CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:Idiots

 

 

Now his movements were smoother. He was getting better at it and the strength his dance steps held even surprised Hoya. Where had this SungYeol been all this time? After he was called back to the dorms SungYeol had shown a significant change in his development as an idol. He spent two to three hours a day practicing with Infinite. Apart from that he used other four or even five hours late at night practicing on his own or with a Prepix member in the smaller practice room that almost no one used in the company.

The people from Woollim had noticed the great effort SungYeol was putting on his work. Even if it had been for just the past four days, his work was admirable. He was doing everything the CEO had planned for him in his now tight schedule. From the new Chinese lessons they had started to take to speech course. From dancing to the court date. SungYeol was truly busy. He was having it worse than the trainees at Woollim but he was okay with it. Still, the way people saw him. Even if they admired his actions SungYeol could sense perfectly the hidden pity in their eyes. He knew everyone was wondering, when is he going to us all those things he’s learning? SungYeol didn’t know either.

 

“It’s refreshing, isn’t it?” Hoya said with a soft smile painted on his face. SungYeol was simply trying to catch his breath. “Dancing makes your problems go away so easily.”

SungYeol finally smiled along as he was punched slightly in the arm. “Now I understand your love for it.”

HoWon grinned tiredly. “Let’s do it again. You’re finally getting the perfect timing.”

SungYeol groaned watching Hoya stand up from the cold floor.

“I thought I had done that yesterday.”

Apart from those short exchanges of words Hoya and SungYeol never spoke when they were practicing. Both of them simply danced and tried their best to move like the other’s mirror. It was just them and the music.

Just like Hoya said, their problems weren’t part of dancing.

From day one HoWon had appeared in SungYeol’s individual practices, for an hour or sometimes more, and he could only wonder if it was JungYeop’s doing or if he came because he really had some free time and wanted to review some dance steps he didn’t have correct. If any of that was true or it was just Hoya’s perfectionism, it didn’t matter. SungYeol was glad to have someone to practice with. And HoWon was the best when it came to get a movement perfect. SungYeol felt grateful for that.

 

“Can I join you?”

When the voice sounded from behind them, HoWon’s expression turned slightly tight. SungYeol’s perspicacious eyes had seen it and still he decided to nod at WooHyun who was already taking off his yellow hoddie as he walked closer to the couple. Without care he dropped it close to the mirror wall, then the backpack he used to bring everywhere. His face was no different from theirs. It looked completely tired.

“I thought you were filming,” Hoya said not really looking at the arrived member. That had been the reason why WooHyun had skipped Infinite’s evening practice leaving just four uncomfortable members dancing. For the past three days DongWoo hadn’t showed up at the dance studio. At least not when the whole group was practicing.

“I was,” WooHyun shrugged as he started to warm up. “But I finished sooner than expected and I knew SungYeol was here... and you.”

The last part was said in a subtle sour way that made Hoya instantly lock eyes with WooHyun.

“Good. The more the better for me,” SungYeol released his unabashed voice as he went to play their newest single. He sensed perfectly that once again both of them weren’t in good terms. Not that they’ve never been to begin with.

As Speechless kept sounding the expression in Hoya’s face started to change back to the calm, focused one he always had while dancing. Even a smile appeared when he noticed the way their movements matched in the chorus line. It was kind of surprising to know WooHyun was dancing seriously from his first round. It wasn’t really like him. It usually took him a while to take the dance seriously but now he had that focused expression that even made SungYeol wonder what had happened in his absence.

Like that they spent the next hour. Checking some false steps WooHyun was doing and other moves SungYeol wasn’t so sure about. Again and again, the same songs were being played. People could say that they were already synchronized but in their eyes, things weren’t as perfect as they wanted them. Their self-demands were high since they had been taught that way ever since they were trainees. They could give more. They could do better.

When WooHyun was about to play their third song SungYeol received a call that he couldn’t decline. As he answered his tired but calm expression turned into a dark one that instantly made HoWon think of Lee JungYeop. And he had been right. The moment SungYeol hung up he told them the CEO wanted to talk with him. Hopping that their talk wouldn’t last long, the tallest male left his stuff there and went to meet the man.

Hoya and WooHyun simply saw how their 91-liner comrade left the dance studio. Both of their minds wondering what were they going to talk about. It was pretty obvious. SungYeol had gone to the court that morning. What else could they talk about?

