“Here’s our album Ms. Kim. Thank you for the interview.”

“Oh. Thanks. Wow. All signed by the members huh? This is great. We’ll keep this in the radio booth. Good luck on your promotions,” I said, patting his arm.

“Ah. Thank you. More power on the radio show.”

“Ah yes, thanks. You guys as well.”

The leader called upon s and they fell in line before bowing to the rest of the staff. They greeted everyone once more before they all left the booth fist pumping and hollering for a successful interview. I just managed a smirk when their manager had shushed them up and ushered them off from the halls.

“Great job Taeyeon. That was an impressive run,” said Chungho-oppa while adjusting his baseball cap and eyed the papers in front of me. The two new writers had followed the group outside and I was left alone with PD-nim, surprisingly. I knew there was going to be a lecture to be slipped somewhere.

“Stick to some of the prepared questions though. You wouldn’t want to kill us off the air after just two sessions, right?”

I chuckled at him warning in an undertone. I knew it.

“Well, it did bring up the boys’ personalities. You know it’s rare to hear idols honestly talk about their perceptions on music and the kpop industry, nowadays. It’s good to have a change, not just see them act as some human merchandise to screaming fan girls. A benefit for them as rookies and for us, too. We can’t be just like the other lame radio programs. Being different counts.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he mumbled, “tell that to their company’s president when he comes suing me and what-not because I’m the producer and I got my head on the chopping block. We have to follow certain rules Taeyeon. You can’t just speak your mind just because you want to. We’re in a broadcasting business may I remind you. We have responsibilities. Follow the program. We give the listeners what they want. That’s how it generally works now, wherever you go.”

His words were like pins to my balloon of pride but I was not in the best mood to argue.

“Relax PD-nim. They can take it out on me, not you. I’m the announcer. And my question about the cross-dressing part of the boys in their video was just a curiosity.” I joked, mock massaging his arms before his glare made me put my hands back down.

“Well, your curiosity might cost us this show. You know how people in the music industry or basically the entertainment industry are sensitive to gender topics. I know there are some of those kinds out there but let’s just not dip our foot in that pool, shall we?”

My hands clenched into fists unconsciously. I wanted to say something to change his mind but for some reason the way he looked at me meant more than just a warning---- like he knew or does he?

 “What’s with you? Have you been taking drugs?” he asked with a raised brow after I responded with silence.

“What?” I asked, jerking in surprise from the baseless accusation. He started on massaging his chin and inspected me from head to toe, mking me somehow uncomfortable in my stance. I've never been this antsy around him and I didn't like how I was suddenly vulnerable to his judgement.

“You’re on this happy streak for weeks and you haven’t complained about long work hours. You even agreed on having this afternoon show when I thought I would have to bend down on my knees for you to do it." He garbled and paused, taking time to peruse my eyes. "Then we talk about sensitive stuff and you go back to that sulky -deprived loner that you were.” He pulled his arms across his chest and loomed over me. “I know you haven’t been drinking lately so I was thinking drugs could be the next best thing. You swear you’re not on it?”

I laughed so hard in my head and fought tooth and nail not to break out and double up. Yeah, sure. I think I’m on drugs. Being in love is similar to having a drug addiction.

My smile suddenly disappeared as I reviewed the words in my head.

Love.

The word made me irk and cower.

Tiffany…

 “Well, whatever you’re taking, make sure it’s legal. I don’t want issues and scandals. I’ve worked too long and too hard to keep my shows up and have bet my neck too many times on it. You hear me? One screw-up and you’re out, Taeyeon-ah.”

I shook my head erasing the thoughts and raised a brow at him. “What? Pardon?”

"Again, not paying any attention." He briefly met my eyes with curiosity before relenting, eventually giving up crossed on his face. He moved on to check his phone while I waited on him to give further instructions and somehow make myself think straight for once. “By the way, you and Soonkyu are to have this TV show interview sometime next week. It’s a feature episode, which includes the confession corner. You two make sure to promote the whole show properly, okay? You two are in for some serious stardom. Make sure you two don’t screw up. There might be more coming.”

“Say what?!”

I frowned. No, I scowled. I clenched my teeth in silence and sighed.

Worries came rushing in a pile. There was the impending book publishing, the new idol show, and the usual late night radio. And to add to those, there was this stupid interview. There was no end to the ‘fame fatale’ and my situation was dangerously ballooning beyond my control.

What have I gotten myself into?

I began to have my doubts. More fame meant more intrusive people and more intrusion meant more threat of exposure. I was afraid whether a tiny bit of peel on my personal life was going to mess everything up--- Tiffany included.

Society was harsh and even if I’ve taken steps into the open, I was still dancing the cha-cha backwards. It was unsafe for anyone who has been hiding in closet for years and one little mistake could jeopardize my entire career. I could go down and everyone around me can and may go down with me. I didn't want that to happen. The mere fact that I was neither a man or a woman was not reason enough to ostracize those around me.

Tae, do you love me? Her voice resounded in consciousness and I shook my head vigorously. The question had me rattled for countless occasions for the past 24 hours. Not only will I jeopardize my career but maybe it'll ricochet on Tiffany as well. And that is one thing I won't ever forgive myself for.

Why did she ask me that? What was she trying to imply? Wouldn’t it be too fast on my part? A deep exhale slithered from my small frame. This was too confusing. I mean, I like her but love… love is such a heavy word. I don't know if I'm ready to let her put through the scrutiny of the public eye once the cat would be out of the bag. How would everyone react? Would she leave me by then?

“Is ‘what’ the only thing you can say? First you’re happy and now you’re distracted… you’re weird.” The voice of our producer pulled me back from my thoughts. He looked up to me from his phone and waved his hand in dismissal as he went to the door. "Get your act together. I need you to function for your radio shows. Got that Kim?"

Incidentally, Sunny just entered the small booth and she jumped back in surprise. “Ah, oppa! Watch where you’re going, will you?”

“Speaking of the devil,” our producer held up his hand, “Got what I asked for? I’m seriously craving. Soyeon-ssi has been watching all the things I buy. I think I've been more edgy since I've had a can.”

