Love has many ways of coming to a person. It can come in the form of loss, new beginning and sometimes even purely by accident. Though, the best kind of love, seems to come suddenly and it picks you up right after you have fallen into a million broken pieces. One heart can heal another simply by giving it purity, sincerity and warmth. Much like how the elements can give so much of itself to a flower.

He was everything I had ever wanted more amazing than anyone I was going to meet; surely. I was wrong. Love always goes wrong, one way or another, that, I did not know. I was young, madly in love and nothing else mattered but “us”. I loved him, and he loved me; or so I thought. Of course, everything that is good always comes to an end far too soon. He suddenly became busy all too often, not able to make time for me when I needed him. In the end, I spent my time with his best friend.

‘Sorry’ he would say, ‘I still love you,’ he would add at the end. I always believed it. That all changed one day when I saw him walking across the street, with her. Typical. There was always a third person. It’s how most love stories end is it not? It didn’t take much for my heart to ache like a million knives were slowly stabbing it, the part of my soul that I had given him wholeheartedly.

***

“Toni ah,” I turned to look at the concerned face that was staring at me.

“Hmm?” I asked, looking at him like as if I hadn’t spent the last twenty minutes reminiscing about the past, and how much I hated his best friend.

Yes, it was his best friend I used to love, but now it was him that I was with. Jae Joong comforted me for days on end after I lost track of myself. He cared for me; he held the falling parts of me together with ease and not complaints. I can still remember waking up in his arms after I had cried myself to sleep and until my eyes were sore and bloodshot. He treated me as if I was the most precious thing he had ever received, like as if I was a new born baby he had adopted.

Often, I questioned his sincerity, not out loud, but deep down. But it was like as if he knew about my doubts, he would always answer with four simple words, “Because I Love You.” Those words were enough for me. Whether they were true or not, I didn’t care, because he was holding me together, and that was all that mattered.

“Toni ah, you need to answer me.” Jae Joong demanded as I had once again slipped into dream land.

“Sorry,” I said and looked at the magazine he was holding up to my face.

“Your choice,” I finally answered confidently.

Jae Joong chuckled and shook his head, “I’m asking if you mind paying for me, I don’t have any cash with me.”

“Oh,” I gave a small giggle and pulled out my wallet.

I paid, thanked the shopkeeper and looked over at Jae Joong. He was immersed in another with the magazine I had just bought tucked under this arm.

“Come one bookworm,” I said as I tugged his shirt before walking out the door.

Jae Joong quickly shoved his magazine into his brown leather shoulder bag and caught up to me. I felt his fingers weave their way into mine, as he pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. He smiled at me cheekily and I poked my tongue at him.

The autumn leaves were falling steadily from the east as we strolled along the lively streets, looking at the shop displays through the window. The sky was a magnificent swirl of reds and oranges. Everything was perfect and I prayed that it all might stop and I could be frozen eternally in such a time and place. Suddenly, Jae Joong’s hand stiffened around mine and he quickly pulled me into a shop.

“Jae Joong ah, what wrong?” I asked with a bemused laugh, wondering why he had pulled me into a knitting store.

“I want to knit.” He quickly replied, grabbing some balls of coloured wool and tucking them under his arm.

“You hate knitting.” I said sceptically.

“People change.” He stated.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, confused and paranoid by his sudden change.

“Never mind. Can you choose some colours for me? They’re over there,” he said, ushering me towards the far left corner of the store.

I gave up on questioning him and began looking more closely at the balls of wool that seemed to line almost each and every corner of the store. Jae Joong and I were the only people in the shop and the old lady made sure that Jae Joong was going to buy more than he could afford. The store was quiet except for the humming of some quiet classical piano pieces playing the background. A welcoming tinkle sound broke the quiet air, as the door opened and closed, everything went quiet again. I looked over at Jae Joong who was now staring at who ever had just come in. Curious, I ly to find that I should never have looked.

“Toni ah,” the familiar voice greeted.

It was him. The person I hated the most. The person who had broken me into a million little pieces. The last person I ever wanted to see even if the world came to and unpredictable end.

Kim Jonghyun.

“Toni ah, I’m so sorry.”

Jae Joong was immediately beside me, using his body as a shield when Jonghyun began making his way towards me.

“Stay away from her,” Jae Joong warned.

“What kind of a best friend are you? Stealing my girl.”

I almost burst in fury, “My girl?” I questioned.

“She’s not your girl. And you’re not my best friend. Not anymore,” Jae Joong answered, his tone strong and stern.

“I went astray, so what? I’m apologising,” Jonghyun said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Don’t make me laugh Jonghyun, no one takes six months to apologise about something. No one deserves to be put through so much pain because of you. And no one is going to forgive you. Just stay away from us.”

Jae Joong pulled his wallet out and the old lady at the counter some money. I thought he said he didn’t have any cash. I eyed him questioningly, but he focused on the old lady.

“Sorry ahjumma.”

With a swift turn, he pulled me through the shop and out the doors. I could hear Jonghyun rushing out behind us. He was never one to give up without a fight. He got whatever he wanted. Nothing had changed.

“Ya! Kim Jae Joong!”

Jae Joong continued to pull me along the streets, trying to avoid the maniac who was now running after us. Eyes glared at us and voices abused us, but we didn’t care.

“Ya! Stop!”

I could still hear his voice, what didn’t he understand? We were over. I had moved on, and that night, he looked like he had moved on too. That image still haunted me sometimes, more often when I was alone, and that kind of pain just doesn’t heal, no matter how much time passed. Because when you loved with all your heart, you never believe or trust anyone but him.

