Before anything else:

/bows 90 degrees/

I’m so sorry for the delay. I had flu and I can’t update in that condition.
I still am not feeling very well so I’m saying sorry in advance if ever I’d disappoint you this time.
I’m sorry if I can’t meet up to your expectations because I still am feeling off and my mind’s all tangled up.

Even so, I hope you enjoy and comment!

(P.S. I don't really like happy endings.)

 

Kyungsoo's POV

Even paper cuts hurt so much.
Even scraped knees from falling down are such a pain.
The person I cherished, cared and loved more than myself is no longer by my side...
So how can the scar deep in my heart heal?

“I’m sorry”

I was the one who left you. I was the one who tore you apart. I was the one who broke your heart and I was the one who made you cry. I was the foolish one who overlooked your feelings and I was the coward one for not telling you mine beforehand. I was the stupid one who took you for granted and I was the hurtful one who left you alone…

“I’m sorry”

I shed tears and cry again as much as it hurts. Wishing my heart could be just as cold and hard as a stone; I turned around and left you alone…

“I’m sorry”

These days that I think about you who only loved me- I resist the urge to call you again for I know you’ll be shaken up…  I try to stop myself… I promise myself not to hurt you again… But without knowing, I am now looking for you.

It is my first time feeling like this, I felt like my entire heart was taken away from me…  In front of you, I became ice and ruined all your efforts, in front of you I became hard and pushed you away from me…

Why?

Because I know that I’m not good enough for you.

Hearing that the doorbell just rang, I straightened up and cleared my throat. Yes, I know it’s not you… Yes, I know that it will never be you who’d stand up on my front porch again… And the mere thought of it breaks me inside. As I walk to the door and turn the knob, I prepare my best smile to welcome my guest…

Hana. The girl from my Art class.

She beamed up with a smile that’s much brighter than the sunshine… But never close enough to match your gleam.

As I usher her in, she shows me the dishes she prepared for the day, but I don’t look forward on eating it as much I am craving for your culinary skills right now…

As she placed down the bags, she comes up to me and gave me a soft peck on my lips… She tastes sweet but she will never ever get to compete with your hugs’ sincerity.

The way her eyes shine and her hair flows will never match yours- so does her clothing, her scent, her nail polish and her personality…

Then I realized: She can never be you.

Is it too late already?

“Oppa, kwenchana?” She asks, I look back at her and tried to smile.

“Is something wrong?” She queries further.

I sigh as my shoulders deflated.

I never expected to use these words to hurt two different people in one way.

“Hana-ssi… I’m sorry.” I breathed out.

“Ne?” She looks at me with bewildered eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated

“We can’t continue this… I- I can’t” I tried to explain.

Silence fell and after a minute or two, she gives back a warm, sincere smile.

“Kwenchana.” She says.

“It’s her, right? Your friend?” I was taken aback by it..

“I know. I- I know…” She concluded

“I expected this… But I didn’t know it’d come sooner. I stopped myself from falling because I saw this coming…. I…. Just… Keep in touch okay? Chase after her… Fighting~” She said before walking out the door.

I stood there…

Disconcerted.

 

“Yoboseyo?” She lazily spoke on the other line..

“Sorry if I woke you up… It’s not that I had something really important to say… I just wanted to hear your voice…”

I took a glance at my watch- 01:17 AM

“Kyung,” She said plainly. With that simple word, she made me smile.

“I know I hurt you… I know you’re mad… But can I be selfish for once?”

Silence. Stop yourself.

“What do you mean?” She answered.

“Can we stay like this for a moment?” I pleaded.

Silence. Don’t.

“If you want to…” She said dismissively

Silence. I can’t do this anymore.

“Kyung.” She called out.

“Hm?”

“Can you sing for me?”

That’s it.

Ending the call, I grabbed the nearest sweater and ran out.

 

I’m down. I’m hurt. I’m broke. I’m tired, not physically, but mentally. Thus making sleep my new best friend. I just want to escape reality. I want to stop thinking. To stop doing anything that requires action. To stop thinking about him and my feelings.

I struggle to live life everyday- but I can manage. It’s been a week. A week. Of being lost.

“Kyung.” I gathered all my wits.

“Hm?” He answered.

“Can you sing for me?” I begged.

Then I heard the sound of my phone beeping… He ended the call.

Then silence.

 

 

 

 

Feeling ridiculous, I smiled bitterly and put away my phone softly on my night stand…

I expected too much again…

But I’ll never get tired of it.

