Please listen to this while reading. Enjoy! ^^

Am I better off dead?

I think I should just die.

After all those stupid things I've done to her, I believe that I should die.

Am I better off a quitter?

They say I'm better off now

Than I ever was with her

"Just forget her, will you? You guys are done," Yunho said sympathetically while trying to grab the beer's bottle from my hands. I dodged away from him quickly with a grin on my face. "No way, man! Me and this bottle of beer will have a date tonight."

"Look. If you keep on drinking these, you will die quickly. For God's sake, it has already been a year and you still haven't move on. Move on, dude. Move on," he said.

"Shut up dude. This is the only way to escape my problems," I said while drinking another bottle.

_____, you know that I'll never forget someone like you.

As they take me to my local down the street

I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

"Woah Jaejoong, try not to pass out until we reach your house," said Changmin as he put me inside his car. I laughed and drank another bottle. Usually, I already pass out on this stage, but today, maybe I need something stronger.

"Hey, let's go back. I forgot some of my bottles," I said softly, trying to stand up but failed. Thank God, Changmin was there.

"Look Jaejoong, you can't even stand properly," he said, shaking his head from disappointment.

They say a few drinks will help you to forget her

But after one too many I know that I'm never

"Geez, I told you to drink just a few bottles to relax yourself. I never told you to drink a lot," Yunho said while scratching his head out of frustration.

"I told you, this time, I need more than this. Trust me, okay?," I shrugged, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. I can hear loud noises from everywhere but what I really need now is silence. Just to stop myself from thinking about her. Just to stop all those flashbacks from coming back.

All of her. I need to stop thinking about her.

Only they can see where this is gonna end

But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

As I sit in the car, I looked out the window. It was raining heavily. It reminded me of the time when I was sick during a rainy day and she treated me.

Damn it! Why am I thinking about all those times?

Shaking my head to erase those thoughts from my head, I looked out the window until...

Until I saw the park where we had our first date and our first kiss.

Just by seeing this place, everything came back to me. The memories we've shared. Everything. I can't bear the pain any longer.

"Stop the car!" I yelled. Changmin was startled from his seat and looked at me in shock.

Yunho turned around. He was very mad at me. "What the hell is your problem, mister?"

"Stop the car. Stop the car! I told you to stop the car," I yelled, leaving my bottles in Changmin's car. They stared at me as if they've seen a ghost.

What they didn't expect was my next move.

I opened the car, throwing myself on the road, as if my life depended on it. It hurts, it really hurts, but it's nothing compared to the pain here in my heart. But I don't care. I need to release all my stress here. I need to forget her and our memories.

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if i go there now

I can change your mind turn it all around

"_____!! _____!!" I screamed in the pouring rain while struggling myself to stand on my own. Everything is blurred. Everything is spinning. I couldn't  even stand up. It looks like the rain also feels what I am feeling right now.

"Jaejoong, what the hell--" Yunho said, rushing to my side to help me stand up, but I shrugged him off. "Leave me all alone, please. I bed of you," I said in the softest voice possible.

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

Dialed her number and confess to her

I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing (nothing, nothing...)

Even after a year, I still find myself thinking about her. I still love her. Everyday, I think of her innocent eyes, her sweet smile, her beautiful brown curls. She is simply breathtaking. I can't believe I wasted it all on some girl who is worthless of me.

Yes, Jessica and I broke up. I found out that she was cheating on me. But I don't really care at all. All I want is _____ back in my arms.

Month after month, I wasted my life drinking and smoking. I couldn't live the pain and regret of losing her. But I've hurt her so much and there's no redemption to what I've done.

"_____!! _____!! I still love you. Please forgive me," I screamed at the top of my lungs, waiting for a reply, but all I heard was nothing. I could taste the bitterness of the rain on my mouth. How painful it tastes.

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences

I know if I'm face to face that she'll come to her senses

I smiled sheepishly, "Of course, why would you be here? Are there any reasons to forgive a stupid guy like me? You deserve a better guy, but... but... I assure you, I've changed," I said while letting myself fall on the grasses of the park. Before I completely fall asleep, I've heard an angel saying, "What part of you have changed, Jaejoong? You're still the same... atleast for me."

