“Happy Birthday!”

Loud cheers welcomed me when I got home, Yeonjin—as expected made a feast. A feast she calls to cater the entire household. She loves doing this, and as much I hated this kind of celebration, I don’t like to be the one commencing about it. I attend parties, but not the one who makes them. . .in my house.

“Luhan!” Yeonjin cheered as she approached me, snaking her arms on my arm dragging me to the table where she had it all prepared, but my eyes went straight to the cake at the center.

I was staring at the cake, shocked? A sudden curl turned at the end of my lips.

“We prepared all these for you, I know you hated sweets, but I am begging you to have at least a bite of the cake.” She said with the obvious pleading tone in it.

I don’t eat cake, sweets. . .why on my birthday?

But the cake is. . .fukc, a Manchester United themed cake, and I can’t get my eyes off it, with the candle as the ball, and. . .and everything is Manchester United, I am so damn amazed that it even existed. No one has ever made me that- brought me that, bought me that, gave me that. I felt everything that made my mind in distraught came at peace at the sight of the cake. I have the simplest happiness that no one could ever imagine of, like this cake. . . I’m gonna make sure to have at least one bite of it.

I will forever thank Yeonjin for this.

“Where’s father?” I glanced around for a minute looking for the sight of my father, and then eyed back the cake.

“He’s at his study,” one of our maids told me as she assisted putting a slice of cake on my plate. That’s when I noticed the other foods laid around the cake in the table. Yeonjin sure knows how to cook, having all these foods in the table. . .that I didn’t even recognize what dishes are the others.

I looked at where Yeonjin is standing, she’s tensed. I know, she never stands in front of me and watch me eat unless she’s waiting for something bad to blow up. I frowned, but ignored it. I can’t just ruin this, this good mood I have.

I finally talked about the cake, “Yeonjin, this is the best!” I was now smiling widely at the cake and looked at her, and again she gave me a jerk and a dumbfounded surprised look.

“Oh, yes! Yes! Have at least one bite, please Luhan.” She sounded weird, and it’s being too obvious, I can’t ignore it now.

‘You sounded like you’ve put in some poison here and wanted me to eat it for your assurance.” I chuckled, and I saw her shoulders relaxed at what I said, at least it’s not really that. Not that I suspected, but I trust Yeonjin for her to do that on me. But something more is weird. . .

The entire household is standing beside her, watching me- no, waiting for my first bite of the cake.

I chuckled again, “Look, I know I don’t eat cake. But will this be the first time you all would see me to eat cake that you all are like so eager to have the exclusive premiere show?”

To my surprise, they didn’t laugh like what I expected their reactions would be, instead they kept up the tensed shoulders.

I shook my head, and dragged my seat towards the table. Having my proper seat to eat the cake. And when I touched my fork, they started to disperse, and what the fukc did just happen? It’s like they wanted to be out when I start firing out.

I shook my head again, and started slicing the cake, with my fork. Yeonjin stayed standing in front me but more tensed than a while ago. She’s really waiting for me to eat the cake, and it bugs the hell out of me why.

Watching as the cake sat on my fork ready to be taken of my mouth, I ate it. Feeling the icing touched my tongue, my mouth. . . I waited for the taste to hit me. .

“Put the cake in the box.”

I swallowed, taking my time munching that piece of cake in my mouth, . Why again?

“Luhan just finish that bite, plea-“

Standing up, pushing the chair with the back of my knee with a loud annoying sound, “I said, put the cake in the box.” I demanded, still having the calm tone I’ve been suppressing, I grabbed the table napkin beside my plate and wiped it harshedly on my mouth.

‘Luhan,” Yeonjin called me, her voice scared but its pleading tone is overpowering it.

“I said put the cake in the box!” I now yelled, everyone went silent, surprised with my sudden range. I’ve never been angry in the house, this must be the first time they’ve seen me like this. And guess what I was thinking a while ago was right.

One of the maids hurriedly went to the table, but Yeonjin didn’t let her touch the cake. It annoyed me, and I started yelling again. “Luhan please don’t throw the cake, I-“

“I am not throwing the cake!” I yelled, who the fukc told her I am throwing the damn cake!

“But. . .” her eyes started tearing up, . Why would Yeonjin cry over this matter, when “But Luhan What are you goi-“

“Just pack the cake, now!” It’s annoying how they could not do one simple thing. Yeonjin held the cake carefully, placing it on the box. . .”Luhan, please.”

