http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1wDA9ALKwU

 

 

Three days before Christmas and the streets of Seoul were beautifully ornamented with colorful lights. Trees have been set up everywhere and various stores were having sales on food products, as well as popular gift items. Minseok woke up and decided that it would be best for Jongdae to wake up in a festive home so he gathered all the decorations in his attic and set up the place. He hung the garlands around various parts of the house, accompanying them with Christmas lights. A tree was placed in a corner of the living room, all set with candy canes and colorful Christmas balls, as well as the star on top. He looked around and was pretty satisfied with the work he's done. A quick glance at the clock and it was already 3:30 in the afternoon.

 

His eyes skimmed the room and imaginary scenarios formed in his mind. He saw himself with Jongdae reaching to hang the garlands in place, running around with the lights, painting each other's faces with dust, stop together for lunch, decorate the Christmas tree, and lifting Jongdae up to place the star on top. He inwardly sighed and automatically hicced as another tear escapes the corner of his eye. "We'll spend Christmas together, Jongdae. Let's make it happen. Please."

 

--

 

Christmas was six hours away and Minseok has already prepared the house for the festive celebration. Although his eyes were slightly puffy and sad, adorned with dark circles, he still managed to lift the corner of his lips into a smile. For once after the incident, he wants to be like the rest of the world: HAPPY. He sees Jongdae awaken and embraces him. The warmth of the younger raidated throughout his cold body just like tasting sunshine after a full month of storm. Their laughter echoed throughout the house, eating hotpot and splattering the icing from the Christmas cake on their faces. Everything felt so real, so beautiful, the way it should have been.

 

Minseok lifts his head from the dining table and glances at the clock. Three hours before Christmas and the food had been set on the table. He looked around to see if what happened was real but his heart sank and constricted at the harsh reality life has given him. He sees the decorations on the wall and Jongdae still in life support. He inhaled sharply and decided that he might need a bit of fresh air outside, so he did.

 

He headed for the nearby park where Jongdae usually stays when he isn't around. It's a serene place where he could think without feeling suffocated. His breathing was visible through the puffs of smoke due to the cold climate. He rubbed his hands and leaned against the huge oak tree. His mitted hands wandered along the rough bark and stopped at a carved sentence. All the years he's been visiting the park, he never noticed such carving on the tree's features. He stared at it intently and felt a weird heavy tug on his heart. "I Love You, Kim MinSeok." it said. "There must be a lot of people with the same name as me, right? It couldn't possibly be me." he thought, the tugging on his heart never left. It was Jongdae's handwriting, which he found familiar. Suddenly, out of nowhere his auditory nerves picked up wave signals of the song Jongdae used to sing so frequently: SHINee's Quasimodo. The notes danced around his heart and one by one, they start jabbing it. The sound of Jongdae's voice singing the song engulfed his existence and fogged his vision. His breathing hitched and soft sobs escaped from his lungs. He took one last glance at the carving on the bark and realized how similar the handwriting is to Jongdae's. But then again, it seemed to him that it was very wishful thinking. As the song ended, a little white ball lands on the tip of his nose. It made him numb then melted into water. The year's first snow. And Jongdae, according to the doctors, officially has only half a month to live.

 

--

 

Days fly by and it's already New Year's eve. MInseok decided to re-decorate and do some spring cleaning. It's been a while since he did some rearranging and he felt like a new year needs a change. He rummaged around their bedroom and organized the clothes and cleared every nook and cranny. Along those lines, he found a book among Jongdae's clean clothes. Curious, he opened it and searched for its contents. Property of: Kim JongDae it said, etched in neat handwriting. He flipped the next page and there was an entry. It was a journal, and Minseok doesn't know if he should continue or turn back. It wasn't like him to snoop around other people's personal stuff. But his intuition, the very intuition that told him to go to the dark alley that day, told him to go on and read its entries. With much thought, he decided to follow his intuition.

 

 

September 21, 2009

 

Yesterday, somebody found me on the dark streets. Nobody has really offered me a place to stay, and he has a smile to die for. I'm glad a warm person like him cared about someone he hasn't met yet. Today, he took me to Hongdae and I had a really good time. It's the first time I held a hand that yields electricity. It felt weird, in a good way. And then he bought me a Rillakuma plushie. I don't know how he knew what my favorite cartoon character was, it must be fate. it must be pure coincidence. He also reminded me of steamed buns, except that he's fluffier and much more cuter. I really like the feeling when he's with me. He's the best birthday gift I've ever received in my whole life.

 

-Kim JongDae

 

Minseok's chest constricted at the words scribbled before him. He doesn't know if he should be happy or sad at what he's seen. He closed the journal and decided not to continue because he knew that the first entry was already more than enough. He felt stupid for not telling Jongdae how he felt from the start, and at the same time he also felt frustrated beacause Jongdae didn't tell him either. What happened to Jongdae didn't matter to him because he thought protecting him was more important. He blamed himself for things out of his control, and he doesn't realize that.

 

His face turned as scarlet as his eyes and he ran to the where the life support is. Mixed emotions overflowed in his system. His hand found the younger's and gripped it tightly. His eyesight was blurred and his words came out in a choking manner. "Why didn't you... tell me... every....thing.. earlier?" The only response he got was the loud beeping of the monitor and the pounding on his head.

 

"KIM JONGDAE, ANSWER ME!" he yelled and hung his head low. "WAKE UP, KIM JONGDAE!" He tried shaking Jongae but there wasn't much progress. "I don't know... what happened to you.. but I... I'm sorry..." he started sobbing again, a bit harder this time. "I could have... should have... protected you from... whoever did this to you. I failed you... the first time... but please... wake up. I want you to... give me another chance." Minseok's chest was rising and falling rapidly with a constricted feeling in his chest.

 

"I love you Kim Jongdae." he muttered, trying to ease his breathing. With that said, the wind blew hard as if trying to say a faint whisper. The monitor's beeping turned into a sharp lengthy monotonous sound. For Minseok, it's as if time has stopped. His eyes shot open, staring at the cold brown floor in disbelief. "This can't be. No. NO!!" he broke down then and there, crying harder than ever, wailing hysterically, calling for help, shouting curses and incoherent sentences. It feels as though his breathing stopped alongside Jongdae's, but his heart isn't. He wanted it to stop.

 

"I love you, Jongdae. Wait for me. I'll be there with you soon. I won't let this happen. I'll tell you everything. I'll make sure you hear every single word from my heart." he chuckled like a madman, a psychopath, entering the kitchen and came back next to Jongdae's cold body with a kitchen knife in hand. A few minutes ago, he just lost his purpose and his sanity, wanting to end everything. His life has no meaning without Jongdae. It wouldn't be the same, it would be dull. He doesn't like dull. With a bitter chuckle, he quickly stabbed himself on the chest. His feet lost strength, making him kneel on the floor. "I... love you.. Kim Jongdae... Don't forget... that." With those last words, his body laid on the floor, leaving a pool of blood to flow. 

 

There lies both of them, lifeless. At that moment, the clock struck four thirty in the morning. At this time, feelings float around in silence, keeping a love that could have lasted forever. They found each other as the sun began to hide, and kept secret emotions when the sun begins to rise.

 

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A/N: OHGHAIZ, I'M SORRY IF THIS FINAL CHAPTER WAS PURE COWPOOP >///< anyways, thanks a mill for subscribing and reading this story... and thanks so much for your comments.. it really motivated me :)