“I miss you.” She whispers.

“I want you.” He mutters.

“I don’t want you.” She mumbles.

“I love you.” He murmurs.

“You’re drunk.” She tells him.

“I know.” He replies.

“Go to bed.”  She sighs.

The phone cuts out.

Siwon puts the bottle down and remembers.

***

He remembers laughter and picnics. late at night, when he got back from recording to sneak into her apartment. Blue dresses and red lipstick. Early morning coffee and misplaced shoes.

He remembers the good.

He tries to forget the bad.

He tries to forget the truth.

***

I love you, she said. He wishes it still counted. He wishes that life hadn’t gotten in the way. If he thinks hard enough, he can still feel her kiss on his lips.

It’s not real, though. Nothing’s real anymore. He continues on with his life and wonders what the point is.

They used to be happy. They used to be perfect. One day, he was going to marry her. And then it stopped being so wonderful, and his heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

And he still hasn’t managed to collect them all.

He’s pretty sure he doesn’t even know where to find them.

***

There are days when he doesn’t understand what’s keeping them apart. He gets resentful, sometimes. And then there are days when he understands so clearly that it’s all he can do to keep from crying.

Those days, he goes to the gym.

On those days, he drinks a little too much.

She doesn’t appreciate his calls.

***

He can visualise her face as if it were right in front of him again. No one else is as beautiful. He can love no one else like he loves her.

That hurts more than it should.

He never changed his phone wallpaper. It’s still her – it has always been her. He supposes he’ll never get rid of it, unless he magically moves on.

He should move on.

She told him to.

But he can’t.

***

Maybe he is actually crazy. It would make sense, because nothing else does.

“She’s gone.” They say.

“She’s not coming back.” They tell him.

As if he needs the reminder. He remembers the bruises. He knows.

The blood never washed away, and the pain certainly never disappeared. He does not need their gentle, insistent reminders.

He does not want those reminders.

***

They act like he is mad with grief.

Perhaps this is true.

Inspired by Nell's beautiful song, The Day Before.