cooking stuff. All I know is that Qians cooking is the best I've ever tasted, and the schools is average. 

"Sooo," Yoonah chews her food, making a face as she does so, but continues any way, sitting up straight and pristine.

"Nehhhh?" I ask, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of the sun shine beating down on my skin

I'm glad the two of us decided to sit outside today, alone. No Taecyeon-ssi... or other guests. Not that I mind him. Taecyeon-ssi that is.

"Where did you disappear to yesterday?" 

I freeze mid chew. She giggled.

I look over to her. She just smiles angelically.

"So," I swallow my food after a few more seconds. "You noticed that then..." 

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I noticed." Diva.

Erm... how to answer...

"You and Junho went to get food and then...?" she prompts, expertly separating the dishes on her tray, as if we aren't talking about anything of any importance.

Truthfully, not much had happened when Junho had suggested we leave together. We sat together outside, basically in silence, we ate and the bell went quickly. The only communication we had, was him asking me how I was doing, and if I was ready for the show case.

And that's it.

Seriously. He didn't jump me. He didn't flirt. He didn't even smirk. Oh, and I had finally realised, by the end of lunch, why his words seemed strange when he addressed me.

"Hi Soeun." "What about you Soeun?"

He'd abandoned his nickname. No more 'Princess'. He hadn't called me it, not once over the course of two days, despite a lot of communication, or rather opportunity for communication. Some thing had changed as well, between us. I just don't know what it is.

It's not like he's a different person within two days, because his interaction with his group, and even my group like with Yoonah yesterday, is the same. The way he treats me has changed. Oh, and also the lack of physical contact. He was acting completely like a friend... a quiet one. The only thing, was that over the course of lunch I had looked up a few times to find him gazing at me. But he didn't hold the eye contact like he usually would. In fact, he dropped it immediately.

We did talk yesterday... a little. But it was always me talking, and him adding to the mix every now and then. It was... weird.

So there you go. Now, how to explain that to Yoonah, or any one in fact...?

"Princess?" 

HUH?!

My head shoots up at the word, as the word I haven't heard for while is pronounced fully and properly.

Princess... Princess.

I'm hit with an instant longing, as my gaze scans the area desperately, my mind still comprehending the tone.

Princess. His voice echoes in my mind, as I instantly recall all the times he had used that nick name. My heart strings tug.

"Princess," I mime, tracing the word with my lips, as the sudden yearning hits me again.

I knew he had stopped saying it, but I didn't know I missed it until now.

My searching and slightly desperate eyes finally finish their analysis of the area, giving up on their search for him. It's quite obvious he isn't here.

Why would he be? It wasn't even his voice.

Still, I feel a pang in my chest as I note this fact.

My gaze is quickly redirected, as I hear a giggle, pulling me out of my stupor. My eyes land on Yoonah, and I stare at her in confusion.

"What?" I ask, unsure of what just happened, and just a tad disoriented from an echoing whisper. Still.

Yoonah's watchful gaze stares right back at me.

"Princess," she confirms with a smile. "It's what he calls you right? He manages to get your attention, so I thought I'd try."

My mouth opens and closes as she stares at me just a few more seconds, before she drops her gaze and sets about doing her own thing, as if she doesn't know the reaction she just triggered.

"Who?" I ask after a few minutes, blinking at her.

Yoonah had turned to her bag at some point, and was now ruffling through it, seemingly searching for something. She replies, waving her hand at me as if to disregard my question.

"Oh, you know, Junho."

I just stare at her, my surprise eventually wearing off, as she seems to locate whatever she's looking for. 

"Right," I nod, settling back in my place, after realising I have leaned forward.

"It's cute," she giggles, lifting her hand mirror and analysing her features, and rubbing her lips together before popping them out in a pout. 

"Hm," I nod, analysing the wooden picnic bench at which we sit.

"Much better than 'babe'," she nods, distractedly. "Sweet and coupley."

"Aniya," I shake my head. "It isn't like that... it's like an ongoing joke." I struggle to explain.

"Whatever," she shrugs with a smile, combing through her hair with her hand, and re-parting it. "It's much more special, unique."

I open my mouth to gloss this over, but then stop.

Special?

