A/N: hi! here's the one-shot story! It might be a little long but please enjoy it! :) 

just for some to note! Italic words are flashbacks, and the normal fonts is what's happening in the present. ^-^

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“I’m sorry.” That his last words to me before he pressed those puffy lips on my own again. The feeling hadn’t changed. I closed my eyes, as tears, containing every moment we had shared together fell from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks.

Those soft and plump lips shifted themselves, kissing off a single tear that had landed by the side of my lips.

Before it could escalate up to anything of any sort, he pulled away.

Turning on his heels swiftly, he walked towards the door, and just turning that single knob, he was out of that door.

He wasn’t coming back. Not now, not ever.

I was seated on the couch, changing the channels on the television.

And there was that same old voice. I anticipated, as the camera flickered over to his face. His skin, still as pale, as milky.

Those lips, it never seemed to have changed its form. Still as puffy and plump.

And that smile.

That gummy little smile that seemed to be plastered on his own face each time we met. It was beautiful.

“Ah, Hyukjae-ssi, how do you feel about Super Junior’s sixth album?” The interviewer passed asked, before hyukjae was given a microphone to answer.

His eyes flickered over to meet mine. Well, I was just being paranoid. It was a television screen.

“It felt good! And without the other members, this wouldn’t have been made possible. We have spent 7 years together ever since our debut and we are glad about all the progress and results we have been making.” He spoke, and ending off with that signature grin on his face.

7 years.

It has been seven whole years. And every part of me longed for him to come back.

But that hope, kind of lost itself through the years of waiting.

“What are you cooking?”  His voice echoed through the kitchen as I felt his familiar pair of arms slid around my own petite waist.

“Ah, isn’t that my favourite?” I heard him say again as he rested his chin on my right shoulder.

“None for you.” I teased as I turned off the fire, scooping all the food up and placing it into a bowl.

Entangling myself out of his arms, I walked towards the kitchen counter, and placed the whole bowl of fried rice down.

He followed behind me, grabbing me by my arm as he twirled me back into his arms.

Pressing his built-up body onto my own front, his arms found their way around my waist once again.

“Why not?”  He frowned as he questioned.

I broke out into a laughing fit just by that look he had on his face. It was priceless when I told him that none of the food was cooked for him.

“I was just kidding.” I smiled before hooking my arms around his neck and tiptoeing to peck him on the lips.

All those memories seemed to be flooding my own mind.

“Look!” He shouted as he pointed at something in the sky with that long and tender fingers he had.

“What is it?”  I asked, looking up from where we were.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He asked again as he stared into the dark sky that was filled with stars on that night.

Standing by the balcony of our apartment, with his hands tightly embracing me on this chilly night.

I felt one of his arms being lifted. He took my hand in his and pointed them in the sky.

“There,”  He moved my pointed finger in a swift motion, out lining the stars that shone in the night sky.

It was a heart.

I gasped, staring at how beautiful nature could be. Maybe even nature had a mind of its own.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He asked, so amazed at how stars could form such an object.

I nodded as I leaned back onto his chest, closing my eyes, feeling the cool breeze against my face.

“My heart is even bigger than that.” He laughed, causing me to open my eyes.

“Why?” I asked. The sky was huge, even the stars, it was nothing compared to it. Look at the amount of stars needed to form such a beautiful heart in the night sky.

“My heart has you. And with you, it has to be big enough. I want to be able to give you as much love as you need.” He paused, as he snuggled into the crook of my neck.

“I love you.” He said, so clearly.

Those words, I kept it close to my own heart. Even after all these years, it never lost it’s form. His voice rings in my mind every now and then still.

“Father and Mother would be so glad to see you again. I hadn’t told them that I was dating you.” He grinned at me before dragging me towards the front porch of his parents’  house.

It was still the same as how I remembered. Playing when we were still little kids, Hyukjae and I would climb around this same porch.

The cool wind invited me as Hyukjae slipped the key in and pushed the door open.

“Father, Mother!” He shouted, removing his coat and hanging it on the coat rack before helping me with removing my own. The house was well kept, and nothing in here changed much since I stopped playing here.

Hyukjae’s mother came out of the kitchen, as she dried her hands on her apron.

“Hyukjae-ah, you are back!” She broke into a lovely smile as she hugged him.

“Mother, this is my girlfriend.” Her eyes flickered over to meet mine as her smile got wider. I smiled and bowed politely.

“Aigoo, no need for that. What a pretty young lady!” She praised, taking my hands and shaking them.

