AN/ Re-Post. Sorry for the hiatus. I'll post chapter 4 the moment my beta sends it to me! Feel free to re-comment. I lost a lot of great comments... ;_; <3

 

 

Chapter 3

Hyukjae had seen it all.

All that his elite life had to give, he had lived it all and he knew nothing would change.

Tonight was one more royal dinner at the buffet, everyone dressing one of their tones of best suites and dresses and everyone chatting about money, luxury, money, money… And money.

It was all it mattered in this world of his; Material goods were all it mattered. A paint was not seen by its feelings and emotions; the quality of the colors touching and swinging around one another and the brushes’ technique when caressing the paper. It was all about its price. If it was expensive and famous, it was good.

Hyukjae was sick of this empty world… For years screaming for much more and receiving nothing.

All he had was an endless parade of parties and cotillions… Yachts and polo matches. All the same narrow people and mindless chatter.

He could feel his heart squeezed against his chest, his breathe taken away and his head aching. He needed to stop the pain. It felt like he was standing in a great precipice with no one who pulled him back and no one who cared.

He was sick of spending his whole life closed inside a white locked room filled with people, screaming and whimpering to leave and asking for help and being endlessly ignored; no one noticing his pain.

He had Emily but even she couldn’t see or make something to help his aching pain even if she tried.

Tonight was one more dinner like every other, followed by a business chat with cigars and alcohol, changing the fact that they were aboard Titanic this time.

He needed to fake a gentle and composed state once he was with other people but it was becoming more and more difficult.

He was totally lost. He just wanted an escape.

He was sick of being stuck, living to be a family’s pet. To be everyone’s pet.

 

The dinner had long started and was full of exaggerated laughs and fake respect when Andrew broke the last string of the guitar.

Hyukjae was just in his corner, not bringing attention to himself but he knew Andrew would never leave him alone.

He just needed to think. He needed some time alone and that was why he went to the restroom, expecting to just wash his face and look at himself in the mirror, yelling at his reflection to take those crazy thoughts of his head.

He was not weak. He needed a way out but that was not the one.

He needed to clear his head and think straight… He really needed to face himself and argue with his own thoughts but when he had just entered the bathroom compartment and started walking around in the small place the door opened, making him jump in surprise.

“Andrew…” he sighed but he was in no way more relieved. A bathroom and Andrew was not a good idea. Not when they were alone.

“Hei, angel.” He smiled and made his way to the redhead, grabbing him by his thin waist with a concerned look. “What happened? Why are you so agitated?”

“I’m just a little sick I guess. I came here to wash my face but you scared me before I could…” he tried to explain. He needed to get away from Andrew. He needed space; he didn’t need a blonde all around him. Not that he was going to get lucky – he never did – but that would not stop them from fooling around and scare Hyukjae even more, making him feel even worse about himself.

He didn’t even remember how things started. He was just never interested in girls, craving for some experiences and Andrew would usually be there for the last years around his sister and when he decided to make a first move on him, Hyukjae hadn’t fight back. He was extremely handsome and all so it could be fun.

Of course that it all stopped being fun when their parents decided to hook up Hyukjae with Emily – strongly advised by Andrew – so that the blonde could have the boy all to himself.

It was not fun.

Hyukjae hated his life and he wanted to be somewhere away from there and his family, studding ships and art and traveling. Making his own destiny.

He liked Andrew and he didn’t want to hurt the guy but he just wasn’t in love with him and he didn’t want that destiny. He didn’t want to hurt Emily and force her to live inside a lie and he didn’t want that for himself either. He would end up being Andrew’s pet if this marriage happened and he could feel more and more tormented every step closer the ship made to New York.

“Oh okay. You should take some medicine then, I can-”

“No, it’s okay. I’m feeling better now. It was just… Too much people out there.”

“Okay…” Andrew smiled and pecked his lips, making him move against the nearest washbasin. Hyukjae tried to hold him off.

“Andrew, we need to go back.”

“We could also stay a little longer. I miss you.”

Andrew grabbed him against the sink of the small bathroom compartment. Hyukjae shivered, his breathe being caught in his throat, along with a lump of nervousness.

The young male grabbed the blonde’s hands, with the precise ministrations in his neck.

“Please… We can’t. It’s dangerous.” He advised, worry expressed in every single word. Bouquet smiled against the milky white skin.

“And doesn’t it turn everything much funnier?” he purred against the redhead’s lips

Hyukjae swallowed hard, his already low self esteem being ripped apart at every new kiss. He didn’t want this, why was he so weak next to the blonde?

He was so sick of never having a say.

Was he a ing object to the others?

He needed to be, that was the only explanation.

He was so sick…

So alone…

No one was there…

He was standing in the precipice, almost falling and no one would pull him back.

 

He just wanted it to stop.

***

 

The wind was cold, harassing his watery eyes as the outside of the ship was way colder than the inside.

Were the nights in the Atlantic always that cold?

He couldn’t bring himself to care.

He could barely breathe.

He just wanted an escape.

He was sick of all this . them all, he was done with this disgusting life. At least this he could choose and no one would stop him. No one cared anyway.