“I said I am not throwing the cake!” I think I’m mad, I shouted too loud that they all flinched.

My anger doesn’t prove Yeonjin about me throwing the cake, “What are you going to do-“

“Just pack the cake Yeonjin, let me say it again and I’m fukcing throwing you out the house.” Yeonjin has stayed with us for years now, father has trusted her about everything living like my sister, but there’s nothing that could stop me throwing her out the house just because of not packing a cake. I tried sounding calm, but all I want to do now is keep the cake in my room and have it as long as I’ve eaten it all.

This cake would be my last remembrance of her, and just the thought of her giving me this cake- this cake which she baked, when I know she never wanted me to have a taste of anything she baked, but here it is, entertaining my eyes with its Manchester creativity. It’s too overwhelming for me, and it hurts. I don’t want anyone to eat it, see it, watch it more than one minute, I am being greedy.

“When did she give this?” I mumbled, sounding calmer and breathing hard. The outrange I had made me worned out.

Yeonjin frowned when I looked at her, realizing I know what is happening. Jinhan’s cakes are the most if not the most, well the very most incomparable billion dollar worth of cake I have ever tasted, and I doubt someone could make a cake like she does.

“Luhan it’s not-“ Yeonjin tried to argue, but it’s no use. The moment the caked touched my taste buds, I know it’s hers.

“I know who made this, and no one could argue about that on me, now tell me, when did she give this.”

Yeonjin looked down, hesitating about what to answer me. “She told me not to tell you she made it, and asked me to pretend I made it.”

I grabbed my face with my palms, running it down to my nose, having my palms praying, why does she have to do this? I breathed.

I grabbed the box, walked immediately towards the stairs; Yeonjin followed me calling my name again and again- but I kept my fast pace to my room.

Reaching my room, I went to the fridge I’ve been keeping beside my bed. Pulling out the bottled drinks out to make a space for the cake. Yeonjin stared at me, she must know now what I’m doing.

“Tell her I threw her cake.” I said, still staring at the cake laying on the fridge.

“But Luhan,”

“Just tell her I threw the cake.” my voice pained.

‘Luhan. She’s been waiting for my message what would be your reaction about the cake, don’t do this to her. Let me tell her you kept it.”

“No! Give me your phone.”

“Luhan,”

“Hand me your phone now!”

Fishing out her phone from her pocket, she handed it to me and I start tapping it’s screen looking for their message history and there I saw her messages, I have to stop myself from reading each of them.

I typed in, Jinhan, Luhan threw the cake. I’m really sorry.

When I saw it sent, I held the phone. Not admitting that I wanted to know her reply, I waited. And not a few minutes the phone buzzed, and I clicked her reply.

Thank You.

That simple sentence. . .that ing simple sentence, lacks with words yet it’s over flowing with emotions. I held the phone tight, my knuckles turning white.

“Get out,” I told Yeonjin, handing her phone back.

“Luhan,” Yeonjin called my name with concern, she’s always worried about me. I don’t even know if she knows what’s happening.

“Just get out Yeonjin, please.” I begged, and with that she walked out, leaving the door closed.

I feel so hopeless, pathetic, everything that deals with the definition of deserving or inciting pity.

I’m keeping a damn cake just for remembrance, when I all I wanted is to forget her, everything about her, but here I am keeping a damn taste of her.

*8*8*

“Luhan, your father is asking for you.”

YeonJin said behind my door. I knew what that could be. Father is definitely going to hand me back my things. Things that I’m not even sure if I wanted them back like how I badly wanted them before.

I knocked once when I reached his office, turning the knob, I slipped myself in.

Father was standing facing the window that stands from the carpet to the ceiling, behind his table. Hearing the doorknob twitch, he turned around with that smile he never failed to show me every birthday of mine.

“My son, congratulations for this another year.” Father took a sip of whiskey in his hand.

Father doesn’t greet me Happy Birthday; instead he would always congratulate me. Happy Birthday does not satisfy him, not enough to express his gratitude about me still living. It’s my father who’s always looking forward to it, every birthday means another year for me to live. And after. . .he’d be fearing of the uncertainty- again. A restless thinking of the unknown. I could die right after the day of my birthday, the day after tomorrow, anytime, no one knows, no one will know when.

