May's P.O.V

Nerves.

Crawling through me, eating through my strength. My entire fate was going to be decided right here and now. This very day was going to be the difference between life and death. Now that's nerve racking. 

I tightly clench my fists together, and bite my lip. Even cross my toes. Every moment seeming to last a century. Why, must this happen to me. I was healthy, actually I was healither than most people and yet I'm the one stuck in this situation. Life must really hate me. Or God got angry that time I said rain was his pee. I mustn't be the only one... Am I?

If this wasn't happening I could just imagine what I would be doing currently... Sitting on the couch eating potato crisps while watching some dramatic soap opera, while father was out getting drunk. The lights dim and the heaters up on full blast, and a cuddly blue blanket placed over my legs. Yes, that's what I miss those times. But I've lately been spending my time in a hospital bed listening to elderly people nag on about the government. And eating mushy jelly and burnt coffee. I don't want to spend every moment of the rest of my life living like that.

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"Ma'am the doctor would like to see you now" A kind nurse says politely tapping me on the shoulder. I nervously stand up, my knees shaking and my heart beating at a rapid pace. I walk clumsily over to the doorknob and it clockwise. As it creaks open a take shaky steps into the room.

"Mayfield, please sit down" The doctor says pointing to a chair in-front of his desk. 

Placing my firmly on the chair a swallow a large amount of saliva. Clench my teeth and wait for his word.

"Mayfield, we still have not yet discovered what your... disease is quite yet" He says fiddling with his thumbs. "But... Do you want a cup of coffee?" He says trailing off the subject smoothly. "No t-thank you" I say kindly still not able to hide how nervous I was. "Well, what I was going to say was..." He pauses, taking a long deep breath inwards. "There is some... bad news". I freeze, stop breathing and wait unconciously for a response.

"But there is also good news" He smiles. This slightly makes me less nervous. "You feel no pain". I gasp almost knowing excatly what the bad news was. And telling by his reaction he knew that too.

"For the bad news... Well it's hard..." He stares around the room nervously before he shouts "BAE!!!". Suddenly a gittery nurse rushes into the room and comes to his side. He whispers something in her ear that makes her jump and stare sadly towards me. 

"Oh, May" She says covering with her hand. Tears slowly start trickling down her cheeks and the mascara in which she was wearing smudges. I had no idea what was going on but I definitely knew something was going to happen to me, and it was something bad.

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After a 10 minute silence the doctor finally speaks up. 

"Mayfield, you are 22 right?" He asks glancing over to Bae the nurse. "Uh, Yes" I answer quietly. This sends the nurse once again into tears. 

"So young" He whispers from under his breath. "I am very sad to say this Mayfield, and I hope this doesn't shock you too much but...". I pause and stop moving and fiddling and clenching, I just sit there and wait...

"You won't be able to be around for much longer" He continues. I my head to the side and stare towards him curiously. He looks almost faint at my reaction what was I supossed to do... "I won't be in the hospital for much longer? That's not bad that's good" I say. Bae giggles at this but soon snaps back into depressed mode.

"No, Mayfield what I meant was..." The doctor once again tries to start this time lowering his head. 

"You're going to... die"

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As if an instant reaction I burst into tears. But no wailing just silent tears, but I think that was harder for them. "W-When" I mumble under my silent sobs. "December 25th" The doctor answers now in tears as well. 

"B-But that's Ch-Christmas" I stammer as the salty tears race down my cheeks drowning my shirt in wetness. "Y-Yes, but we can't stop the disease" He answers. "It will reach your heart by then, and if we take it out you'll most likely die anyways". I nod at this remark. "So we thought we could let you live for as long as possible". 

"Will I be able to do things, like normal or take it easy?" I ask wiping away some dried up tears. "Yes, you'll be able to do things just fine, but we recommend in the last week or two to take it easy. Otherwise the disease will get to your heart quicker and you'll miss out on Christmas". 

All this information they were saying was flying straight over my head. It  just didn't seem likely it could be happening, this early in life. To me it's like a bad dream, that I can't wake from. 

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Another 2 hours I spent in his office being cradled by Bae and told important information about what I should and should not do.

But now I was in my very familiar hospital quarter, sitting on the window sill staring blankly out at all the free and happy people outside. If only I was still there, I had been here so long that I almost forgot what it was like back then.

"May, how are you?" A voice says from behind me. I turn around to see Bae fresh faced, but still mopy. "I'm alright, just still... trying to get my head around the entire thing" I answer. "I can understand".

"What do you mean understand?" I ask. "Well, once upon a time I was said to die as well but that information was incorrect, but my reaction was almost similar to yours" She says sighing sadly as she comes and joins me on the window sill. "But your so young, I was at least 35 when that happened to me" Bae says trying to hold back her tears.

"Yeah, but that's life Bae. We all have to go through it. It just happens mine ends like this, I can't fix that and neither can you. But making new memories won't hurt. And I can remember the old ones. That's why life is just so precious"....