umm.... What is this... Like my first update in like a month....? Well say hello to my longest chapter yet... <3

 

(24 January, Thursday)

 

[Zelo]

“And where would you be heading out to?” came a familiar deep voice as I pulled on my shoes at the front door.

Crap. My mind scrambled to come up with a quick lie.

“Uh… grocery shopping!” I said, looking up at Yongguk hyung.

He crouched down next to me, a smirk on his face. “I know you’re not sneaking off to meet Jiyong since she’s out of town with her group… Who is it? Is it that Eunseol girl? Your childhood friend?”

“No, no, no,” I said, shaking my head vigorously. Yongguk just grinned.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” he said, patting my shoulder. And with a heavy heart, I set out to go meet Eunseol. There were absolutely no romantic feelings involved between us, none at all. But even as I constantly told myself that, I couldn’t help but to feel the old tug at the corner of my heart. After all… that girl had been my first love. It had started as a small little thing, when we were both young. But when it soon became apparent to me that she would never like me back, and that I wouldn’t be able to stay in America anyways, I decided to give up on her. I had tried my best to forget about my feelings, and I had. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jiyoung and I would do anything and everything for her, but when I saw Alice in person after so many years… the old feelings just rushed at me.

Butttt, that has absolutely nothing to do with my going over to her school at the moment. Honest. It was simply because I felt terrible about this whole situation. I know how hard she worked to convince her parents to let her study abroad, and I wasn’t even able to see her until a few days after she arrived. And… I haven’t seen her since, so I had decided to go surprise visit her at her school.

I pulled my scarf tighter around my face, not wanting to gather any attention as I made my way to their campus. I found their school easy enough and waiting in front of the main entrance. There was still twenty minutes until the end of her school day. As I observed the peaceful, snowy campus, memories of all the school days spent with Alice came flowing back to me. But then, I soon realized how similar this situation was to my first two high school years with Jiyoung. I would go over to SAG everyday and wait in front of their school until Jiyoung came out.

And… as the two completely different memories began confusing me, an all too familiar voice came from behind me.

“Zelo…? What’re you doing here?”

With a dreaded feeling, I turned around slowly.

“Hey hyung,” I said awkwardly.

And then I realized it was not only Hyunseung giving me a suspicious look, but also Junhyung, looking confused.

 

[Hyunseung]

“We’re going to Elite again?” I asked, rather exasperated.

“Oh shut up, I know you like seeing her, so stop complaining,” Junhyung said. We stepped out onto the snowy ground and made our way to the Elite school building.

“Hey doesn’t that person look… familiar?” Junhyung asked, his breath turning white in the freezing air. It was so much colder than the usual winters…

I looked up from the ground and squinted into the distance. There was a tall, lean guy standing in front of the main entrance of Elite. His figure was very familiar. As we got closer, it soon became apparent that we knew the guy.

“Zelo…? What’re you doing here?” I asked, unable to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

He turned around slowly and greeted me awkwardly, “Hey hyung.” Then his eyes widened even more when he saw Junhyung standing next to me.

“So… answer the question now?” I said pointedly. His presence here wasn’t making me very happy. Did Jiyoung know that he was here?

“I came to see an old friend…” Zelo said, pulling his beanie down further over his hair.

“Oh…” I said, wanting to say more but holding it back. “Junhyung, let’s just leave…”

But before we could agree on anything, Eunseol appeared from the doorway and spotted us instantly. I frowned, glancing down at my phone. There were still fifteen more minutes of her school day…

“Hi Hyunseung, Junhyung,” she greeted softly. Her usually clear voice was scratchy… was she sick? Then she saw Zelo and her eyes widened. “Zelo? What’re you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come visit you,” Zelo grinned, but he quickly frowned. “You don’t look well and sound good… And why’d you come out early?”

“I have a fever,” Eunseol said, pausing to cough a little. “And the nurse told me to just go to my dorm and rest…”

Zelo stepped closer to Eunseol and cupped her rosy cheeks with his hands. He bent down slightly and rested his lips on Eunseol’s forehead for a moment. I stiffened.

“Jeez… you’re burning up,” Zelo said. “Let’s get you some place warmer.”

Junhyung, who obviously read this situation too well, said, “Come to our dorm. We have like, a mini pharmacy.”

As we walked to our dorm, I instantly understood what Jiyoung had been talking about during her rant. The way Zelo treated Eunseol… it shocked even me. I didn’t blame Jiyoung at all for being so upset.

At our dorm, Junhyung looked around in a cabinet and gave Eunseol a few pills to take. Being a pharmacist’s son, he knew what he was doing.

“When’d you get so sick?” I asked. She had been fine when I had seen her a few days ago.

