“I knew this day would come.” 

Jieun said, as she applied a hot towel on Taemin’s shoulders and pressed down with her weight. Taemin bit down on his blanket, and muffled screams escaped his lips.

“So what’s the update between you two?” She asked curiously. “Lovers?”

“The heck, are you crazy?!!!” The blanket dropped from his mouth as Taemin shrieked. 

“Not yet, huh.” Jieun’s disinterested tone returned. “Then what was Jongin’s epileptic rampage about?”

“He…uh, he…" Taemin stuttered, and it suddenly occurred to him that he too, had no ing idea. "...I don’t know. …Ugh…” Taemin groaned as he fell forwards on his bed. Flipping the towel on his shoulders, Jieun briskly smacked her brother in the head.

“You seriously don’t know?” She looked at him impassively. “Are you really that dumb, oppa?”  

Taemin looked up at Jieun as he rubbed his head. Still in her uniform, Jieun wet another towel in the bowl of hot water beside her. It was less than rare that Jieun hadn’t left the house after coming home to change out of her uniform, and Taemin sniffled, unnecessarily droning in sentimental emotion.

“A concrete friendship is kind of like love, you know.” Jieun said, squeezing the towel. “It’s no wonder Jongin flipped when he saw you like that in the restroom.”

“……He flipped, alright…” Taemin muttered.

Jieun stared at Taemin for a second, and opened .

“Remember in middle school when you guys got in an accident? Jongin’s head was bleeding like crazy but he still ran with you on his back, that monster.” Jieun continued pointedly. “You were always his number one priority.”

Taemin closed his mouth and wet his dry lips.

“A soccer player running like that with a sprained ankle.” Jieun ripped open a pouch of poultice and laughed. “Can you imagine?”

“…….”

“And one day that precious friend declares that he is gay.” Jieun shook her head. “I’d flip too to be honest, yup.”

“Will you stop saying that word!?!!” Taemin shot up from his position and Jieun stopped, looking startled. She returned back to her nonchalant face in a second and slapped the compress on her brother’s back.

“Ow, it hurts!!” Taemin complained and Jieun pressed down on it mercilessly.

“Shame your mouth doesn’t need one. Shut up and lie back down.” 

Grumbling inaudibly, Taemin reluctantly complied. The minty smell of poultice filled the room and Jieun’s composed voice was at Taemin’s ears again.

“Self-hate and anger.”

“…Huh?” Taemin piped as he buried his head into his pillow.

“Questions of self identity, confusion, jealousy, betrayal, and sadness… they’re everywhere. You’ll never be able to see or pinpoint their existence… but it’s there, anytime and anywhere.”

“…Stop being cryptic and get to the point…” Taemin muffled underneath the pillow.

“And then comes self-destruction.” Jieun finished.

“What..?” Taemin lifted his head.

Tapping on Taemin’s back to see if the compress was fixated fine, she removed the hot towel from her brother and met his gaze.

“What are you saying?” Taemin demanded, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“You’ll find self-discovery… or collapse in self-destruction.” She replied, “It’s either one of the two.”

“…….”

“Or you could just simply call it love.” Jieun shrugged.

“.……”

“Just look at both of you. It’s exactly that.”

Taemin stared, his brain numb as if a steel hammer slammed his head from above. Standing up with the towel and the water bowl in her hands, Jieun looked down at her watch.

“Damn, I’ve wasted too much time on you already.” She said, “I’m going out, don’t take the poultice off until it itches and you just want to slam your back against the wall.” Jieun advised before closing the door behind her.

Burying his face in his pillow again, Taemin mumbled as the blankets trapped the sound from leaving his bed.

“Self-hate, ..identity, confusion, jealousy, ..rage, sadness… betrayal…”

Taemin shook his head, trying to erase Jongin’s cold eyes in his mind. He raised himself up, and stared into space as his words disintegrated in the air.

“Love…?...”

***

“What… what do you want??” 

Taemin staggered backwards but found his back hitting against the wall. Crossing her arms, Soojung slowly came closer as she trapped Taemin into the corner of the classroom. Her pink glossy lips widened to a pretty smile, and Taemin felt his body stiffen.

“Soojung…-ah, are you okay?” He stammered.

“Lee Taemin.” Soojung said, and blocked Taemin’s way when he tried to escape. She raised her arm to the wall beside Taemin, and Taemin was helplessly stuck in her barricade.

Having an audience in the midst of all this, the rest of the students in the class observed the two in amusement and started snickering. Guys smirked as they hooted and whistled while girls glared at Soojung and furiously whispered among themselves. As the murmurings increased and the class started to get loud, Soojung whipped her head around.

“! Give me some goddamn silence over here!” She screeched.

Stillness overtook the room at that moment, and all the guys’ jaws dropped at the most shocking (and heart-breaking) scene that they never dreamed to witness. The same went for the girls, and nothing moved except for the rolling of the pencil that somebody had dropped on the floor.

Soojung had dropped her act right away ever since her “mask” was thrown off. Taemin had always planned to expose the girl’s true identity all this time, but now that it was actually revealed, Taemin didn’t feel that it was any better. She was even scarier than before.

Soojung turned back to Taemin and smiled brightly.

“We’re going on a date tomorrow.” She informed.

“…Since when?” Taemin asked incredulously, “And are you nuts? Why would I go on a date with you…”

“Taemin-ah,” Taemin trailed off as Soojung lowered her arms and looked at him solemnly.

“I really like you.” She said. “You know that, right?”

“.……”

“I guess I always knew that you couldn’t like me back. Which is probably why I cracked and went through all that crap.”

Taemin looked back at Soojung without a response.

“You know I don’t cling onto anybody. You should know… we’re so much alike.” Soojung continued, “But I’m doing it right now, and stooped real low this time too. Jongin? He’s a really nice guy. I tried hard to like him but there’s just one thing that gets in the way.”

Soojung’s voice faltered.

“He’s not you.”

Taemin thought that Soojung’s eyes looked honestly sad at that moment. Then he realized how serious the atmosphere was turning and quickly shook his head.

“…Am I supposed to believe this?” He managed and Soojung burst out.

“Then should I cry? Will you believe me if I cry?” And she buried her face in her hands as soon as she finished. 

Helpless and clueless of what he should do, Taemin gaped as the kids behind them (who were quietly wa