"Now, all you have to do is throw the sticks up like this, and the score is added by whichever one is facing down or up. Do you get it Yeon? Yeon?"

Taeil waved a Yut stick between your eyes until you blinked, coming out of the depressive trance you had from staring at the empty floorboards of the deck.  Yukwon was lying down reading a map upside down,  Jaehyo sitting silently beside you. Time passed on the ship for you who did not keep track of anything, whether the moon rose or the sun set in the far east or west, north or south, becoming hungry or eating until your stomach could burst, nothing mattered much.  During the first few weeks you had kept the days in mind, refusing to eat any sort of food offered from a table, plate, or person.  You stayed in your own room, the desolate waves that continuously crashed along the sides drowning you in sleep. There were no words that escaped the cracking of your dried lips, no emotions that you could display in front of the men you had called once your friends.  Things remained, for a long while you thought, empty without Yongguk.

"Yeon-ah~ you have to play with me! It's no fun when you aren't paying attention."

"Mmmm," you replied, your gaze only focused on the vast ocean that held nothing for your heart.

"Hey," Taeil stood up, taking you with him in a surprisingly strong grip in his small hands, "Don't look at that for too long."

You leaned back onto his cheek, a daunting expression written over hollowed cheeks.  Jaehyo rose as well, frowning at the sight of your weakness.

"Yeon, don't. It sends your mind wandering, your heart yearning for something you cannot have. This I know, so come with me and let me distract those thoughts from your mind," Taeil lead you to the forecastle, his arm around your shoulders.  Jaehyo grew distant from the two of you, receding downstairs to the main deck and underneath to his quarters.  He felt completely responsible for your misery, it seemed that the life had drained from him as well. Barely speaking unless questioned by the Captain, Jaehyo wasn't himself.

"If you notice in the distance, how the clouds are formed, you can tell if it's going to storm tonight or tomorrow. Watch."

Taeil scanned his finger across the sky, explaining the shape of clouds, their colors, whether it would storm or drizzle, and more. The type of knowledge that you had never learned, for Yongguk had taught you to smell when the rain was coming, feeling it in your bones and recognizing the wind's current.

For some reason , you grew accustomed to the skinship you received from the crew since your arrival. Captain Zico's threat of the noose haunted you night and day, and without Kyung or Minhyuk's comforting visits to reassure you their friend would do nothing of the sort, you had become so pale and skinny instead of growing tan from the constant sunlight and reflections of the sea.  Day in and day out you spent in the room, the boys coming in to comfort you and provide some sort of reassurance that you would be alright living here. You weren't. 

Since then, Captain Zico avoided you, for all you saw of him was his shadow that loomed over yours sometimes at night, asking you to eat. His boots echoed footsteps on the floors when he walked passed, his laughter that you questioned when it stirred something inside your heart. Captain Zico was the man you feared for years. He only cares whether I can be healthy to serve him, you thought, therefore you refused everything that was brought up to your mouth but water. It was tough, water was scarce and the crew mostly drank rum.

"You're lonely, aren't you Yeon-ah?"

Pyo rested his head on his large palm, frowning.  He walked up from the main deck, your hair softly. He missed you, after not coming to the port for many months. Although his hyungs were good to you, he wanted to be as well. After you screamed from waking up on the ship, Pyo hadn't tried to approach you in your room like the other crew members. He wanted a moment to himself, where he could be with a good friend, a small young girl he could share stories with, who he could bring a bright smile to her unhappy face. 

"Go away Jihoon," you whispered, burying your head into Taeil's shoulder.

"Warm up a bit, it hasn't been that long of a journey yet," Taeil calmly spoke, removing Pyo's hand from your head.  "Come back later, she isn’t in the mood," he mouthed.

"Well, I'll be here, whether you like it or not."

Pyo stormed off, his feet heavy on the stairs leading below. The whole spectrum of personalities had changed in every member the minute you stepped on the ship. More so thrown on the ship in a bag by Jaehyo, who hadn't come to your room either. 

"If you mind Jihoon for too long, he'll throw a tantrum. He's not used to you being so sad, you've always been such a cheerful person."

"I miss home," you mumbled.

Taeil gave you a reassuring smile, patting your shoulder.

"And? What of that? What do you miss?"

"Him. I just miss him."

"If you miss Yongguk, then call out."

"How can he hear me?"

"The ocean wind will take your words and travel them across the sea. "

"Taeil, are you joking with me?"

He laughed, a sweet laugh that rung in your ears. How can someone so much older than you be so childish?

"You know what I do Yeon? I sit atop the mast, I climb the web of ropes, I cling onto these simple structures for life only to see what comes in between the horizon.  And so, I have learned to gather my thoughts and leave them to the sea wind, to let my desires get carried away by the ocean, then I am not so selfish for treasure, women or gold, and the like. It is what calms me Yeon."

"If you miss him, scream out the words. Tell him how you feel. There is no one around to judge what you say. Although the Captain might think otherwise, he's not on deck at the moment."

"Go on."

"Yongguk!" you yelled.  Taeil nodded for you to continue.

"Yongguk-ah! If you can hear me, please come save me! I miss you, I miss everyone, I miss you so much!  I lov-"

"Love him?"

Captain Zico pursed his lips, "Tch, I don't understand why you would say such a hopeless thing."

"Zico, she was just-"

"What are you doing Taeil hyung?"

He leaned against the main mast, arms folded across his muscular chest. You could make out his collarbone, running inside the vest he wore to reveal a slight tattoo. At this point, the fear from the Captain receding to the back of your mind, replaced with the strangest growing feeling of why he couldn't have just not worn the vest underneath his jacket at all.

"She needs to release her stress. Just look at her body, she can barely stand up on her own, let alone run away. And where would she run to? How could her bones take the power of waves? There isn't much she can do Zico, and you know that."

"Fine, let her do as she pleases. But tonight, she is sleeping in my quarters."

"You shouldn't do that Zico," Jaehyo interrupted, striding over from the upper deck. Yukwon had stopped reading the map, eyebrows furrowed at the Captain.

"Tonight, captain's quarters Yeon.  Remember," Captain Zico smirked and left, the wind flipping his jacket stylishly in the breeze.

Holding you closely, Taeil covered you from the harsh wind that suddenly blew  cascading sea spray upwards.

"Do I have to?" you asked, blinking from the salt that stung your eyes.

"I'm afraid so, sorry Yeon," Jaehyo replied, entwining his fingers in your hand.

I wish you knew Yeon-ah,  Zico thought, almost punching a hole into his precious ship, breathing heavily, I wish you knew how much I do care about you. It's just too difficult to explain what I exactly am to you.