You two are traped in a long pregnant silence. It is only your hasting breaths which sound a bit annoying to your ears.

“Where am I?” you asked with a hoarse voice. That man is a bit startled with your sudden question. He is still staring at you with his wide eyes (eventhough they are too small to be called ‘wide’).

“Umm… You’re in hospital” he stands up then walks awkwardly to press the bell near the drawer beside you to call your doctor in charge.

“Are… are you okay?” he asked.

You don’t answer back. You always hate hospital. Not because you’re afraid with doctor, medicine, syringe nor you really loathe the smell yet it’s boring view either. Hospital is the place where you first lost your realself. Your identity and the place you originally belong to. The place which made you like a wandering spirit for 16 years.

You see an IV drip is attached to your arm then pull it with force. You don’t care the blood starts flowing out from your skin and try to stand from the bed.

“What…what are you doing?” he comes to you and manages to prevent you from walking but you pull your hand from his hold and shot him a glare “Let me go!”

But right when you take your first step, you lose your balance and fall to the floor. You hate this place and the dream you just had earlier doesn’t make any better. Your eyes have opened but that dream still dancing inside your mind. It was a beautiful dream. Most of it. But the last scene where Victoria took Kyuhyun from you is the scariest nightmare.

“Where you’re going?” That man bends down and tries to help you to stand up but once again you reject his offer.  “Leave me alone!!” you shouted at him with a shaking tones. You bite a little flesh inside your lower mouth to stop trembling. The sweat on your face keep coming. You feel a sudden raising of the fluid inside your body up to your head. You’re mad. Very mad but not so sure whether it’s because your dream or because you’re alive.

You stare at the blonde man. The person whom you sure is the reason why you are still a complete flesh with blood flows. A part of you is blaming him of disturbing your moment to have a perfect death.

“Why…why do you sa—“

“Is everything okay, Mr. Lee?” A doctor with some nurses stream in to your room. One of nurses notices the leak of your IV drip while the others come to you. You’re struggling to escape from their holds but you don’t have much energy left. You only could shout at them to let you go. The doctor approach you with a syringe to inject a sedative to make you calm. You shake your head “No… No…!! Don’t make me sleep!! No..!!” You turn to face the blonde man and desperately whisper “Please” to him.

“Dr. Kim. I think it’s no need to inject him with that” He holds Dr. Kim’s right hand to stop him.

“I thought he hurted you, Mr.Lee”

“No. he didn’t. He was just panic” He come closer to you. You give in as he circles your arm to his neck and guides you to your bed. He takes a glass of water on the drawer and gives it to you.

Dr. Kim put on a stethoscope to his ears then approaches you. You become tensed and hold the blonde man’s arm tightly “It’s okay. He just want to check your condition” he said to make you calmer.

Dr. Kim gestures a hand to ask you to lay down. A nurse comes to open the buttons of your shirt but you prevent heras you cross your arm protecting your chest area “What are you doing?” You’re tensed.

“I have to open your shirt to help Dr.Kim to check your health. There’s no need to afraid Sir. “

Sir…

As you heard that word, you realize that you’re dressing as a man now. Not as Minah. So you slowly loosen your arms and let the doctor to check you.

Dr. Kim asks you “Can I know your name Sir….”

“I don’t have name” you answered plainly.

Everyone stares at you with wided eyes “So you don’t remember your name?”

You smiled coldly at the doctor “I wish I did remember my name”

***

“Yah, are your mind going out somewhere or you’re being an idiot again?” A middle aged man pats Hyukjae on the head because the latter is staring to nowhere blankly, letting the food in front of him sulking alone on the plate untouched.

“Aww, ahjushi it’s hurt!!” Hyukjae holds the ached part of his head.

The man almost hits him again but only at the midair “Call me hyungnim, Baboya! I am not that old to be called as ahjushi from an old brat like you”

Hyukjae pouts “But I know you for 16 years. You’re an oldman for me”

The man who had been once as his neigbour for 2 years comes to him and starts to circle his arm tightly around Hyukjae’s neck “Mwoya? What did you say?”

“Ah… arasso Hyungnim arasso!!” Hyukjae grimaces make the man laughs “Hahaha… I am kidding brat” he releases his arm then ruffles Hyukjae’s hair.

He sits beside the younger “Yah, I let you taste the food I just made not for free but demand your opinion if it’s delicious or there’s still something wrong with it’s taste. You’re usually acting like a greedy monkey in front of my food but now you haven’t even touch it for almost an hour”

Hyukjae lowered his head, looks gloomy from the Chef’s view “Mianhae hyungnim”

The man who’s the head chef of Mamonde Hotel where Hyukjae works at now stares at him with concern. He knows something wrong with this kid “Yah, what’s wrong? Is it about that Ji Eun girl who had rejected you? Yah! There’s still a lot of girls who are much prettier and cuter than her out there. Want me arrange a special blind date for you?” he smirkes at him.

Hyukjae pouts again, doesn’t want to be remembered again about his one side love with his neighbourhood crush Ji Eun. They have settled their relationship to remain as bestfriend but deep inside his heart, he is still disappointed with the rejection “It’s not about that Hyungnim”

The chef taps his own chin, thinking for the second best option “If it isn’t like that then…. Is Mr.Park scolding you again? Yah, you have to stop going out in working hours. Last time, I could save you but if you do that again I am not so sure …”

“It’s…it’s because I worry about him” Hyukjae whispered.

