The tall man hasn't been out for what feels like months! Why shouldn't he stayed at home? It was safe. Sometimes like a cage, where he locked himself up in voluntarily but still s a f e. A place where he was able to avoid the judging gazes of the crowd outside the building. Everytime he stepped out of his apartment only one thought popped up in his mind, when he faced the almost foreign people. "They know." But it couldn't be true, right? He was just hallucinating, wasn't he? Maybe he was becoming paranoid or crazy! But otherwise; he didn't care. He just wanted to live his life as good as possible, didn't he? Seunghyun remembered that there once was a time where he was playing with a thought which dealt with the subject of killing himself. Suicidal thoughts never popped up in his mind before so it kind of freaked him out - at first. But in time it kind of become attractive. It surely was an opportunity to avoid the pain deep inside his heart. Once he even thought about letting these thought become real, he realized that it would be like a confession if he really would kill himself. It would be like he killed himself because he killed her. Nobody would think about it like he couldn't live without h e r anymore. He would be judged; once again. The black haired man had to endure this life filled with unbelievable pain and self-reproaches. It was his penalty, because he played god. Because he decided once who has to life an who has to die; but it wasn't with purpose. It was just a freaking accident! He couldn't stop himself from repeating this statement over and over again. It circled in his head like a rollercoaster! It makes him feel sick; like he was going to vomit every single second. He couldn't escape this vicious circle.

His heart was beating unnaturally quick inside of his chest; he almost felt out of breath just by standing infront of the door which leads him out of the building. He raised his hand and pressed it against his chest, feeling his heart bouncing against his palm. Closing his eyes slowly he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. "You're just going to take walk. Everything is alright!" He mumbled to himself causing his heart to pound even faster. "Damn it!" He whispered ragingly and opened his eyes in frustration. He raised his gaze slowly, just to met the eyes of his own reflection in the mirror in front of him. Taking another deep breath he brushed his right hand through his short, black hair, before slipping it into the pocket of his knee long coat. He wasn't going to wear gloves; he hates them. Somehow they felt like a second skin and in his opinion that was a really weird feeling. He also wasn't able to grab something with gloves on. Following the movements of his reflection one more moment, he started to feel very uncomfortable, just like somebody was watching him. Letting his gaze wander through the empty hallway, he realized that he was still alone. "Maybe you should see a doctor. Just to be sure, you're not going to go crazy or something." He mumbled - one more time - to himself and took a step towards the door. Come one! He wasn't going to die, just because of the cold, fresh air, right?Taking another deep breath he grabbed the know of the door and opened it. As soon as he opened the door, cold hands pushing him out of the hallway and out of the building. Closing the door behind him he just stood there for a while. The cold wind drag him out of his thoughts as his legs began to move automatically. It wouldn't be going to be that bad, wasn't it? After all it was just a walk and nothing more.

It wasn't as bad as he thought in the beginning. His heartbeat went to normal speed after he walked a few minutes through the streets of Seoul. Snow made it impossible for him to go as fast as he would like to, but it was alright though. Breathing in the cold air, his gaze wandered up to the sky. Dark, grey clouds were hanging deep. "It'll going to snow soon." he thought and stopped for a moment. "Should i go back?" he whispered softly and looked back over his shoulder. Shaking his head he took step after step and kept looking to the ground, while he was thinking about the past few months. Life hasn't become easier, but it hasn't got worse too. He still wasn't able to date other women, but he doesn't really have to, didn't he? Sure, his parents wanted him to find a new love, wanted to have grandchildren, but it was still too early for Seunghyun. He hasn't got over Ji-Eun yet, so how could he be able to let a new woman enter his life? He didn't want to let another human being feel miserable around him. It would be unfair.

Turning right, he entered the park, which his actually destination was. The scent of snow was now stronger and filled his lungs with every breath he took. A small smile appeared on his full lips. Ji-Eun loved the smell of fresh fallen snow and fresh baked gingerbread. A sigh parted his lips before he went on. After all he went through the last weeks it was a good idea to take a walk. It felt like the fresh air was taking his heavy thought away, to a place, where they would never be able to bother him again. Well, maybe he shouldn't have thought this kind of thought. Like a slap in his face a couple of couples appeared in front of him. The air was promptly filled with laughs and whispered love confessions. From one moment to another he felt sick again. Why does live have to be so cruel to him? Wasn't it torture enough that he was going through hell on his own? Panic filled his heart, which felt like it was going to explode every single moment. He swallowed. He knew it. He should have stayed at home, where nobody was able to hurt him. Fastened his steps he walked through the park, trying to avoid this lovey-dovey stuff by looking to the ground. Suddenly a dark shadow appeared in the corner of his right eye. He raised an eyebrow but doesn't gave it a second thought; not before an angry voice reached his ear.

"YAH! Aren't you going to help me?!"