“Are you okay? You are extra weird today.”

“I’ve been better.”

My sister, who’s currently living with me for about a month now, went back to what she was originally doing and decided to perhaps ignore me for the rest of the day.

It was one of those days when I just kept on thinking about one thing and I end up being miserable the whole day.

It’s been 3 months ever since we broke up but I guess people are right when they say that the bigger the wound is, the longer it takes to heal and even if it does, it would leave a nasty scar. A scar so horrible everyone would notice it. A scar that would probably have a life of its own and would scream ‘I was a product of her stupidity’ every chance it gets.

A reminder of a huge mistake that no matter how hard I try, I wouldn’t be able to turn back time and undo it. Falling in love with Kim Taeyeon will forever be my biggest mistake.

---

Another three months have passed and it seemed like the wound that Jessica had was slowly healing. Well, that’s what she tells herself every day. Having her sister around to distract her, albeit using non-conventional ways like using her hair straightener to iron her clothes, also helped.

Just a few minutes ago she was sitting beside a kid who wouldn’t shut up about Tokyo Disney Land (boy, how pissed must he be when he finds out that his parents tricked him and that they weren’t really going to Japan) and now she’s back in South Korea, after not being able to visit for almost a year, to grant a simple request made by her childhood best friend.

She dialled her best friend’s number and it didn’t even take the latter three seconds before she answered. It’s one of the many things she liked about her, she never lets Jessica wait.

“Hi, Hyo, I’m already here at the airport.”

“Good. I thought your plane got lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle. You were supposed to be here two days ago,” the person on the other line, replied.

“Sorry. I just had to double check some stuff before I left. I had to make sure Krystal won’t have any chance to burn our apartment down or get into a freak accident like slip on spaghetti and die or something.”

“That’s okay. You’re not allowed to be on a coma though so don’t even think about it.” Jessica rolled her eyes knowing very well that Hyoyeon was teasing her about being able to sleep for two straight days. “You’re going to stay in my house to make sure you won’t be a no-show. Just ride a cab. I wouldn’t want Princess Jessica to wait for her own carriage a.k.a my car.”

She gave the taxi driver a small smile. She bowed and let him take her luggage in the trunk. “Pity. I miss my chauffeur Hyo. I’ll hang up now. See you soon.”

“Alright, take care now. Don’t fall asleep in the cab please.”

Jessica giggled and ended the call before hopping inside the vehicle.

---

“You two really went all out with this engagement party, huh?” she asked before chugging down her wine.

“Go easy with the liquor, Sica. We’ll have plenty of time to drink later on and yes, we did go all out but that’s because I’ll only get engage once…a year.”

It was a good thing she’s done drinking or she would’ve spat it on her best friend’s face. “The heck do you mean by that?”

“I would’ve ended it with ‘once’ but I’m realistic, Sica. I’m aware that there are things that I won’t be able to control and given that circumstance, there is a possibility that Sunny and I won’t work out. ‘Once a year’ because if it indeed falls apart, I’m sure as hell I won’t be getting engaged to another person in the same year.”

She stared at Hyoyeon before releasing a sigh. “So why get engaged in the first place?”

“Because there’s also a possibility that we will work out,” the shorter girl answered calmly.

Jessica thought for a moment and observed the girl beside her watching her fiancée chat with her friends. That’s when she remembered Taeyeon again.

Before Taeyeon, she believed that there really are five stages of grief after a break up; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. She also believed that these stages are in chronological order so when she was finally over sulking over it and being depressed that it didn’t work out (and the fact that Taeyeon didn’t even want to try and work things out), she was expecting to be at the final stage but instead, she went back to the second stage.

Every time she was reminded of the girl, she’d end up lashing out on her sister while cursing Taeyeon in her head. It was a never-ending cycle for Jessica and the part where she’s almost at the stage of accepting the fact that it’s over but she just can’t seem to reach that stage, frustrated her. It frustrated her a lot.

She broke out from her reverie and spoke again. “That’s like standing in front of an angry mob throwing sticks and stones at you and opening your arms wide all the while telling them to throw harder instead of running away and taking cover.”

Hyoyeon grinned and lightly punched the taller girl’s arm. “I like how you just compared being in love and getting married to a riot. You’re so violent.”

“Letting yourself be vulnerable would encourage people to hurt you.”

“Or it would attract people to protect you.”

Jessica scoffed. “And let you down in the end.”

“Or stick with you no matter what.” Hyoyeon put an arm around Jessica and pulled her closer. “You never told me details about you and this Taeyeon girl but if she’s the reason why you’re suddenly sounding like a future spinster, then it’s safe to say that I don’t like her and I’m going to have to give her a slap if I ever see her.”

She placed the glass on the table before hugging the shorter girl. “I want to forget her, Hyo. I want to forget everything that has to do with her. I want to pretend that she never existed…”

“Sica.”

“I want to pretend like I never met her. I know she’s done just that. I just want it to be even.”

Hyoyeon chose to keep quiet when she noticed Jessica’s ragged breathing. A part of her felt scared that she might end up like her. If Jessica and Taeyeon only dated for eleven months and her best friend’s not dealing with it very well, what would happen to her if Sunny suddenly decided to end everything between them after dating each other for five years?

The fact that if she’s asked to choose who’s stronger, her or Jessica, she’d answer neither and say that they’re both weak, didn’t help. At all.

She glanced at Sunny and it was as if the latter felt Hyoyeon was looking. She looked her way and smiled which Hyoyeon returned with a dorky grin just so she could hide every trace of worry that was probably showing on her face. She hugged the crying girl tighter letting her know that she was there to protect her and she’ll never let her down.

________

'My Best Friend' is one of snsd's song and I think I'm going to be using song titles (not neccessarily snsd's songs or kpop songs) just to fit the title of the fanfic that I'm writing. Feedback would be nice.