His arms wrapped tighter around me.  I knew then that the “Jonghyun.  I love you.” was not a thought.  It wasn’t even a whisper.  I said it out loud.  To him.  Oh my God. 

I squeezed at his shirt to pull him away.  Damn.  This boy.  He may be like four centimeters shorter than me but his strength is not something to be overlooked.  I don’t think he was giving me just a normal hug.  It felt like a freaking bear hug.  I couldn’t breathe correctly. 

“Kibum.”

I didn’t reply to him.  I just remained quiet.

“I love you too.”

What?

My eyes widened and I felt my mouth drop.  I bet my mouth would’ve broken off if I hadn’t succeeded in closing it.  I tried to shift away from him to get some air.  That didn’t work out too well. 

I love you.  Something I’ve been waiting for him to say since forever.  Why is it that my mind refused to believe that what Jonghyun said was real?  I hoped to God that it wasn’t a dream.  I even bit my lip a couple of times to make sure I was actually conscious.  Yeah.  I was awake.

“Wh-?”

“I love you Kibum.”

Lies. 

Oh my God shut up mind. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

His head fell on my shoulder.  I could feel his breath on my neck.  His arms were still wrapped around me and surprisingly enough, my arms were still wrapped around him. 

“Hey Kibum.  Can you let my stay like this for now?” he said.

I nodded my head. 

Did I do it out of pity?  Maybe lust?  I finally had him to myself.  He was mine.  All mine. 

I felt myself being pushed down onto the chair behind me.  And then.  I felt his lips.  On my lips.  What the hell?  Is he for seriously kissing me?  Ok Kibum.  Now is the time to wake up...  I'm getting delirious.

I wasn’t a harsh kiss.  It was like.  Soft.  Like cotton candy.  I forced myself not to kiss him back.  My mind was whirling and the next thing I know, I’m pulled back into a hug. 

He released my after some time and gave me a smile.  His eyes were also smiling at me.

“I love you,” he whispered one last time before leaving me.

I remained sitting there, unable to say a word.  Unable to even move. 

I slapped my face with both hands. 

Ouch.

So.  It wasn’t a dream. 

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

“Hyung hyung hyung!  Let’s play Mario Kart!!”

“Taeminnie.  You have to go to sleep.”

“Awhhh wae???”

“Because.  Growing boys need their sleep,” I replied with a fake stern voice.

“Aishhhh!”

“We have a busy schedule tomorrow anyways.”

“Pleaseeee.  I’ll go to sleep right after.  I promise!  Just one game ne?”

I sighed.

“Alright.  But one game only.”

“Yaay!”

I sat there mindlessly as I watched myself lose against Taemin.  His words repeating in my mind over and over again.

“I love you.”

“I love you Kibum.”

“I love you.”

“Kibum.  I love you.”

I could feel my face burn up.

“Bahaha!  Hyung!  You lost!!”

I looked at the screen.  Princess Peach was shaking her head in disappointment while Yoshi was happily cheering.

“Nooo!” I said in playful agony.

“Kekeke,” Taemin laughed evilly.  “Punishment time!”

“Eh?!  We didn’t agree to do any punishment,” I gasped in disbelief at the maknae’s evilness.

“Well…  I made it up just now!”

“That doesn’t count!!!”

“It doesn’t matter!  Gimme your arm!” he said reaching for my arm.

“Yah!  If you don’t stop right now, I’m not getting you banana milk tomorrow.”

I saw Taemin slump down on the couch. 

“That’s mean hyung.  Using the precious name of banana milk.”

I laughed and hugged him blissfully.

“I love you.”

Crap.  Not again. 

My mind flashed back to an hour ago.  I could still feel his warmth and I could still see his smile. 

What is this? 

Do you know the feeling you get when a song is stuck in your head and you try all sorts of things to get it out?  That’s what I’m feeling.  But one hundred times worse.  Damn.  That’s bad.

“Hey you guys.  Go to sleep.”

“Ah!  Minho hyung!  Come here and play Mario Kart with me!” Taemin said at the figure that was walking towards us.”

“No.”

“Ahh wae!?!  It's only like eight o'clock!!!!” Taemin whined.

“Because I said so.”

“Meanie!”  Taemin stuck his tongue out at Minho.

“Hey Minho.  Just play one game with him,” I said.

“What you too?” he replied.

“Well.  It’s just that.  I’m tired.  And he’s not gonna go to sleep until a few rounds of Mario Kart.  Come on.  I’ll pay you back tomorrow.”

Minho stared at me in disbelief.  I ignored his somewhat murderous look.

“Well!  I’m gonna go to sleep!  Have fun you two!”

I got up and power walked away before Minho could say anything. 

I heard a sigh as I reached the hall.

Mianhe Minho. 

I smiled to myself.

“Sorry I couldn’t see you today.”

Eh?  Jonghyun?

I stopped at his door.  Curiously, I put my ear against the door.

“Today was just really confusing.  Sorry.”

There was a pause.

“Alright.  I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Another pause.

“Ok.  I love you the most.”

Pause.

“Of course.  You’re the only one I love.”

My heart sank. 

“Bye.  Love you Se Kyung.”

Thump thump.

“Kibum.  I love you.”

“I love you Kibum.”

“Kibum.”

“I love you.” 

I stifled a scream and rushed to my room.  I slammed the door shut behind me. 

My vision was getting blurry and I felt tears filling up my eyes. 

Liar.

I thumped myself against the door, both hands covering my face.

I knew it.  God.  I got too arrogant.  I just knew it.  He didn’t love me.  It’s one-sided.  God.  I’m so stupid.  I should’ve known. 

I could feel the thunder of my heartbeat.  It resonated throughout my body.  It hurt. 

