Farewell
Bubble Love
Tiffany stared at Jessica’s unfinished meal which seemed too much to be wasted if they just decided to leave the restaurant after 1 hour having their lunch.
She remembered how Jessica just took a bit of rice to every 10 minutes and chewed it slowly and sometimes took a sip of water from the glass.
It was not like the two of them were having never ending chit chat during lunch like they used to in the past.
Today, mostly Tiffany broke the silence but failed getting response from Jessica. She was quiet and completely ignored Tiffany, she was lost in her own world the whole time since morning.
Although Tiffany was a bit disappointed of how Jessica acted like a complete loner today, but she promised to cheer Jessica up the best she can.
It was a good idea having a vacation just with Jessica for a few days, and they just arrived at the beach, the first place on the list where Tiffany wanted to visit.
She was so excited that they finally can enjoy the beautiful sight of the sea and listen to the peaceful ocean melody with Jessica, but she seemed excited alone by herself, Jessica didn’t feel the same.
Today was just the first day of the vacation and who would have thought Jessica never wanted this?
“Jessi.” Tiffany gave a big sigh while looking at Jessica.
“Hmm?” The Ice Princess didn’t even bother to look at her.
“Does it taste awful?” Tiffany pointed at Jessica’s plate.
“No.”
“Did you lose your appetite?”
“No.”
“Then what is it? Aren’t you hungry?”
“No.”
“Okay, if you’re done, I guess we’re leaving.” How tiffany wished Jessica would slightly protest she hasn’t finished her lunch yet, but…
“Okay.” She sure just got on Tiffany’s nerve with just one word for her every answer to every question.
But as much as Tiffany wanted to get angry, she just couldn’t.
She planned the whole vacation to spend more time with Jessica, not to having fights with her.
As much as she knew Jessica never enjoyed the moment, she wouldn’t give up no matter what.
But this is the only way to get Jessica’s attention…
“Yah! I’m going to break up with you!” And yes, finally Jessica looked her up in the eyes for the words ‘break up’.
“When are you going to stop being like this?” Tiffany continued angrily only to get no response from Jessica.
“Jessi, I want you to know that I’m happy you’re now here by my side, I’m happy the way we are now, could you please at least smile for me once in a while? I know you’re tired but this isn’t the end of the world, it will never end.” Another big sigh from Tiffany after a while.
“You know we don’t have much time left Jessi, we’re not going to waste it like this, otherwise we will regret forever, could you just enjoy the moment we have now?” Tiffany continued while looking at Jessica’s eyes deeply.
Jessica didn’t know what to say, she thought a lot of things since morning, something happened to her, she didn’t know what to do.
She thought deeply of something will happen in the future that is concerning her life as well.
Something bad or maybe worst in her life is happening but she couldn’t stop it. Something that made her suffocating, driving her mad and crazy.
She is Jessica Jung, who happened to be a nothing-is-impossible girl.
A beautiful and popular girl who used to get what she wants, who used to never fail even once to get what she needs.
She used to be the richest girl in their college, smart and always confident at everything she does.
But today, the entire feeling Tiffany gets from her is some kind of a… zombie?
A complete lost of hope young woman like there will be no tomorrow anymore.
‘Man, how am I to enjoy this vacation if she always with the face looks like a dead people’ is what Tiffany just had in her mind.
“A.. arasso.” Jessica whispered slowly after few minutes while forcing a simple smile to Tiffany.
Well, if that was what Tiffany wanted to hear, but we all knew it leads to nowhere.
Flashback
3 hours ago when the two of them just arrived, at the beach.
Tiffany just got off the car with a bright smile facing the beautiful beach somewhere a bit far from Seoul and the weather seemed nice.
Slowly she put her thick coat on, feeling a bit cold from the ocean wind kept brushing her whole body. It wasn’t really that cold in mid autumn actually, but she just felt more like winter already.
Was it because of the Ice Princess Jessica staring at her coldly that made her shivering like crazy?
