I kept my gaze in the same spot, watching the sunset but my mind totally ignored how beautiful it was and instead I focused on what Taeyeon was going to answer.

“To have a chance to talk to you.”

“That was quite a long shot. Did you injure yourself on purpose to get the chance to talk to me?” That might’ve come out harsher than what I intended but hey, do you really expect me to be all nice after hearing her reason for being here?

“No. I was planning to do it once I get the chance. I didn’t think it would take an injured toe to get that chance though.”

I wanted her to cut to the chase and just get this whole thing over with so before I still have the guts to be as blunt as I could, I mustered up the courage to say, “If you’re going to apologize for whatever it is that you want to apologize for then I should probably go.”

“Please let me explain first.”

“No,” I abruptly said and stood up.

“Sica…”

I knew she was going to use this. Every single time she wants to persuade me she uses this tone like she’s some sort of wounded puppy.

“Don’t ‘Sica’ me, Taeyeon. That day at your house when you told me to stay away from your sister was the last time I’ll ever let you hurt me like that. I don’t need to hear any of your words. I don’t want any apology coming from you.”

I took a deep breath but that didn’t stop me from shaking. I didn’t even notice that I was shaking. I took a seat but stayed as far away from her as possible.

After calming myself down, I glanced at her. I cannot believe she’s staring at me this whole time. Who the does that? She, of all people, should know—

“I’m sorry for staring. I know you hate that but it was either that or…or I hug you and I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to do that as well.”

Minutes passed with the both of us not talking and just staring mindlessly at the horizon. It was getting dark and I should probably head back but it’s like my body wanted to continue being immobile or my brain’s just telling me to talk. To say anything.

“The most recent movie I’ve watched is ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love.’ The one with Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, our mutual guy crush and your girl crush Emma something…the one from the Spiderman movie.”

I recalled the movie in my head. “I realized while watching it that I understood Cal Weaver. You know what, I never thought I’d say this but I could actually relate to a Steve Carell character. I was Cal. I was Cal Weaver and you were the wife because even though we weren’t married I felt like jumping off a moving car when you told me it was over. Just like that.”

“I understood what he felt like when his wife told him after being married for years that she wanted a divorce and they’re not even just a married couple. They’re soulmates which I stupidly thought we were. I thought you were my soulmate and every single day it’s like the only way I could survive was to tell myself, ‘At least it’s not cancer’. I hoped for you to call me and see what I’m doing or to just call and make up an excuse just so I’d know you still care but for me. Good for Cal though, his adulteress wife called him.”

“Then I came to Korea, met your sister, hooked up with her and silly me thought that that day you confronted me, you’d tell me you don’t want me to date someone else, that you don’t want me with someone else but you. There was a sliver of hope but it was all wishful thinking because low and behold, you thought I was using her to get back at you.”

I was feeling a mixture of anger, despair and every other awful emotion out there and to top it all off, my eyes were b with tears and I tried hard not to blink. Last resort in hopes of not crying but that was useless.

“But who was I kidding, right? Your sister’s more important and I understand that. Yoona’s a really sweet girl and more fragile than she lets on.”

I sniffed and tried to smile despite tears continuously flowing from my eyes. Here I thought I’ve already ran out of tears for Kim Taeyeon.

“So Cal Weaver, 1 and Jessica Jung, 0 since he eventually got back with his wife and lived happily ever after…probably. I mean, they didn’t exactly show the part where his wife tells the David guy to go another man’s wife because she’s unavailable as of the moment.”

“But you have Yoong now so that’s Cal Weaver and Jessica Jung tied with one point.”

I stared at her, figuring out if her words had malice but I didn’t see any hint of that. Not even when I stared at her dead-straight in the eyes.

“And what does Cal know about soul mates? For all he knows, he was wrong all along. I mean…he’s been wearing the wrong size of suit for thirty years. How do you even know when you’ve found your soulmate already?”

Even though I knew it was an innocent question, it still hurt. “I thought I’ve found mine when I met you.”

She chuckled and said, “That’s a lie. When we met, you hated me. You despised me for not telling you about my career.”