“Mother, don’t you remember her?” Hyukjae asked, trying to make her remember that I used to be the one who played with him when we were younger.

“Aunty, I am Tamami.” I smiled as I bowed once more, as I took her hands in mine.

She gasped, looking at me in shock.

“It’s been so long!” She exclaimed, pulling me into a hug.

“I can’t believe you got back together with Hyukjae! You have no idea how much this kid here liked you when you two were younger.” I shot a glance over at Hyukjae, who in turn, was blushing heavily as he shot his Mother a knowing look.

“Since you two are together, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about!” She exclaimed again. I laughed at how cute and loving she was.

“Oh no! I forgot about the food, I will get back to you guys later on! Hyukjae, don’t tire her out! Let her take a seat!”  His mother scolded. I burst out laughing after she had walked into the kitchen.

“I am sorry, she always like that.” He sighed, leading me to the sofas.

“She is really nice.” I smiled before taking a seat, almost sinking into the soft cushion.

“Oh look who is back home!” I heard a manly voice coming from the long flight of stairs that lead up to the rooms.

“Father!” Hyukjae called out as he stood up from the couch.

I stood up immediately too, beside Hyukjae.

“Ah, Hyuk, is this the girl whom you have been telling us about?” He asked before taking my hand and shaking it. I bowed before introducing myself.

“Uncle, nice meeting you. My name is Tamami.”  I smiled.

“She’s the girl Hyukjae used to play with when he was younger, Dear!” I heard Hyukjae’s mother shouting at the top of her lungs from the kitchen.

I watched as Hyukjae rolled his eyes.

“Ah, Tamami! You have grown to be come such a fine young lady. How have you been?” He asked as we all took a seat by the sofa.

We all talked for a while, catching up on whatever we have missed all these years. Hyukjae used to be my bestfriend. We played all day together, either at my house or at his. We were always with each other.

His house was my second home. And vice versa.

His parents were like my own even.

“So, what are you guys planning for in life together?” Hyukjae’s Father asked out of the blue while we ate at the dining table.

I felt his hand under the table as he took mine in his own, entwining our fingers.

Squeezing it, he spoke.

“I want to marry her.”

Those memories hit me hard like a thousand bricks.

I felt as if it was so hard to breathe. So hard to stop thinking about him any second.

Everything that we had done together in the past was coming back to me. All coming back.

As much as it hurt, I closed my eyes, letting the memories take over.

“I hate you Lee Hyukjae.” I spat, as I sat by the corner of the bed we shared. We weren’t married, but we had been together for almost 5 years. Hyukjae’s parents suggested that we should move in together since we were both living alone.

Things didn’t seem to be turning out the way it should be as soon as we lived together.

Maybe due to the much differences we have, and having too much of each other in a day might be what’s causing all these quarrel.

“I don’t see how it’s my fault!” He retorted, standing up and lifting his hands up in despair.

“You told me that you would come home in time for dinner.” I was angry, I really was. Last night, he told me that he would be back for dinner. But he didn’t come home the entire night and I stayed up waiting, all worried as he didn’t pick up his phone.

“I told you I was out and I forgot the time!”  He yelled back, walking out of the room.

I closed my eyes, resting my head in my hands as tears fell from my eyes openly. There was nothing to hide.

I was worried.

I was more worried than I was angry.

I just wanted to know if he was safe. The time I spend on cooking the feast for him the previous day didn’t matter at all.

His safety was the most important and my first priority.

I remembered crawling back into bed as I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, only to see Hyukjae by my side, as he watched me in my sleeping form.

He was my hair gently as he smiled when I fluttered my eyes open.

“What are you doing here?” I said coldly. He acted as if nothing happened.

“I am sorry.” He said as he looked down at the white blankets.

I sat up immediately. Angry.

“Apology not accepted.” I looked at him, with a stern look on my face.

“I said I am sorry.” He pouted. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” He turned me by my shoulders to face him as he pulled me into his arms, cradling me.

I broke out into a wide smile as he leaned in, pressing his lips onto mine.

“Did you just kiss me without brushing your teeth Lee Hyukjae?” I asked teasingly when we pulled away.

He smiled at me sheepishly before standing up from the bed and running into the toilet.

“But you like morning kisses!” He said as he popped his head out from the toilet.

Quarrels. This kind of quarrels happened everytime.

Maybe it was what made us stronger. It was what pulled us together. This was what made even more memories that hurt the heart once it lost everything.

He came home one day. All soaked to the skin.

Why?

He was shivering in the cold as his eyes, downcast.