"Special?" I voice, wanting emphasis. "Special how?"

She glances away from the mirror, furrow her brow.

"It's special," she confirms. "It shows they've put some thought into you, whether conscious or subconscious. Somewhere alone the line, they think more about you than just any other girl."

"It's only a nick name," I reason, frowning.

"No," she shakes her head. "It's an endearment."

I stare at her as I absorb this.

.... An endearment?

 "Boys don't just take the time to find an endearment for just any girls. Trust me. Why would they bother if the girl was just one of many? The girl must mean something."

I'm speechless as I take this in, listening attentively.

"Think about it," she reasons, her eyes dropping back to the mirror. "Even a nickname straight away sets the girl apart from the crowd for them. It's not even for the girls benefit, it's a literal separator; separating that girl from the crowd. Boys are dumb like that; it's like they like reminding themselves that you're special. Not just one of their girls, many or few, depending who the boy is. Why would the boys wanna call a girl they plan to use anything special? Granted, some guys may use nicknames to lull them in, but Junho doesn't seem like the type. I've never heard him call the girls around school anything other than their name. Plus, it makes it obvious to the girl that he isn't interested in them, not really."

I blink. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Her words make me think back to the morning he awoke confuse in my room, and called his friends. Though the day tugs at my heart for other reasons, I distinctly remember him making an alibi of being at some girls house... In fact he mentioned a number of girls, and so did his friends.

I ignore my instant drop in mood, even further so, as I try to remember how he referred to them. That must disprove Yoonah.

Babe? Baby? Something?

I can't remember...

B- B-... BO RA! That was it. Bo Ra... Mi Hae... Na Ra... and...

"In fact," she added, interrupting my thoughts. "He probably wouldn't even know half the girls names he saw. That would just make it even more special when he decides to refer to a girl by hiss own name, especially for her."

And.... 'Some Girl At The Club'.

I remember suddenly, as if proving her point. He didn't remember her name. He didn't even have a word to refer to her by.

"A nickname. Yeah." she nods distractedly. "Definitely special, especially for a guy like Junho."

I find my words failing me, as I try to reply. 

I watch as she frowns suddenly at her reflection, reaching bag into her bag quickly, and pulling out her lip balm, before redirecting her gaze to the mirror. I smile a little at her mirror face. She holds still as she applies it, two or three times, before pouting again, and finally nodding. Perfectionist. She pats her hair once, before throwing the lip balm back into her bag, and tucking the mirror away.

Yoonah looks back to me expectantly. "Soooo?"

"Huh?" I ask.

"What happened!" she reminds me, widening her eyes in amusement.

"Ohhh right," I remember her question. "Well, nothing really. We came back after buying lunch, and saw you two high school sweet hearts having a moment. I didn't feel like intruding, and I guess he didn't either, since he suggested we go and leave you guys alone. So I agreed to go some place else and eat." I shrug, nonchalantly. 

"Ah, you guys went 'some place else' alone," she nods in understanding, suggestively so.

"Ani," I chuckle at her raised eyebrows despite myself. "We just sat outside, barely speaking."

"Oh yeah, and what else did you do?"

"Ate," I reply, checking my nails.

"What about that whole big gap after eating in silence?" she pushes.

"There was no gap," I turn my eyes to her truthfully. "By the time we had bought our food, walked back to you, and then away and finally found an empty bench, there was no time left. In fact, we sat on the grass, every one had taken the benches, and our bench was on the other side of the garden. There were like fifteen minutes to eat in the end and that's what we did." 

"Oh," she pouts, finally having given all her attention to me. "Well... That's boring."

"Hm," I smile distractedly. "I guess it is."

There's a silence that lasts a few seconds, as we each take a bite of our lunch.

"So," I finish my mouth-full. "What about you and Taecyeon? That didn't seem very boring, definitely not from where I was standing yesterday."

"Boring isn't a word I would use to describe it either," she grins, her eyes practically turning into hearts right in front of me. "Taecyeon is the opposite."

I smile widely as she speaks, her eyes melting, and her stiff and perfect posture faltering, as she falls into a whole other world talking about that guy. 

