Review - From Recommendations and Reviews
Amor Infinitus
Story: Amor Infinitus
Author: mangofloat
Synopsis: A one shot delving into something forbidden and dark. An attraction shunned and unwelcomed but when two powers clash, it could not be denied. A new bond discovered replacing an old fragile one. One snaps, ending new discoveries.
Genre: Romance &
Groups: TVXQ
Title: 5/5
Amore: love Infinitus: infinite; creative.
Description/Foreword: 10/10
Enticing as the title, I give it that.
Originality/Creativity/Plot: 30/30
Cliche? Maybe. Overdone? Probably. Yet, you, the author, have done something new to this story in such a way that I love reading this.
Writing Style/Format/Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 20/30
Two corners of the room sat two different people, two gangs neither friend nor foe. Strangers they are. But two great leaders personally at war. <--- At two corners or At either side of the room, in corners, sat...There are multiple things you can start this sentence out with so that it flows better, but also makes more sense.
He stood up, on the guise that he was going to the johns, and walked forward.<---minus the "s" on "johns"
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?", the beer slurring his speech. He loved teasing this young one. <---- fix by addind: the voice question with beer slurring his speech; he loved <---semi colon is your friend
Why he needed his attention. It was crystal clear. <--- correction to: add the two sentences to each other, Why he needed his attion, it was all crystal clear.
Throughout the chapter you have little nuances like this that you really need to fix. Reread it and read it out loud; if it doesn't sound right, fix it. Other than that your spelling is on par.
Characterizations/Details: 20/25
I'm a detail , so add more of them!! Yet, other than that, you are okay with it all. I just think there could easily be more details which to me would make it more complex in a way that not only drags your audience into it, but love it at the same time.
General Comments: I liked this, I recommend it; I also see the potential that is there. The writing reminds me of my own personal way to describe things, yet overall I would still recommend it.
Score: 85/100
Comments