Boom.

Another blow in the face. Another scar made. Another memory. Dreadful memory.

“You think this is what I work hard for? IS THIS WHAT I RAISED YOU TO BE?”

Not a blow in the face of a fist. Not a kick either. Words. Words are what scarred me. Words are what created the wounds on my spotless body. Letter by letter, they went through my ears and stayed in my heart forever.

Head down, fists clenched, I picked up the food which dropped from her hand during my Mother’s screaming. Walking over to the kitchen, I saw my Father sitting on the stools with a cigarette between his index and middle fingers of his right hand. I walked past him and threw the food in the garbage along with the plates which were placed in the sink.

“I expected better.” Another expectation from my Father who barely managed to stay sober for half the day. I bowed carelessly and walked out of the room only to find my Mother in my way. Playing the role of the obstacle in my life she loves.

“Make sure the chef prepares the food properly tomorrow. Also, I expect your scholarship acceptance letters to come soon. Tch, can’t even get an early acceptance into university can we?”

I trudged up the stairs and walked into my room. Not caring for the mess of clothes thrown around the room or the papers spread around the floor, I went into my bed. After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift away.

--

Narrator p.o.v

“Lee Da Eun. Wake up immediately!” along with the statement came the slam of the ruler against the table. Da Eun still being in her dreamland, didn’t move a bit; not even a flinch. Her teacher now fuming, raised the ruler once again and took a deep breath but was stopped when a hand appeared in front of his ruler.

“I’ll take care of her sir.” The young man bent down and spoke coherent words into her ear. He stood up and stared at her face that scrunched up. She lifted her head slightly to be greeted with the stares of her entire class. She looked to her right and saw her teacher’s angry face.

“I’m sorry,” said Da Eun as she sat back up and took out her notebook. It wasn’t her fault she was tired. She had to study. She had to get the marks.

“You owe me.” He then walked back to his seat and began copying what the teacher put on the board. Da Eun raised her eyebrow at the young man who was unknown to her and turned her attention back to the board. She began copying down what the teacher wrote on the board carelessly. She was fully aware that her words didn’t make sense as they spelt something and meant something else. But, that didn’t bother her. How could such a petty thing like that bother her when she had greater troubles?

The day dragged on as usual until the sound of the bell finally rang through the classrooms of the school. Students ran out of the school in joy; it was Friday. After the crowd of over-excited students exited, Da Eun walked out slowly. She found the car which was waiting for her at the gates of the school and she got in.

*Back to home…*

Home. Wasn’t home supposed to be the place where you felt safe? Covered by the walls of love and security? The walls that would always be there for you? Wasn’t that what home was? Not for Da Eun. Home was where the walls barely stood still; where the walls would fall easily and take a long time to repair. That was her home.

The sound of a horn brought Dae Eun out of her daze. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked outside to see nothing.

“Why have you stopped? Why did you honk the horn when nobody is there?” Da Eun asked her driver.

“There was a boy on his bike miss. I’ll go and check on him,” Said the driver as he got out of the car. Da Eun decided to get out to see who this boy was as well. When she got in front of the car, she saw a young man. More like the young man; the young man from her class earlier.

“Sir, I’m very sorry. Are you okay?” asked the driver. The young man just stood up and nodded his head, dusting off his pants and picking up his bike. He looked up and met eyes with Da Eun.

“Ah, so it was sleepy girl’s car that hit me.”

*Sleepy girl…oh, so that’s a nickname for me now.*

“Not my car. It’s my Dad’s,” Da Eun shrugged. The young man walked over to Da Eun and examined her face.

“Interesting. I’m Lu Han.”

“I see. I’m Da Eun,” said Da Eun while awkwardly nodding. Lu Han smirked and began walking away, “See you next time sleepy girl.”

Da Eun turned around to see his retreating figure. An odd boy he was.

