Title (3/5)

The title was fitting, just not exactly interesting in my opinion. It also gives away too much of the plot, as soon as I saw the words undercover I knew what it was going to be about.

 Description/ Foreword (5/10)

It wasn’t really interesting to me. It didn’t exactly catch my attention in anyway shape or form. I mean it was well written for the most part. But it gave away the whole plot in my opinion which made me kind of bored with the plot and story almost right away. Also you gave away the characters personalities, I am fine with giving the readers and subscribers the important information, but you never ever give away their personalities. Since having the characters personalities hidden is one of the things that can make a story amazing.

 Characters (7/10)

I really want to say I loved the characters, since I absolutely love Infinite. But I couldn’t get into any of them, since I already knew how they were going to act and behave. They kind of bored me, including Eun Ae. She didn’t seem to be developed at all and it was boring. You used direct characterization, which is okay for some stories and cases. But for this story I feel like it would’ve been more fitting to kind of let the characters reveal themselves slowly, with actions, words and habits. Which is called indirect characterization; it also is an amazing way to catch the reader’s attention. If you need more information on this just message me.

 Plot (10/20)

Your plot was very boring and stale, nothing new in my opinion. I have read multiple stories about spy groups, missions, and murders all put into one. With at least one group who hates each other, in this case Eun Ae and Woohyun. In fact I have a friend who is writing a story about a group of assassins with a plot that is kind of the same way, but still a bit different and unique; mainly, because she knows how to make it different and unique. I also hated how it seemed like it was just a bunch of short stories shoved into one story, with very view connections for each chapter. It also seemed like you were dragging it on for no reason.

 Grammar (12/20)

You are amazing with sentence structure, but that is the only thing I can say was good about the grammar. You had trouble with tenses, many spelling errors, awkward syntax and your vocabulary was not that impressive or amazing. You also don’t seem to know what the word describing means; I’ll explain that part in the extra’s section.

In one part of your story you wrote: “We could also tell about this to the police in here, they could help us arrest the chef.”

It would be better worded this way:”We could even tell the police about this and they would arrest the chef.”

You also did this a couple of times: “His nose was to small to see, and his left cheek was chubby while his right cheek was flat.”

It would’ve been better if it was written this way: “His nose was almost too small to be seen from a distance. His left cheek bulged out as his right one was flat against his skull.”

There were many more errors and mess ups but we will leave it at that.

Flow (8/10)

I really did not like the way this story flowed. It would go from one mission, to another mission weeks later with no stop between to reveal more about the characters or anything like that. You made it seemed rushed and that is also the reason it didn’t seem like an actual story, and it felt more like a bunch of short stories shoved into one book.

Visual Things (15/15)

The visuals were good over all, but I think the font changed a bit too much and was a bit of a hindrance. But besides that everything was amazing.

Ending (--/10)

There was no ending so this will not count towards your final score.

 Extra Comments:

You have the potential to be a good writer; it just isn’t revealing itself yet. The problem was you are too mechanical about your writing. It was like you were writing an essay for school, it lacked description and emotion. Making it lack over all when it really could’ve been an amazing story. So I want to help you become better as a writer. So take this as help not criticism. Now to start off with your characters, you really need to give them some depth.

Instead of blatantly saying things like, the guy was tall and boring.

A better way to show this well, write it is, he was always droning on about one thing or another; never anything interesting. His clothes always stark and grey, no pop of color, his clothes just seemed to hang off of his tall and lanky body. Do you see the difference? You can make a character actually pop into someone’s head and they can visualize how they look and act. You can add more if you want, too. (Sorry if that was a bad example, I kind of just woke up.)

In my English class recently, my teacher was telling us about the difference between showing and telling when it comes to writing.

Basically telling is just saying it straight up and not putting any emotion or description into the writing. Which would be how you write and others do too. No offence but I hate it when people write like this, it doesn’t intrigue people and ultimately is boring and doesn’t allow anyone to visualize the situation.

Then there is showing where the writer uses all five senses, some use a sixth one…me and others probably. But they use touch, hearing, taste, smell and sight to basically describe the scenery from the person’s or character’s point of view. It ultimately helps a reader visualize what the person is feeling and seeing and it is amazing how it can change and alter your writing, in a good way.

The sixth one is emotion. I know this one sounds a bit weird but it helps out a lot. You need to let the readers feel everything including how the person feels and their thoughts. The pain they are going through, how happy they are and even how hurt and betrayed they feel. It can completely change a story, the best way to do this is to figuratively step into the characters skin and see, feel, smell, hear, touch and taste what the character sees, feels, smells, hears, touches and tastes.

Then you form them into words and type it out to form a very descriptive and entrancing story. I really hope this helped a bit.

Total (60/90)

Woollim Undercover

I am sorry if I came off as rude, I just wanted to help you with your writing.

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