-Something Cheesy and Clichéd-

by: swabluu

A Oneshot

All in all, Kyungsoo supposes that their first date could have been worse. He could have accidently mistaken Kai for a girl. Or spilled his glass of milk onto Kai. Or forgotten Kai’s name. Or done something unforgivable like insulting Kai’s shoes (which were quite horrendous, to be honest).

But then, he supposes that their first date could have been better. He sort of appreciates Suho setting him up with Kai—who is most definitely not unattractive at all despite the extraordinarily ugly shoes—but it’s quite awkward to have an overly excited Suho staring and whispering at the two of you the entire duration of your first date. Especially when Suho is trying to get the two of you to kiss the entire time, because whenever that happens, Kyungsoo usually ends up doing something that makes him look like a complete fool.

In other words, yeah, the date could have been a whole lot better and Kyungsoo can’t help but worry that he’s never going to see that dazzling smile of Kai again because Suho was being an idiot.

“I hate my life,” he groans loudly when Suho walks by, just to make a point that Suho should never be present at dates anymore. Suho glances at Kyungsoo curiously.

“Why?”

Is he trying to pretend that he doesn’t know?  Kyungsoo rolls over on the couch and curls up into a miserable ball of self-loathing. “He’s never going to look at me again after that date. He’s going to think I’m a weirdo for the rest of his life. No, actually, he’ll forget about me after a few days or so and I’ll be left here, forever alone.”

 “I thought your date went fine,” Suho says innocently, blinking in confusion. “You two had a lot of chemistry and you guys kept on staring at each other. There was a lot of—”

Kyungsoo doesn’t wait for Suho to finish his sentence. “WE WERE STARING AT EACH OTHER BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING WEIRD AND WE WERE FEELING REALLY AWKWARD AROUND YOU. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT WAS WITH YOU RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO GET US TO KISS? AND NOW HE’S GOING TO THINK I’M REALLY WEIRD AND WE’RE NEVER GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.”

Suho blinks again. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Suho looks slightly embarrassed and backs away slightly. “Um…okay, I’ll try to stay away from your dates next time.”

“There will be no next time,” Kyungsoo groans, covering his face with his hands. “There will never be a next time.”

“I could always ask him to do a favor for me and go on a date with you again. He owes me a lot of favors.”

“What exactly did he do to be willing to go on a date with me?” Kyungsoo grumbles, but he’s torn between going on another date with Kai (who really is quite attractive) and making a fool of himself again. He tends to do that a lot, which Suho uses to explain why he hasn’t gotten into any relationships yet.

“It’ll be fine,” Suho promises, walking out of the room. “I’ll give him a call now. And I’ll try to stay away when you have your date.”

Kyungsoo rolls over again and falls off of the couch, having misjudged the distance. He buries his face in his arms and tries to pretend that he doesn’t exist anymore, because he has a feeling that he’s going to screw up the next date, Suho or no Suho.

Why does Kai have to be so attractive?

The next time they meet, Kai isn’t wearing his weird shoes (which makes Kyungsoo sigh in relief—ones less factor for messing up for him to worry about), and Kyungsoo is struck by how freaking attractive someone can look in a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

The only problem is, Kyungsoo has this problem of accidently spilling things due to his clumsiness (hence why he was worried about spilling milk on Kai during the first date). Unfortunately, about ten minutes into the date, the two of them are in the middle of an awkward silence (they got past the necessary greetings and realized that they had nothing to talk about) when Kyungsoo reaches over to take some food and accidently knocks Kai’s milk over, therefore spilling the liquid all over Kai’s shirt.

“Erm,” Kyungsoo says, openmouthed as he stares at Kai. “Uh…sorry?” Multiple memories of similar scenarios flash through his mind—there’s a reason why Kyungsoo gets rejected a lot, and spilling things (or worse) due to his clumsiness is one of them. “Ohmygod. I’m really sorry. Like, really.” He panics (still recalling several memories from the past) and, without even bothering to clean up the mess or pay the bill, runs away, not even looking back until he gets a few blocks away from the place of their date.