“I think Woohyun got me sick…” Eunseol sighed miserably. Before long though, her eyes were starting to drop and I could tell she was struggling to stay awake.

“Just lie down for a bit,” I suggested, pulling her to my bed. I could tell she didn’t want to, but she was probably too sleepy to argue. She was soon fast asleep.

“I might’ve given her some pills that make her really sleepy…” Junhyung said casually. “‘Cause we need to talk.”

Ah, good ol’ Junhyung.

“So, does Jiyoung know you’re here…?” I asked.

“I don’t have to report everything I do to her,” Zelo replied steadily. “We’re independent people.”

“But maybe if she found out you came to visit Eunseol, not to mention while she was out of town, would upset her?” I pointed out.

“Okay… it’s not what you think,” Zelo said. “We’re just childhood friends, nothing less, nothing more. And how do you and Junhyung know her anyway?”

“Just coincidentally met her on campus,” I replied smoothly. “And Zelo… are you sure about being just childhood friends?”

“What do you mean…” Zelo asked carefully.

I shrugged, “You guys just seem like… more.”

“Hyung, it’s just a misunderstanding, okay?” Zelo said rather forcefully. He stood up and said, “Tell her I said to take better care of herself.”

When Zelo was gone, I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

“Was I too harsh on him?” I muttered.

“Kinda… but he way overreacted,” Junhyung said. “And what do you wanna do about Eunseol…? She won't be awake for another few hours…”

“Just…” I glanced over at her peaceful, sleeping face. “Let her stay until she wakes up.”

As time passed, we preoccupied ourselves with our own things to do. Soon, Junhyung said he had to leave for dance practice.

“You’re… you’re just going to leave me here?” I asked, shocked at how desperate I sounded. “With Eunseol…?”

Junhyung laughed, “What, you worried she’s going to you or something?”

“No… but what if she wakes up and she realizes she’s in a room alone with a guy and…”

Even as I heard myself talk, I realized how stupid I was sounding and wanted to stop my words, but they just kept stumbling out of my mouth.

“Oh c’mon Hyunseung,” Junhyung rolled his eyes. “She’s innocent, but she’s not an idiot. I’m sure that stuff won't bother her so… don’t let it bother you.”

And… he left with a nice little wink.

Suddenly feeling super aware of my surroundings, I walked back to my desk and attempted to study for my upcoming exam. But soon enough, I gave up on studying and rolled my chair over to the bed.

I sat there for a while, just staring at Eunseol’s face. Yes, I was conscious of what I was doing, but I didn’t stop.

She was a little paler than usual, but her cheeks slightly red. Her long, dark lashes contrasted from her skin, and her brown hair fell around her face perfectly. As I watched her slowly breath in, and breath out, my mind drifted off to thoughts of Yoojin, my last girlfriend.

It had started when I was a third year in middle school. She was a year younger than me, but had caught my eye during the talent show. She had played the piano so skillfully and with so much grace. I knew a lot of guys were into her, but I still wanted to get to know her. I got to know her during school festival, since we were both representing our classes in the talent show. She turned out to be cute and bubbly, and before long, I had feelings for her. After some time, I gathered enough courage and asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes, and the world had seemed perfect.

The happiness didn’t last long though. I soon found out that girls had been harassing her for being my girlfriend. It was beyond comprehension for me. How could they be jealous enough to bully a girl for getting attention from me? I talked to Yoojin about it, even suggesting that we break up. It tore at my heart to watch her be tormented by those girls, and as hard as I tried to stop it, I couldn’t.

But Yoojin insisted that she was fine and told me not to worry about it. I knew she wasn’t. She was small and thin, seeming so fragile. I felt like she was a glass figure standing at the brink of a cliff.

Then the day finally came when the girls crossed the line. One of them pushed her down the stairs and made her break her left wrist and permanently injure two fingers on her right hand.

She was a pianist.

I remember when I would hold her hand as we would walk home from school. Every time, I would admire her long, slender fingers, perfect for piano playing.

When she heard her two fingers were permanently injured, she went through a time of shock. She missed school for two weeks and wouldn’t see anyone but her parents. I knew how much she loved to play the piano. I knew she loved the piano more than she loved me.

Finally, she asked to meet me. I hastily hurried over to our meeting place, feeling extremely nervous. When I saw her, I wanted to hug her and never let go, but her injuries stopped me. Her arm was in a cast and her right hand was wrapped in bandages. I could see the pain in her eyes and it jabbed at my heart.

She told me she was going to transfer schools and that our relationship had to end. She also told me none of this was my fault, but deep inside, I blamed myself. I had let my dear girlfriend get physically hurt, and now, her dreams were crushed.

