Pain is a sensation one would be unwilling to experience.

Who would want to experience pain when it was percieved as an unfateful event?

Who would want to feel pain, given the choice?

Any mortal man who bleeds try to avoid pain in anyway possible.

Any mortal man except me.

 

Call me masochist, sick, or cruel. But I prefer being hurt, I prefer being hurt just to re-live each moments with you, Jang Min In. If by remembering you, I shall be stabbed in my heart a hundred of times, I'd like to feel the pain.

 

I am back to our kingdom and I shall sit upon my throne. Do you remember the times when we used to sneak up to the playground nearby our dormitory? When we laughed hilariously as if all the joy in the world has dawned upon us. Who can describe those moments? I can't, you can't. You were never the one good with words, and neither am I. But there are no words to spell out how it was, or how I felt. It was as if two hearts can communicate in a language that cannot be captured by our tongue.But I know, We know, that its not the words that matters, nor how is it spoken, It is the fact that two hearts learned to communicate.

 

But...., 

 

Without you, the throne became nothing more than empty swings and our kingdom nothing but a desserted playground.

The wind that once animated the place has done nothing but to bring me the chills.

I, the king who once ruled the world, has been ousted by it.

 

that's why I prefer to feel the pain of imagining you here, even if it is of dire imaginings, than to accept the fact and get this over and done with.

 

So, I shall dance...

 

I shall dance in silence, I shall dance to the sound of our laughter being carried back by the wind. I shall dance tonight and on the forthcoming nights with the sound most precious to me, the sound of our memories.

 

(FLASHBACK)

 

"Changmin-oppa! Changmin-oppa! Did you see how I amazed them with my dancing?"

"I am proud of you."

"Neh, tell me, tell me... did Changmin-oppa got to check other girls while I was performing?"

I flashed my sweetest smile. I like teasing my Innie.

"No one interested me this time."

She pouts, Oh... stop it Jang Min In, that pouting gesture makes me want to reach you and kiss you publicly.

"No one interested me, because my interest was eaten up by my innie and her dancing"

 

(END OF FLASHBACK)

 

Music is the bond that tied us to each other, we dance to any rhythm thrown to both of us that's why I know our love would last, because fast or slow... whatever the music is, we can dance together.

 

The movement of your dainty feet across the dancefloor, the slow swaying of your hips as you perform your routine and a smile on your lips; the memory of all those things drives my longing for you, Jang Min In. Why did you left me dancing alone? 

 

Every dance I do, I dance it with you and for you. Every step I make it's always you I'm dancing with. When I perform in concerts, I imagine you watching me all the time, watching me, my every move. Just like the time we've first met.

 

It was a seaside party organized by some of the hyungs in Super Junior. It was a night, and the moon was so huge and full. They've set up a bonfire and we're gathered around it, playing truth or dare. When it was my turn, Junsu-hyung asked me to dance topless.As I was dancing, I saw you, looking at me as if I was something more grand than the ocean behind me, as if my movements can go beyond where the waves have sailed.

and in that look of being adored, my narcissm fed... it fed and fed until it died up.It's started about me being selfish until all the selfishness was lost. all I care about is you and how you do. I don't know when that changed. but it did. I realized, I was more concern of you not able to eat than me, driving. As if, All I was programmed to fo was to think of you.

 

 

(FLASHBACK)

(jang min In's POV)

 

"Changmin-oppa, I know, it is not right for me to be the one telling you this, but I just want you  to know," I stuttered..."I.... I....I like you, Changmin-oppa"

He didn't speak, he turned his back on me and.... I swear I am nearly crying... How could he... just turn his back on me, when it took all my courage to speak up to him like that?

"Meet me tonight at the gate." He just texted me after the awkward incident.

Why would I do that? Why would I pretend like nothing's happened? Changmin-ah, how can you?!

 

The night I went though, to tell him to forget what i said, to forget that shameful moment but no words came out of my mouth. I walk with him, silently again... back to our throne.

"You have done me wrong, Jang Min In." What now?! "You stole my lines and my heart and I'm here to retrieve them back. Can I have them again?"

"N...never."

 

(END OF FLASHBACK)

 

And like a curse, so she kept my lines and my heart with her. and now, she's keeping it for all of eternity.

 

Jang Min In... is now gone... and with her my heart and my lines; No more beats to dance to; No more lines to create a song; no more healthy conversations to laugh at.

 

When she died, I'd thought I'd die too. But I guess she wants me to live, because I know, inside me. there is a heart still beating, It was not mine, because she took it with her, but hers. A heart that beats for me.

 

And so, I shall dance, with every step, I shall reminisce, I shall hurt....... but I'll surely live......

 

and love... 

 

"I still love you Jang Min In, I'll always do."

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

This is written by yours truly on 01-22-2011

for SO here is to Jang Min In, (mantounprincessmasen)

Miyoko Kato, signing off <3