“Here.” Sunny dropped a soda can into his hands and scowled. “Soyeon-unnie is going to kill me if she finds out I’m giving you soda. You should learn to cut down, you know? You’re gonna have diabetes within the next years.”

“Nah. Just keep it between you and me, will you? I haven’t had a soda in 2 days! Having her as a girlfriend is driving me nuts. She’s even tougher than my mother!” He took a swig and exhaled with satisfaction. “And it is just Coke. It’s not like I’m asking you for instead.”

Sunny rolled her eyes. “I know that but you’re just becoming more like the old Taeyeon here.”

My jaw fell as Sunny pointed her finger at me. Our producer couldn't agree more as he nodded and affirmed with a chuckle.

“Don’t drag me into this. I’m not the one with caffeine problems.” I remarked as I folded up the papers. Sunny just snorted. It took me a few seconds to realize I just made a lame joke about myself, too. Yeah. Who’s addicted Taeyeon?

“Ahhhh! Now, That is good!” He let out another satisfied sigh, overjoyed to have his addiction back. He hid the can under his jacket and headed out. “I’ll see you guys tonight. Okay?” He paused and tipped his hat to me. “Taeyeon, sorry about my little rant. Good job on the radio but just remember what I said. I mean it. Just looking out for you, too. You've been like my little sister." For the first time, I saw our producer show a compassionate smile and somehow I understood that he did knew what predicament I had. He shyly turned his head and bid goodbye to the other. "And you, Soonkyu. Thanks for the drink. Anyway, I owe you guys some sort of dinner. Later. Have fun.”

“So long as Soyeon-unnie doesn’t find out, oppa!” Sunny shouted back as he disappeared from the door.

“So long as I don’t find out what?” a female voice asked from the halls and a frantic running followed.

“Ya! Chungho! Come back here! Is that what I think it is? Ya! Come back!”

We couldn’t help but break into chuckles as the PD left with his girlfriend scolding him along the way. Somehow, it made me smile but then it was replaced by that somber thought again.

Hoping to disregard my brooding, I assembled the papers and stacked them neatly. I had to keep myself busy somehow.

“Congrats.”

“Huh?” I paused and glanced at Sunny reclining on a chair.

“I said congratulations on the new show. I caught a strip of it on the radio as I was driving back here.”

“Ah,” I pulled my hand behind my head, “Thanks. I guess it went well. Some rookie groups debuting and idols doing comebacks; there’s nothing much. Huge I must say though. They’re debuting 13 year olds. Like seriously… thir… teens. That's too young! What are companie doing nowadays, training babies?”

Sunny laughed and briefly slapped my shoulder. “I don’t think so but you've got a point. However, you’re a 10 year old. , yourself. You fit well into their generation so there's no need to complain.”

“What?” I slapped Sunny’s shoulder with the pad.

“Just as I thought,” Sunny glared, “Childish.”

“That’s like me saying to you, you’re a dwarf.” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Touché.” Sunny laughed it off while I sniggered.

“So… how’s the music coming? I heard you guys are releasing a mini-album. Are you three going to come to my afternoon show, too?” I settled the papers on the far end of the desk and moved the microphones away.

Sunny pushed the chair back and sat up straight. “Oh please. We’re an indie rock band, not an idol group.”

“Hey, nothing wrong being an idol. Every kid on the block wants to be one and you three can very well be. Those two guys in your band would pass as heartthrobs. I can already imagine all the crazy fan girls.  While you…ughm…” I scanned her from head to toe, “yeah, maybe not. Forget what I said. It'll never happen.”

Sunny scrunched her nose---that notable habit of hers when she was annoyed while I laughed.

“Oh please, with my aegyo. I’d beat all those girly kpop rookies in a snap!” Sunny raised her hands into fists by her cheeks and did this awkward cat pose. I immediately paused my laughter and grimaced at the sight of a mid-twenties woman acting like a teen.

“Yeah. Sure. Let me go and get a vomit bag.” I rolled my eyes in effect while Sunny leaned back with a smirk.

“Very funny Tae. Anyway, Changmin-oppa has talked to the producer. The album should be out in a few weeks. Remind me to harass you to buy our album.”

“Wow. Really? Harass?" I adjusted my stance and glared at the supposedly friend till the end lady in front of me. "And here I thought I’d get freebies. The group I just interviewed gave me one. Why can't you guys be like that, too? Such stingy little rascals.”

“Well, you have to pay ‘coz you’re a good friend. A very good, generous, loving, awesome, super, excellent friend!" Sunny up while I almost gave her the finger. "And make it two, one for you and one for Tiffany.”

“What?” I whined but knowing I won’t win, I resigned. I figured Tiffany would also heckle me to support them in more ways if possible if she knew I declined. “Fine. Reserve me two.”

Sunny replied with a Cheshire grin, something more sinister than the ones in the cartoons and I had a bad feeling she'd pester me to promote and buy more of their album if she can.“Thanks Taeng! By the way, Heechul also wants to say hi to you. He hasn’t seen you around clubs in months,” she said, raising her feet to another chair. “Which reminds me, we four haven’t hung out like before. We should do so again. Those guys miss you.”

“Send my regards to them both. Come to think of it, I haven’t had a drink in more than a month. You three should treat me to one. You guys are so stingy going Dutch on me all the time. Plus I’m buying your album and make that even two,” I said, picking up both Sunny’s leg up and dropped them harshly on the floor. She glowered when I sat down in place of her footrest. “But enough of the two heartthrobs, those two can update me wih their lives next time. What I want to know is what’s up in your department. It’s been awhile since we got to talk. How’s it going with you and the chef?”

“Sooyoungie?”

Sunny surely had a bad habit of lying and feigning ignorance.

“Do I know any other chefs who likes you?”

“Hmm.”

Sunny sank a little deeper. It appeared to me that things were not really going at a rabbit’s pace with them. However, I was pretty sure Sooyoung liked Sunny. I just wasn’t sure with the one in front of me.

“Well? How are things with you two?”

“We’re okay. We’ve been having friendly dates and I’ve been quite interested with her. To be honest, I like her. It’s been a while since a girl has caught my attention. Guys are becoming a bore but I don’t really want to jump into a relationship now.” Her eyes focused on me and rolled dramatically.

“And?” I sneered.

