Chapter 5 "Suho's Story"
One And The Same (Sequel to "Heaven Is Everywhere You'll Be)"What do you mean?" Suho looked down and saw the sketch that you were talking about. His face frowned.
While looking out at the lake he replied. "That's my dad."
"Woahh! Really? He's so good looking!" So that answered your question. It amazed you at how much it looked like Luhan. He looked just as kind. You continued to look instensely at the drawing. Wow. "You should invite him sometime! He looks so much like Luhan. Oh my gosh I have to meet him!" You were all smiles.
You expression was of excitement. Maybe too excited? You liked the idea of meeting Luhan's father because in a way, it was like seeing Luhan grow old. Something he never got the chance to do.
Suho's expression wasn't like his usual self. He looked troubled. "I don't think that's possible Ella."
"He died a year ago." The way he said those words made him look like a lost puppy. You haven't seen him like that before.
You didn't know what to say. He lost his father too? Why didn't Dian tell you this before? You couldn't imagine that for yourself. Having a sibling you didn't grow up with, and hearing about his death. And loosing your father as well? It must have been hard on him.
"I-I'm sooo sorry Suho. It must have been so hard on you these past few years. I haven't been sensitive of your feelings, and now knowing about this..." You placed your hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry about your father."
He took a deep breath, and his signiture smile reappeared. "Don't be. If anything, it's me who feels sorry for him."
You looked at him, wondering what he meant by that.
"Four years ago, my dad and I got an e-mail from your mom informing us that Luhan died. I knew I had a big brother, but I didn't really cry over it because I was a baby when he left with my mom."
He looked at you shaking his head. "Wait. Nevermind.I shouldn't be telling you this."
You sat up, waving your hands wildly. "Nononono! Continue. I'm listening."
He took another deep breath and continued. "Well okay then. The truth is, my mom and dad weren't in a 'good relationship.' I was too young to witness their fights, but my dad told me that my mom only married him because their parents arranged it. I guess my mom couldn't take it anymore and she left...taking Luhan with her."
"You know what hurts the most though?" He said. You said nothing. "What hurts is that, she didn't bring me. She took Luhan with her, and not me."
"I mean, now that I'm older, I'm actually fine with her leaving me behind. My dad was a good dad. He was the best. He loved me more than she will ever love me if ever she did bring me with her. I grew up always hearing about having an older brother. My dad talked about Luhan sometimes. I don't really mind. It was nice to know I wasn't an only child. However, everytime my dad talks about Luhan, his smile disapears. And he gets depressed for a while. I mean imagine living life, knowing that a part of you, is out there somewhere. Knowing that you have a son walking around somewhere in the world, living life, but not with you."
You interupted his monologue. "Couldn't he just look for Luhan though?"
"Well, my dad said that even if my mom wasn't a good wife, she was a good mom. He didn't like the thought of taking Luhan away from her. But anyway, four years ago, Dian contacted us. We had no idea that my mom passed away a long time ago. Dian told us that she found Luhan in an orphanage in China, and that she raised him. My dad was so thankful to you mother for informing us about my brother's death. Then all of a sudden, my dad just got really sick. I remember visitng him in the hospital and seeing Dian there, talking and laughing with him. They talked about Luhan the whole time. What he was like as a kid. What he was like growing up. Dian even brought home videos and pictures. He was so happy."
"He noticed that in all of Luhan's pictures, you were there...so he constantly ask Dian where you were. She told him you were studying abroad." Luhan looked down. "I remember when he was about to die. He told me to thank Dian and you. For giving Luhan a great life. Even when he was in his death bed, he was still thinking about Luhan. I felt so sorry for him at that time. He loved my brother very much, just like any father would love a son. And yet...Luhan had no idea of my father's love." He looked out of the lake, with a serious expression.
"Luhan probably thought his parents were lousy people right? Like my dad was some sort of bad person who abandoned his kid?"
You couldn't asnwer. Because you didn't know. Never did he once talked about his biological parents.
"Well, that's why I feel so sorry for him. Because all his life he loved Luhan very much, and yet Luhan never knew." He looked at me with a gentle look. "Tell me Ella, how was Luhan to you?"
You didn't know how to reply. Suho just shared his life story to you, and you were still overwhelmed. "W-What do you mean?"
He smiled and looked out at the lake once again. "I mean, I know that he loved you. I hear it all the time from Dian. But how does he love?"
"What kind of question is that?!" Your face turned red embarassed at how you interpreted his question.
He looked at you and shrugged.
"Well..." You began to say, "He never liked to cry infront of me. And even when we fight and its my fault, its always him who apologized." Your heart ached talking about Luhan like this. "He always gave me a smile that would take my frown away. He liked being tough too. Even when he wasn't. He doesn't tell me or Dian he loved us very often. When we asked him why, he began to make a fit, and told us that we should already know." You laughed. "He's kind, even when I'm not. When he was dying, never once did he look sad. He always smiled. Even when he took his last breath. He's not the expressive kind. When he loves someone, that someone just...kind of knows. You know what I mean?" You paused. You couldn't believe you talked about Luhan without sheading a tear. That was a first.
You smiled and looked up at Suho. "When Luhan loves, he doesn't let you cry over him. When he loves, he makes a promise that it's forever."
Suho looked at you with a sad expression. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" You said.
"You really loved him. I'm sorry he passed away."
"Yeah... I am too."
There was silence for a long time. You remembered when you and Luhan were silent when you were under that same tree as well. This was the silence you've missed for so long.
"Can I ask you something?" Suho said shyly.
"Uhm sure, I guess."
"Why did you hate me so much before?"
"You seriously have no clue?" You couldn't believe it. Wasn't it obvious enough?
"Well, I know that you didn't like me because I was Luhan's brother. But that doesn't make any sense to me. Shouldn't you like me, since I'm related to the person you love so much?"
You didn't think of it like that. All this time, you just hated him because he reminded you that Luhan was gone. "Well, first of all, I didn't hate you exactly. I just...disliked you."
"Also," you continued, "Seeing you here, made me think of Luhan. You have no idea how many times I tried to kill myself just to be with him. It came to a point where Dian had to force me out of here, and made me stay with her relatives in the United States...just so that I could forget." You sighed. "I don't know. I guess, seeing you made me realize that I still remember everything. And sometimes...remembering sweet memories hurt."
Suho smiled at you, but this time his smile was different. It wasn't an empty beautiful smile. This time, just like Luhan's, his smile was contagious. You smiled back. "Well, I don't think that remembering sweet memories really hurt. We just choose to make it hurt us, because we're in denial. We deny the fact that they are now only memories. We hurt because we want to relive them."
He was right. His words were so wise. "I never thought of it like that. Wow Suho. You really are Luhan's brother. I'm really glad you came." You continued to smile.
Suho picked up his sketchbook and stood up. Reaching his hand to you to help you up as well. "Well, I'm glad I came too."
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Oooooh what do we have here? A heart to heart talk between Suho and Ella? Awww <3
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