Story Title: Anguish & Apprehension

Author: Armablakken

Reviewer: ohmysnappleshakes

Story Link

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Review;

Hey, it's Abby here! (: Hopefully you enjoy my critique and learn new things from this review! ^-^ 

Title: (4.5/5)

I really liked your title. It sounded angsty and perfect for the story, it made sense, and most importantly, the word choice pulled the reader in. The only thing I could say would be I don't like the '&' sign in there... besides that, it's the best title that I've come across so far reviewing this week. Good job! 

Poster: (0/5)

There is no poster, so I can't give you points or dock off points for that. 

Foreword/ Description: (3.5/5)

It's a very good start to pulling readers in, but I feel as though it was lacking in detail. Usually, when you ask a question that pertains to a story in the summary, it gives away the entire plot, and I could foreshadow lots of things that probably shouldn't have been given away. It's very hard to pull off a question without giving the plot away, but I liked your effort, and in some parts it worked! :D Regarding grammar, there was a lot of tense shifting, which should be something that you look out for. It happened in the first sentence, and then every other sentence or so. 

Characterization: (9/10)

I seriously loved the whole 'conflicted Daehyun' thing. It was really captivating to read. I just wanted to applaud you over and over again and just shower you with awards and just EVERYTHING. I'm a big fan of B.A.P, and this is the second story that I've felt as though they have been done supreme justice. Kudos to you for exhibiting such a strong character in Daehyun. When he hurt, I hurt, and I could only read in pain as he lashed out at his parents. <--- ha, that was quite poetic. I also love what a strong influence Jongup has on Dae, it made me feel as though there was still hope for Dae in there somewhere.

Originality: (4/5)

I myself am a primarily angst writer, and it's hard to pull off angst. I love how you incorporated the simple and slight love in with the anguish. There are lots of stories out there like yours, but the way you pieced it together was extraordinary. 

Plot: (13/15)

I really loved the plot. It was consistent, and it never strayed away from the main problem. It always somehow tied back to what happened to Dae, and howJongup had a key role in helping him recover. Sometimes, I felt as though parts were a little bit rushed, but overall it was really good! (: 

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: (20/25)

I won't take the time to go and find every single little mistake, but I'll just give you a general overview on things that I found faulty.

You seemed to tense shift a lot, and it could sometimes become muddy as to what you were trying  to get across. I think that you also could have used a larger variety of sentence structures; I mainly saw you use compound sentences and simple sentences. It would interesting to see you delve into a larger realm of sentence variety, to spice the story up more. There were some parts where it seemed as though there was a word missing, so I would go back and check that out. 

Writing Style: (8/10)

I really love your writing style! It's similar to mine, but it is also different. It's really unique, and I haven't come across one like yours in a while. 

Flow: (5/5)

The flow in this was amazing. It was pieced together very well. ^-^ 

Enjoyment: (10/10) 

I really really enjoyed it, as you could tell from all the praise that you've been receiving. :D 

Bonus: (2/5)

Just because I love the concept so much.

Total: (79/100)

ohmysnappleshake's note:

Really good job on this story! I'm looking forward to see how you grow with your writing techniques and ideas! Come again to get reviewed; I can't wait to see what you have in store next!

shimaknae's note:

Hope you are satisfied with your review! (: Please pick up and comment below! Don't forget to credit the reviewer and the shop with the banner in your foreword! Thank you!