Suho scolds him when Kyungsoo comes back home, and threatens to stalk Kyungsoo on all his dates for the rest of the life (not that Kyungsoo thinks he’ll have any more after this) if Kyungsoo doesn’t apologize to Kai. Kyungsoo relents, even if it’s only because he feels guilty about spoiling Kai’s attractive but simple shirt and not paying the bill. And because he made a complete fool of himself in front of an attractive guy.

Hey, I’m sorry about the date, he emails Kai later that day. I shouldn’t have run out like that. I sort of panicked.

Kai sends back an email full of emoticons, interrobangs (some fancy word for punctuation marks, as Kyungsoo learns), caps lock, and random long strings of characters clumped together to form words similar to ‘asdfjasfjlaksfjasdfasl;fkas;fkas;fjk.’ Kyungsoo begins to question Kai’s sanity—no, he begins to question his own sanity for sort of kind of liking Kai—no, he begins to question Suho’s sanity for trying to set them up in the first place.

Well, Suho isn’t exactly mentally stable to begin with, so Kyungsoo goes back to questioning his own sanity. At least Kai’s email (which takes him a few minutes to decipher because of all the keyboard smashing and colorful fonts) has the general message of ‘it’s okay, I don’t blame you.’

Well, that’s a relief. Kyungsoo flops down on the couch and stares at the screen of his laptop, wondering what the deal is now. If Kai isn’t angry, then what happens next? Do they get another date? No, Kai would be regretting going on dates with Kyungsoo by now. He doesn’t seem to be stupid, so he probably realizes that Kyungsoo and dates do not mix well at all.

But Kyungsoo, no matter how much his mind tells him not to, really wants to see Kai again. Because Kai is attractive. And his smile is dazzling. And whenever Kyungsoo sees Kai, he feels his knees shake and he gets all tongue-tied and nervous, because Kai is one amazing person despite the fact that they haven’t actually really had a proper conversation with each other due to the fact that Kyungsoo has somehow managed to mess up each time.

“Suho hyung,” he calls out, making his decision. “How many more favors does Kai owe you?”

Their third date turns out surprisingly well. No one spills anything on anyone, Kyungsoo pays the bill this time, and the two of them even find a common subject to talk about, even though food can be a rather boring subject, in Kyungsoo’s opinion. And, at the end, Kai even offers to take Kyungsoo on another date (something Kyungsoo would have never imagined in his wildest dreams—although he suspects Suho put Kai up to offering it).

So as he walks with Suho in the park, telling Suho everything about the date, even the parts about how Kai eats, Suho just nods happily and announces, when Kyungsoo finally runs out of breath, “I made up a couple name for you two.”

“What?”

“It’s called ‘Kaisoo.’ Isn’t that so cute? I think it’s the cutest name ever. It’s so adorable. Don’t you think so?” Suho takes a banner out of nowhere and shoves it in Kyungsoo’s face. “I even made a banner!”

Kyungsoo has never seen a girl gush as much as Suho. He stares at the banner, slightly dazed by the huge amounts of pink glitter and hearts it’s decorated with. “Um…it’s very…pink.”

Suho grins. “It’s beautiful, don’t you think?”

“Um,” Kyungsoo begins, but Suho takes the banner away and holds it up, gazing up at it in admiration.

“I SHIP!” Suho suddenly shouts seriously, waving the banner around like a maniac. “I SHIP KAISOO. I SHIP.”

“Hyung!” Kyungsoo snaps, because ohmygod Suho is the most embarrassing person on earth and why does he want to publicly humiliate me to death I didn’t even do anything to him seriously what did I do to deserve this—

Suho stops shouting and waving. “What?”

Kyungsoo gives him the most loathing look he can manage.

“I think your children would be very beautiful,” Suho says dreamily, skipping beside Kyungsoo, completely oblivious to the thunderous expression on Kyungsoo’s face. “Don’t you think so too?”