But every birthday, he would always smile in front of me; like always what he’d done to me with my mother.

“As I promised you, here are your keys and wallet.” He seems more excited than me, I’m worried that I myself isn’t really excited about this.

I sighed, and that immediately took my father to frown. I sat at the chair in front of his table. Setting my back comfortably, I sighed again and the knit on my father’s forehead is getting deeper.

“Dad, could you just give me five years assurance of my life? Just five years Dad, five years.” Just five years, and I’ll run to her, take every second of five years with her. It’s not enough, not even three nor four. If not five, I could not just wait to die.

“Luhan,” he choked my name. “If you want to change school, study in a prestigious university like you’ve always wanted, I’m okay with it.”

“No Dad, I will never change school.” Maybe if I was asked before, I would. I definitely would. I wanted so bad to study in those Universities where everyone knows. I’m such a proud bastard, I want fame. But my father wouldn’t allow me. In the damn reason of realizing what and who I am leaving- I thought it’s stupid, now it made sense. But now, he must know why, why I will never step out my foot in that school.

I studied in a private university where all the brain works. Influenced by money, but entirely about brainiacs. At first I question if it ever exist, but I learned to grow in there, I’m glad that I’m smart, I could keep up with my studies while I do my play. I could do anything, and still nailing my rank. . .but she happened.

“Dad, just tell me what’s the real deal of my health. I’m not stupid to buy that con heart disease you keep telling me, Dad you know how surgeries work, and I know you could’ve done that long ago.”

Father has told me I have con heart disease, but how come I’m dying? I could have the best surgeons to have my heart operated, but my father refused to, I know something else is wrong and my father isn’t telling me about it.

“Luhan,” again he said my name like it was some hat on his tongue. “Yes, it’s not con heart disease, but I don’t want you to worry.”

“Dad, tell me.” I sounded desperate, but I am desperate. I wanted to know everything so I know what I could do.

“It’s hard; everything in your record is not stable. Doctors couldn’t figure out what really your case is, you’d have arrhythmias for weeks, then symptoms of long QT syndrome, I’m afraid doctors have warned me you might have Commotio Cordis. I don’t want to think of it anymore, all I want is your life be out in danger.”

Commotio Cordis, like some volt of electricity hit me, I stared at my father. It can’t be that serious. I can’t be that serious. Was that the reason I wasn’t allowed to play soccer? To even join P.E.? And to have fist fight? Because just by a sudden hard blow on to my chest, I could die.

There’s nothing I could feel about myself now, but weakness. I feel so weak that nothing could help me, no one.

“You’re having the same symptoms your mother had, and again,” my father swallowed hard, “I hate myself that I couldn’t do anything.” If it was hard for me, I know how harder it is for him. Seeing the two most important people in your life dying with the same disease in front of you and you couldn’t do anything.

My father turned his back on me, he never wanted me too see this side of him, but in this world. It’s just the two of us now. “Two years.” I heard him whisper, and I know without telling any further, I know what that means.

But I didn’t expect it to be shorter, shorter than what I expected; I have to give up now.

“The doctors, all of them, they gave you at least two years.”

*8*8*

The next day, no matter how I wanted to give up on everything, I had to keep on going. But now all I wanted is to see her, I’m dreadful to see her. I know she promised never to show herself on me, but I know she can’t keep that.

I wanted to see her.

It was stupid of me, but I keep on glancing everywhere hoping to see just a mere sight of her.

The entire day passed, I’ve been alone, I wanted to; until I went home and I never saw her.

The next day, and the same thing happens. I’ve never seen her, and it’s annoying me too much. I wanted to ask Yixing, since he’s always not with us who I’m sure he’s with her, but I can’t. I don’t know if he knows something, but he’s been acting like he knows everything.

Almost four days passed, and everyday always seems the same, I wanted so bad to know anything about her, but I can’t.

It was lunch time when I decided to join them, I’ve been hanging out with myself for the past few days, and I guess I have to make it up with them now. I’m not sure how they would approach me, but sure Yixing would be Yixing.

“I’ve been wondering, she dropped out 2 subjects already, I think she only has three subjects now, and just this morning she asked me to work on her lab work, and she never asks anyone to do her lab works!”

I walked slowly towards the table, I could hear Xiumin whispering loudly at Yixing as they sat face to face, Yixing was in deep thoughts, and I frowned. She? They could be possibly talking about her- no, they are talking about her.