 

“Sometimes our CEO can be an ,” after a moment WooHyun murmured as he laid on the floor getting a sigh from Hoya as an answer.

It was until then that both males noticed they were alone in the dance studio. This was something they both usually tried avoid. Whether it was in the dorms or at a waiting room. They tried to have someone with them or find a reason to leave. These actions were tiring for them and Hoya often thought this was absolutely immature; still he kept on doing it. Why? Because it was Nam WooHyun.

“Yah, HoWon,” WooHyun said moving his head to face the other male that was on the floor too. “Are you still mad at me cuz of the practice thing?”

The cold expression that Hoya directed to him only lasted a second before he turned to look at his hands that were resting on his lap. Gently he caressed his right wrist signalling he wasn’t that interested in answering.

“Why would I waste my energy being mad at you?”  The answer suddenly came.

“I don’t know. You always do that,” WooHyun shrugged before he sat straight, his curious eyes were trying to catch Hoya’s that were busy looking at his wrist. “Does it still hurt?”

“What?”  

“I bet it does, you keep on forcing yourself and using it as if you weren’t hurt,” WooHyun kept talking as he crawled to where the music player was set. From there he snatched something.

“It’s already healed,” Hoya murmured not liking how close the lead singer was to him. Now they were sitting cross-legged in front of each other. Their knees almost touched.

“Lie all you want, I won’t buy it.”

A pop sound was made when WooHyun took off the cap of the muscle spray he had taken. Without asking for permission he pulled HoWon’s arm closer to his chest before he started to spray the medicine. A soft frown appeared on the dancer’s face as a warmth sensation covered his wrist but he didn’t do anything to get himself free from the other’s grip or the spray. Hoya simply looked at WooHyun’s concentrated face as he helped him. There was no trace of a cynic smile or a sly look. Right now his actions were sincere and it made him feel pretty uncomfortable.

“That’s enough,” after a moment Hoya finally moved his hand away from WooHyun but it was pulled back once again. The grip was strong.

“I’m not done yet,” with that a bandage was taken surprising Hoya who decided to leave the older male do whatever he wanted.

“You know you’re wasting your time, right?”

“I know. This won’t even work because you can’t even let your wound heal,” WooHyun rolled his eyes before continuing with his task. Worked or not, the older idol was going to finish his work. “You know? It’s stupid all the seriousness you put into this, HoWon. Won’t you mind enjoying life?”

“I do enjoy it,” Hoya answered back. “It’s just that I decided to grow up unlike you.”

“Yeah, and saying that makes you look a lot more mature.”

WooHyun released the dancer’s arm getting a cold glare in return.  No thankful words were given to the older male, not after the remarkable comment he gave to Hoya.

“Anyway, I guess we should keep on practicing. Talking to you gives me headaches,” WooHyun smiled tiredly at him as he rose from the floor but Hoya quickly moved his gaze from him to the music player. “You know you always do that?”

“What?” HoWon asked once again not understanding the sudden questions from the older male. Didn’t he gave up talking to him some seconds ago?

“That. You always look away. Not only you can’t stand my words but also you can’t even stand my smile. You do hate me.”

WooHyun’s serene features as he stated those strong words called the dancer’s attention. Was he trying to provoke Hoya or was he just trying to actually talk things out? He believed the first option was the correct one. After all, WooHyun enjoyed making Hoya lose his focused and calm self, right?

It wasn’t that Hoya hated him, but there was just something in him that made his insides burn. It could be the way WooHyun could easily release those corny and smart comments or the way his voice warmed up people’s hearts. It could be the way his relaxed attitude never affected his image and work. It could be the fact that everything seemed so simple and easy when WooHyun did it. It could be the fact that he easily said the truth as if it was nothing. His dislike came from that and more, and HoWon knew it perfectly. He knew what the exact problem was; the reason why he sometimes couldn’t stand WooHyun. 

“I have to recognize it’s pretty amazing how you haven’t reacted to my words whenever a camera is around. You even act playful and relaxed. Something you don’t do anymore when we’re at the dorms,” since he got no answer WooHyun kept talking making HoWon close his eyes in annoyance. “No wonder you’re a great actor.”

