--le Review

.....AFF really needs autosave.... /cry cry cry cry cry

Title: 5/5

Honestly, if I were scrolling down a list of stories to read, I probably wouldn't pick this one, since the title "Anonymous" just seems a big vague to me. However, it fits the story, as it's about an "anonymous" sender of paper cranes after all, so you deserve full points.

Grammar: 10/10

Seriously, after reading your stories, I feel as if you never make any grammar mistakes. But, I need to mention that I'm simply atrocious at grammar, and I probably missed some small details. Overall, though, your story is pretty much mistakes-free, so ten out of ten.

One issue I did have (this is probably a pet peeve) was with your use of "would." My English teacher always tells me that "would" should only be used when the word "if" is somewhere in that sentence. 

For example, you wrote:

"But I knew that as everyone got deeper into the spirit of the game, my turn would come up eventually."

One way to change it is:

"But I knew that as everyone got deeper into the spirit of the game, my turn was going to come up eventually."

It's not such a big deal though, since creative writing really isn't all that formal, so I'm not going to dwell on it. Just something to take note of.

Edit: Talked to my teacher about this. He told me I was an idiot. Yeah. I think that speaks for itself LOL.

Plot: 25/25

I seriously love this story. I'm not even kidding. The idea of a secret "admirer" that isn't really an admirer is just...intriguing. Especially since everything was born from something as trivial as a dare at a party. To think that it blossomed into a five year long event. The plot itself wasn't "mindblowing," but it was intense in a subtle way. To me, this story wasn't just plain fluff, but almost like a "coming-of-age" type of thing. Jihyun was a type of person that never talked much and had little friends, but the fact that she was able to tell Sungyeol she was the one who had been folding him paper cranes seems to show that she matured over the years and that possibly, it was Sungyeol and the cranes that had heloped her. I don't know, is it just me?

Originality: 20/25

I've read quite a lot of stories regrading paper cranes. I've also read a lot of stories about paper cranes with messages that were given anonymously. However, I never read one quite like this, where two people have a sense of attachment that really isn't romance, but maybe something even more than that. The two of them, Jihyun and Sungyeol, are really strangers, but at the same time, they aren't. They never knew each other directly, but Sungyeol probably knows more about Jihyun than most others do. I really liked that about your story.

Characterization: 8/10

Jihyun's character in this story, though not explicitly stated, is quite easy to pick up. She's quiet, she's used to solitude, and she "fades into the background." The story revolves around two POVs, Jihyun's and Sungyeol's, but unlike with Jihyun, I don't feel a sense of "closeness" with Sungyeol. I can see Jihyun as the person she is, meticulously folding paper cranes every night and sitting quietly in the back of the classroom picking up everything that goes around her yet never being noticed. However, I can't help but feel that Sungyeol's character is a tad underdeveloped. Jihyun often mentions that he's playful and loud, but in the story, there really isn't much about him acting like that, so it was a bit hard for me to see him as such a person. His style of thinking actually seemed somewhat mature, as opposed to a more childish mindset. 

Now as of "cliche" characters, I have to say that none of your stories have "cliche" characters. I actually have an issue with that term, since really, the word "cliche" is exactly what it is--cliche. Most people think such characters are either 1) shy and nerdy, 2) super optimistic, super innocent, and super well-liked, or the occasional 3) bad- s that really aren't bad-. Jihyun falls into the first category, and Sungyeol probably the second (I think, I can't really judge Sungyeol's character). BUT, the way you wrote about the two is definitely not "cliche," so there's nothing to say about that.

Flow: 15/15

Despite the fact that the story is a one-shot that takes place over five(?) years, there are no sudden stops along the way that confused me. There are time skips, but those were executed quite nicely. Also, I like way the characters mature alongside with the passing of time (like how the notes in the cranes began changing). This probably should be in characterization, but I think it sort of coincides with flow too.

Writing Style: 8/10

This is more of a subjective thing, but in my opinion, one needs a good writing style to produce good works. A good writing style isn't one that's over embellished with unnecessary figurative speech. It's one that is consistent and characterizes your writing. It's something that is unique to you. I'm not saying that it has to be so distinct that people will know it's your writing right off the bat. It's more of something like, after reading the story and seeing the author's name, the reader will go, "Ah, no wonder, I thought the style seemed familiar." 

In the beginning of your story, I was sort of conflicted about your story, because it was definitely informal and casual, but it also seemed to be veering to prosaic, no-nonsense, formal writing (does this even make sense). However, as I continued reading, your writing began to take a definite shape, and by the end of the story, you seemed to have found the style that was missing in the beginning. The last half of the story was much more tightly bound than the beginning. 

Total: 91/100

Comments:

This is a really high score, but really, your writing is beautiful. It's nothing crazy, but it has a nice sense of familiarity to it. And I loved the story. It's like a Japanese drama but not really. I don't really know what I'm saying anymore, it's like 3:11 AM in the morning. Sorry if this review doesn't satisfy you, lol. If you have any questions or would like me to clarify anything, please either comment below or PM me. 

Yeah. ...I apologize for my terrible grammar and my tenses are probably all over the place but yeah.

Goddammit had to retype this CURSE YOU AFF CURSE YOUUU.

Gnight guys. 