Kyungsoo stares at Suho. “Um…”

Suho looks up and sees the look on Kyungsoo’s face. “HEY I LIKE CHILDREN OKAY DON’T JUDGE ME.” The yell comes out a lot louder than Suho means for it to be, and people in the park begin looking up and staring at him.

“Er, hyung, I think we should go now,” Kyungsoo says nervously as Suho begins shouting out loudly that he does not mean it that way and that he is not a e. “Hyung! Now!”

They go on even more dates, much to Kyungsoo’s surprise (although yeah, he shouldn’t be, because Suho is obviously making Kai ask him on more dates no matter how weird Kai thinks Kyungsoo is). On the fourth date, Kai takes Kyungsoo to the beach and they spend the afternoon with Kai trying to teach Kyungsoo how to swim properly and Kyungsoo trying very hard (and failing) to not notice how distractingly attractive Kai is without a shirt on.

On the fifth date, Kyungsoo finds an ice cream parlor, and yes, they actually spend a cheesy afternoon eating ice cream and sitting next to each other on a bench, and it’s then that Kai takes Kyungsoo’s hand and entwines his fingers between Kyungsoo’s, looking away shyly as Kyungsoo gives a start and nearly drops his ice cream in surprise.

The sixth date. Seventh. Eighth. Kyungsoo begins to lose track of the number of their dates, and what exactly they do on them, because he’s lost in the bliss of being with Kai, of having Kai pay attention to him and hold his hand.

Two months after they first meet, Kyungsoo finds a love note in the mail when he checks it in the morning. Suho snickers when he sees the pink stationary and the bright, sparkly hearts drawn around the scribbled writing. Before Kyungsoo can react, the older man grabs the note and reads out loud, in a very gleeful tone, “Dear Kyungsoo-ah, I love you very much. You are my sunshine, and I love being with you. Love, Kai.”

Kyungsoo snatches the note back, mortified, and reads the note himself. Sure enough, it’s exactly what Suho has read out loud. Suho smirks and comments, “He has a fancy signature.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, horrified (and perhaps squealing a bit inside because despite its sappiness, at least Kai wrote him a love note). Suho glances up at the door.

“Oh, speak of the devil. What a coincidence. Kai’s here.”

“What?”

“Hello?”

Kyungsoo hurriedly hides the note behind his back as Kai appears in the doorway. “Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?” he asks nervously and giggles (he’s nervous, okay? And the fact that Kai apparently sent him a girly love note isn’t helping his sense of sanity in the world). He looks around casually, trying to find Suho so he doesn’t make everything even more awkward than it already is by himself, but for some reason, Suho has suddenly disappeared from sight.

“You’re so…girly,” Kai complains after watching Kyungsoo for a minute or so, a bemused expression on his face as Kyungsoo continues giggling.

“Says the person who sent me a love note on pink stationary, with a lot of hearts drawn on it,” Kyungsoo grumbles, finally calming down and waving the note in front of Kai’s face. “If that doesn’t scream out girly, then I don’t know what does.”

Kai stares at the note for a moment. “I didn’t send that.”

“You signed it. It’s a very fancy signature, in case you wanted to know.”

Kai stares at the note for a few more moments. “Excuse me.” He runs off, leaving Kyungsoo standing there, still holding the note in his hand, dumbfounded. A few seconds later, he hears a loud crash and Kai yelling loudly, “SUHO HYUNG I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WHY ARE YOU WRITING LOVE NOTES AND FORGING MY SIGNATURE?”

An hour later, after sending Kai to go on a meaningless errand to the store (so that he can calm down and maybe return with a calmer attitude and be less inclined to kill Suho), Kyungsoo glares at Suho for about ten minutes before finally managing to repress several insults and actually speak in a neutral tone. “Why did you write the note?”

Suho grins unabashedly, his expression slightly lopsided from the bruise on his cheek where Kai had thrown several pieces of furniture at. “I thought that you two needed to advance your relationship a bit more. So I thought maybe a declaration of love would help.”