Chef Lee Sunkyun sighs “Do you mean the boy you saved from Hangang river a week ago? How is his condition now?”

Hyukjae shrugged “He doesn’t talk much. It’s scared me to hell when I received a call from hospital that he cut his forearm with a fragment of glass”

Chef Lee pats his shoulder “Hyukjae-ah, just leave him with paramedics and police. You did a good job to save him. That’s all. But if that person doesn’t value the second life he got, he doesn’t deserve to be saved again. There’s no cure to a desperate people who give up their life”

Hyukjae shakes his head “Aniyo, hyung. I can’t leave him like that. It’s like my responsibility to take care of him. I think… I think… he need me”

“That’s your thought, not his. He may blame you for saving his life”

Hyukjae looks at the Chef. He wants to argue about the latter’s statement but he can’t deny that it could be true. The way that man looked at him whenever he visited him was like kind of blaming him for saving his life. But there’s something in his eyes that make Hyukjae can’t fully agree with Chef Lee’s statement. Those eyes meant more than any angers and sadness Hyukjae had seen in his life. They looked lost. Like a ship without sail and compass.

“Hyukjae”

He jerks up from spacing out “Ne..Ne? What did you say, hyungnim?”

“I asked you is he pretty?“

Hyukjae’s cheek becomes slightly red “Wa…Why did you ask that kind of question? It’s not because he is pretty and have a beautiful voice that I saved him. I—I did that because I am kind”

Chef Lee smirks. He always know that the younger always fail for lying. “Kind…huh? So he is pretty and has a beautiful voice” he .

Hyukjae becomes more nervous and regrets he just blurted out some hints “Don’t… don’t look at me like that, Hyungnim”

Chef Lee chuckles “Does he still not remember his name? How about the police investigation result?”

Hyukjae shakes his head again “Everytime the police asked him. His answer was same. Dr. Kim said there’s nothing wrong with his physical condition. There is no missing people report either about a man with physical features like him”

Chef Lee let out a long sigh. He take more sympathy toward the man whom he never meet before “Now I understand why he wanted to take out his life. There’s no one who could live without name and memories” he nods.

“If…if  we give him new memories, I think he will live his life again. Right Hyungnim?” Hyukjae stares at the older man beside him.

Chef Lee ruffles his hair again “Yah! Is that the only reason you care for him or because you like him”

Hyukjae becomes jumpy with the sudden statement from Chef Lee because it’s felt like stabbing straight to his chest “Wha…what? An…aniyo.I didn’t mean—“

(ring)  (ring)  (ring)

Hyukjae can’t finish his sentences because his phone’s ringing all of a sudden. He picks up the phone from his pocket “Yoboseyo?”

Chef Lee notices Hyukjae’s expression changes to a shock after a moment “What happen, Hyukjae-ah?”

Hyukjae’s eyes widens “What? He is missing? I’ll get there soon” he becomes panic and takes his coat “Hyungnim, I have to go!!” he says as he rushes to the door.

Chef Lee stans up “Yah!! How if Mr.Park search you here? What the hell is happening?”

“Just tell him I get a diarrhea” Hyukjae says before his figure is disappeared from the older man’s sight. Chef Lee shakes his head “If I tell him that as an excuse, he will accuse my food can make people sick, baboya!!!” He yells and scratch his head in frustration to find another reason except diarrhea.

***

You are on a rooftop of the hospital, leaning to a bar fence which is stood as high as your waist. Seoul’s view doesn’t interest you much. Maybe your eyes are staring at it but your mind not. That dream is still there.

You never look at a mirror for this passed week. You don’t want to see your reflection. Eventhough you have cut your hair short, Cho Minah is still there. The fake Cho Minah. She laughed at you. She laughed for your lost and mocked you because you run from them. You’re afraid to see their possible looks after knowing the truth. Hatred. Disgust. Betrayed. Especially him. Your Kyuhyun. That’s why you left a letter instead.

Your eyes feel heavy. You haven’t had any good sleep this passed week because insomnia. You never afraid of anything, but you have to admit that you didn’t want to sleep because of that dream. You can’t bear to feel of losing the person you loved over and over again. It’s enough for you as if you could give up your life again to not be able to sleep for the coming weeks also.

You stare at your bandaged forearm. Everyone thought you tried to commit suicide again but actually you cut your wrist not because you wanted to die again You need to stay awake and more than that, you need  a way to replace your invisible pain with another pain. The burn feeling. It's felt good.

You open the bandage. Your arm feels ached as you pull it because your wound is attached tightly with the fabric. The scar is still looked fresh barely dried but it has joined nicely so it won’t bleed again except you make a new one. You take something from your pocket. A small fragment of glass which you hid secretly after the last incident.

“No!! Sungmin, don’t do that!!!” A hand pulls your wrist then forcely takes away the glass fragment from your hand. You turn to look at the person. It’s him again.

He stares at you, breathless “What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy? Is this fun for you?” he yelled at you.

At time like this, you should pull your hand and scold him to leave you alone but you stand still. Your breath is paused. You think your ears have tricked you “What... What did you just call me?”

TBC

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Here the new chapter guys ^^. This is an unbeta-ed. Welcomes for new readers and subscribers. Thank you so much ^^. Please don’t forget to give me COMMENTs about this chapter. Critics about the story are always welcomed too xD.