“What happened?”  I demanded in shock as I ran towards the room and got a towel for him to wrap himself in.

He shook his head and fell to the floor, his knees giving way.

“What happened?” I watched as he started to cry.

I didn’t know what I could do, but I kneeled on my own knees, pulling him closer to me as he rested his head on my chest.

His sobs, it was something I have never seen.

He was a strong man. Someone who was strong in all times. Someone who would be there for people when they cried. But never one that cried in front of others.

Not even me.

“Tell me what happened. Please Hyukjae.” I begged as hugged him closer to myself, not caring if his already soaked shirt was wetting my own.

“Please tell me, don’t scare me like that baby, what happened?” I probed on, hugging him tighter.

Seeing him hurt, made me hurt too. 

I pulled away, cupping his face into my own hands. His face all stained with tears as he sniffed.

His hair in a ruffled mess as he closed his eyes, tired from all that he was upset from.

I loved him more than anyone I ever loved. I knew him more than anyone did.

He took one of my hands that was cupped on his cheek. He pulled me onto his lap where he sat as he cupped my face in return and kissed those tears off that had fallen when I saw him breaking down in front of me.

Seeing the one you love most breaking in front of you would be the thing that could stab your heart more than a million times. He hurt even more to watch and not being able to do anything about it.

All these happy, all these sad times, they were what made us closer. They were what made up our dreams and hopes for a better future together. They were what made us look forward into a better life ahead of us, how we  could both conquer it all together. Until, he crushed everything. Everything that I once owned.

I came home one day, seeing him getting his clothes from the wardrobe we shared.

“What are you doing?” I asked, almost fearing everything or anything that was about to come.

“Oh you are back.” He dumped the last pile of clothes into the luggage bag before shutting it close. He placed it on the floor and took me by the hand, leading me to the bed.

We sat down and he cupped my hands in his.

“Remember I told you that I auditioned for SM entertainment? The big company where all the stars come out from.” He spoke as he squeezed my hands.

I nodded slowly. I remembered he auditioned for it as he wanted to give it a try. A try for dancing.

Everyone knew he had the talent for dancing. The passion and the love for it.

I remembered telling him to go for it, go for the audition. Pursue your own dreams.

He went for the audition one day when I wasn’t in town. I was overseas to visit a cousin.

I remembered not being able to be there to cheer him on.

“They told me this morning that I got in. I passed the audition.” He smiled.

“But it comes with a condition too.” I looked at him. His face was a mixture of sadness and happiness.

“What is it?” I finally managed to croak out.

“I have to move into the hostels where all trainees would have to stay at for as long as till I am going to debut.” He finally spoke after a long pause.

“How long?” My heart felt empty. I felt scared about the thought about him not being there whenever I opened my eyes in the morning. I felt scared going home to no one.

I felt scared eating alone at the dinner table. I felt scared not being able to go to someone for comfort.

“For how long?” I asked, as my heart anticipated a favourable answer.

“Years.” He said.

Years.

My heart sank. It hurt. I couldn’t imagine life without him.

Never.

“So, we are over…?” I daringly asked. Although I knew his answer would eventually break my heart, I would rather hear it than to live in the dark.

“Of course we are not. But we won’t be able to meet for a long time.” He watched as tears welled up in my eyes. He immediately pulled  me into a hug, his arms around my back as I crashed my face into his chest. Tears didn’t stop. It felt as if everything is being taken away from me. Everything.

“I won’t leave you, not now, not ever.” He said again as he pulled away, wiping my tears off with his thumbs.

“Don’t give up on us,” He whispered as we both stood up from the bed.

“I’m sorry.” That his last words to me before he pressed those puffy lips on my own again. The feeling hadn’t changed. I closed my eyes, as tears, containing every moment we had shared together fell from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks.

Those soft and plump lips shifted themselves, kissing off a single tear that had landed by the side of my lips.

Before it could escalate up to anything of any sort, he pulled away.

Turning on his heels swiftly, he walked towards the door, and just turning that single knob, he was out of that door.

My life was nothing but a mess after he left.

We promised to keep in touch after he left for the hostels. We promised to call each other everyday. We promised to webcam each other every night.

It happened, and each time we talked via the computer screen, I never failed to cry.

There wasn’t enough time to tell him how much I loved him. How much I missed him.

I wanted to tell him so much, but there was no time. He was way to busy for me.

I walked towards my bed as I heard the sound of my ringing tone.

I placed the phone at my ear, only to hear his voice, quick at the other end. “I am sorry, we are having get together with all the trainees tonight, can’t webcam with you. Call you soon.”

