Ever since that fateful day, I haven't spoken to anyone. I spend my days with my hood up, headphones in and the same song on repeat. 'Storm'. Weird how this Super Junior band know exactly how I feel through this song.

"I hate myself for knowing everything" - this one line gets to me in ways that I thought were impossible. Because I do hate myself for knowing everything; if only I hadn't gone to her house that day, if only I hadn't come across MinHo that day, if only I didn't follow them out to see them kiss.. I could have gone along with it, not knowing they'd been meeting up, not knowing she didn't love me, not knowing that I'd ever hurt like this.. And everything could have been perfect.

But now that I know what they did, I hate myself. I hate myself for not holding on to my love till the end. I hate myself for not sticking up for my love. I hate myself for letting them get away with hurting me. I hate myself for knowing everything.

"It might be a fate that will wash away like the rain" - sometimes I wish this will happen because I truly loved her from the bottom of my heart. But then I realise that its because of love that I became like this. Like this introverted, depressed, heartbroken being.

If she came back to me, would I accept her? I've thought this through so many times, coming up with different answers each time. But this time I changed the question.

If love came back to me, would I accept it? This question seemed to have a much simpler answer.

No.

And my justification for this answer? Surely next time, the pain gets worse because the wound forms where there is already an unhealed one, right?

So I decided never to love again.