“We’ll see. I just might ask her to go steady. Who knows, she and I might even beat you and Tiffany,” she laughed. “Anyway, why ask? My love life is close to as flat as your chest. What about yours? Progress report, Taeng.”

“What am I?  A research project?” I scowled, pushing her seat away. “And FYI, I got s. Not exactly melons like yours but still, I got s.”

“Shush.” Sunny hissed, pausing momentarily to look down her chest and narrowed her eyes at me.  I feigned innocence and looked away. “Whatever. I only want Tiffany details. So how is it? Have you two gone beyond the phase?”

“Phase?”

“Phase. Or do you prefer base? How far have you gone? Home run?” Sunny had the curiosity of a 5-year old except for the fact that the information she was trying to retrieve was beyond toddler knowledge.

“What?!”

“Oh come on Taeng. We’ve gone through these convos in the past. I know most of your exes and how and when you’ve scored or not. Don’t feign your ignorance.” Sunny settled her head on her palms, which were planted on the caps of her knees. She was inching closer and closer, invading my personal space.

“Since when have you been keeping track of my life? What are you? Paparazzi?” I pulled away but Sunny slid her chair and held mine.

“No. I just amuse myself with another person’s drama,” she repined. “And you asked about mine. I deserve to know yours.”

“Go away.”

“Pfft.” She was undeterred. “Tell!”

“Ahh. Why do I have you as a friend again?” I cried out in annoyance.

“I’m waiting Taeng.” Sunny raised her short legs up and planked them on my lap. She made sure to hook her feet on the arm of the chair, encaging me in my own seat. She was beyond annoying and I knew she would not relent regardless of the countless schemes of evasion I made.

“Second base,” I huffed. I craned my neck away from her prying gaze. Here we go.

“Second? That’s it?” Sunny barked, lifting her feet off me.

“Yes.” Oddly I sounded more disappointed than I had thought. “Well, the other night, I thought we were going to go beyond that. She came to my apartment at three in the morning. I didn’t know what was going on but she asked me about something and I couldn’t answer back.”

“Ooh. Past midnight attack from Tiffany? This should be good,” Sunny mumbled. “So what was the million dollar question?”

I hesitated. Sunny saw it from my face and raised her legs back on my lap. “What is it Taeng?”

“She asked if I loved her.”

“Oh,” Sunny sunk into thinking. “And?”

I found it hard to continue. The words were scratching through my throat. “I… I didn’t say anything back.”

“You’re lame. You know that right?”

Great. Just as I thought.

“Look Sunny. I like her, but I’m not sure if I love her. She’s always on my mind and she makes me really happy but I’m a bit apprehensive. There have been a lot of things happening to me lately and I’m afraid of losing control. I don’t know if I’ve reached that level.”

“You may look like a kid Taeng but you aren’t when it comes to recognizing your own feelings. I know you haven’t really fallen in love for anyone based on your past flings but you should know if you already have deeper emotions for somebody, something that is just beyond liking and finding someone attractive. Well, you know what I mean. The other L word.”

Love. I pursed my lips and skimmed through her thoughts. She was right. “I guess.”

“Well, I’m not an expert but for me there’s a way to kind of say whether you do. If I may ask, have you been jealous because of her?” Sunny asked insouciantly.

I tapped my finger on her knee and contemplated. I simply shook my head in answer.

“Well maybe that should figure things out for you.”

“Huh? How?”

“I don’t know. You have to figure it out yourself Taeng.”

“Hey, you pry and then leave me with half a clue. That’s not fair.” Strangely, I pouted at her, which made her throw her head back and laugh. She removed her legs once more and stood up.

“I just remembered. Changmin-oppa wanted me to check on the schedules. Say, why don’t you and Tiffany come over at a gig we have at this café-bar on Saturday, after work. Those two hooligans miss you, you know and I think Tiffany would be delighted to come. I’ll invite Sooyoungie too.”

I stood up and leaned back on a desk. Hand brushing the back of my neck, I reckoned it wasn’t a bad idea.

“Sure. But you guys really have to treat me to some soju.”

“Shouldn’t you be the one doing that for us?” Sunny tittered. She made her way across me and intended to leave. “Anyway, I have to go. Can’t keep oppa waiting. You know how he goes berserk when people arrive late on him. I’ll be back as soon as I settle schedules.”

“No problem. I’ll see you tonight for your radio show so we can talk about the listings. Thank God, we’re doing that alternately again.”

“I know. Totally trying to be cheery on air with you beside me.”

“Ha! Try to say that when we’ve got a TV interview by next week.”

“Wow. We’re going TV? Looks like we’re really popular now, huh? Seems like it’ll be good for me. It’ll definitely help with promoting the band.” She ruffled her bangs and winked. “Told you your ideas work. Genius Taeng.”

“Ya! Didn’t you say you had to meet Changmin-oppa? Go! Get out! I don’t need you here,” I said, shooing her at the same time.

Sunny stuck her tongue out and opened the door. “Oh yeah Taeng, I almost forgot to tell you. I swung by Pink’s earlier and saw Tiffany with someone I didn’t know behind the counters. I thought she was a new employee but I was a bit surprised when the girl hugged Tiffany from behind.”

I cocked a brow at her and frowned upon the ridiculous random info. “So? Must be a friend.”

“Yeah. I guess so. I mean a kiss on the cheek after the back hug is something friendly. Right?” she added with a little wink.

“What?” I asked aloud this time.

“Nothing,” she grinned and made a turnaround. “See you Taeng. Saturday, okay? I’ll be expecting Tiffany with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Go!”

“Bye~.”

I sank back in the chair after Sunny disappeared. The things she had said had marked into my head.

Jealous? Girl? Backhug? Kiss? What the hell is that blonde midget even talking about?

I withdrew my phone from my pants backpocket and immediately clicked on Tiffany’s contact. My fingers were shaking.

No. If something was up, Tiffany would tell me. We’re still dating. I can’t even call her mine. She doesn't have that kind of obligation on me and I don't as well on her. Aaah. Crap. .  I threw my phone and it slid on top of the desk as my own body slid down in my seat.

Sigh.

Really Taeyeon?

Love?

----------

 “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Are you going to be okay? You just got off work and all Tae.”