I buried my head in my arms. 

Maybe I’m overreacting. 

“I love you.”

This is nothing to be upset over Kim Kibum.

“I love you Kibum.”

The tears streaked down my face, causing the sleeves of my shirt to become damp. 

God.  I’m so pathetic.  Where is your inner diva Kibum? 

“Kibum?”

That voice. 

I looked up. 

“Ah.  Sorry Onew hyung.  Where you sleeping?”

I quickly wiped my eyes and face with the dry part of my sleeves. 

He abruptly kicked at his blanket and stormed over to me.

“What’s wrong?” he said fervently.

I sniffled.

“It’s nothing hyung.  You can go back to sleep.”

“Like hell I’m gonna believe it’s nothing.”

He grabbed me by the arm forcefully and dragged me to my bed adjacent to his.

“Tell me.”

“Seriously hyung.  It’s nothing,” I said forcing my tears to stop.

“Yah.  Are you gonna break our promise?

I peeked up at him.

“I told you I would protect you didn’t I?” he said quietly.

I remained silent.

“Kibum.  Tell me.”  His voice was overflowing with soft concern.

And that was when I broke down.  I cried and cried and cried.  God I wish I didn’t.  But the tears just streamed from my eyes. 

Onew brought his arms around me and pulled me in close to his body.  I could hear his heartbeat, slow and unfaltering. 

I put slung my arm around his waist and clenched my fist around his shirt.

“Ki-”

“Onew hyung.  Let me stay like this for a little.”

“Ok,” he replied calmly.

I could feel him breathing down on me.  I could hear his heartbeat.  And all the while, “his” whisper still lingering in my ears.

“Kibum.  I love you.”

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

숨을 곳도 찾지 못해 나는 피하려고 애써봐도
거부조차 할 수 업는 네개 갇혀버린 나
사랑이었다면 정말 사랑했던 거라면 내개 이러지는 말아
Her whisper is the Lucifer

*나를 묶고 가둔다면 사랑도 묶인 채
미래도 묶인 채 커질 수 없는데
자유롭게 비워놓고 바라봐 오직 너만 채울게 너만 가득 채울게

거부 할 수 없는 너의 마력은 Lucifer
거부 할 수 없는 너의 마법은 Lucifer
다가서면 너는 마치 천사 같은 얼굴로
나를 사는 이유라 말하고, 말하고

너를 처음 봤을 때 짧은 순간 멈춰버렸지
누가 마치 내 심장을 꽉 쥔 채 놓지 않는 것처럼 (아직까지도)
너는 그렇게 내 맘을 다, 다, 다, 다, 다, 다 가져놓고
니가 없으면 내 맘이 다 타버리게 만든다

*나를 묶고 가둔다면 사랑도 묶인 채
미래도 묶인 채 커질 수 없는데
자유롭게 비워놓고 바라봐 오직 너만 채울게 너만 가득 채울게

Loverholic, robotronic, loverholic, robotronic

너와 같이 나눈 사랑예기들 나랑 같은 곳을 바라보는 너
우리 더 이상은 완벽해질 수 업다고 느꼈을 때
나만 쳐다봐, 너는 더, 더, 더, 더, 더, 더 나를 원해
나만 바라봐, 모든 게, 게, 게, 게, 게, 게 니가 중심

언제부턴가 조금씩 잘못된 것 같아 이상한 너
날 알던 사랑들 모두 하나 둘씩 겯을 떠나 난 가진 게 너뿐이고

*나를 묶고 가둔다면 사랑도 묶인 채
미래도 묶인 채 커질 수 없는데
자유롭게 비워놓고 바라봐 오직 너만 채울게 너만 가득 채울게

마치 유리성에 갇혀버린 삐에로만 된 것 같아
절대 만족 없는 너를 위해 춤을 추는 나
훤히 들여다보고 뇌를 만져 바보 된 것 같아
난 점점 네게 끌려가는 것만 같은데

Loverholic, robotronic, loverholic, robotronic

니가 미운 건 아냐 싫단 것도 아냐 단지 그런 눈빛이 부담일 뿐
어디 안가 이렇게 난 너만 바라보고 기다려 왔잖아

너의 눈빛이 날 사로잡다 날이 지날수록 날카로워졌다
너의 집착에 지쳤다 만이 베었다 맘에 피가 난다
나 쓰러질 쯤 되면 다가와서 천사같이 “사랑해”란 말
누가 진짜 너였는지 알다가도 헷갈리게 만든다

*나를 묶고 가둔다면 사랑도 묶인 채
미래도 묶인 채 커질 수 없는데
자유롭게 비워놓고 바라봐 오직 너만 채울게 너만 가득 채울게

마치 유리성에 갇혀버린 삐에로만 된 것 같아
나를 냅둬 자유로워 질 때 너를 진짜 사랑할 수 있고
훤히 들여다보고 뇌를 만져 바보 된 것 같아
나를 냅둬 질리게도 말고 너를 진짜 바라볼 수 있게

나를 묶고 가둔다면 사랑도 묶인 채
미래도 묶인 채 커질 수 업는데
Loverholic, robotronic, loverholic, robotronic
거부 할 수 업는 너의 마력은 Lucifer

 

Omigosh.  O .O  A chapter based around Lucifer.  I hope you guys lyked eet.  ^^  I have a montrous craving for banana milk atm.  :'(  But I dun have any...  Watched Star King before writing this.  :D  Cha ching!  Idk.  Kinda hyper.  :3  Need to go to sleeeeppppppp.  OHMYFRICK.  Onew is such a sweetheart.  ;)  A dorky sweetheart that is.  I was watching some clips of him at the Idols Athletic Championship and oh my gawd.  Adorkable!<3

-Loverholic, Robotronic Mamii