“She asked me too about her home projects. But she’s been asking me to do her home projects for two days now. That’s. . .” Yixing said remotely as he keeps on staring on nowhere. He’s bothered, and so is Xiumin. I glanced around and Tao is nowhere around them, but they’re talking like they don’t want anyone to hear anything.

“Hey!” I decided to interrupt them, acting like I didn’t hear any. I heard too much to confuse myself about what all those were, and I can’t stand receiving more. I made my acting so convincing that I raised a brow and asked them, “So you two are gossiping now huh?” I sat down beside Yixing. It didn’t miss my eyes when I saw Yixing quickly glanced at Xiumin telling him to shut the hell up whatever they’re talking and Xiumin was to oblivious that he nodded too obvious.

“Oh, no. We’re just talking about some school stuffs.” Yixing seems to be still disturbed as he shrugged off my question. I just nodded, as much I wanted to dig into what they’re talking, I can’t. It’s better to be discreet than to be obvious.

“You had your order now?” Xiumin asked me.

I nodded, “Where’s Zitao?” and as I aksed his whereabouts, there he came marching towards us with that smirk on his face. Something good to him, but bad for us- happened.

The smile he has on his face was annoying but I laughed, I must pull off the best acting I could give.

“Have you heard of the news?” his smile has gotten wider as he finished his sentence, I glanced at Yixing and Xiumin, but it was Yixing who tensed.

I looked back at Zitao, “What news?”

“The freak ditched that huge science fair contest!” he laughed, “Could you believe that?” he continued laughing, and now it’s my turn to tense. I tensed for so many reasons, why, how, what, I want to know the whole thing! “And I tell you guys, she rejected the offer, when all the professors were having their expectations on her!” as much how I am so annoyed on how Zitao was laughing all his about this, I remained speechless.

“Could you top laughing?” Xiumin finally snapped at him.

“Sorry,” Zitao tried to keep the happy air coming out his lungs, “But it was just so unexpected, we know how she is so into those stuffs, but look now? And she rejected the biggest contest among the rest?” he was shaking his head still with that annoying smile on his face.

Yixing and Xiumin obviously knew it; they remained silent like they just watched me how I would react. And I couldn’t react; I don’t even know what and how to react.

I haven’t seen her for days, and these are all what I would hear about her? Who wouldn’t be dying to see her now after all these fugly news?

I did what’s the best, I didn’t react. I heard Yixing sighed, that’s when our orders were laced to our table and everyone started eating, Zitao stopped his unnecessary laughing sensing something obviously from Yixing, and he cleared his throat.  . .and there came the most awkward silence ever happened to us.

We were never this quiet when eating, someone must start the talk and it will come around until we finished, but now it seems everyone is just waiting for someone who’s brave enough to talk.

“Luhan,” and that is always Zhang Yixing.

I looked at him; he swallowed and pulled something on his wallet. “Are you free this Sunday?”

I raised a brow, and I don’t know but I chuckled, he sounded like asking for a date. I shook my head, “I don’t think so, why?”

“Do you think you could attend this event?”

I frowned, so it was just me. He wanted me to attend some event, and Zhang Yixing has never aked me to attend an even me alone. It is always with me, or us four.

“Me?” I pointed to myself; “You mean me, alone?” what the hell is this event that he wanted me to attend?

He nodded, “Yes, it’s the last ticket. It’s for you.” He slid the ticket on the table. It was a vintage envelope, and I think I know what this event is.

“Is this some senior citizen party?” I chuckled again, Yixing never liked those kinds of parties, but still he would go with me, not pushing me alone.

“She’s going to be there.”

I know who’s that she he’s talking about, but he fcuking said it like I was prepared.

I acted, and frowned. “Who’s she?”

Yixing slammed his palm on the table, making the people around us startled, “You fcuking know who I am talking about.”

I tensed but I immediately had to answer. “And you fcuking know I don’t want anything about her.” I tried to speak quietly through gritted teeth, I don’t want anyone to hear, Zhang Yixing knows, but why the hell he’s throwing this on me now, and in front of Xiumin and Zitao?

“Just this once Luhan, could you please?” Yixing is begging, but it’s obvious he’s getting annoyed of this, of me.

