It was a partly cloudy but rainy day when Kyungsoo woke up, small rays of sun pouring through the vines of the curtain. He turned over and looked at Jongin who was peacefully sleeping with his mouth slightly open and hair tousled. Kyungsoo reached over and lightly traced Jongin's jaw line, marveling at the perfection.

"How can one look so handsome while sleeping? I swear he's not human," Kyungsoo thought.

It had been five years and six months since Kyungsoo had met Jongin at that club and he has enjoyed every moment they have spent together. It was that night that they had made themselves official, promising to belong to one another no matter what. He had been thinking thoughts of marriage for the past year and a half and wondered if Jongin had thought the same at some point. He didn't tell Jongin this but he was more than ready to start a family with him. He knew Jongin would be an excellent father and would treat their kids with the love and silliness he treated Kyungsoo with.

Kyungsoo chuckled at his thoughts and continued to stare at Jongin. He wasn't sure how much Jongin loved him. Every since that night, Jongin made no effort to deepen their relationship other than the fact he begged Kyungsoo to move in with him because he apparently couldn't handle being away from Kyungsoo for very long. But now that Kyungsoo moved in, he rarely saw Jongin due to his work. Jongin was a model and actor who had risen to be the nation's most sought after candidate for CFs and dramas. Kyungsoo had decided to surprise Jongin on one of his sets one time with a lunch box only to have Jongin completely ignore him and tell him to go home, no questions about why he was there.

Kyungsoo started to believe recently that he meant nothing to Jongin other than a ual partner so he bought them couple rings to test Jongin's true feelings. Jongin never wore his and kept it in the box, claiming that if he wore if he'd be afraid he'd lose it with all the changing of costumes and jewelry at his sets. Kyungsoo didn't believe the excuse, but Jongin didn't know that. Not only did the visiting incident and the couple ring make Kyungsoo feel as if he was nothing, but Kyungsoo recently brought up the idea of starting a family to Jongin subtly only to get a slap in the face, figuratively speaking, by Jongin's response.

"Why are you talking about marriage? It's way too soon to think about marriage and a family honey. Besides it's something we're not ready for. Just take one step at a time. I've got to go meet up with my co-workers. I'll be out late so don't wait up for me." 

All Kyungsoo got at the end of that explanation was a pat on the shoulder before Jongin bolted out the door. Ever since that day, which was about three weeks ago, he felt as though Jongin was avoiding him. He had barely seen the younger for three weeks. For the past three days Jongin didn't even come home, calling Kyungsoo and telling him that he was in Busan on a business trip and wouldn't be home for a few days and that he missed him and would call him later. He never called. He was lucky that Jongin had came home last night.

Kyungsoo had called Jongin crying, saying that he was sad, lonely, and needed him. Jongin rushed over right away and consoled Kyungsoo, regardless of the fact that he was in the middle of filming. He told them to postpone it and had it moved to today. Jongin asked Kyungsoo repeatedly what was wrong but Kyungsoo refused to tell him what was going on. This angered Jongin but he pressed no further.

"I wish you would tell me when something was bothering you so we could solve it together. Your problems are my problems as well and we should solve it together. Whenever you are ready to talk about it, I'm here to listen."

Kyungsoo couldn't count how many times he had heard Jongin say that and how often he had actually been there when he needed him to. The number of times said outnumbered the number of times done largely. But Kyungsoo didn't dare bring up this matter. He just nodded in acceptance and gripped Jongin even harder.

"Kyungsoo?"

"Un"

"Are you keeping secrets from me?"

"No, there are no secrets Jongin."

"That's nice to know," Jongin replied with a smile but little did he know that was a lie.

Kyungsoo was hiding a secret, a big secret that could potentially ruin everything they have up until now. He couldn't tell him, he just couldn't. He didn't want to picture Jongin's reaction when he revealed it to him. He imagined him blowing up and fleeing the country in an desperate attempt to try and deny what was happening to Kyungsoo and he couldn't deal with it. 

Kyungsoo stood up from the bed and walked to the mirror. There, he stared at his reflection and felt like crying. He couldn't believe he was doing this to Jongin. But he had to get away before the secret could destroy what they had. That day, when Jongin would be at work, Kyungsoo was planning on packing his luggage and leaving. He didn't know where he was going to go but he couldn't live with Jongin any longer knowing that harboring this secret would slowly kill him. He slowly walked to the door and opened it before turning back and staring at Jongin's sleeping figure.

I'm sorry but I love you.