She looked at the motionless Jessica beside, her trademark icy glare contained a bit worry in the eyes. A pair of lips smiled again from the latter’s face.
“Jessi, you know I’m weird, but you look weirder.” Tiffany gave her famous eye smile under the morning sun shining brightly to her pale white skin, she even looked paler than ever.
Jessica sighed. Her eyes softened seeing the smile in front of her as pretty as always, she has worried over nothing.
But still, she has been worrying some other things in her mind.
Slowly Tiffany walked to the front where she could witness the beautiful view of nature.
Her eyes caught a couple not too far from them, one chasing another ran happily bare feet on the sand. Laughs could be heard clearly between them. What a lovely couple she thought.
She wanted to run showing how excited she was being here at the beach but she knew she would never do that. Jessica would definitely mad at her immediately if she decided to do it.
She turned her head to Jessica who walked along with her, the brunette looked too busy in her little mind as well.
Tiffany knew exactly what Jessica had in mind, somethings concerning their relationship that would definitely place them to tears, mad, guilty, crazy, depressed, in the future.
She never wanted to talk or even think about it, so she decided to just do like nothing happened.
“Jessi, do you remember this coat? It’s your first gift on my birthday when we were in high school.” She pointed proudly to the pink coat she just put on few minutes ago.
“It’s the first gift from you so I like to have it with me everywhere I go, It looks new still, I took care of it very well.” Another happy face showed in front of Jessica.
Jessica just remained silence. She took a glance to Tiffany’s coat which was supposed to be worn few months later for normal people, of course people will find her weird wearing a winter coat in september, she breathed heavily thinking Tiffany didn’t care what other people might think about herself, but she cared.
“CLICK!” Her eyes moved to a sudden sound with what Tiffany was doing.
“Damn! I need to put some more make up in the car.” Tiffany cursed after seeing her self-camera result.
“But its not bad at all.” She mumbled to herself again as she still looked cute with her eye smile in the picture.
Just then Jessica realized she hasn’t seen this cute side of Tiffany quite a while, she missed those days back then they were still in their happy moments together.
She remembered the first time they met in high school, how she acted so cold to Tiffany who was a new student in her class kept smiling at her like an idiot all the time.
She remembered she was really annoyed by Tiffany who used to look dumb at everything that she had to help her to get through all the things no matter what.
She remembered the first time she ditched class for Tiffany and got scolded from her parents and teacher.
She remembered how a straight like an arrow girl like her fell in love with a girl and ended up turning gay just for Tiffany.
She remembered their first kiss, they shared the sweetest innocent kiss ever.
She remembered all those happy days, always filled with Tiffany’s beautiful face, innocent, dumb and cute at the same time.
These are going to be memories she will never forget about Tiffany, she missed those days so much and cursed for they are now gone.
How come?
How come everything is now different?
How come for the last couple of months they been filling the days with tears and tears only?
How come they can’t be just as happy as before?
They have been known each other for 5 years, and now in their final year of college, 1 more year to finally graduate, but how come she is not graduating together with Tiffany?
There were too much questions in head with just one ridiculous answer that has never been accepted by her.
She would never accept it, but the fact that she has to no matter what, just killed her.
Cruel reality just came hit her really bad and broke her heart into thousand pieces.
She was controlling another round of tears not to fall down her cheeks, it was so hard, just by thinking of it she couldn’t even breathe.
God knows she hasn’t slept for quite few days, just last night she went drunk and wished she could forget all the sad things happened recently but she couldn’t even close her eyes and ended up crying for the rest of the night before picking Tiffany up for their vacation this morning.
She didn’t like this vacation, their last vacation.
No matter how much she hates it, she knew it means so much to Tiffany sharing times together again with her.
She knew she had to act happy for Tiffany but sometimes she just couldn’t.
“Jessi, we’re gonna have one together.” Before Jessica response showing that she wasn’t interested to take picture together, Tiffany already called a help from a person who walked by.
