The gentle sound of rain which beat against the window, seemed to make it impossible for him to sleep. Rain drop after rain drop rolled down the window and drew an invisible line on the white wall besides him. Brown eyes followed every single movement of the flowing water. A sigh parted his full lips, while he covered his eyes with his right hand, closing them underneath his warm palm. Was it really that hard to fall asleep? It felt like he hasn't slept for a couple of days now; but actually it has been a normal day and so he doesn't has to be that exhausted. He rubbed his face with both hands and rested them on his stomach, while his gaze was directed to the ceiling of the room. A lightning lightened the room, follow by a deep growling thunder. Suddenly the feeling of a fingertip on his cheek caught his attention. Slowly he closed his eyes and breathed in the soft and incredible scent of a flower bouquet, which was right next to him. A smile appeared on his lips, while he whispered her name. "Ji Eun-ah.". A soft laugher found its way to his ear and his heart made a little jump. "I miss you, Seung Hyun-oppa!" A sudden pain shot through his heart, as he realized, that he was just imagine her right next to him. Her small figure, curled up beside him, one hand on his chest, while the other one was caressing his cheek. How stupid could he be? This simply couldn't be real. She was d e a d. Slowly he raised his hand, wanted to feel her soft skin unterneath his fingertips, wanted it to be real, but he just touched his own, unshaved cheek. He clenched his eyes and a single tear rolled down his cheek. In that moment a soft whisper left his lips "I'm sorry."

He couldn't remember how he got through this nightmare. He had been able to feel her presence the whole night. He had been listening to her regular breathing, before he had cried out in pain, grabbed a pillow and began to pressed it on his face; trying to avoid these familiar noises. He couldn't hold his breath very long, so he had to go through this torture.

Torture; it was the first word which popped up in his mind, when he was thinking about how Ji Eun's death affecting him. It was really painful for him. Almost two and a half year passed since her death and he still wasn't able to find a new daily rhythm - without her. Sometimes he even prepared breakfast for his dead girlfriend, just to realize moments later, that she was gone. Forever.

The tall man couldn't really remember how much hours he had slept, but as he woke up the wall besides him was painted in an soft orange. The sun was rising. Closing his dark, brown eyes again he took a deep breath, which quickly turned into a yawn. Covering his mouth with his right hand he slowly stood up. Once his bare feet touched the cold floor his body was covered in goosebumps. He raised both legs in union and began to search for his slippers. A growl parted his lips as he remembered that he left them in front of his couch. "Clever, boy." He whispered to himself, before he rubbed his feet with both hands, trying to warm them up a little bit. After a few minutes passed he let his feet slowly touch the floor again. "Aish.." he mumbled and put the hood of his hoodie over his black hair and slipped his hands in the front pocket of it, while he stood up and walked through his beedroom. He hated the fact that his apartment was very close to an igloo in december.

After he woke up nothing really interesting had happened. He has taken a long shower, had shaved his cheeks and prepared breakfast - for t w o people. One single scream has parted his lips in frustration, before he had thrown the dishes into the garbage can. He wasn't hungry anymore. After that incident he sat down on his couch and started to zap through the different TV programs. Nothing was able to catch his attention. Choi Seunghyun -, he was a wrack. There were no other words to describe a man who totally gave up on live and himself. After he had fallen asleep for a couple of hours he woke up and searched for his watch, which had it's place on his left wrist. Thuesday, 4pm. He groaned. Time went by so slowly! When he was with Ji-Eun he always had that feeling that time was driving by rapidly. Was it another way to torture him? Was live being rude to him because he accidentally killed the love of his live? Well maybe he had been to dramatically with this thought. It was really just an accident, he had been loving her too much so he hasn't been able to think about killing her. And by the way; he had been n e v e r thinking about to kill somebody. He's too kind hearted to think about such a cruel thing. Well, he w a s kind hearted, but now his heart was a big, fat lump of stone. "STOP!" he screamed in rage and pressed his hands against his ears. He don't wanted to listen to his own thoughts anymore. It was cruel! But he deserves it, didn't he?

"Maybe i'm going to feel better if i'm taking a walk." he whispered with his deep, growling voice to himself and let his gaze wander through his empty apartment. He had to go out. He m u s t feel, that he was part of an community; otherwise this silence would kill him. He had been alone for to long now. Maybe it was to late but otherwise; better later than never!