I never saw her again after that, and my personality began to change. I was no longer playful and outgoing. I was quiet and cold. I lost most of my friends, but a few stuck through with me. Like this, I graduated middle school and entered my dad’s school, SAB, with the handful of friends I had stayed close with.

A few months into school, Junhyung had brought up the topic of creating a competitive dance team for SAB. There were already a few, but none were all that great, which was pathetic for a music and arts school. All the others; Doojoon, Yongguk, and Gikwang; agreed. I knew that this club was built around me. They had become unconsciously protective towards me, and I knew this dance team was an attempt to bring me back to my old self.

A year went by and Beast, our dance team, became more and more famous as we won numerous competitions. We gained three more members, Yoseob, Zelo, and Dongwoon, and our team was more than successful. Although I still wasn’t what I used to be, it was still nice to have such a tight group of friends.

And the following year, I met Jiyoung for the first time. I had been beyond mad when Zelo had brought her to our dance practice. It was like an unsaid rule that I refused to date girls and didn’t want to associate much with them. But her attitude blew me away. For the past few years, I only got squeals and endless love notes from girls, but Jiyoung was different. She showed me sass and a smidgen of arrogance; something I wasn’t used to. As I got to know her more, I fell for her, despite myself. Everything about her drew me to her. She was strong and defiant, tall and lean, and knew how to pick a fight; the complete opposite of Yoojin.

And because the world is a lovely place, that all fell apart with the whole Eunsoo, Zelo, Jiyoung, me mess. And now, again, I was in the midst of trying to forget about my feelings. In a way, I blamed myself for the problem between Eunsoo and Jiyoung.

Then came along Eunseol… And now… My life is just a mess.

 

[Zelo]

(Now after that SUPER long flashback… going back to the scene where Zelo leaves Hyunseung’s dorm…)

I was pissed. I had simply wanted to come visit Eunseol, but all this crap happened… But more than feeling angry… I was upset and worried. Had I really made a mistake by going to visit Eunseol? Jiyoung knew we were just friends… right?

But then again, are we just friends? My feelings were so mixed up. There’s no doubt that I love Jiyoung, but was I able to really completely stop liking Eunseol?

Was it even possible to like two people at the same time…?

I quickly shook the thought out of my head. No. I am Jiyoung’s boyfriend and I love her. But even as I told myself this, I couldn’t help but worry about Eunseol and her fever. My fingers instinctively went up to my lips. I could still feel the heat on them from the time I checked her fever.

Then my thoughts travelled to an older memory: my first kiss.

We were both in elementary school, and had just walked home in the pouring rain. Eunseol had been feeling well the whole week, and now, she was shivering violently and she was burning up. I knew her parents weren’t home, so I went to her house with her. After we had both dried off and changed, I made her lie down in her bed. Soon, she was asleep. I had watched her sleep closely, brushing away her hair from her face. I remember blushing slightly as I had realized how hard my heart had been pounding. Then, something suddenly took over me and I leaned forward, gently touching my lips to hers. As soon as our lips touched, I had pulled back immediately, blushing furiously. As I went to my house, I had regretted what I had done, but the deed was done.

Of course, I kept it a secret from everyone. Even now, no one knew, not even Eunseol. Especially not Eunseol. I had tried to bury the memory deep into my brain, and therefor, counted my first kiss with Jiyoung as my true first kiss.

But I guess the mind just doesn’t work that way… Deep, deep inside, I still believed Eunseol was my first kiss.

 

[Hyunseung]

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but I was still sitting next to the sleeping Eunseol. I leaned forward a little and gently rested my hand on her forehead. Her fever had significantly gone down, thankfully. But something stopped me from pulling back away. I stayed there frozen for a moment, my face close to hers.

Slowly, I lowered my face until our lips met. Her lips were impossibly soft and warm. But soon, my mind caught up with my actions and I quickly pulled away.

And to my horror, Eunseol’s eyes slowly opened.

 

[Eunseol]

Soft lips touched mine as I was laying in a bed. It brought back memories… really old memories.

Junhong…?

My first kiss with Junhong… that he didn’t know that I knew about.

I slowly opened my eyes and to my shock, Hyunseung’s face was lingering a few inches above mine.

Hyunseung?!

I sat up abruptly, and effectively managed to bang my head into the shelf above my head. It was quite painful.

“Oh my god…” I breathed, clutching the top of my head.

“Are you okay?” Hyunseung asked worriedly. After a moment, the pain subsided a little, and I was fine.

“How about we say that because I hit my head so hard, I don’t remember what just happened…?” I suggested.

Hyunseung bit his lip.

“Unless… should I tell Junhyung sunbae…?”

“Memory loss sounds perfect,” Hyunseung agreed.

 

 

 

 

A/N: I have no idea when the next time I can update will be..... It might be tomorrow or in another month. We'll just have to see.... T.T