I chuckle at her words as she continues, wondering what that boy has done to my diva-queenka-perfectionist best friend, to make her turn the complete opposite. Light and carefree. But whatever it is, I'm glad her came along when he did. I listen eagerly, yes, but as she goes on, my mind begins to wonder to her previous words.

A nickname, Princess, setting me apart from the others? That was the exact opposite of what I had accused him of yesterday.

I told him to stop treating me like one of his girls. Stop assuming I'm one of the crowd. Don't mix me with your fangirls.

On the other hand, from what Yoonah says, he is doing the exact opposite. But no, she must be wrong. There's no way he was treating me any different, he was only in this for himself, not caring how it affected me. She must be wrong...

But... Yoonah is never wrong about this kind of thing. She may not be extremely observant and deductive, like Qian, but she's very well versed in the world of boys. That was her aim after all, for all this time with her searching and going through each boy in a trial an error method, just looking for the right one, she learnt how boys think, or at least managed to class them into categories. Yes, there is very little chance she could be wrong.

So, does that mean I'm wrong? 

I think deeply as she speaks, only half listening to her mushy love tale

I remember the first time we really met. He walked me home.

He was flirting. That was what he was doing.

Something along the lines of a woman of my beauty, blah, blah, more-player-talk. That was what he had said, after smoothly slipping his hand into mine. He then had followed it up by introducing himself, and winking like I should be swooning and falling head over heels.

I remember my irritation. See, Yoonah must be wrong. He put me down as a air head straight away.

But...

Before that... 

"Are you okay?" he asked, having pulled my wrist so I was facing him.

"I-," my words were cut off as my knees gave in shocking us both.

Luckily Junho was still gripping my wrist, so I only ended up wobbling rather than falling flat on my face. Junho smiled reassuringly, as he placed an arm over my shoulders, pulling me beside him, so I could lean on him for support. 

"I guess that's a no," He smiled.

I had just stood, blinking and surprised at my own lack of stability, before managing to piece my thoughts back together. "I'm okay."

But Junho's arm kept me next to him. "What kind of gentleman would I be, letting a young woman of your beauty walk alone in the dark?" He smiled, resulting in me staring blankly at the floor, trying not to blush.

"What are you doing out any way? You shouldn't be alone..." he frowned to himself, before turning back to me...

He was concerned. The first emotion he treated me with was concern. Sure he had moved on to the game later on, but i distinctly remember him dropping it after my not-so-subtle hint.

By the end of the night I was warm, and a little too excited having seen a side of him that I doubted many had.

Seen another side. I had seen another side. But... before I had assumed, taken as solid fact that he had only shown me one side of him, the side he showed to everyone. Why would he bother showing me anything else? He had though. His care, his concern, his genuine interest... it was all there. 

But, that's different. He is a boy, and I'm a girl who was basically scared and walking home. It doesn't take an amazing human being to be walking a young woman home, when she would otherwise be unaccompanied.

My increased heart rate slows a little as this reassuring explanation settles. Junho walking me home, doesn't mean a thing. I shouldn't even be thinking about this, it's irrelevant. It's an exclusive event, and I just happened to be that girl who was scared and walking home. It could've been any one else.

This is stupid.

Shaking my head, I turn around to focus my attention on Yoonah again, who is now smiling contently, gazing at her phone.

"Yoonahaaa," I call, hiding my laughter. "Taecyeon?"

"Taecyeon," she confirms, as a wider smile spreads across her face.

Ah, love. My middle ground maybe shifting just a little. With all this evidence around me, what with Jieun skipping through fields with Wooyoung, Qian struggling with the strength of this emotion, and Yoonah falling truly for the first time, right in front of my eyes, how can I doubt the existence of an emotion as strong as love? Still not sure about the whole 'there's someone for everyone'. I've yet to find my other half apparently, and these false alarms are getting annoying.

I'm not gonna deny liking Junho, cos I know he possesses a heart racing factor. But that doesn't mean I can't control it. It's a crush; that simple. I'm not in this complicated route named love, and I don't intend to be. I can control what happens to me, as long as I recognise it and take action.

"He is just checking up on me," she tucks her phone back into her pocket, smiling at me.

"Aw, sweet," I chuckle.

"Yeahh," she grins. "Like that nickname."

"Yooonnnaaa," I whine, knowing that she's completely a