Now Hoya couldn’t let go of those words.

“Same goes for you,” he crossed his arms as an unfriendly gesture bloomed on his face. “You hide your insecure self pretty well in all that grease and empty words.”

The painful look in WooHyun’s face didn’t bring the feeling Hoya was hopping to get. He only felt worse.

“Don’t we all do that?”

WooHyun was right.

The dancer didn't say anything not wanting to keep on talking. The conversation was going nowhere and he was getting tired from it. 

HoWon rose from the floor deciding their conversation was finally over and that they would keep on going with the practice. Just as he stood the weight from his body suddenly got twice as heavy. His vision significantly dimmed so Hoya closed his eyes. The way he was feeling wasn’t pleasing at all. Soon there was a ringing in his ears and then a lightheaded sensation appeared too making him disoriented and confused.

“Yah, HoWon-ya?” WooHyun’s loud voice sounded as he felt his body being shook. “Hoya?”

Even if he tried Hoya wasn’t able to answer right away. He was completely disoriented. At least for a while.

After he opened his eyes correctly it took Hoya a moment to find the reason why WooHyun’s voice was so loud. He was holding him tightly against his chest. The concerned look in the older male’s face surprised the young dancer. Their faces were so close from the others’.

“WooHyun?” Hoya breathed finally. He was gaining the control over his body.

The lead singer didn’t answer. He kept on looking at HoWon as if trying to see into him. Soon he softened the strength he was using to hold the younger male before he slowly released him. Their eyes never stopped meeting.

“You are well aware that you’re an idiot, right?” WooHyun lastly said giving the younger male a look he had never used against him. Somehow Hoya had managed to annoy him to the core. All thanks to the weak image he was projecting.

“Yeah…” Hoya answered in a murmur. The soft grimace on his face deepened the other’s furious look. “I guess I am.”

 

♫

 

Awkward wasn’t exactly the word to describe how the life at the dorms was after SungYeol’s arrival. After sharing a roof for four years they were completely used to everyone’s presence. Still, that didn’t mean they were acting like before. No one had expected to suddenly see the young idol appear next to their leader in the dance studio that Tuesday. It had been quite shocking but they still received SungYeol merrily. WooHyun had been the first one to get close to the choding as he released teasing comments before giving the tall man a bear-hug. SungJong and DongWoo quickly followed in the affection as Hoya’s loud welcome words surpassed the shouts. L simply laughed at how the others were suffocating SungYeol before deciding to join them. SungGyu tried to calm everyone down but the smile he was holding showed how proud and happy he felt for Infinite.

Even with that happy image deep inside of everyone’s souls the feeling of uncertainty was present. A feeling that was craved too in SungGyu’s mind.

It all went downhill when DongWoo lost it and went against SungGyu in the dance studio. The problem between those two wasn’t fixed yet and SungGyu found no strength inside to make it all better or just to talk things out. He couldn’t do it, not when DongWoo’s presence made SungGyu feel down and pretty useless. In short, the leader was hurt and right now he just needed time to get over it and gain once again the power to conduct Infinite to a good comeback. The only problem was that he had no time.

But that was just something that involved DongWoo. For the past few days Infinite’s leader had paid close attention to SungYeol’s new attitude. The change was outstanding and it made SungGyu feel proud but there was something that he couldn’t quite understand about him. That fake smile he used whenever the other members were around.

When they were at Lee JungYeop’s office, SungGyu had seen perfectly how that mask had faded away for a few seconds showing the real feelings the younger male kept inside. SungGyu still remembered those nights he had found the younger boy crying desperately because of his misfortune. His words and cries. He remembered the broken image of SungYeol that now seemed completely gone with his almost perfect façade. SungGyu didn’t believe SungYeol was weak but no human could get over something like that, at least not so quickly.

Either way, his actions confused SungGyu. On one side he understood the younger male didn’t want to cause problems to the others, he didn’t want to worry and put more pressure to them. And he was doing a great job with that but he couldn’t fool the leader who had caught on that fake wall from the very beginning. SungGyu knew SungYeol was conscious about that. Still, without even thinking about it, SungGyu ended up being his accomplice in the sour crime of lying.