Waiting for him to call me back, I kept an open ear for my phone.

5 minutes…..

10 minutes….

15.....

17….

18….

19…..

20….

 

Tick…

What was that?

Tick…

My heart drummed against my chest as I shrugged out of my blankets and walked slowly to where I think the sound was coming from…

The window.

Risking my life, I opened it slowly and took a peek outside.

And there he was, a floor below me, panting and ragged- standing.

Then I remembered the events of last week, and all I want to do now is close the window, retreat to my bed, bury my head underneath my pillows, go back to sleep and never wake up ever again… But my feet were glued to the floor, and my body refuses to comply. I stared down at his perfection and managed to let out a muffled, “What are you doing here?”

He panted some more and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

“I told you I wanted to be selfish right?” He called out half-shouting.

“Do you want to be tackled by the dogs? Keep your voice low or they’d tear you to pieces!” I leaned out for him to hear my low voice.

“I remember telling you that I’d beat the guy who broke your heart to his pulp…. Since I can’t do that to myself then I’d rather let the dogs tear me apart!” He yelled louder as the dogs grew even more furious and barked even louder.

“Shut up!” I blurted out mindlessly tears welling up my eyes.

“I’ll go back to sleep… Good night.” I was about to close the window and retreat but he stopped me.

“Please. Listen.” I turned to look back at him and his pleading eyes. I nodded for him to continue.

“You wanted me to sing to you right?” He said

I was shocked. But I nodded.
No. He’s not-

Gone long... [click!]
I got it bad when she was (she was), right there 
But she's long gone, not even thinkin' of me

He started singing  his heart out with his soft and melodic voice which made even the dogs and crickets quiet down.

I keep lookin' around but nothing feeling like I shouldn't, 
I can't sleep 
Cause she's not even thinkin' of me, 
Not even thinkin' of me.

He continued singing. He’s not planning to sing the whole song right?

All this time her space is all gone, 
I've been stuck inside this wall zone for a long time, 
Battling my mind.

Tears then again threatened to fall.

I'm eternally lost, (I feel like I lost my mind) 
Without your love, (I know that I get left behind) 
And all I do is waste my time, 
I'm stuck between your world mine. 
I'm eternally lost, lost and all alone 
And it's your love that leads me on….

“Please.” He said again. “Listen to me…”
This time- I did not stop the tears to fall and I didn’t stop myself from crying.

And I'm gone 
I'm stuck in a world where the sky is all grey 
And I've become, something that's not even me 
Something that's not even me 
Four walls, 
They keeping me locked but 
I keep trying to find a way to your heart 
Nothing is working for me, 
Nothing is working for me... 

“Listen to the song and listen to my heart…”
It still hurts…

All this time her space is all gone, 
I've been stuck inside this wall zone for a long time, 
Got up in my mind. 

I'm eternally lost, (I feel like I lost my mind) 
Without your love, (I know that I get left behind) 
And all I do is waste my time, 
I'm stuck between your world mine. 
I'm eternally lost, lost and all alone 
And it's your love that leads me on. 

“Can you come down now?” He asks as he stopped singing. I sniffed and swallowed in my sobs.

I sighed and closed the windows.

For a moment I thought of lying back down and act like he doesn’t exist.
But my heart won as I grabbed my thin cardigan and slowly walked downstairs careful not to wake up my parents.

As I open the front door and walk out to meet him, I can feel my heart burn and sway. I wiped my cheeks with my hands as I tried to erase all the traces of tears…

“Thank you.” He said sincerely. “For coming down.” He added before I could even ask…

“What now?” I said, acting tough.

He sighed, “I’m sorry.” He said.

Again.

I stopped my world from crashing as I nodded, “It’s okay, I understa-“

“For a different reason now.” He cut me off.

“Wha-?”

“I- I’m sorry. I think I’ll hurt you again…”

“I don’t unders-”

“I’m sorry, because I’m giving you a scar again… But- I still want to hear that you love me… I want you to still look at me… I still need your love…”

“Kyung.”

“Forgive me for being so bad… I still want to be your everything… I still want your entire heart…”

“Kyung!” I can’t take it anymore. I then again broke down. Crying hardly in front of him, my sobs echoed in our neighborhood. He tugged my hands away from my face and pulled me to a comforting hug.

“Why did you love a person who’s stupid and coward like me?! I’m sorry but I still need your love…”

“Can we try again? Can we love again?” He asked softly.

 

----------

FIN.

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!
Comments are loved!

♥, K