She gave her digital camera to that person before walked back to Jessica and pulled jessica’s arm in to her hug.
"We're using the beach as background, smile Jessi." Tiffany said happily only to get no response from Jessica.
"C'mon Jessi, we're on the camera, smile." She used aegyo in her husky voice this time.
Jessica couldn’t help, she chuckled a bit seeing how cute Tiffany was, although she couldn’t act happy most of the time, she just couldn’t resist Tiffany sometimes.
It was a bit awkward, but for the first time since the morning, Jessica smiled in their picture together with Tiffany.
And that’s it, no more for the rest of the day.
End of flashback.
~*~
Jessica sat on the grass up on the hill, interested to another yellow land across the sea in front of her, she thought that beautiful land must be covered by yellow flowers.
She didn’t bother to look at Tiffany was doing thinking that the scenery was too beautiful for a place like this, a graveyard?
“I’m sorry that I just introduced you to my mother now, after 5 years of dating with you, Jessi.” Tiffany said, she turned her head, all she saw was Jessica’s back with her another silence replied showing she wasn’t interested at all.
Well, she always look like she isn’t interested to everything. Tiffany felt bored with it and sleepy at the same time as Jessica didn’t say anything.
She turned back to her mother’s grave, feeling guilty for both of her mother and Jessica.
“I had never come back here since the day after they buried her. She died 12 years ago, I had never once just to visit even on her death anniversary. I am a really bad daughter, am I?” She slightly laughed at herself.
“…”
“Jessi, I am a bad daughter, I am also a bad lover.” She tried to seek attention, but Jessica didn’t want to respond as she felt anger started boiling inside of her thinking where Tiffany was going to with those.
“Jessi… are you a bad lover too?” Tiffany asked. She seemed to be worried to continue her sentence “Will… will you… visit my gra...”
“I told you I’m not going to talk anything about this bull. It’s because you’re not feeling well, I will deal with you on everything, EVERYTHING except this. So drop it or I will never forgive you, Tiffany.” the Ice Princess finally to burst out without letting the latter finish her sentence.
Still with her position not looking at Tiffany. Obviously the sentence did hurt Tiffany much, but Jessica was hurt the most.
~*~
Tiffany sat on the bed, her eyes wandered to the hotel room, its just a simple room for their first night of the vacation but everything looks nice.
A clean white blanket covered half part of her body on the king size bed.
She took out her camera from the bag on the table beside, she turned it on.
Her finger started to press the playback button and scanning it from page to page, she smiled for the photos she took today. Its night already, she felt tired from having fun the whole day, was she really having fun?
Argh she didn’t want to think about it.
Tiffany heard the bathroom door opened and saw Jessica stepping out with a towel in her hand wiping her face.
She placed the towel on the couch before reaching the bottle from her bag, poured a bit liquid from the bottle on her palm before rubbing it with both hands, and slightly patted to her face and forehead.
Slowly she walked towards the bed, got her feet in the blanket and sat right beside the latter.
Tiffany really admired her girlfriend, the toner she just used smelt good, and even with just in a simple white t-shirt and a long training pants, Jessica still looked gorgeous.
Jessica looked at tiffany is happy playing with her camera, she didn’t talk anything or want to disturb the moment.
“I wonder how we look like when we are in our 40 or 50. Ever thought about that?” Tiffany suddenly asked, even though she knew exactly, it is something that will never happen to her.
“No.” Jessica answered softly without looking at Tiffany.
Tiffany turned off her camera and placed it on the table, after she witnessed on how Jessica acted today, she felt that they needed to have a deep talk.
“After years later, will you still remember my face?” Tiffany asked, her eyes trying to catch Jessica’s eyes.
“We took a lot of pictures together remember?” Jessica said while looking away trying to avoid eyes to eyes with Tiffany.
“Jessi, why don’t you face it like this would happen to everyone sooner or later? Whatever is happening is not a big deal.” Again Tiffany didn’t want to lose to make an eye contact, before her hands were about to grab Jessica’s shoulder, she heard a heavy sigh from her.