He had just ran away from Andrew after finally being able to calm the guy’s hormones and telling him he just needed some time alone.

Not that he was going to see him again.

He felt dirty, with Andrew’s taste on his mouth and he could still feel his touch on his skin.

He wanted to keep the tears but he couldn’t.

He was running around the deck, trying to arrive to the stern the sooner he could.

He just wanted to finish this off and not care about anything else.

He was arrogant and selfish but he couldn’t fight this anymore. He was weaker than he thought and his family would never let him escape this marriage so this was the only way to free himself and Emily from their destiny.

He was running, not caring about who would see him in that state. He just wanted the pain to go away.

He only stopped when he bumped against something in the ship’s stern that he couldn’t even see with his vision blurry from the tears.

All he could see was the dark ocean in front of him; the white cloudy track in the water from the propellers awaiting him.

It would all end and everything would be okay…

Wouldn’t it?

He wasn’t even fighting against his tears as he grabbed the fence and, taking a deep breath, climbed it to the other side. He stared at the ship in front of him for a moment.

He just wanted someone to pull him back…. He wanted to be important to someone. Make something of his life.

But no one was there. No even he was there anymore.

His life was completely useless…

It was better to just be dead.

And then he turned around and faced the scaring ocean down there.

 

This is it. Just do what you have to do and everything is going to be okay. You can’t live like this anymore. You can’t do this to yourself. You won’t be remembered as a useless pet.

 

Hyukjae was gulping hard, demanding for his weak hands to let go of the cold bars. Why the were they such ?!

 

“Don’t do it.”

A voice crushed his bubble of deep thoughts and despair making him look back. A blondie with oriental looks was staring at him like he was a lost lion; leaning closer very slowly. Hyukjae didn’t know how to react to that. A part of him was screaming to be saved. Please, someone needed to see he was not okay. But at the same time, he was terrified. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that and he just wanted to let go and die already.

“Stay back! Don’t come any closer!” he screamed in panic. Please, he just wanted to finish this. He wasn’t hurting anyone. The guy took his cigarette from the lips and showed with his hands that he just wanted to throw it to the sea. But obviously when he did it, he didn’t back off.

“Come on, give me your hand and I’ll pull you right back over.” The boy asked.

“No! Stay where you are. I mean it. I’ll let go!” Hyukjae defied looking again at the sea. Goddamn it, why was he so afraid?!

Donghae saw the despair and confusion in the redhead’s eyes and, gathering strength, he rested his hands in his pockets, raising his chin with confidence.

“No, you won’t.” he defied.

Hyukjae looked at him once again, completely shocked and offended. Donghae made an effort to keep his poker face. The guy was looking at him like he was a disgusting animal and he looked so cute with that frown.

 

He was so beautiful…

 

“What? What do you mean “no I won’t”? Don’t pretend to tell me what to do; you don’t know me!”

“Well, you would have done it already.” Donghae reasoned trying to keep the redhead’s interest on him. He needed to find a way to pull that guy back in.

“You’re distracting me! Go away!” Hyukjae defended, looking at the sea again. Donghae let a sigh escape his lips.

“I can’t. I’m involved now… If you jump… I’ll need to jump in there after you.” He took his jacket off to look like he was not kidding.

The redhead stared at him, even more dumbfounded.

“Don’t be absurd! You’ll kill yourself.”

“I’m a good swimmer.”

“The fall alone will kill you.”

“It would hurt…! Not saying it wouldn’t… Telling the truth, I’m way more concerned about the water being so cold…” Donghae hissed with a shiver, looking at the redhead with warning eyes. He was able to catch his attention and now was just trying to keep up with his idea.

 

Keep talking, Donghae. Keep talking…

 

“How cold?” Hyukjae looked at him relaxing his suspicious look to a more afraid one.
“Freezing.” Donghae explained trying to look the scariest possible. “Maybe a couple degrees over... You ever… Have you ever been to Wisconsin?”

“What?”

“I grow up there, next to the Chippewa Falls. It has one of the most freezing winters ever. 

I remember when I was a kid going ice fishing with my father… You know what ice fishing is, it’s when-“

“I know what ice fishing is!” Hyukjae hissed in frustration. Donghae showed his hands in a show of not-harm-intended.

“Sorry… Just… You kind of look like an indoors guy. Anyway, I felled in thin ice.” He explained. “And I tell ‘ya… Water that cold… Like down there… It hits you like one thousand knives all over your body. You can’t breathe… You can’t think. At least about anything but the pain.” The guy shivered and took one of his shoes. “That’s why I don’t feel like jumping in there after you.” He made a frown taking his last shoe “But, like I said, I don’t have a choice. If you jump I’ll need to do it. I’m just kind of hoping you’ll let go of that idea and get me off the hook here.” he tried, making use of his puppy eyes.

“You’re crazy!” Hyukjae hissed and Donghae smiled, a hand caressing his hair.

“That’s what everybody says but, with all due respect, mister… I’m not the one hanging off the back of a ship here.” He sighed and stares at the redhead “Come on… Hold my hand. You don’t wanna do this.”