--le Poster

A/N: Shh... I'm trying to comprehend how much fail I have in me.

I had a totally awesome idea. And yeah. You can see what happened. Sorry? Lol. I hope you like it anyways.

I--yeah nevermind.

--le Drabble

"Fifty dollars," Sungyeol says as he slides over and leans against the window, next to Dongwoo who was staring intently into the dance room.

"Fifty dollars what?" Dongwoo murmurs, distracted.

"Fifty dollars that you won't be able to ask her out before Valentine's Day," Sungyeol replies, face adorned with a grin that would make Cheshire Cat cower in shame.

Dongwoo turns to meet Sungyeol's mocking eyes before scoffing. "Bull. Valentine's Day is in two weeks. Seolhwa will be mine by then." A bright childish smile lights up his face as he resumes his unabashed staring, waving frantically when the female teacher in the room spots him by the window and smiles.

"Dude," Sungyeol begins, cracking his gum and blowing a bubble. "You're whipped. Whipped."

Dongwoo punches him in the shoulder before throwing a folder of papers in his face, telling him to finish the paperwork in two hours. He snickers at Sungyeol's appalled face and opens the door to the dance room, greeting the five and six year olds that ran over to him.

---

"Seolhwa?" Dongwoo calls as he pokes his head in her office. "Are you busy?"

An attractive young woman stops midreach at a bookshelf and looks at him. 

"Oh hey, Dongwo. What's up?" She slides a book onto the shelf and smiles at him, gesturing for him to take a seat.

"Well," Dongwoo starts, taking a few tiny steps into the room, but not sitting. Instead, he opts to stare at his shuffling feet and fiddles with his fingers.

"What's wrong?" She asks, voice laced with concern.

"Well." Dongwoo coughs, eyes flitting around the room and fixing on a point slightly to the left of Seolhwa's ear. "I was wondering if you were bu--"

"Oops, excuse me for a second," Seolhwa says, flashing him an apologetic smile as her phone begins ringing.

She steps out for a moment, and despite the superior soundproofing of the room, Dongwoo could hear snippets of the conversation through the crack in the door. He catches the words Valentine's Day, no, I'm busy, and sorry, and he flops onto the black leather couch, neck bent as he stares up at the ceiling, silently cursing God.

"Sorry about that." Seolhwa's back in the room, and she's standing with her arms crossed, leaning against the door frame as she observes Dongwoo with amusement. "What's up with you?"

"Not much," Dongwoo mutters. "I just got rejected for a Valentine's date without even asking."

"Rejected? You were going to ask someone out?" Seolhwa sounded surprised.

"Something like that. Just found out she was busy though."

"Is that why you're here? To mope in my office?" Seolhwa asks, voice tinged with something that Dongwoo couldn't quite make out.

"Not exactly. That'll be a good idea right now though."

Seolhwa chuckles before plopping down on the couch next to Dongwoo, nudging him with her shoulder.

"Who were you going to ask?" She says teasingly.

Dongwoo mutters unintelligibly and lazily waves a hand around. 

"What? Sorry, didn't catch that."

Dongwoo sighs. Might as well. He sits up, startling Seolhwa, and turns to her abruptly, looking her in the eye with a determined expression.

"You," he says quietly, forcing his eyes to not dart away. "I was going to ask you."

Seolhwa looks shocked for a few moments, mouth slightly open as she stares wordlessly at a nervous, fidgeting Dongwoo. Then, she collects herself and pulls an unimpressed face, eyebrows raising.

"And who said I was busy on Valentine's Day?"

Dongwoo's eyes widen as he opens his mouth before closing it again. "B-but," he splutters. "Didn't you just say--"

"You idiot," she says exasperately, whacking Dongwoo on the arm. "That was my friend! She said her boyfriend invited us to go to Busan on Valentine's Day, but there was someone else I wanted to spend Valentine's with, so I turned her down."

"Oh." Dongwoo smiles sheepishly. "Oops? Who did you want to spend Valentine's with?" He asks curiously, heart jumping in his throat.

Seolhwa rolls her eyes. "Jang Dongwoo. Are you free for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on February 14th?" She asks with an amused smile.

Dongwoo's heart stops as he comprehends her words. Me? He mouths silently, and Seolhwa giggles and nods.

"Y-yeah," he says, puffing out his chest in an attempt to look cooler. "Yeah, I'm free."

"Great," Seolhwa says, and she leans back on the couch, looking satisfied.

"So..." Dongwoo begins after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"What?"

"Does that mean we're dating now?" Dongwoo asks casually, eyes staring up at the ceiling. "Ow!" He yelps a few moments later, rubbing the spot on his shoulder where Seolhwa had just slapped him.

"You don't ask a question like that," she scolds.

"Oh." He stays silent for a few seconds. "So are we?"

She gives a dramatic sigh before throwing her hands up in the air. "Yes, yes, we are, okay?"

"Okay," he says happily. "That means I can do this, right?"

Dongwoo turns to face her and leans in, pressing a light kiss to her lips before pulling away, grinning. She stares at him shocked, before blinking.

"Who gave you permission to do that?" She says indignantly, flushing and turning away from him pointedly.

He continues smiling to himself as he replies, "Your new boyfriend."