Kwangmin..

I woke up just to find tears on my cheeks. Guess what?!! I cried on my sleep. Great.. Those memories were killing me now. I loved my Kiddo. I wanted my Kiddo to come back!!! I- I loved him for God’s sake!! I-..ne.. I ever tried to kill myself but no!! He wouldn’t be happy!! My family and friends wouldn’t be happy!! I would be on hell and never meet my Kwangmin if I did that!!!

 

“No!! God, dammit, Jo Youngmin!! Don’t be like this!! You will meet him again one day!! He’s NOT gone!! Kwangmin is still here on this world!!” I yelled at myself like crazy.

I love him.... I don’t care with what people might say... All I want is him.. My lovable Kwangmin...

 

Fighting. I fought with my darkness while killing the stupidof my part that made me pushed and killed my Light. My Kwangmin. Angst? Another angst?!! No!! I never wanted to show or give another angsttoward my Kwangmin!! Never!! We needed to smile!! We –we needed each other...to smile.

 

I opened my account and tried my hard to contact him!! Never!! This cry-baby Youngmin never gave up on his Kwangmin!! Never!! Past was past!! Now was now!! I was NOT that cold Youngmin!! And future was...we were together~!! That was the future... That was our love style, right? am I right, Kwangmin-ah?

I-

 

 

 

“Youngmin, don’t do day-dreaming here!! Doctor or nurse?” Donghyun-hyung looked at me.

Yeah... this part... I never gave up..so please never gave up, My Kwangmin.. Wait for me...

“Nurse,” I smiled softly at him.

Donghyun-hyung smirked, “Why?”

Ne.. He knew about my problem.. My Kwangmin..Those roleplay thing...

 

“Why do I want to be nurse? Because...I want to take care of my Kwangmin. If I’m being a doctor, I will be more busy. And doctor duty is to cure someone. No. I don’t want to do that. I want to nurse my Kwangmin. Being on his side everyday. Being his personal nurse. Being together with him. So-“

He hit my head lightly, “So you think that being beside him that way will make him get heal faster. And-“

I slapped him, “He’s already fine now. I know it. It’s long time ago that he said he’s sick. He’s fine!! I pray for his everyday! I know that he’s fi-“

 

“Yeah~ he’s fine now,” he read news paper.

“Huh?”

“Isn’t he your Kwangmin?”

I read the news paper and blushed! Yahhh~!! God~!! I was sh-

“Stop being shy like lovesick girl here, “ he laughed.

I sighed, “I know. It’s just-“

 

“Do those teachers already teach you to take care of people?”

“Ne,” I started feeling complicated. I’m sh-

“Try to get this work,” he pointed at the news paper, “He’s fine already but his family decide to look for his personal nurse. It’s your chance!!”

“Let me think about it......” I walked away and left him.

 

The pain. It’s still new for me. The pain I gave him with leaving him. The pain because I couldn’t be with him. The guilty that loved to make me showed my old-side.. Ne, I was cry-baby and I just couldn’t know how to stop being like that!! Dammit!! Again. I was scared if he rejected me.

Can I clear up the mess that I made? Is it the right thing if I meet him on real? Does he want that way?...Doesn’t he hate me now?

 

Kick your pride and do this, Jo Youngmin!!! You said no more angst!!

“ARGTH~!! I KNOW~!!!” I messed my hair before preparing everything to get that job.

 

“So?” Donghyun-hyung smirked while still driving the car.

“I’ll do this, Hyung,” I bit my lower lip.

“You should try to be...more confident and ....stop blushing.”

“God, dammit!! Don’t tease me now!!”

Jeongmin-hyung laughed, “He is NOT teasing you~ he’s saying the truth...”

 

Minwoo looked at my laptop, “What are you doing, Youngmin?”

I sighed, “Making the sequel of his fanfic...I’m actually too shy to make it..”

“Why?”

“I feel like I’m losing my ability to make a fanfic after...that.”

“Another reason?” Hyunseong-hyung asked.

“Because I’m shy-“

Jeongmin-hyung shook my body hard, “Stop being shy!!!! Do your best!! He’ll understand since you are HORRIBLE author now~!!”

“Yahhh~!!! I’m not that horrible..sometime,” I looked away.

 

“He’s topping you.”

“YAHHHH~!!!!!!!!!” I slapped Hyunseong-hyung hard.

“Because...You—yeah.. You are that shy and we all know that you don’t even have your first kiss...yet.”

I always know that Donghyung-hyung is cruel.

“Kill me.”

“We are HERE~!!

“TOO FAST~!!!!!!!”

 

I held everything in that car to make they couldn’t drag me out of the car but no use. Now here I was, in front of people who would ask the hell out of my ability while I couldn’t stop thinking about him! I even couldn’t stop feeling nervous. I was happy if we could meet in real bu-

 

“So~ we think it’s better if you meet ‘him’ first. It’s kinda weird that you two look alike.”

“Huh?” Plea-

Out of sudden (for me) a guy who looked like me came into this room. We looked at each other and froze. Damn! I blushed and looked away. My God~!! What will hap-

 

“Do I know you?”

“No!!!” I answered him a little too fast....for my own good.

