~Kyuhyun~

Was I still breathing? Apparently, I could only feel Sungmin's slow breaths on my neck. What was happening, and the most of all, how did I even feel about it..? He was so close to me that I couldn't even clarify my own feelings. If something - it was very confusing. Even a bit scary.

 He reached closer to my mouth, closed his eyes, kissed my cheek and after that looked at me deep in the eyes. How does it feel? Do you like me? You like me, don't you, please say you like me. Please don't reject me... I could feel him signing those words with his eyes even though it had been all quiet for the whole time since his sudden confession.

 It looked like the whole city had stopped moving, exept for the leaves flying in the wind peacefully. And maybe a couple of hamburger wrappings flying along, too. But he didn't seem to care, at all. He grabbed me from my shoulders and started kissing me harder, this time on the lips. I didn't know how to react. I felt like a clueless robot that had just lost its battery but with its mind going into overdrive and about to explode.

"Changmin", I gasped, quickly lifted my head from the pillow and with petrified doll eyes, looked at the painting right in front of my bed. It took me a moment to realize it was just a dream and to be honest, I felt more than relieved for it. My heart was still beating like crazy and I was covered in sticky sweat, though. Where did that Changmin-scream come from, I wondered. It also made me confused to realize that I wasn't absolutely sure about the starting of the dream. It started with Sungmin, ended up with Sungmin but what had happened before that..? I was almost about to give him al call but stepped back. What if he thought I had totally lost my mind. I didn't want to break our precious friendship but the problem was that he might had already broken it for me.

 What is even the point of getting to the second level if you already feel comfortable with the first one..? Nothing. Love is just a big, big game anyway. Some like to take risks, some are too afraid to lose.

 After all, the line between reality and dream is so fickle, I thought, in the hope of maybe making it help my awkward situation a little. And it actually did. Maybe the best thing would still be letting things be just the way they used to be, I decided. Sungmin's next move was more important if such thing even existed.

 But the most important thing in this whole mess I had created was Changmin. Without even letting me think more about it, I automatically grabbed my phone and searched his number. Now or never, because the things that happened with him weren't dreams. They were all real.

Beep. Beep.

Not picking up yet. Maybe he was just busy or tired because I still knew his personality, he would always answer me, even in the middle of the night if required. Even now..?

Still not picking up. I saw my dim reflection on the black screen of my phone, as expected my skin was dull and hair all messed up. Hmm, maybe I could use this waiting time to do my hair, I thought.

Not for too long. I flinched when hearing someone picking up the phone.

 "Changmin."

The tension of moment was palpable. I didn't want to give up, as tired as his voice sounded like. No, I had to say it. 

 "H-hello, it's me, Kyuhyun..."

 I didnt hear any response except for his breathing so I decided to go on. It took me a while to arrange my thoughts into words. At that time, I hoped nothing more than hom not to leave the call yet, I wasn't used to facing him in situations like this.

 "Listen... T-thank you so much for answering, I-I.... miss you."

And that was all I was able to say, really, Kyuhyun, really...? In real life, this kind of situations really didn't seem to go like in k-dramas and games. I was in panic and I had no idea of what he was even thinking at that moment. He still wasn't saying a word yet but I heard some background noise, people moving furniture or something.

 Okay. I wasn't going to approach anything by desperately trying to convert my confusing thoughts into words so I simply let it all go ad lib.

 "How I wish this could all end just like in the movies. I would tell you how much I love you in every way, every hour, every second while maybe shedding some tears, maybe crying a river. You would convince me of how you understand me and you'd surprise me by smirking and saying that I can actually see you from my window, see your smiling face, drop my phone on the floor of my bedroom, run to you and... Ah, what am I even trying to say here."

 Was someone crying on the background or was it the sound of his tears..? Dreaming didn't usually help anything, just increased the desperateness for me. I had no idea about my next move. But then I heard the tearing decrease.

"I... I think... I know what you're trying to tell me. I knew it since the second date..."

 Wow. It felt so relieving to hear his voice again. And he was about to continue. 

 "Don't take any stress or anything. I have the whole day...", I mumbled as if it was trying to help. 

 "Unfortunately, I don't. They... they are signing me to get prepared for the stage."

 "...but don't worry, I still love you-"

 "In every way."

 "I love you Kyuhyun. But things indeed don't happen like in the movies. Nevertheless, see you again when I come back."

 "Why, why can't they? Why..?" My thoughts were starting to rush out of my mouth and I felt like going crazy.

 "Why..."

 "Take care. I'll be coming back", he said with a somewhat calming tone, but apparently someone was forcing him to just leave the phone call already.

 "I love you", I was only able to say.

 "Me too."

 "I... want to see you right now..."

 "You will."

 "In every way."

 "Sorry, gotta go now..."

 "Hey-....."

Beep. Beep.

All  I could think of was what should I do with this life. To take the next plane to Japan or whatever the next country of the tour is, fly to him and have the just-like-in-the-movies -kind of ending, or to stay here and wallow in despair knowing that he wouldn't come back, not in months. Months.

But on the other hand, I felt like I could drown into happiness. He loved me. That was all I needed.

~

Changmin was late. And thanks to him, so was Yunho. The crowd was screaming like crazy.

 "Everything will be all right", Yunho said and held out his hand. Changmin grabbed it. He had lost way too many important people from his life within only the past few years. He knew how it felt, he remembered the pain. The worst thing was that he couldn't do anything, those situations weren't his fault which was the hardest part to get used to. Suddenly getting separated from JYJ hyungs.

 Getting confessed by a best friend could have led to the same, but this time, Changmin had decided to do his best to hold onto not letting someone so important go. And not just someone, but a person he was in love with.

 The crowd was full of cheering, screaming girls. He wondered if any of them had ever went trough losing someone so close, probably. They still had their futures open, and so did Max. His part of "Stand By U" was about to start. The last song TVXQ performed as five. But he was used to thinking about it. This is dedicated to you, Kyuhyun, my love, he thought and took a deep breath.