Two years later,

            Incheon International Airport

The sky looked perfect. It’s been a year since I left Korea. While waiting for my baggage I can’t help but smile. Nothing has changed. The usual hustle and bustle in the airport still amazes me, everyone around me has a story, if only I could talk to all of them and know their story so I could write about them. In a way, my love for airports is still intact. I chuckled at the thought. A hint of animation touched my heart as I saw a little girl being embraced by her father.

It’s been a while.

I could still remember the conversation I had with Cha Daewoong who recently got divorced with his wife. They were together for 25 years, only to find out that his wife was cheating on him. He just got back from Chicago to finalize their divorce.

“So you’re coming back to Korea permanently?” asked Daeoong.

“I’m not sure, I guess, it depends.”

“Let me guess,” I smiled at him and urged him to go on. What were his chances of getting the right answer? “The way you raise your chin, as if you’re ready to face any challenge, while holding back a mixture of hopefulness and worry and fear that you’re holding back. I know that expression dear. I always see it whenever I look at the mirror.”

“I still love him, but, he ended it.”

“Well dear, let me tell you, no matter what kind of love it is, it all changes after time passes. Maybe, it’s time for you to move on.”

I didn’t say anything and shifted the conversation back to him. Looking back, I now know what I should have said to Daewoong, “I know my heart well, and I know it won’t change. It will always beat for him even if his won’t beat for me.”

While I was traveling, I met a man named Kevin, he told me about soul mates an old Texan man who always goes to India to meditate, he said, “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.” (*Eat.Pray.Love)

I couldn’t agree more, because for me, Jiyong is my soul mate. And I would never forget about him. I can’t. A huge portion of my being would always love him.

I was already outside the airport and rode a taxi to go to Bom’s place, where I would stay for a while. As soon as I arrived at her doorstep, her eyes watered with tears and hugged me tightly.

“Dara . . .  You stupid fool. You finally came back.” She cried harder.

“Yes, I’m finally back.” She ushered me inside and I noticed that she was reading a book while waiting for me.

“Yah, you should give me an autograph, you’re finally a world renowned author.” She said proudly while wiping her tears.

I’ve always dreamt to be an author. It was a dream that kept me alive. After Jiyong broke up with me, I devoted my time in writing. It became my distraction. And it was a good one.

“So, what’s your plan? You do know that –“

“I’ll go first to my book signing, then, who knows . . .  I might even go there”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Nah, I can handle it..” I smiled, hopefully, I sound brave enough.

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Dolce Vita

            I was walking at his parents resort and liked the whole concept. It was contemporary chic, it screamed Jiyong. I felt a stabbing pain when I saw him. He was talking with one of the staff, he looked more solid and tough, and he even looked taller. His expression was fierce and stubborn. When he noticed me, I noticed that his eyes changed a lot. He walked towards me, and smiled.

“How are you?”

It took me a while to find my voice. “I’m fine. . . Are you sure its okay for me to be here?” I asked unsure of my self.

“Of course it’s alright. Past is past right? Besides, you’re the big shot now.” He said jokingly. I don’t know how to react. It would have been better if he was scowling or cold or indifferent. I’m not sure on how to approach a welcoming Jiyong. On my way to the resort, my mind made multiple scenarios but none of those scenarios were close enough to the way he was treating me right now. He started showing me around and half the time I wasn’t paying attention. I felt my phone vibrate and when I saw who the caller was, I groaned inwardly.

“Ji, I’ll just answer this call for a bit.”

“Sure, go ahead.” He said smiling and took out his phone.

“Dara, I heard you’re here in Korea, wanna meet up?”

“I won’t be staying long here. I’ll be leaving the following day so I’m not sure if I can meet up with you Hae.”

“Oh. Okay then. But can you at least tell me what time your flight is?” DongHae asked persistently.

“Fine, I’ll text you. I’m kinda busy right now.”

After ending my conversation with DongHae, I saw Jiyong smiling. “Well, one of your suitors?”

“I guess you could say that.” I said, not wanting to give away anything. A tiny bud of hope still lives inside me.

“Well, I guess, it’s about time. It’s been a year Dara. You know I’m happy for you right?”

But I don’t want you to be happy for me. I want you to be happy WITH me. “Yeah, I know. I’m happy for you too.” Then, as if on cue, his wife along with his baby arrived.

“Jin-ah, you do know Dara right?”

“Of course, I love her book.” Their baby started crying and Jiyong carried it like it was the most wonderful treasure in the world. Looking at him, I started wondering, what if it was our baby he was carrying? Would he also look like that? I looked away at Jiyong who was cooing baby and smiled at Jin-ah. Jiyong’s wife.

They got married last year and she recently gave birth. “What’s the baby’s name?”

Jiyong then looked at me sheepishly and smiled. Jin-ah smiled, “Well, if it’s okay with you, her name would be Kwon Sandra. . . We altered your name a little. Jiyong was really adamant for our baby to be named after you.” I looked at the blushing Jiyong and smiled.

I smiled, “Of course I don’t mind. I’m beyond honored. Anyway, I need to get going guys. I still have lots of people to visit.” I smiled and kissed both of them in the cheeks. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

I was about to open my car when I heard Jiyong calling me. “Dara!”

“Hey Ji . . . What’s up?”

“Hey Dee, about 2 years ago, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I know it would never be enough, but I hope you’ll forgive me, and I hope you find someone who would love you better.”

 I don’t want someone better, I want you. But I know it’s not possible.

“Its alright Ji. . . You taught me a lot of things. I already forgave you. Well, you could help me find someone.” I said jokingly. “Hey, I really need to go, I promised Yg Appa to eat with them tonight.”

“Take care Dara. Come by sometime, you’re always welcome here.” He said.

I got in my car and waved goodbye. After driving for a few kilometers it got harder to drive as tears stung my eyes making it impossible to drive. I stopped driving and started crying like a fool. I noticed a scarecrow in the field, I’m just like that scarecrow. I stand alone even after everyone left.

I would always look out for him but can never be with him ever again.

It was already dark and the stars were twinkling, but not even the beauty of the night sky can take away the pain I feel right now. For the past two years I wished ardently that he would come back to me, but seeing him so happy made me happy.

I can’t forget him. I’m a fool, I already know that. But I’m a fool who would always want him to be happy and if it means that his happiness won’t ever be with me, then I’ll let it go. I guess, Pablo Neruda was right when he said love is so short, forgetting is so long. 

I won't regret the time I had spent with Jiyong. Those years with him a long time ago would always be a part of me. 

I'll always love him. Nothing can change that.

But not for now, I’ll love him but only as a bystander. I’ll be his scarecrow that would watch over him until I finally find someone who would do the same for me. As I dried my tears, I started my car again and drove away filled with hope. 

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Hey there. 

Just a short one shot. I'm trying to improve my writing, so I hope you guys comment. :)

Thanks for reading~!

xxoo Budi007