He laughed, “Oh. I see,” he smirked, “You can start working tomorrow.”

I froze. Dammit, Jo Youngmin!!! You need to stop making yoursef look li- like this!!

“Ne, Sir,” I smiled at him as sweet as possible since I was so ing nervous now!! Arght!!

He blushed and looked away. W- what is this?! I felt like blushing forever now.

 

 

“The first rule of my works..Don’t make yourself look like-“

“The bottom one?”

“God, dammit, Minwoo!! I need to calm down before they open this-“

A man opened the gate, “Umm~ are you the one who will work here?”

“Yes...” I tried to believe that I wouldn’t make myself look like...fool. I sighed.

 

 

Kwangmin sat on his bed, “Are you sure that we never meet on somewhere before?”

“Y- yes..I guess,” I felt sh-

“Why are you blushing?” he giggled.

“I’m not!” Good! I answered too fast~!!!!

“Why do we look alike?”

“I don’t know.”

“What is the thing that you know?”

“I love you.”

 

Hu-huh?!!!!

My eyes became wide and I fell the glass that I were holding. My God!! What the ?!! I would get fired!! Arght!! My friends would laugh till they fainted if they heard this!! Kwangmin would think I was WEIRD!! Arght!! I was too st-

“I love you too, Jo Youngmin.”

E- eh. I looked at him and tried to not blush but no use! Stupid cheeks!!

 

“I remember you, ya know? Because the feeling that you ever gave to me are always here,” he put his hand on his heart, “Because whatever happened on the past, actually you never let me go. You always try to be here and hold my hand. Never let me go. An I love it that way.”

I felt so happy...too happy till I wanted to cry, “Kwangmin, I’m sor-“

“It’s alright,” he walked toward me, “Because you are here now. Because we are here now. Together. So,”he held my hand and I swore that this blushing-time were killing me,” Let’s be together and make a lot of beautiful moments. And what I mean with being together is~,” he whispered, “Be mine, Ukeyoung.”

 

Yahhhhh~!!!! How dare he-

I blinked and bli—what is going on here?!!! He pressed his lips on mine..I meant MINE!! W- what should I do?!!! How to—to replay that?!! Yahhh~!! I never got kissed there!! And I never kissed someone like this!! My God!! My teachers never taught me how to kiss my klien!! No!! I wrote kissing-thing-on-my-fanfics- but I didn’t know how to-

 

“Hyung?”

I blushed, “H- huh?”

“You should kiss me back~” he pouted.

I blsuhed more, “I kn- know- bu-

He chuckled, “I will teach you later~ and~!! And~!! All I want to say now are~!! I love you~!!!” he winked but fail.

I chuckled, “I love you more~”

“Nuuuuuu~!! I love you most!!”

“Aish~ how about we love each other~!!” I poked his cheek.

“Er--- alright~!!”

 

“My Kiddo,” I laughed.

“Stop calling me kiddo,” he pouted.

“Alright~!! Kwangmin!”

“Lets’ be happy family~!!”

“Ne~!!”

 

We hugged each other. Couldn’t you believe this? Our roleplay-thing turned out to be this love style. It’s not death game or love game again for me..It’s our love style. Happy Ending Love Style.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Falling in love with you is one of the best things I do on this world, Kwangmin..

The first we met, I never thought that everything would turn out to be love. That time we felt pain because of our lovers were not with us. Bu- but you knew more facts about me till I was confused why you cared. That time where my lover was not here, you still cared to give me happiness. You still cared to make me smiled on this pain. But I was too naive and still thought that you were my little Kiddo. I was smiling when I wrote this, ya know?

That time I felt I was just like a- er--- I looked like . I didn’t know what to do to decrease my pain. That time I only waited for you to make a move then I would know what to do. Then... all I knew was to be close with you. To have fun with you. Aigoo~ I was aware just now that I always followed you. Imma not stalker!! That was not what I meant! Aish~!!

You were the light who made me could survive till now. There were times where I knew that I deppend on you so much. You were so great and nice. After you were angry at me and threw your tantrum at me, you were the one who tried to make me stood up again. Why? Why you didn’t just let me this way? But no!! Please don’t let me this way! I needed you. N- ne-.. I needed you and the great thing was I didn’t have to tell you how much I needed you since you were already here to help me.

Some people talked bad about us because of our forbidden love, some people blamed us, me,..Yet you’re still be here for me. Sometime I hurt you although I didn’t mean to..because that time our love was forbidden. But you were still here to help me again. Then I knew that I couldn’t depend on you most of the time, I had to make a move for myself..for us. It’s hard thing since some people would get hurt if we were together.. But we loved each other, right? We needed each other, right? And I wanted to look after you like you looked after me. So.. Please let me did that way.

And as you could see, we were together now. Let’s share our pain and hapiness. Let’s make beautiful memories. Let’s show to this world that we were strong enough!! We could survive!! I didn’t know and you also didn’t know if we’re meant to be together or not. We never knew what would happen. But whatever it was, I still wanted to be with you. On your side. I wanted to hold your hand and never let you go.. Because being with you were the best thing that God ever gave me.

Saranghae <3