“Why would you do that?” Kyungsoo asks, exasperated. “It’s not like we’re actually in love. Maybe. I don’t know. We’re just dating. We haven’t gotten to that stage yet. I’m not even sure if we actually like each other.”

“He’s your Sir Lancelot, Kyungsoo, and you are the Queen Guinevere. He’s sworn to love you and protect you,” Suho drawls, apparently meaning for his tone to sound wise and all-knowing. Kyungsoo thinks Suho just sounds screechy and like he’s being strangled (which might be possible if this continues).

“First of all,” Kyungsoo begins in a pained voice, “I am not female. Second of all, I also recall something about Sir Lancelot taking Guinevere from King Arthur and causing a huge war that killed a lot of people.”

“That’s not the point.” Suho scowls, and points at Kyungsoo accusingly. “You’re just trying to ruin my plans for you two.”

“What’s this about Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere?”

Kyungsoo freezes. Kai appears in the doorway, apparently back from his shopping trip, curiosity on his expression—at least, curiosity, until he accidently knocks his head against the wall, which causes him to say a rather negative word Sir Lancelot would have never dreamed of thinking of.

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo and Suho say at the same time, in a probably never to be repeated again unison. Kai stares at the two of them, then shrugs nonchalantly. Suho backs away nervously and smiles warily.

“You’re not going to throw more lamps at me, right?” he asks weakly, still slowly backing away. “Haha. No. Of course you wouldn’t. Right?”

Kai takes a step forward, his cheery expression turning dark. Suho gulps and runs away.

The next day, Kai takes Kyungsoo on another date, but for some reason, he seems distracted and moody the entire time they walk around the city looking for a good restaurant to eat at. When he drops off Kyungsoo at his apartment, he mutters a quick goodbye and quickly turns away.

“Whoa there,” Kyungsoo says, catching Kai’s arm and dragging him back inside. “Don’t run away. Come and stay for a while.”

Kai looks disgruntled (which begins to worry Kyungsoo), but he follows Kyungsoo into the apartment, where Suho is currently dancing and singing lullabies to teddy bear. Kyungsoo ignores Suho (he’s pretty much used to Suho’s strange hobbies by now) and pulls Kai into the living room, making sure to avoid Suho’s teddy bear when Suho flings it around in his direction.

“What’s wrong?” he asks when Kai sits down on the couch moodily. “You’ve been looking annoyed the entire day.”

“Nothing,” Kai replies dismissively. “Look, Kyungsoo-ah, I have to go. I’m busy.”

“At least tell me what’s bothering you,” Kyungsoo pleads, “because I don’t like it when you’re not happy—”

Something in Kai seems to snap because when Kyungsoo reaches out for his hand, he bats Kyungsoo away and stands up angrily from the couch. “No one asked for your opinion,” he hisses. “Leave me alone, okay?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kyungsoo notices that Suho has stopped swinging his teddy bear around and is now watching them worriedly. He swallows, blinking the sudden tears of hurt out of his eyes, surprised. “Kai—”

Kai scowls and walks past Kyungsoo. “Forget it. I need to go now.”

“Hey,” Kyungsoo calls when Kai reaches the doorway, “there’s no need be so snappish. I’m worried for you.”

“It’s none of your business,” Kai says shortly, still scowling as he faces Kyungsoo. “You don’t have to care.”

“Really? You’re my boyfriend. I should care.”

“I didn’t ask you to care.”

“But I do care.”

“What’s that to me? Just leave me alone.”

 “AHHH THE DRAMA! THE ANGST! THIS IS KILLING ME!” Suho suddenly sobs, clutching at the teddy bear and dramatically.

“HYUNG WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU’RE NOT HELPING—”

 They fall silent, the tension between them thick and ominous as they glare at each other.

“It’s not like you’re dating me for real,” Kyungsoo finally says, disgusted. “Suho put you up to this. So why are you even sticking around? You don’t even like me.” And the thing is, he had kind of forgotten about it, but as the words leave his mouth, Kyungsoo realizes that what he’s saying is true, and the realization hits him rather painfully as he begins to understand that maybe Kai doesn’t like him—that Kai never liked him—and that their relationship is nothing but lies.