Those caring eyes questioned me with sincerity and I couldn’t fathom how I managed to survive two days without communicating with her aside from calling her for the invitation from Sunny. To be honest, I missed her and my heart was racing even though I’ve already parked the car.

“I’m fine Pany-ah. It’s also Sunday tomorrow. I don’t have anything to do except probably write something for the blog. I haven’t touched it since I’ve been making drafts for the book collaboration,” I said as I pulled the hand brake into place.

I looked deep into her eyes and smiled. It’s been a while since I drove in my car and I was rather giddy having Tiffany in the passenger seat. I just couldn’t figure out if the angel beside me was as excited as I was. Somehow, there was that dull atmosphere lurking. “Why, aren’t you feeling well? We can just turn back and tell Sunny. I can schedule another time when we can meet with Changmin-oppa and Heechul, too.”

“I’m fine Tae. We’re already here,” she replied softly. She pulled off her seatbelt and held my hand over the brake. “I guess I’m just surprised with all these. I didn’t know you had other friends. You never mentioned them to me before.”

I responded with a smaller smile.

It was true. I had not mentioned them to her and I did feel guilty not opening up about it. However, this was my chance to make it up. It was almost like a premature approval, hoping they would like her as much as I do.

Like… Love... Ugh. Here we go again. How am I supposed to figure out the difference?

“They’re old friends of mine. Technically, they’re Sunny’s friends but they know me quite well. I used to hang out with Heechul before I got into the whole radio thing. He used to help me around adjust to Seoul when I first came here and well, we’ve been sort of good buddies.”

“Okay.”

She bit her lip and looked beyond the window. Something was definitely bothering her.

“Nervous?” I asked.

It was my turn to pull the seatbelt aside and took her hand inside mine. She just nodded and looked out into the dashboard.

“Hey. Don’t worry. They don’t bite,“ I reassured calmly. “Sooyoung is also there. And I’m doing this ‘coz want you to know me better. The same way as I want to know you and your friends better. Okay?”

“Hmm.”

She was still out into space and it bothered me whether she was still thinking about the episode back in my apartment. I had thought about it and yet, I still could not confirm whether I was past just liking her. I didn’t want to rush it and I, for once after seeing her for some time, was hesitating.

“Ughm, Tae…”

I snapped back from my thoughts and found her looking at my eyes closely, our noses almost touching.

“Yeah?”

She just kept at looking at me, one eye to the other. I simply stared back, brows furrowed. She retreated a few inches and sighed a little.

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Let’s go? They must have been waiting for us.”

She grabbed her purse from the backseat while I watched her, confused like a kid left at school. As she faced front again, I tugged on those long lovable fingers.

“Were you going to say something to me?”

She pursed her lips and shook her head. “No, it’s not important. Let’s just enjoy tonight.” She even reassured it with her eye smile. 

“Okay,” I said with a discreet anxiety. “But do tell me if something is bothering you Pany-ah. Understand?”

“Yeah. Of course Tae.”

We exited the car and walked across the street to get to the third building from the corner. It was an old disco house turned into a small concert hall for local artists and performers. Apparently, Sunny’s band was going to make their debut as an official labeled group tonight and there was a long line waiting outside. We walked past those in line and since the bouncer knew me from before, he easily let us in without queuing. As we strode by, I immediately heard whispers. By then, I knew several customers had already recognized me and I had to be wary of my actions.

Ignoring the eyes, I took Tiffany’s hand and secured my grip as we made it through the crowd. I already knew where the usual hangout corner would be and I was not mistaken when I saw two males dousing down drinks in rapid-fire shots.

I pulled Tiffany close behind me again and gave her a reassuring nod. She nodded back and looked around as other customers were crowding up.

“Taengoo! Finally, your y but disgusting dragged you off from work!” a tall, lanky long haired gigolo rose to his feet as soon as I stepped near the table.

“Long time no see Heechul,” I remarked with a grin that could go around my face. “Sorry. Too bad for you but I’m still not interested. You can take your pretty boy image somewhere coz I’m never taking the bait. Understand? Or do I have to beat you up with your drumsticks again?”

“What? But I’m giving you exclusive rights to this beauty of a man! Like seriously, where else can you find someone as handsome as me?” he flaunted shamelessly, spreading his arms like an eagle to welcome me but he was reduced to a blob on the couch when the older one pulled him down to his seat.

“Sup Taeng. It’s been a while. Glad you could make time to hear us play,” the older guy greeted.

“I’m good. Life has been throwing fewer lemons. And it’s nice to see you Changmin-oppa.”

He put out his fist and I bumped my free hand into his. I immediately felt a squeeze on my other.

“Ah yeah. I came with someone. Oppa. Heechul. Meet Tiffany Hwang.”

I gestured to both guys and then to Tiffany. “Pany-ah, meet Changmin-oppa and Heechul. Oppa’s great. Don’t mind the jerk though.”

Heechul stood up again and inspected Tiffany from head to toe. “My, my, you’re pretty. Do you have a boyfriend? I’m available. And even if I wasn’t, I’d make myself available. Name's Heechul. You can call me your oppa anytime.”

Once again, the older one pulled Heechul by his arm and sat him down with force. Tiffany couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Sorry about that Tiffany-ssi. I think he had too much to drink and we haven’t even played on stage yet. It’s great to finally meet you. Soonkyu, I mean Sunny, had been talking about you. We’ve heard incredible things. Good you’ve somehow cheered this other little grouchy dwarf.”

“Grouchy dwarf?” I repeated with a glare but was just returned with a grin. 

“No. It’s fine. Heechul-ssi seems funny though,” she commented easing out the awkward introductions and giving them both that warm eye smile. “It’s nice to meet you both. I hope you’d have a good launch tonight. I’ll be supporting you guys.”

“Ah, no. Pleasure was definitely ours. Taengoo has not been keeping us up-to-date and I can understand now why she suddenly got so busy.” Changmin pointed to the couch opposite theirs and urged both of us to sit. “Get yourselves comfortable. Sunny and Sooyoung-ssi just grabbed some beers and soju. They should be back by now.”