“How? You’re going to leave soon. You’re not going to stay by my side anymore, how can I just pretend like nothing happened?” Jessica slowly whispered, her voice sounded weak, she was trying hard not letting her tears shedding from her eyes.
Tiffany reached Jessica’s hand and held it tightly.
“Its gonna be fine, Jessi. Don’t be afraid. You have my love with you forever. I’m glad I have someone who named Jessica Jung in my life. I’m happy that my life is all completed cause of her. I have nothing to regret. Thank you Jessica.”
Jessica couldn’t avoid her eyes anymore, she stared deeply at Tiffany who was about to cry as well.
Both of them hugging each other slowly as they finally decided to let their feelings uncontrolled.
They rested their chins on each other shoulders. Tears started to flow from their eyes.
“I became the happiest person in the world because I’ve met you. Even when I’m not around, you’ll be fine to continue your own life.” Tiffany said between their hug.
“It’s impossible Fany ah, I won’t be fine, you know it more than anyone does.” Jessica couldn’t take it anymore, she sobbed, ignoring Tiffany’s shirt became wet cause of her.
“Forget me, and continue to live your life. You need to move on. You’ll be meeting other person, and when you do, you’ll love that person just as much as you love me now.” It was hard for Tiffany for even whispering this on Jessica’s ear, but she had to.
She released the hug making another eye contact with Jessica.
“Enjoy the happiness and love from someone else, you know those are things I won’t be able to give you in the future. You have to be happy Jessi, do it for me.” She continued.
Jessica shook her head slightly still in her tears that will never stop falling.
“Promise me.” Tiffany sobbed. “When I die, promise me you’ll keep on living. Promise me you will forget everything about me, please Jessi.” Tiffany cried hard feeling her cheeks all wet still begging on Jessica.
One person is going to die enough to make all the people around her to suffer, how hard to courage herself saying goodbye to her friends and family before spending the rest of the days just with Jessica.
She was weak and helpless, but she found Jessica is much weaker than her, she had the feeling Jessica wouldn’t mind to kill herself after she died.
No, Tiffany won’t let it happen. She knew it’s truly unfair and cruel to Jessica has to live alone without her, but she loves Jessica too much.
“This is my last wish, Jessica. I beg you, please.” Tiffany cried harder.
Jessica didn’t know what to say, even if there was something she wanted to say, it just stuck in as she is crying her heart out once more feeling completely helpless.
Last wish? You’re such cruel person, Tiffany Hwang. How could you do this to me?
It wasn’t the ocean wind where Tiffany had to put on her winter coat this morning.
It wasn’t the sunshine making Tiffany looked paled than ever.
It wasn’t Jessica’s silence boring Tiffany, making her feel sleepy all the time.
It was all that god damn leukemia inside Tiffany’s body.
Why does she have to die?
Jessica couldn’t mad at Tiffany this time just like earlier when she was about to ask whether Jessica would visit her grave someday.
As much as she hates it, she knew Tiffany wouldn’t let her escape from this conversation.
She felt Tiffany’s hand holding onto hers tighter than ever, shaking. Once again she looked at Tiffany’s eyes, scanning deeply inside.
Tiffany wasn’t afraid of death, she was afraid the love of her life probably do something stupid after she died.
“Promise me, Jessi.” Tiffany was sobbing hard, she found herself hardly breathing, tears started to blur her vision.
Seeing her girlfriend begging like this, Jessica's eyes softened. And slowly she nodded, she didn’t have any strength to answer anymore as her heart was going to break once again.
Tiffany smiled in her tears, felt much lighter in her heart thinking Jessica will finally learn to accept everything.
They hugged each other once again, the room was filled with tears and heavy breathing, just another sad moment in nights they have been through lately.
Jessica will learn to keep on living without Tiffany beside, she will try to learn to do what she has promised no matter how hard it is, but she will never forget Tiffany as she is waiting for the day they finally meet again the next life.
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