“Jae Joong ah, maybe we should stop. We can’t keep running like this.” I said breathlessly, I wasn’t unfit, but I wasn’t an athlete, one can only run so far in heels.

“We can.”

“But it’s childish.”

Jae Joong looked at me, concern written on his face. Was it concern about my feet? I think not. Or was he concerned that I wanted to stop to give Jonghyun another chance.

“We can’t keep running. Just trust me.”

With a small nod Jae Joong slowed his pace and we stopped on a street next to a bust stretch of road. Cars were rushing by endlessly and I could hardly hear myself think.

“Finally,” Jonghyun said as he took a moment to catch his breath.

“What do you want Jonghyun?” Jae Joong asked, it was a pointless question seeing as we all knew the answer.

“I want Toni back.”

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you,” I replied immediately, diminishing any plans he had in mind.

“But what does he have that I don’t? We were together for years. You only loved me.”

“Jae Joong has a heart. Jae Joong has more inside his heart than you’ll ever have. And yes, were WERE together, but not anymore. I only loved you because I only knew you. I thought you felt the same...” my voice trailed off as the feelings came rushing back to me, almost like as if they never left only now, they were beginning to resurface.

All the pain, the hate and the suffering, it could have all been avoided if I hadn’t love him too much.

“She doesn’t need you anymore,” Jae Joong said.

“We’ll see about that.”

It all happened too fast them, a punch was thrown and suddenly Jae Joong was on the ground.

“Oh my god! Jae Joong are you okay?” I grabbed Jae Joong’s arm and helped him up.

“Jonghyun you’re insane!” I yelled above the noise of the cars.

“You wanna see insane? You know how insane I’ve been watching you two love birds together? My girlfriend and my best friend, dating?!”

At that moment Jae Joong suddenly lunged for Jonghyun, I tried to pull him back but he accidentally knocked me away. I could see his hand reaching for me as I fell, but it was too late and the last thing I remember was a piercing screech and then darkness...

The highway was still b with cars, and it was a one in a million chance that nothing had happened on the bust streets of Seoul that night. It would be nice to say that we all lived happily ever after when Jae Joong won the fight. It would be nice, but untrue. If I could turn back time I really would have. I could see my body laying there, too cold to be alive. I could see Jae Joong, he was in shock, he held me tightly and stiffly. His hand was clutching mine, wanting a response. He was more than upset, he was distraught. Scared.

***

It was that day again. It was today a month ago that I died. I was waiting, waiting for him to come, like he had every day since the funeral. The other person never came. Ic ould hear footsteps now, he ws on his way, flowers in his hand and lead in his heart. He had grown thinner and was looking far more tired than he had the day before. It saddenede me to know that I had caused him this much pain. I never wanted it to turn out this way. I wanted him to forget me and move one. Maybe one day he will. Maybe he would find someone, they way I had found him. But for now, I enjoyed him company. It gets colder at when I’m alone, but the flowers bring a small comfort.

“Toni ah... I don’t know where to start. Its been a month already. The images still haunt me, everynight I relive the same nightmare.”

He stopped. Holding back the tears in his throat. I missed his smiling face and the way it used to light up when he laughed. That light was gone now, replaced by a darkness that seemed to creep deeper and deeper into the cold dark clutches of nothing.

“You looked so broken that day. I kept waiting for you to squeeze my ahnd, telling me you were okay and that I didn’t hurt you.”

Another pause. He was having trouble breathing now and I knew that at any moment those heavy randrops would fall. The ones that pierced my heart and cut my soul.

“I was waiting for you to hit me and say that I shouldn’t have pushed you and that I was never to let you go... I should never... Have let you go...”

Then they came. Pouring down like hail, his face was scrunched up in agony and I desperately wanted to reach out and hold hom, hold together the bits of hom that were falling apart... but that wsn’t possible anymore. Instead, I let the wind be my fingertips, brushing his cheeks and gently wiping away his tears.

“Toni ah... what am I going to do? I’m so sorry. What have I done?” he asked as he buried his face in his hands.

I could see he was falling apart, just like I had been once. The blame and quilt was something I didn’t want him to carry. It was a horrific way to live.

“I love you so much. And I miss you so much... Toni ah... My heart aches... and it... it hurts... so much.” I could hardly understand his words, they were slurred, along with the heavy sobs that echoed in the empty cemetery.

I had never seen a grown man cry, and I never knew it would ever hurt me so much.

“I Love You... I Love You...” those threes words, that repeated themselves over and over in whispers, touched my heart.

“How will I ever moveon from this? I know it’s what you would want... but how? Why would I? You were everything to me... I’m so lost without you...”

That was all he could say. The tears spoke to me now, the pain and anguish, the trauma and heartache flowed in the form of precious crystals, from his eyes and soaked the ground I laid in.

There was going to be a day when he would stop visiting, a day when he’ll find a girl who he’ll sacrafice everything for. A day when the flowers stop coming. A day when I would never hear those threewords whispered to me. Although it would break my heart, I would still be happy. Because then I know, there would be soemone who will love him just like me. They say that if you want the rainbow, you ahve to up with the rain. His happiness is my rainbow. His tears are my rain. No matter how long it takes, no matter how heavy this rain will fall, as long as one day my rainbow comes, I will wait.

Like a Graze, this love will only hurt both of us for a little while longer, and I know that time will heal us both, but deep down, the scars remain. The scars of love’s Graze, my love Graze, his love Graze... Our love Graze...

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COMMENTS PLEASE! and please forgive me for any typos. ^__^