“Oh okay.” I murmured. The place was quite packed and it wasn’t a surprise that more people were glancing over our corner. Most of them were most likely waiting for the band to play. There was a rookie band that was making through their sets at that moment and they were pretty decent. Although, I could tell the crowd was more interested over at our side.

“Tequila anyone?” Heechul offered, his cheeks a bit blushed from the alcohol. I put my hand up and declined instantly. I was weak against highly volatile spirits and was kind of expecting the same for Tiffany. However, much to my surprise, she accepted the shot glass and took a piece of lime into after taking the shot.

“Wow.” Heechul clapped his hands after Tiffany settled the shot glass down. “Taengoo I like her already! Tiffany-ssi, want another one?” he said with a wide grin. "Wanna be my girlfriend?"

Tiffany loosened up with another laugh. “Maybe in a few more minutes. I was just thirsty so I drank.”

Changmin leaned forward and chuckled. “It’ll take you more than just a shot to keep up with us, Tiffany-ssi but I admire your boldness. No wonder Taengoo was smitten.” He raised his glass to me and took a gulp. I rolled my eyes in response to the tease. “Anyway, I just apologize on behalf of my self-proclaimed brother here. Heechul can be a charmer. Say, Taengoo, why don’t you go up the bar and get your girl a drink. Don’t worry. We’ll keep her company. She’s interesting and it’d be great if we get to talk more.”

I slowly relaxed. It looked like they were really getting along well. THere was basically nothing for me to worry about but my gut feeling had been giving me warning signs since the point we entered the club. Thinking it was just me overthingking, I turned to Tiffany and asked. “Pany-ah, do you want me to get you anything?”

I was hoping she was just going to let me stay and watch over their conversation, but she seemed comfortable enough interacting with the two guys. “Beer plus soju would be fine but if you want to do cocktails, I’m okay with it, too.”

“You sure?” I asked again, a bit worried.

“Yes Tae. And I’m fine. I seem to enjoy your friends’ company,” she said, reaffirming it with a light tap on my arm.

“Okay.”

As I was about to leave, the two other females we had expected to be joining the two guys arrived. Sooyoung was carrying two empty glasses and two bottles of beer while Sunny had a bottle of soju and surprisingly, two packets of what looked to me as espressos to go.

“Leaving already? That’s too soon. Did Heechul harass you too much?” Sunny asked as she sat beside me, pushing and scooting me on the couch nearer to Tiffany.

“No. Was supposed get Tiffany and myself a drink,” I said instinctively as my hands seemed to have found its way around Tiffany’s waist. She was having a light conversation with Changmin but paused when Tiffany felt my touch. She beamed at me and I had to look down to hide my blush.

“Nice to see you both together. It’s been awhile, Sooyoung-ssi,” I said, nodding in greeting, hoping nobody else noticed.

Sooyoung had placed the bottles on the low table and settled the glasses as she nodded and greeted in return. “I thought we could already drop the honorifics Taeyeon? Are we back to being strangers?”

“Ugh. No. Sorry. My bad. Just happy to see you. I’ve missed the toasts at the café.” I managed to joke after being slightly taken aback.

“Well, I’m glad to see you both together too. Tiffany has been so annoying, nagging me about you in the café 24/7. Seriously, don’t do the ‘too busy to even drop in and say hi’ tactic of yours. I'm the one who's getting all the complaints and repercussions.”

“Am not!” Tiffany remarked aloud. It was a surprise still to me how her vocal chords managed to overcome the bass from the speakers. “Don’t listen to her Tae. She’s just off to get me coz she hasn’t seen Sunny for some time, too. She would keep on leaving her post in the kitchen and walk out to the customers hoping Sunny would come in magically from the front door.”

"No, I didn't do---"

“You missed me that bad Sooyoungie?” Sunny asked cutely as she averted her attention.

“Ah… yeah…” Sooyoung sounded to shy to let others know but she was quick enough to accept defeat. Sooyoung and Sunny just tittered like two kids from high school who just had their first kiss later on. The friendliness towards each other was there but something more was evident. What it was, I didn’t bother too much. I already felt elated seeing the David and Goliath from my new amended circle of friends to be more engaging than what I usually saw. It seemed liked whatever it was between them was going smoothly and I shouldn’t have been even worried about it in the first place--- unlike what it was with Tiffany and me.

Sigh. I still felt bothered even though I shouldn’t be.

“You were Tiff. There’s no need to hide it. Plus I like Taeyeon more than your other friend.” Sooyoung added which spun me off as I must have muted the rest of the conversation inside my head.

Wait. What? I fumbled to keep myself sane. Other… friend? I would have interrogated Sooyoung at that instance but then Changmin intercepted my words, shifting the topic towards the too cheery Heechul.

 “Soonkyu. Got the coffee I asked? Our drummer already had quite more than enough drinks. I’m a bit afraid he’ll collapse midway our song. Crap. I should have known and stopped him earlier.”

“Hey hyung, I said I was nervous. I’m not that drunk. I can still twirl my drumsticks. I just had to take some shots to calm my nerves,” the one in a less sober mood complained.

“Nerves my . You couldn’t even hold your shot glass properly.” Changmin glowered and pulled Heechul by the ear, who went whining more as he rubbed the pinched lobe.

“Here. Found some packets of espresso from a vending machine. The café part of this business only operates during the day so I couldn’t get a venti cup. It’s all club drinks back at the bartender’s. Espresso should counter the buzz though. Hopefully.”

“That should do,” I commented and smirked, “or you could just slap him until he finds consciousness again. Hit him real hard for me Changmin-oppa. It’ll be delightful to watch.”

Changmin chuckled. “Ah, Taengoo is back. I thought you’ve turned mushy because of Tiffany-ssi here.”

“Oppa,” I warned but Tiffany seemed to like the idea of me being teased.

“Aww. And I love you, too, you smartass.” Heechul motioned to slip a hug to Tiffany but I was quick to secure Tiffany in my arms. “Ohoho! Possessive Kim Taeyeon? I’ve never seen you so overprotective over your territory before. Fine. I’ll just find my own girlfriend then,” he teased and complained, waving his arms while groaning. “This freaking . Here we have two women awesome at radio hosting and they’ve got their very hot and beautiful lady dates with them. Now, why can’t I have a girlfriend like that? Do I have to be gay to have someone to love me? Why do girls go for girls now? Ya! Taeyeon, why are you even gay?”