Before I could even speak, the line was cut off.

I threw the phone onto the bed again as I laid my pillow, trying to cry myself to sleep.

This was already the fifth time of the week he had been calling and calling off our webcam session.

And each time he said that we would call me soon.

But that phone call where we could pour our hearts out to each other never came.

I hadn’t been able to even speak a word each time he called to call of the webcam session.

The webcams became weekly from a daily basis.

It then became monthly, or sometimes not at all.

There were no phone calls or even messages.

Each time, I felt like giving up, his voice never failed to ring in my ears. “Don’t give up on us.” He said.

How could I not, when he already was?

It hurt a lot, but I told myself I had to.

I told myself there was love, love would hold us together no matter what happens.  As long as you believe in love.

That was years back. The phone calls stopped. We never talked ever since. I waited for years but a single phone call never came.

I guess, we are over, aren’t we? He just chose to tell me in a silent manner.

But he didn’t know that it was the most painful way to hurt someone.

The bell rang.

And that snapped me out of all the thinking I had been going through. All the reliving of this past memories.

I glance at the clock, it was 5PM in the evening.

I had been day dreaming for almost 2 hours.

I remembered about the door, hence standing up to my feet and heading towards the main gate.

I opened the door, only to see my bestfriend.

“You don’t know how lucky you are.” She grinned at me.

“What is it?” I smiled as she bounced into my apartment.

“I got us tickets to Super Show 4 encore in Seoul!” She screamed. My eyes widened in shock the moment I digested the information.

“I am not going for it.”  I stated in a firm voice.

“Why not?!” She asked in a despair, waving the tickets in my face. She doesn’t know about my past with Hyukjae. Or should I say Eunhyuk.

I shook my head.

“No, I can’t go for it.” I said again.

“Come on!” She shouted.

“I spent my own hard earned money on the tickets and I even got one for you to go with me! You will love them, come on!” She whined and kicked up a little fuss in my living hall.

I sighed.

He wouldn’t recognise me even if I went right? There were so many fans in the arena. How would be even see me?

It should be fine.

“Fine, let’s go.”  I smiled at my best friend before walking into my room to get changed.

At the arena, there were so many screaming fans, I felt as if my ear drums were about to burst.

“Where are we seated?” I shouted as we squeezed through the cheering fans.

The concert has yet to start and they are already cheering so loudly!

She took me to the front row, right in front of the main stage as she placed her sling bag onto the floor by her seat.

I stared at her in shock.

“Why are we at the front row?”  I asked.

“Isn’t it good?”  She exclaimed before joining in with the fancharts.

There was no turning back.

Hyukjae’s pov:

I sat in front of the mirror where our make up was done. The concert was starting in minutes.

Before every concert, the anxiety I had always made me sick.

I did what I would always do before everything concert. It was like a ritual.

I got my thick old wallet from my bag. Slowly flipping the thick leather open as I carefully and gently took a picture out.

I stared at it for what seemed like eternity.

“Eunhyuk-yah! What is taking you so long!”  Donghae came in.

The concert was starting. I could hear the fans’ chanting. Donghae immediately kept quiet the moment he saw what I was holding. He was my best friend.

He knew that I would do this before every concert. He knew why.

In my hands, was a picture of the girl I had never stopped loving all these years. All those pledge I made to her that I would love her for eternity never failed to replay themselves in my mind.

I know I had broken them all.

I hadn’t even called her once since the day I stopped doing so; on debut day.

I knew that once Super Junior became a worldwide star, knowing that fans would check on everything about me, they would find out about her. I watched as my hyung’s  girlfriends getting death  threats and even getting cornered and beaten up by fans. I loved her too much, I couldn’t just watch her getting hurt for just loving me.

She didn’t deserve such treatment. She deserved even more than she has now. She is a wonderful girl.

I didn’t contact her and it was my fault but I never stopped thinking about her. She was on my mind all the time.

But when I tried to call her, or even going to the apartment that we used to share, her phone number changed and she had moved after those years of probably waiting.

“Get ready!” The manager shouted.

I felt Donghae’s hand on my shoulder before he stood up and headed for the stage.

I looked at the photo once more. That smile, it gave me confidence and strength.

Kissing the photo, I placed it carefully back into the wallet and ran towards the side stage where everyone got ready.

I missed her, but there was no turning back. She should be happy right now, wherever she was.

She was my lucky star, my lucky charm. She could give me all the confidence I would ever need, but she was the only one that coud take away all the confidence I had in a split second.

I walked onto stage, boldly and bravely.