---

Da Eun p.o.v

I walked into the kitchen to see a mess before my eyes. The maid was crouched down in the corner trembling; tears evident on her face. The butler was looking down not daring to move an inch.  My mother was in the middle of it all. She was standing in the center of the kitchen breathing heavily.

She had created another mess, I knew it. Sighing, I began picking up everything which had dropped. I cleaned the water off the table and counters and the food off the floor. I walked towards the table but stopped when a hand gripped my arm harshly pulling me back.

“What do you think you’re doing? Don’t try to play the hero here. The reason this happened is all your fault.”

My fault? Yes, of course it is…

“I wasn’t home. How is it my fault?” I asked daringly. I prepared my ears for the words ready to come.

“It’s always been your fault dear. It was your fault since March 25^th, 1995.”

My birthday…

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to clean up the mess you made.”

“No. Stop it. It’s the mess you made. Can’t you see that you’re unwanted?! Can’t you do anything right!? I asked for perfect marks, you get an A-, I asked for good food, I get crap.”

“I ask for a mother and I get you!” I replied as I looked straight into her eyes. I had never ever talked back to her. What was so special about today? Nothing really. I just felt like talking back to her. Had something possessed me? I’m not sure. I just felt like I deserved a say in this.

“Then what am I to you? I work so hard for you and you say I’m not your mother!?” she exclaimed raising her arm. I flinched away but it was too late. Her hand made contact with my cheek and it burned. A-lot.

So this is what physical pains felt like? They don’t hurt as much…

“It would be better if you left!” She screamed in my face and pulled my hair. Tears started falling out of my eyes as I tried to get out of her grasp but it was hard. It’s always been hard. After planning wisely, I pushed my Mother away and stepped back; tears falling out of my eyes and head spinning greatly.

“Okay, I’ll go.” I whispered. No clothes, no money, no dignity. That’s how I left my home. My Dad had just come home and shouted for me but didn’t chase after me as I walked past him. I walked onto the streets of Seoul, watching the busy crowd go to their destinations. What was my destination? Death. It’s really the only place I thought of.

So why not try now?

Why not? There’s nobody stopping me. I can do anything now. I could feel the adrenaline pump through me as I began thinking of my escape. Shoot myself? I don’t own a gun. Jump of a building? I might survive. Overdose on drugs? I don’t have money to buy any. Jump into a river? Perfect. I’d definitely drown. I don’t know how to swim; another reason why my Mother hated me.

I had made my decision and began walking towards the river I often visited. It was quite isolated which meant nobody would see me if I was really quiet.  I walked slowly as I reached the bridge that I was to jump from. Nothing was really on my mind except for the remarks my Mother made about me.

Was this how all children were treated? I think not. So why did I deserve it? That’s the thing, I didn’t. I’ve always been a good child.

I took off my shoes and set them aside, they could be the reminder that my parents didn`t want of me. I looked around and saw nobody so I hoisted myself up on the bridge`s rail. I sat on it and swung my legs carelessly. My eyes finally settled on the water below me and I would be lying if I said I wasn`t a bit scared. Shaking my head, I looked up at the sky that presented me its wonderful blue colour. The blue colour that was always there through sad and happy. I guess it had become a habit to always see the sky. What would it be like when I wasn`t on earth anymore? I might as well find out.

I stood up and took a deep breath.

“So sleepy girl wants to die eh?”

I furrowed my eyebrows and turned my head to the direction of the voice. I scoffed when I saw his child-like face starting at my weary one.

“Don’t try to stop me,” I said as I focused on the water again forcing myself not to give into anything he’s about to say. But what he said next surprised me, “Go ahead and jump. I really don’t care. It’s your life, not mine.”

I remained frozen at his reply. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Maybe something along the lines of suicide is never the answer, yes.

“I’m glad you support my decision. Now you might want to leave so you don’t get in trouble,” I said as I nodded my head to the other side of the bridge.

“But, you do owe me a favour. So do you mind doing me this favour before you take your life?” he asked.