“Ok. Somebody needs to shut him up now,” I half hissed and half choked. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious and I couldn’t deny the fact that I withdrew my hands away from Tiffany while watching the eyes of the curious nearby crowd.

“Cool it Taeng. You know Heechul is just kidding,” Sunny reminded and pushed the espresso packets towards him. “Ya, loverboy. Drink up or else I’ll be the one using your face as the drum later.”

“Aisssh. You two love girls over guys. Nobody loves Heechul. Nobody loves---”

“Here. Why don’t you try it this way?” Tiffany leaned forward and grabbed the packets. She asked Sooyoung to give her one of the glasses and we all watched her in interest. Even Heechul stopped with his childish antics and observed. She took out two pieces of lime that would have accompanied the tequila and dropped them inside the glass. Carefully, she emptied both packets of hot espresso into the glass--- steaming black liquid drenched the green-colored citrus slices. She gave the glass a slight swirl and handed the drink to Heechul.

“Lime and coffee?” Changmin questioned. He had beaten all of us from asking. It was strange. Very strange.

“They call it Guillermo,” Tiffany said with a smile—that y knowing smile I often noticed when she was into her element. “It’s a simple coffee drink. In Brazil, they take coffee with lemon or lime to ease their throats. The caffeine should also help oppose the tipsiness. Espressos have less caffeine per cup but it should wake you up nicely and keep you sober for now.”

Heechul took a waft and sipped. An approving smile flooded his lips thereafter. “This is really good. I hate those vending machine coffee but it works out just fine. You’re one amazing woman Tiffany-ssi. Who would have thought? Lime and coffee… something sour on something bitter.”

Somehow, I wondered whether Heechul was just faking his drunkenness for he was talking like a connoisseur. That or he was trying to impress Tiffany. That bastard...

"Thanks Heechul. I just know coffee well, that's all." 

“Tiffany’s a barista by the way. She owns a café called Pink’s a few blocks away from the radio station,” I said as I furtively slipped my hand in hers. Giving it a few squeeze, Tiffany smiled back to me knowing I was proud of her again at the same time, I was securing what was mine.

“I see. That explains why she’s so warm and knowledgeable. She complements you, Taengoo. I’m so glad you found a girl like her,” Changmin added which made me swell with pride for a moment. “Tiffany-ssi, thank you for taking interest with this dongsaeng of mine. It’s nice to see Taeyeon being slightly caring again. Please take care of her for us.”

“Tch.” I scoffed but Tiffany had cut in before I could continue.

 “Ah no. I should thank her. Nobody has made me feel this way for some time.”

“Great! Now I really have no chance,” Heechul carped. “Why can’t girls like a handsome guy like me? I'm like A greek god, a prince, a cassanova...”

“Drink your coffee Heechul and shut up,” Changmin commanded, which was then followed instantly. Tiffany and I just cracked up after the pretty boy took the coffee down in one shot. He then took his drumsticks out and started warming up as intructed by Changmin.

Sunny and Sooyoung seemed to have missed out on the whole conversation as the two made a world of their own. They were laughing and flirting, much to my pleasant surprise and edginess.

Changmin went on talking about the whole mini-album for the next minutes and Heechul seemed to have sobered up fast with the kick of the double espresso. Tiffany then went on talking about her business and I slipped in some updates myself regarding the new shows and writing endeavors. The conversations were casual and unloading, which calmed my other distresses.

“I’ll get us drinks Pany-ah.” I nudged her shoulder as I motioned to get up. Even though I intended to just go alone, Tiffany excused herself from the other two and accompanied me out unto the floor.

“Hey. Why’d you leave?” I asked as soon as she skipped into her step to walk through the crowd beside me.

“Why? You don’t want me to come with you?” Tiffany said with a pout and smoothly wound her hand into mine. She already had a few shots and she was glowing with a rosy hue.

"No, not like that. Just surprised,” I replied, intentionally pausing. I looked around and thankfully there weren’t as many people over this corner compared to where we all sat. I quickly drew her hand in, leaned close to her ear and whispered. “You were impressive as usual back there.”

She smiled, taking her other hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Was I?”

“Yes.” Swift but sweet, I kissed the back of her hand. “I already told you. You look hot every time you talk about coffee. And you were impressive with making friends with those two. I appreciate you recognizing them as good acquaintances.”

“Hmm.” She fiddled with my fingers and looked straight, her eyes laden with gratification. “I’d do anything for you Tae. I like you that much now, you know.”

My heart sank upon hearing her words. It was overwhelmed with joy and guilt as the echo reminded me of my predicament.

“I… I like you, too, Pany-ah. I… ughm…l-l-l… ”

“Shh. Come on Tae. Let’s get some more drinks.”

Sigh. Me and my ing apprehensions again.

We came up to the bar and ordered ourselves some vodka cocktails. At least it was less hitting than straight up shots of tequila. I paid for both drinks and took some time people watching while just hanging out.

“Tae. I need to go to the bathroom,” Tiffany suddenly said after taking a few sips from her drink.

“Oh? Want me to hold your drink while I wait for you here?” I suggested as I motioned to take her glass.

“No. I want you to come with me,” she said, pulling my arm.

I raised my brows and stalled. “But our drinks…let’s just go back first to the rest then we’ll go to the bathroom.”

“Put the coaster on top of the glass. That’s bartender code for you coming back for your drink,” she then informed, settling her own glass on the countertop and taking a coaster from the bar. She was impatient for once.

“Oh ok.”

I followed what she said and allowed myself to be dragged to where the bathrooms were. There was just a short line, much to my surprise. Most of the people were hanging out at the corners or at their tables, listening and chilling as the bands changed from one set to the next.

“Tae?”

“Yeah. Do you need anything?” I asked as I waited outside the one cubicle bathroom from the narrow hall. Good thing no one was behind us in the line.

“Can you help me with something?” she spoke suddenly through the door. The doorknob opened and I peeked in. “What?”