Every drunk step I take leads me to her door

If she sees how much I'm hurting

She'll take me back for sure

I woke up feeling slightly light headed. I could smell my favorite porridge being drawn near my bedroom's door. But wait, this isn't my house. Where am I? "Damn it, where am I?," I shouted, my voice resounding the whole room. I heard a knock on the door. I stood up but failed when I saw her. She looked as beautiful as ever, with her curls and long eyelashes. She was so captivating. "Are you feeling well now, Jaejoong? Do you want something? Do you want water? Do you want to eat this porride? Do you--," she asked continuously. I laughed at her reaction. "Still the same caring _____ I've known," I said shyly. "Of course, why would I change?," she said smiling. 

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if I go there now

I can change your mind turn it all around

"Hey Yunnie, Minnie, do you think it's the perfect time for me to ask her again?," I asked them. _____ and I have been friends again. I'm so happy that she already forgave me. This time, I'm determined to make this work. "Sure, but do you think she still loves you?," Yunho asked. I was astounded by his question but I replied with full confidence, "Of course, she still loves me. She wouldn't save me from the pouring rain if she didn't." "Just asking, we don't want you to be hurt again," Changmin said worriedly. "I wont. Bye guys."

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

I bought a bouquet of flowers before going to the place of our date. Today, I'll be asking her to be mine again.

I dialed her number

I called her phone. She said she's on her way and she has a surprise for me. I can't help but feel excited.

And confess to her

I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

She said nothing

Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Oh I got nothing (nothing...)

I got nothing (nothing...)

Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Food, check! Candlelights, tables, and chairs, check! Everything is in it's perfect order. And the only one who could make it more perfect is none other than her.

I heard a knock from the room I rented for our date. I excitedly opened it to see her in a pink dress with a guy that I have just seen. I was about to hug her when she suddenly introduced the guy she was with, "Jaejoong, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Kim Kibum. Kibum, here's Jaejoong, my best friend."

BEST FRIEND? Is that all I am? A best friend?

Somehow, it felt like the whole world pushed its weight towards me. I did not know what to do. I was not prepared for this.

"Ah, c-c-c-ongrats! I've always been aware of your relationship. I've heard it from Yoona that's why I arranged this dinner for you guys," I said as quickly as I can. "Aish, Yoona is so noisy. Don't you think so, Bummie? But still, thank you Jaejoong," she hugged me. I let her hug me for this is surely the last time that I'll be able to hug her like this. "Come on, Bummie, let's eat," she pulled his hands towards the chair with her eyes fixated on his. It was the same loving gaze I received years ago. It was the same hands that held mine tighly whenever we are together. It was still the same girl I loved and will always love. The only difference now is that she loves Kibum not me anymore. "I'm sorry ______. I gotta go. I have to do something." "Sure, take care," she smiled and hugged me again.

Oh sometimes love is intoxicating

Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking

When you realize there's no one waiting

I lost. I lost everything.

I quickly went to the park where we had our first kiss and first date. I have found the perfect girl, at the perfect time, and at the perfect place but why is the end not perfect? Why was it tragic? Why wasn't it like Tarzan's, Alladin's, or anyone else who managed to create their own happy ending?

I sank to my knees contemplating on what just happened.

Am I better off dead?

Am I better off a quitter?

They say I'm better off now

Than I ever was with her

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

I can hear Yunho and Changmin's footsteps. A hand touched my shoulder, however, I didn't turn around to see who it was. I don't care anymore.

"Jaejoong..." I couldn't focus on what they're saying. I was too numb and I felt a hollow block in my chest.

"She's gone... She's gone," I cried so loud that all the passerby are staring at me, but I don't care. I was still too numb and empty.

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if I go there now

I can change your mind turn it all around

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

Dialed her number and confess to her

I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

"I still love you." That words didn't even reached her. She's out of my reach now.

She said nothing

Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Oh I got nothing (nothing...)

I got nothing (nothing...)

Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

"How I wish I were a better man," I said bitterly to myself. I wish I listened to her. I wish I cared. I wish I didn't hurt her in the first place.

I lost the girl who is the love of my life. All for the stupid mistakes I have committed.

Oh I got nothing

I got nothing

I got nothing

And I was left with nothing.

Nothing.

Smile and be happy, _____.