The first song; sorry sorry.

We did our dances, as the fans cheered. I have never felt this confident in all the concerts Super Junior had been to.

There was just something about this atmosphere in the arena.

We walked off stage, all getting into our own dressing rooms to change.

The next performance was my solo. And it was a dance that I have prepared just for this concert. I am just going to pick the girl who is seated right at the front of the stage. Just that specific seat, to join me on stage.

I grabbed my hat that was prepared on the shelf.

I placed it on, and adjusted my microphone.

Looking at myself in the mirror, one last time, I waited for the stage to be elevated up.

The song began and I started on my dance moves.

Dancing all the way to the main stage.

I froze.

My eyes met those familiar ones.

All those memories we had together, it all came flashing passed in my mind.

She was in that seat. Her eyes still shining as brightly as how it always did. Her lips, red and plump. Her hair, long as it cascaded down her shoulders. Beautiful.

I had no way to turn back and run. There was no other way.

I walked out to her, stretching a hand out. Her gaze met my own as she too, froze in shock.

The fans were screaming at the sudden ‘fanservice’  I gave and even the girl beside her was nudging her to get her attention back and also to accept the hand I gave out to her.

She snapped out of her thoughts. She lifted her own hand slowly, placing her small hand in my palm.

The warmth emitted from her hands, it never changed.

I pulled her up on stage quickly as she almost tumbled. Crashing into my chest, I watched as she regain her posture, getting her balance.

She looked up at me. Those brown chocolate swirls in her eyes never change. It was still as beautiful.

Her lips, up close. It was red and puffy. So soft, so sweet.

She was beautiful, just as I have known her.

I just wanted to plant kisses on her and I tell her how much I missed her.

But I couldn’t. We were on stage.

I pulled her in sync to my dance as she did perfectly. She did dancing with me in the past. And she was good, but never planned to pursue it for sure.

The song ended and I couldn’t just let her slip out of my sight again. I had no ways to contact her anymore.

All these guilt of leaving her alone to fend for herself all these years, all these years of not being able to hold her in my arms and to kiss her made me long for more.

I couldn’t live without her anymore.

I pulled her backstage with me instead.

Ignoring all the stares from all the Hyungs and the manager Hyung even, I pulled her into the backstage room.

“Let go of me, it hurts!” She shouted. I immediately released my grip around her wrist. She rubbed her sore wrist before turning to look up at me.

Her eyes, it was filled with a mixture of hurt and sadness.

This was all my fault.

“How are you doing?”  I asked, stepping closer to her.

She kept quiet, tears welling up in her eyes. I have hurt her so much I never thought about how it would be going for her all these  years.

I stepped towards her, pulling her into my arms.

“I am sorry.” I said. As her head touched my chest, her tears flowed. All these years of keeping it back, I started crying too.

I wrapped my arms around her petite figure, soothing her by rubbing circles onto her back.

“I am sorry.” I said again. I know how many countless times I have said this to her but I loved her. I loved everything that she was and I just felt like a complete jerk to leave her hanging for years without me.

“Why did you leave me?” She croaked out after a long time.

“Why?” She asked again.

Her sobs getting more audible as she snuggled closer into my chest.

My guilt increasing as she asked again.

“I love you.” I said, and her sobs stopped. She pulled away, stepping back.

“What happened?” I asked at her sudden reaction towards my words.

“Don’t say something you don’t mean, Hyukjae.”  She said in a firm voice, her tears staining her cheeks,

“I mean it, I never stopped meaning it from the start.” I said as I walked towards her.

“I love you, I really do. I am sorry for all that I have done in the past, leaving you hanging. I am sorry. I just wanted you to be safe. I didn’t want you to be hurt by the fans. I wanted you to be safe that’s why I didn’t call. I couldn’t find you all these years, where have you been? I missed you.” I said as I took another step closer.

“You could have told me. I love you and I wouldn’t have mind being hurt by the fans. I know I have you by my side, nothing would happen.” She said, playing with her fingers.

“I am sorry. Let me make it up to you for all these years we have missed together. I love you, I am sorry.” I managed to say before pulling her into my embrace.

We stood there for moments. And having her back in my arms was nothing but warmth, love and joy.

I pulled away, holding her by her shoulders.

I leaned in, pressing my lips on her sweet and puffy red ones.

It was love. Just so sweet. It never changed, it tasted the same. It felt the same.

I smiled in between the kisses. Pulling away, I moved my head towards her ear.

“Like I told you, don’t give up on us, not now, not ever.” I whispered before planting a kiss on her cheek. 

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