Tiffany reeled my arm and I stumbled torso first into the insides of the bathroom. I suddenly heard a click and by the time I regained my balance, Tiffany had already pressed me against the sink, her palm flat against my chest and an arm away in distance between us. I felt the coldness from the ceramic surface from my back but heat from Tiffany made me forget about it as I felt myself blush profusely.

She let out a little smirk. “I just needed you to help me with this…”

The scent of alcohol and lime danced into my nose but it was briskly pushed aside as she leaned in. She brushed my hair off my shoulders, exposing my collars from the maroon tank blouse I wore. Soft red lips then clutched unto mine and I tasted the sour lime from her tongue. Despite the heavy drumming and music blaring from the outside, I could hear the messy and chaste kisses she was giving me. I knew we were rather in a public place but the past days I haven’t been in contact made me lose the wall and returned her pecks with equal fervency.

Her hands roamed and fingers raked against the fabric from my stomach, up to my chest and unto the linings of my collar. She still kept the pace slow, kissing and lavishing with eyes closed. My sight conveniently diminished as I also kissed back. It wasn’t until she had unto my neck that I flashed them open again as I gasped in air from the arousal. She had slipped her hand under my blouse and I could feel her palm on my flesh, inching higher and higher until she hit the lacy fabric that cupped my s.

“Ah Pany-ah…”

I raised both my hands and cradle her face in my palms. Her hands continued to explore and I widened my eyes more as she lightly scraped her nails to my skin. They stung a few seconds after but I was thrilled from the sensation.

“Mhmm,” she hummed as she continued rain me kisses from the jaw to the angle of my neck. She pulled an inch away and groaned. “Ugh. I missed you Tae. You’re different. Different from her…”

From her? What?

I grabbed Tiffany by the shoulder and jostled her at arm’s length. She looked confused but not as much I was. “Tipany, I missed you, too. But what do you mean ‘different from her’? What are you talking about?”

“Huh? Nothing. You must heard wrong,” Tiffany argued but she strayed her eyes from mine.

I sidestepped from her, ready to leave but then Tiffany tugged my pants, hooking her finger around the belt loop. I stopped a step and turned around to face her again. “What?”

I was annoyed this time.

“Look. I miss you, okay. I know that we need to talk about what happened that night when I came to your place. But for now, can we just set that aside? I just really want you now, Tae. Can we just forget things for now?”

“Hmm…” I looked up sighing and then back to her. “Look, I like you and I want you but there are some things I need to know Pany-ah. I want this to work and I’ll get there. As much as I want to seal everything, I’m still unsure. There seems to something you aren’t telling me but if it’s something unimportant, then I guess I’ll wait for you to open up.”

She nodded. She seemed to understand as she bit her bottom lip and looked at me in the most heart-melting way possible. “I know. I do want to tell you but I don’t know where to begin…”

I could see my reflection from the mirror and I realized I was beginning to be harsh. She then took my hand and wove her fingers into the spaces. Each finger slipping sent that familiar spark within my gut.

Ugh. I couldn’t help it. The two of us in an enclosed unfamiliar place with people probably lining up outside stirred the rebellious side in me.

I pulled her close and embraced her. Tiffany suspired, tensing at first but then she loosened up and hugged me tighter. My chin rested on her shoulder and her scent roused me again. My lips brushed on her neck and I raised my head near her ear. With one hand drawing her hair away from her neck, I snuggled closer.

“Fine,” I whispered heavily. “We’ll talk later. Right now, I want our lips to do the talking instead…”

--------

 

“There you are, Tiff! Where have you guys been? The three has gone up the stage to check on their instruments. They’re playing soon.”

Sooyoung stood up and walked up to Tiffany as soon as we got through the crowd. I was still stretching out the creases from my shirt and checking for smears of lipstick on my face.

“Ughm. We got sidetracked. Sorry Soo.” I heard Tiffany shyly apologize as she also ran her fingers through her hair.

“Ah…Oh!” Sooyoung then easily caught up to it. “Okay… spare me the details but let’s see… ah… I don’t know how I should say this but Tiff… ugh… “

I noticed Sooyoung looking around and Tiffany walked her over to the table. “What’s wrong Soo?”

The taller one was contemplating on her words and I came forward wondering. “Yeah. What’s wrong Sooyoung?”

She looked at me as if she had just seen a ghost. “Oh Taeyeon! I had not noticed you were behind Tiffany…”

“I was with her the whole time,” I remarked. I had not seen her quite rattled before. “What’s up? Why do you look troubled?”

“Stephanie!”

An unfamiliar voice called out and a tall figure walked up to us. She was slim, tanned and had long black hair. Clearly, she was someone of strong stature, not just physically but also in behavior. Something about her was friendly but intimidating at the same time.

 “I didn’t expect to see you here but then I saw your head chef so I took my chances,” she continued as she raised her glass of wine.

“Yul. What… why are you here?” Tiffany asked.

Yul? I asked myself inwardly, repeating the name as if it was a code. Why does she feel familiar? And why do I feel threatened?

“Ah. A friend recommended this place because of the café slash bar business. It caught my interest so I came to check it out. I’ve heard they were launching some band tonight too so I stayed. Then I bumped into Sooyoung-ssi here. I’m glad I saw you tonight. I haven’t visited the café since the other day.”

She visited the café? Why was I remotely informed of this? And apparently, she knew Sooyoung, too?

The question filed in line and to each, I was absolutely dumbfounded with the absence of an answer and the more I felt insecure.

“Oh… I see. Have fun then.” Tiffany’s response nonplussed me. It was cold but then there must be deep-rooted reason for it. “Excuse us.”

“Wait. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your short friend?” This Yul stopped Tiffany and held her by the arm. Normally, I’d let something like that slip but then I was slightly offended when she underestimated my height. Who is she calling short?!

“Ugh. Excuse me guys, Sunny just texted me to help her out. I’ll be right back.”

Sooyoung was hesitating to leave but then her phone was ringing off the hook. She looked back once more and then disappeared towards the stage. Her absence didn’t affect the silent animosity Tiffany was charging at this woman before her though.

“Yul… let go. Not tonight please.” Tiffany squirmed. Fortunately, the other girl released her grip. I took the opportunity to confront her instead and introduced myself.

“Excuse me, I’m Taeyeon.” I held out my hand and waited. “Kim Taeyeon.”