“Exactly. I despised the part where you left out details about yourself but I didn’t despise you. The Taeyeon I met online, I liked her from the get-go. You have that effect on me. I like you one moment, then the next thing I know you do something that would make me loathe you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I told you I don’t want to hear your apology.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry for being responsible in you feeling like a Steve Carell character. For being a prick and for accusing you of something I know you’d never do. Not even in a million years. I’ll never be sorry for trying to protect my sister and I know someday I’ll regret it but you have to understand that she’s all I have left, Sica. Everything I do, everything I’ve done, all of it is for her. I know having your forgiveness in this lifetime seems to be quite impossible but it doesn’t hurt to hope, right? I’m not going to stop hoping that someday you’d forgive me.”

Here I was again hoping she’d tell me she still has feelings for me but things just don’t play out the same way it does in my head and in real life.

“Here’s the deal, Taeyeon. You hurt me a. A lot. If there’s anything you should be sorry about, you should feel sorry about doubling your sister’s work because not only does she have to pick up the pieces you left, she also has to make me forget about these feelings that I still have for you despite you being so spiteful towards me.”

I remembered Yoong’s gift and I know I’d totally look like I have a split personality by smiling but I couldn’t help it.

“You don’t have to worry about me hurting her though. Yoona’s not hard to fall for. Quite the charmer actually and maybe you’re right about people not knowing whether they’ve already found their soulmates or whether it’s the wrong ones. People make mistakes. I could’ve been wrong thinking that you’re my soulmate.”

She had a small smile on her face and maybe it’s because of the tears in my eyes but I couldn’t really see clearly to know exactly what the smile meant. Before she could say anything else, I stood up and left her there.

I went to my room and took out Yoong’s box, peeling off the post-it note and reading the next one. Fate creeps me out sometimes and I’m pretty sure it’s playing with us three.

‘Do you think it would be crazy of me to think of you as my soulmate?’

That’s some coincidence right there. I peeled it off and read the next one which I figured was some sort of continuation of the previous one.

‘Watching that movie with Steve Carell on it made me think about soulmates so I’m sorry if that previous note weirded you out. You probably thought it was some random blab. Well, it sort of was.’

I smiled a little remembering how we cuddled in the couch while watching that movie. Peeled it off once again and read another one. Hey, she did say I could peel off a couple more until I feel better and I really want to feel better right now and this is the only way I know how.

‘I do hope I’ve finally found my soulmate because you know how lazy I am in finding stuff, right? And you’re lazier than I am so I hope you’ve found yours too.’

Feeling like there’s another continuation, I peeled it off again.

‘I hope she’s in the form of Kim Yoona.’

I guffawed at the little scribbles underneath. It looks like Yuri leafed through this thing.

‘Oh god, I’m getting second-hand embarrassment from all of these cheesy things that my best friend is writing.’

I kept the post-it pad and reread the notes that were now stuck to the headboard of the bed.

Maybe I was right and I wasn’t bluffing at all when I told Taeyeon that I might’ve made a mistake in thinking that she’s my soulmate but I have to be careful this time. There’s no need to hurry, right? It’s not like Yoona’s going to get fed up with my that easily.

With the show occupying me, it felt like the days went by so quickly. We’ve finished filming but I decided to stay in the Philippines for a couple days more. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be in the same flight as Taeyeon but that didn’t work.

When I’ve finally realized that not being with Yoona would give me time to think about Taeyeon, I immediately booked a flight back home. Just as I was expecting, Yoona was there to pick me up, grinning with her arms wide open. She’s honestly a constant source of second-hand embarrassment but I think I’ve gotten used to it and nowadays, when she does things like this in public I just end up finding it adorable.

“I missed you so damn much,” she whispered as I buried my face in her hair. I held onto her tightly and said the same thing. “I’m Jung Jessica deprived. I thought I was gonna die.”

“Quit exaggerating.” I placed a chaste kiss on her lips and before I knew it, she’s already pulled me in for a longer one.

“Not…exaggerating,” she said in between kisses.

Once we’ve pulled away from each other’s embrace, I stared at her only to see the longing in her eyes which made me believe that she really wasn’t exaggerating. It felt good having someone needing you. I swept away the stray hair that was on her face and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Thank you for the gift. It really helped me a lot while I was there. I got a little home sick.”

“You’re welcome, my love.”

I didn’t know what happened. Maybe it was that simple word that triggered it but the pain from my past relationship reappeared. I was cursing inwardly and hoping Yoona would stop saying the word ‘love.’

“I’m sorry,” I heard her murmuring.

“For what?” , did I say my thoughts out loud?