The complicity didn’t last long. As the fourth day started SungGyu saw how twisted the act was becoming. He found himself a lot more uncomfortable with the fake smiles and the illusionary atmospheres the group was creating. If there was something SungGyu wanted was sincerity in the group. Good or bad, things couldn’t stay that way. Everyone was obviously evading the problem because surely there was one. A big one.

The problem itself wasn’t only the fact that SungYeol had ended up creating a devastating scandal but the way it was all treated. From the hidden truth to the sudden leaving. It was the fact that SungYeol never explained correctly to the other members how it all happened and the reason behind it. The only one that knew the basics of it was SungGyu, but he wasn’t the one supposed to explain that.

Apart from that, none of the other boys expressed their real feelings over the accident. DongWoo had released a bit of his feelings but he didn’t dare to involve SungYeol in his displease. He simply gave all the responsibility to SungGyu. The leader felt he was partially at fault for the things that were happening but SungYeol was the creator of the problem.

Sure the members of Infinite were sad and worried about their group mate but they didn’t feel only like that. Even if they didn’t say it the youngsters were hurt and angry. They all had mixed emotions, all real and SungGyu couldn’t blame them for he had them too.

Things couldn’t go back to how they were before because it was simply impossible. All those feelings and confusions had changed the group, it wasn’t the same Infinite from a month ago and if they weren’t eager to accept that – even if they tried – Infinite wasn’t going to be able to go forward.

It was no one’s fault that they were stuck in that supposedly comfortable zone that had been already affected by DongWoo’s actions. It was just a matter of time before someone showed them it was all right to get away from there and move on. That it was what they needed.

 

“Hyung?”

Just as SungYeol closed the door from their CEO’s office his eyes met the peaceful ones of their leader who was leaning gently on the wall. He could only asume he had been waiting for him to come out from there.

“You’ve been working hard, Yeol-ah,” SungGyu greeted with a small smile before he started to walk away from the director’s office. He didn’t have to say a thing to let SungYeol know he had follow him.

“Thanks, Hyung,” SungYeol looked cautiously at his leader’s frame, there was something going on in the older man’s head. “How long have you been there waiting?”

“A few minutes, I guess,” He shrugged before they reached the stairs. So unlike the leader that was always eager to use the elevator.

“I thought you were having vocal training.”

When this was said SungGyu stopped from moving. The sudden change confused the younger male. SungYeol went down a step just to stand next to the oldest member in the stair landing. His eyes met the contemplative ones of the leader.

“I finished sooner.”

It was all SungGyu said before he started going downstairs again. They didn’t talk, SungYeol simply followed. For a strange reason he was starting to feel nervous but he only noticed it after they stopped in front of one of the recording studios. SungGyu didn’t say a word as he unlocked the door and opened it widely. When their eyes met SungYeol finally understood the reason why he was feeling that way.

I won’t be able to finish the practice with Hoya and WooHyun, was the only thought that came to SungYeol’s mind before SungGyu made him a head gesture to enter the empty area.

Unconsciously SungYeol had been waiting for this. He knew all along that sooner or later their leader was going to approach to him and want to have a certain talk he wasn’t that excited to have. This wasn’t like those times when SungGyu asked him about how the court dates had gone or how he was doing with the tough schedule. This was something about the so-called accident.

“Do I have to ask you?” SungGyu started the conversation in such a direct way that made SungYeol want the silence of the recording room to come back. “Or will you tell me on your own?”

SungYeol smiled sourly at the forcing and abrupt way the leader approached.

“Is that even an option?”

SungGyu didn’t smile.

“You know I’ve been playing along with you since you came back to the dorms,” SungGyu leaned his hip on the mixing console as he crossed his arms. “But we can’t do this forever, SungYeol. I can’t let that happen knowing it’s making things worse for everyone.”

No sound came from SungYeol’s voice. The leader didn’t have to say that for him to know. SungYeol had always known he was just trying to ignore it.

“At least give me a reason why should I keep on hiding it.”

“What?" His voice sounded defensive. "My secret? Or the reason why I got involved in the accident?”

“I believe those two are connected.”

“If you know that then why should I say it again?” SungYeol stated as he sat on the office chair. He wasn’t mentally prepared for that talk but he had a quick mind.

“I’m half knowing and half guessing it,” SungGyu’s voice grew deeper. “But you haven’t explain me yet. You haven’t explained us.”