“Yixing, enough of this.” I wanted to stay calm, but I wanted to scream, scream on his face that I don’t want to feel more pathetic than how pathetic I am right now.

“I’m giving you Xing Xing.”

All the heads in the table turned to Yixing, Zitao was gapping and Xiumin had his eyes shocked. Xing Xing, it’s his private plane, I remember naming it from his name, and that is Zhang Yixing’s most prized possession after his guitar and compositions got burned.

I stared at him, “You can’t be serious Yixing.”

“Gege, your plane? Are you sure?” Zitao asked still not believing what he heard, his brows knitting down deeper, and Xiumin has his eye brow raised, while I’m left speechless.

Now I am thinking, it scares me what else  Zhang Yixing could offer.

“Yixing, you’re giving your plane just for me to attend an event where she is attending too.” It wasn’t a question; I want him to know how hard my tone is so he would know how ridiculous he sounded.

"I'm serious as Luhan. Go to that event, and Xing Xing is yours." I've never seen Yixing so serious, and all I could do now is to stare at him. Not even sure if I'm hearing everything right.

Xiumin was the one to respond this time, "But Yixing, Xing Xing is-"

"I don't care."

Yixing was still looking at me, completely ignoring those two who were on the same table as ours. I couldn't even tell if those two know what and who the hell we're talking about. Guess just the fact that Yixing is putting Xing Xing on the line made a huge shock for them to even bother.

I finally gave a sigh, I wanted to stand up and shout at him. But no, I looked around. The café is packed; I can't make a huge commotion.

"Yixing, what the is going on that you are even putting Xing Xing at stake just for me to attend a damn event? Are you ing insane?" I tried keeping my voice low.

"I'm doing this for her, and not for you." I reached my limit.

"Damn it Yixing! I know you're ing love sick to that freak, but you're getting too far and serious about it!" I don't care if Zitao and Xiumin were just watching us. I don't care of the people who had their heads turned to our table, because I didn't keep my tone low. "This is- no. You are being ridiculous!"

Yixing just stared at me as if I didn't say anything, and it fcuking annoyed me.

Like nothing happened, Yixing asked me, "Are you taking this or not?"

.

I stood up, the back of my knees hitting the edge of the chair making it move back and made noise that the entire cafe couldn't ignore. I left, not bothering to answer.

I give up.

I couldn't take it.

I couldn't take how Zhang Yixing is serious- about her, about putting Xing Xing at the line. . .about everything just for her. And it scares me how he could do anything just for her, and I've never seen him like this.

I walked fast out the café, pushing the door too much. I wanted to breathe air and the aircon the café has emitted has suffocated me enough.

I was breathing hard; my chest's pounding so hard. I thought if it was my lethal disease.

Suddenly, I just wanted to die. Die and forget about everything.

*8*8*

Few days passed and still I've never seen her. I don't know if I should be thankful that she's helping me to forget her or be annoyed because I'm missing her so much.

And Zhang Yixing, we never crossed paths. After the incident that happened, I never showed myself at the café and ate with them as usual.

I am not even sure if Yixing and I are still in good terms. We never fought, if we do, it would always be because of me stealing a fly with Xing Xing alone, and Yixing is damn too greedy when it comes to Xing Xing. The reason why it creeps me how he could just give Xing Xing away without a bloody fight. But our fights would only last for a few hours and the next thing you'll see is both of us laughing our out.

I missed those times, and I guess it will all change now since she came.

I saw Zitao about to ride his motorbike, he saw me. By the look on his face, I know he was happy to see me. He was smiling so much, and I could tell he’s excited to see me.

Almost an hour passed since dismissal time, and only a few were left at the school grounds. I was even surprised to see Zitao still here.

 "Gege!" he yelled, the leg he was about to put on the other side of his motorbike was pulled back. He had his helmet embraced with his left arm. I heard footsteps coming near, but I frowned since Zitao hasn't even walked towards me. He was about to walk into my direction when I saw his eyes looked behind me. I frowned again, he stopped walking at had his eyes back at me.

There's something on my back. If not something, someone.

"Gege, I'll just give you a text! Bye!" he saluted his farewell on me and turned back, marching his way on his motorbike.

I watched Zitao left, and suddenly I'm afraid to turn back.

Nervous who might be behind me. As much as I wanted to just walk forward and leave, my feet betrayed me.

I turned back, and my palms immediately reached to cover face in annoyance.

"."