“Your expression just screams out ‘Don’t ever call me love again’, I don’t know. Am I imagining it?”

I didn’t know what to say. How the hell could she read me like that? Was I that obvious? So for a whole minute, I was just staring at her.

“Maybe I am imagining it and you’re just too tired. Let’s go home?” she asked, her face adorned with a warm and genuine smile. How I’m still not head over heels for her still boggles me.

---

It’s been four months since the filming ended and Jessica and Taeyeon, along with Yoona and her friends which also included Krystal, were in the Kim’s living room watching the finale of the first celebrity season of Survivor Korea together.

The finale was shown the other day but Yoona suggested recording the show and watching it together with Jessica and Taeyeon.

“Why are we watching this one again?” Krystal asked as she grabbed the bowl of popcorn from Tiffany.

“You’ve watched it already? I thought we agreed on not watching it.”

“There was nothing better to watch on TV that day, Yoona-unnie. By the way, Bora won.” She got a hit at the back of her head courtesy of Tiffany. “Ouch! You don’t even watch the show. You’ve watched like a quarter of it. You turn your attention away from the TV when it doesn’t show Yoona-unnie’s sister, you fake Survivor fan.”

“You still didn’t have to spoil it for Yuri and Yoona.”

“I knew Bora would win!” Yuri exclaimed. “Did you vote for her Taeyeon-unnie?” Taeyeon nodded. “The two of you in the final three would’ve been more exciting.”

“Okay, how about we actually watch the show instead of fangirling, Yuri-unnie?”

Yuri glared at the younger Jung and shifted her attention to the TV.

“So Taeyeon, you were pulled out because of an injury and automatically became part of the jury. Everyone thought you, out of everyone in the island, had the biggest chance of winning this whole thing. Do you agree?”

“I don’t know…I enjoyed playing the game even though everything was new to me. I wasn’t one to approach another person and ask them to become my ally but you do whatever it takes to survive the game. If I were in the top three and had the chance to get voted as the sole survivor, I think the jury would consider the things that I’ve done on the island and maybe take into consideration that I enjoyed being on the show.”

“But you’ve had your fair share of blindsiding people too, right? Tell us about that.”

“Everyone had their fair share of that and backstabbing your own allies. The only thing that made me feel better about doing that is the fact that I know everyone else also did the same thing so I don’t think anyone should feel bad about being blindsided since we all did it to everyone else anyway.”

“You sound ruthless, Taeyeon-unnie,” Tiffany boldly said. “If we were in the island with you, would you have done the same thing to us?”

“Not to Yoona.” Yoona grinned smugly and stuck her tongue out to Tiffany.

“It was so out of character for you to join something like this. Everyone was shocked to even know that you take up Muay Thai so I’m going to have to ask the question that I’m sure every viewers would want an answer to. Why join Survivor?”

“I wanted to try something new.”

Only Jessica knew that she was half-lying.

“I didn’t know you were quite the adventurous type, unnie,” Tiffany said. She turned around and faced Taeyeon whose eyes were still glued to the screen. “You don’t have anywhere to go to tonight?”

“Me?” Tiffany nodded. “Nope. I’m off for a week. We decided to give ourselves a break which meant the guys are free to go out and date and I’m stuck here in the house.”

“We should spend that time drinking.”

Krystal rolled her eyes. “Yes, because the last time we did that it went so well.”

Tiffany frowned as she remembered the incident that happened during their annual trip. “You’re just a ball of negative energy, aren’t you? Come on, this is the best time to drink. To sort of celebrate…Taeyeon-unnie having a week off…” her voice trailed off and her cheeks turned when she realized how silly it sounded.

“It’s fine with me,” Taeyeon said just in time to save Tiffany from further taunting courtesy of the younger Jung.

“Great. I need someone to go with me and buy drinks and food that we could snack on.” She stood up and waited for someone to follow suit but no one did so she stared at Krystal. The younger Jung got the hint but pretended she didn’t. She huffed and pointed at the two best friends. “Yoong and Yul, come with me.”

When the three of them left, Krystal stared at the two older girls who were sitting at the opposite end of the couch.

She cleared and said, “Well, things just got interesting.”

___

the movie i used as a reference was "crazy stupid love" if you don't know what it is and haven't watched it, it's about the Weavers basically and how they deal with their relationships. you should really watch it because i at explaining things lol

oh and sorry for disappearing for a long time