“Taeyeon? Rings a bell. Hmm.” She held her hand out and grabbed mine. Her grip was firm, tense and then it hardened, as she appeared to remember. “Oh! Wait, you’re that Taeyeon then. Well, well. You’re pretty but I kind of expected someone taller.”

I pulled my hand away and massaged my wrist. Anyone could have called me crazy but that wasn’t exactly a friendly handshake. “Excuse me? And you are?”

She smiled slyly and it did make me uncomfortable. “Oh I’m sorry. I meant no offense. I guess, Tiffany still has not told you about me, huh? That’s a surprise. The name’s Kwon Yuri. Tiffany calls me Yul though. Gave me the nickname few years back since we’ve known and been with each other.”

She emphasized on ‘with’ and it made me distraught.

“Yuri… stop.”

I noticed how Tiffany was shaking this time and that did not amuse me.

“It’s Yul for you Tiffany, remember?” Yuri pressed on.

 “Yul. I’m on a date. We’re friends. Please respect that.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. For several minutes, it was as if I was invisible.

“Fair enough. But you heard me last time. I know you Tiff. It’s not yet over,” Yuri said leaning quite close to Tiffany.

“Yul!” Tiffany stepped back and I knew once again I had to step in. This time, I wasn’t allowing it.

“Is there a problem here?” I intruded. I had not expected myself to appear rude but the urge to push the taller woman in front of me was an idea I was very willing to entertain. “Excuse me, Miss Kwon. I believe Tiffany has said enough.”

Yuri chuckled. It was unsettling and provoking. “Alright. I think we got on the wrong foot here. However, it was nice to see you finally Taeyeon-ssi. I should be seeing you more often now.”

“What do you mean?” My brows furrowed and my molars gnashed afterwards.

“You two have a good date and good night. Until then.”

Yuri consumed the last of her wine and settled her glass on our table. I could see the lipstick marked on the edge--- almost the same shade as what Tiffany wore, the same shade that had painted my lips just several minutes earlier.

She finally disappeared into the crowd and Tiffany held my arm. “Are you okay?” I asked her but somehow I felt like I was questioning myself instead.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

 We both settled into the couch. Tiffany was rather silent and was trying to start a conversation to explain the situation, but I was too drowned in my own thoughts. I had seen Yuri. I just didn’t know where exactly. My brows narrowed center and I tried to recall as much as I could. Seconds later, I was about to give up but then it hit me. Like a speeding bullet train that caught me by the chest, it crashed into me.

She was that girl from the picture---the one who was present among the frames of Tiffany’s family back in her bedroom.

Then it hit me once again, as if the train passed and returned, hitting me backside. Yuri wasn’t just a friend. She was something else. Something more.

Suddenly, I felt something creeping from the inside. I knew this feeling from before.

I felt threatened.

I felt jealous.

It was as if I was holding on to a balloon and suddenly some new kid comes along, snips the thread and reaches for it. I could only watch as the ballon would leave my hand  and wouldn’t be able to get it back.

I was shorter. Weaker. My tie to the balloon was not as strong. 

But it could be stronger if I just knew what she really is to me... I could have that balloon. I could have Tiffany. 

“Hey. Taengoo. You okay?” a male voice startled me.

I looked up and saw Changmin holding a guitar. “We’re about to play. I reserved some good space for you guys at the front so you can take that or you can choose to cheer us on the side of the stage. Sooyoung-ssi is already with Soonkyu. Are you two coming?”

“Oh. Oppa. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Tiffany and I will follow you then.” I stood up from the couch and tapped on Tiffany. “Pany-ah. Let’s go.”

“Tae, I need to tell you something. About what just happened. About---”

"Alright, I'll go ahead. I'll see you both near the stage. It seems like you two need to talk for a while," Changmin excused himself and left. 

“Okay.” I just nodded and strayed my eyes on the spread of alcohol on the table. Without looking back at Tiffany, I gestured to let her follow me to where the band was going to play. “About what happened... maybe it can wait later, Pany-ah. For now, let’s go support my friends. I think it's the right thing to do for now.”

“Tae…”

“I said it’s okay.”

My hands plucked the tequila bottle from the table and I didn’t know what got into me. I tilted the bottle over my mouth and let gulps of alcohol burn my throat. It burned but it was a good feeling to mask the green monster swelling inside.

After taking probably a cup worth of the spirits, I dropped the bottle down on the floor. My belly was on fire and the sting had only intensified.

“Tae…”

Tiffany sounded concerned but piqued.

I then picked up a slice of lime and stuffed it in my mouth, the sour juice to calm the flame from my palate down to my pit. It was cutting through every taste bud and surely it was cutting through the bitterness.

“Tiffany, let’s go.” I ordered after I spat the spent lime slice on the plate. My hold on her hand was tight but I made sure I wasn’t letting her leave my side.

I then came to a realization.

I was threatened.

I was jealous.

And I was more convinced I didn’t just like her.

Maybe, I do love her.

 

 

 

----------

0_0 I know you guys have waited long for this.Hope it was worth the wait. It had been a rough month trying to engage into writing again. I also didn’t have much info on the drink so I made different revisions trying to find an alternate but then I thought, meh, what the heck. Ok. Fun facts. Guillermo is technically made by pouring a double shot of espresso over slices of lime--- acidifying the drink into a mix of citrus and coffee. By the way, coffee is also acidic so adding lime may accentuate that flavor; thus, I used it metaphorically to convey Taeyeon’s realization to her jealousy. Kekeke. Anyway, I’d like to thank Miki (my new Brazilian friend) for sharing me what she knew about lime coffee. This concoction as she said, is made to relieve sore throat in some cases. (Anyway, Miki...I reserved you pancakes by the way! Lol.) 

Also, the cafe/bar idea was stolen by me from Bartender87. I've wanted to have a business like that. Totally brain-picked that from her. (sorry T^T)

Ok. That's enough. So, ugh, I’m rewriting my 12^th chapter by the way, thanks to my reliable software (insert sarcasm here) so it should have been a double update. Sigh. But then, mishaps are always there. So much for talk. Until the next drink (which hopefully I can type when I’m bored), enjoy your cup! :)