“You’re free now. I don’t ever want to see you anymore. Let’s end everything.”

I wanted to reach out to him, but he was already out the door before I could say anything. The rain was pouring madly, I would have laughed out loud but I don’t think I can laugh, at least, not anymore.

The line has been drawn. He let me go, he left me . . . just like that.

I’m free now. But a part of me doesn’t want to be free. What was the point in for all the pain we both went through? What was the point in hurting everyone around us? We tried our best to heal from the wounds we caused each other but it seems like we just caused more damage. We didn’t accomplish anything other than sleepless nights and fights with no end.

We only stripped each other and revealed each other’s ugliness.

“There’s nothing left to do.”

“Everything’s over now.”

“You can’t fix this anymore Dara.”

My friends kept telling me. But I think I lost something. 

I’m hurting, so much. That living seems more like a curse. I’m going through hell. But I can’t seem to cry.

Why can’t I cry?

I can’t stay here in Korea. At least, not until I fix myself, not until I’m finally okay. Not until I finally find myself again.

I’ve been writing for days now. Writing. Writing. Writing. I don’t think I can stop myself. I badly want to pour all my soul to the words I’m writing. It has become my life line, my salvation. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to remember.

I just want to forget.

Oh God, I’m pretty sure, the moment he uttered those words, my heart stopped the moment he walked out on me. I’m like a scarecrow, I’m standing all by myself.