The moment he included Infinite SungYeol felt attacked. “There’s no reason for me to explain everything to them.”

“Why?”

“You know why SungGyu!”

SungYeol forgot the honorific, as he felt trapped by the leader’s words. Instead of pointing the rude manner SungGyu was taken aback. Even his serious expression softened.

“I’m not asking you to tell them everything,” SungGyu said calmer before reaching SungYeol’s shoulder. “I just need you to tell them what happened that night.”

“You already did that. Why repeat the same story?” SungYeol lowered his gaze.

“Because they want to hear it from you. And they deserve an explanation,” SungGyu sighed. “They were truly worried about you, and they are hurt too. Don’t you think it’s correct to at least explain them what happened that night?”

It was easy to say things, but to actually do them was a completely different thing. Revealing his mistakes to others and face the hidden feelings wasn’t a nice thing to do. SungYeol couldn’t say his leader wasn’t right but doing what he said put him on a risky spot.

“What if they ask me about the reason behind it?”

It was then that a smile appeared on SungGyu’s face.

“As if you’re gonna talk to them without me,” it was then that SungYeol soflty smiled too. “You know I got your back, right?”

Even with his wrong actions SungGyu had always supported him and showed him he was there, right beside him. Unlike what others said SungGyu made him feel safe and stronger. There had never been one time when SungGyu had showed dislike or disappointment. For SungYeol, SungGyu was amazing. He, who sometimes ended up being too nice to him. He, the only person in the world that knew who he really was. He, the only one that knew his darkest secrets.

“Aren’t you disgusted?” SungYeol said without noticing, his voice was soft and small making it a bit difficult for SungGyu to understand it. “I’ve always wondered about that.”

The older idol hummed for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “Why should I? That doesn’t define you. You’re still SungYeol no matter what you like or dislike.”

A warm smile appeared in the younger’s lips. He should’ve expected that type of answer from his leader.

“I told you before that I provoked them because I was jealous,” SungYeol finally said. It took a while for SungGyu to understand that the younger male was confessing. “Why could they show their feelings so freely in front of others? How, how could they not care about what others thought?” He stopped for a few moments. “I was so jealous and stressed… It wasn’t my intention to act rude but I just couldn’t control my mouth.”

When SungYeol met SungGyu’s eyes he noticed how he was looking at him in a calm way but it changed into a pitiful one. He finally understood the hidden words between those lines.

“You have to stop those feelings, SungYeol.” SungGyu sighed before he bitted his lips, the proof to let SungYeol know the older male didn’t like what he was about to say. “Unlike them you’re a public figure. An Idol to make it worse… You and I exist for the fans. What we like, what we dislike. What we care about and what we don’t care about. All that doesn’t matter. Just like we were trained to be idols we were trained to follow what’s in our fan’s hearts. Our feelings can’t get in our way…”

“Hyung,” SungGyu looked hurt by his own words.

“That’s the price we have to pay for living our dreams,” SungGyu shrugged. “We all know that we have to sacrifice many important things in order to get this precious place we’ve always desired.”

At that SungYeol had to object. “I just wanted to be an actor.”

“But you ended up loving this, if not. Why didn’t you take the chance to leave the group and keep with your acting career?” SungGyu pointed out making SungYeol question himself that too.

“I guess it sort of happened,” SungYeol said lastly with a sad smile pasted on his lips. “So now you know the reason why it all started.”

“Mhm,” SungGyu nodded once. “Thank you for telling me.”

“It’s okay. Like you said, you owned to know the reason.” SungYeol said looking deep into the other’s orbs. “So stop thinking it’s your fault that I’m no longer doing the comeback with you guys.” 

SungGyu opened his eyes in surprise at SungYeol’s words. “You…?”

SungYeol looked to the side. “I kind off overheard DongWoo the other day.”

“Oh…”

“So don’t believe in his words. He’s just hurt that his superhero couldn’t do what he wanted,” SungYeol smiled playfully. “I’m really thankful you’re our leader, Hyung. Don't ever think you're a failure as one.”

“Thank you," SungGyu snorted soon afer. "Superhero, you said?”

As he repeated the word a smirk appeared on the leader's lips. SungYeol nodded strongly.

“Yeah, you’re like his Pororo.”

“Yah!”