Shock spreads over Kai’s expression as he stares at Kyungsoo, wide-eyed. “Fine,” he snaps. “So you don’t want to be with me, right? All right. Be that way. I’m going.”

“Wait—” Kyungsoo begins, his brain registering Kai’s words a second too late. “Don’t go—”

But Kai has already gone, leaving Kyungsoo staring at the empty doorway and Suho peeking out from behind the teddy bear.

Silence ensues.

“Oh,” Suho finally says, watching Kyungsoo with a cautious expression on his face. “Um. What just happened?”

“It’s all over,” Kyungsoo says dully, staring down at his shoes. “We’re over now, aren’t we? Well, it shouldn’t matter that much, right? Because he was dating me because he owed you a lot of favors. It wasn’t like he actually wanted to date me.”

“Um…” Suho begins, looking nervously around, “he stopped talking to me a few weeks ago. Er, I kind of ran out of favors after the fifth date.”

Kyungsoo looks up and stares at Suho. “What.”

Suho nods. “Honestly, I sort of thought that he would stop dating you, and my OTP would die out, and I even debated blackmailing him—”

“What?”

“—but surprisingly, he actually continued dating you without any blackmailing or anything. I didn’t even ask him!”

Kyungsoo gapes at Suho, too numb with shock to think properly. “So…you mean…he dated me…because he actually sort of kind of maybe likes me?”

Suho nods again. “I think you should apologize to him before he runs away for good.”

Oh, Kyungsoo thinks. Oh.

Kai gets there before Kyungsoo can do anything. He appears on the porch the next day, looking rather nervous and holding something behind his back when Kyungsoo opens the door.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Kyungsoo responds rather awkwardly, not entirely sure what to say. “Um.”

“THE TENSION IS KILLING ME,” Suho yells from across the room, where he is cutting out paper dolls (Why the heck is he doing that? Kyungsoo wonders in the back of his mind). “GO KISS ALREADY OR SOMETHING.”

Kai stares at Kyungsoo, ignoring Suho, and holds out a bouquet of flowers. “Uh, I got you roses.”

Roses. Kai bought him roses to make up their argument. Kyungsoo wants to laugh at how cheesy and cliché it is, but of course, roses are sort of nice. So he takes the bouquet (although he realizes that he forgot to tell Kai that he’s kind of allergic to flowers and pollen), sniffs, and smiles waveringly at Kai.

Kai looks alarmed. “Are you crying? Don’t cry. Ohmygoodness. What did I do?”

Kyungsoo sneezes and glowers half-heartedly at Kai. “I’m allergic to roses. Shouldn’t you know that, if you’re dating me?” His eyes water, and he wipes at them. “Okay I accept your apology it was a stupid argument anyway will you please take the roses away before I fall over and die from allergies—”

He freezes as Kai throws the roses away and wraps him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” the younger man mumbles, and suddenly, he feels so close that Kyungsoo can’t help but flush at the contact. “I was in a really bad mood yesterday. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo mumbles back, and suddenly, they’re kissing, and it feels so good and right and nice—

In the background, he hears Suho screaming his head off and flailing wildly around, shouting “OHMYGOD YOU GUYS ARE SO ADORABLE AHHHHHHH!” Kyungsoo breaks away from Kai and gasps for breath while laughing too hard to stand up straight as Suho falls onto the floor and begins rolling around, still flailing.

Kai just stands there, looking annoyed, and pulls Kyungsoo back into the kiss.

the end

[author’s note]: Um. Ican’tbelieveIjustwrotethisokayIwillhideunderarocknowbai ._. should i worry that the suho in this story reminds me of myself omg i really do ship too much don’t i

BUT OHMAIGOD LOOK KAISOO CRACK/FLUFF. NOT ANGST. YAY. although tbh this is probably the one time in my life I will write kaisoo crack/fluff. /runs off to write angst

Ew. My writing ._. Please excuse me while I go and learn how to write properly. Bai.