He gave his hand, very slowly and calmly for Hyukjae to grab, staring into his eyes.

The redhead wanted to say “no”. He wanted to let go. His life was hell, but he knew he loved to be alive too much anyway. He wanted a way out and probably this guy was it.

He was here and he cared about him. Someone cared about him and didn’t want him to jump so things were not as bad as it looked. He wanted to be saved and now that someone had appeared in his big white salon, he needed to grab the chance.

Swallowing hard, the boy grabbed his hand with strength. Donghae smiled for the first time, his eyes shining in the night and Hyukjae needed to admit that his savior was really, really beautiful.

The blonde grabbed his hands making Hyukjae turn around and in a moment they were front in front, staring into each other eyes and Hyukjae was breathing heavily, feeling safe once again. Finally a light in his life.

“Uff.” The blonde sighed laughing. “I’m Donghae Lee.”

“Hyukjae Lee.”

“Wow, looks like we’re family. Then you’re Lee Hyukjae, Mister Korean guy…” he joked with a smile, making the redhead smile. “Okay, let’s just climb this.” He instructed grabbing the boy’s hand with strength. Hyukjae was climbing the iron fence, trying to avoid looking down, when the expensive sliding shoes made a fake step, slipping in the cold iron, and his body fell too quickly and too violently. A loud scream broke the quiet night and the next second he was falling to the freezing water if Donghae’s hands were not grabbing him with strength, trying to hold him. Hyukjae was screaming curses, tears from the cold wind and panic growing on his eyes, holding the blonde above him like he was his life.

“Calm down! It’s okay!” Donghae screamed also in panic. “I won’t let go!” He assured. “Come on, don’t panic and grab your strength to pull yourself over!”

Hyukjae nodded furiously, concentrating in climbing the iron bars and in what seemed an eternity he was able to hold himself in a hard hug against Donghae and climb to the other side in safety.

When he pulled himself together, he was in Donghae’s arms.

Too much breath; too much warmth; too much of those mesmerizing puppy eyes.

 

Too close.

 

And the next moment Hyukjae was pulling away, too much on the defensive but thanking the stranger with full heart.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Donghae sighed.

“What the hell is going on in here!” two officials were breaking them apart; both boys with disorganized clothes and hairs and heavy breaths all over.

“We heard screams.” An official informed grabbing the third class guy from Mister Hyukjae and the redhead didn’t know how Andrew ended in the middle of that big mess but he was certain he had been looking for him.

 

If it was not for Donghae, probably he could look all around the ship. It will be too late.

 

 

Probably.

 

“What is this?!” Mister Bouquet demanded, grabbing Donghae by his shirt and staring at him. “You were robbing him! How could you expect to hurt someone like us in a ship and get away with it, you despicable thing!” he hissed. “Arrest him and make sure Mister Lee has everything he owns!” he commanded the officials, staring at a dumbfounded Hyukjae.

“What?! I didn’t do anything!”

An older police with a white mustache and fat cheeks was handcuffing the young man when Hyukjae stepped inside the scene, holding Andrew’s arm.

“Wait! No, it was not like that! It’s a mistake!”

“What do you mean?” Andrew curved an eyebrow, completely offended.

“He didn’t rob me or hurt me!” he looked at the officials. “He saved me.”

“Saved you?” the English man imitated, laughing.

“Yes. I was in the fence trying to see the propellers... You know how I love everything about ships.” He said to Andrew and looked at the officials “When I tripped and fell. And luckily Mister Lee was in one of these benches so he heard me and was able to pull me back in before I let go and died.” He informed with a confident voice, almost defying Andrew.

“Is this what really happened?” the older officer asked Donghae who was looking at Hyukjae with an impressed stare, still wondering if he should agree. He could see the despair in the redhead’s eyes directed to him for a second.

Well, obviously he should. It was not like he was going to throw the guy to the sharks, telling he wanted to kill himself. He had reasons to do that and Donghae wanted to make sure the guy wouldn’t jump to the sea the first moment he was gone.

“Yeah. It was pretty much it.”

“Well, it’s settled. The boy’s a hero then. Good for you, boy!” the old man shared with a smile, saving the handcuffs.

Andrew sighed, not very amused with the situation but still grabbed the boy’s hand, thanking him.

“I guess this can settle our gratitude.” He said pulling out his wallet but Hyukjae grabbed his hand, clearing his throat.

“Excuse me, Mr. Bouquet, but I believe I’m the one who needs to show gratitude… I’m the one who he saved and you’re not my father…” he warned letting only Andrew hear the last sentence, and finished with a warning look. He was so sick of Andrew trying to decide his life and trying to act like his goddamn husband.

 

He was so wrong about Hyukjae.

 

The redhead looked at Donghae and smiled.

“I’m really grateful for your help.” He shared, only Donghae understanding his words. “So I want to invite you to have dinner with us, tomorrow. What do you say?”

“Sure. Count me in.” Donghae smiled back.

“Great. It’s settled then.” he shared biting his lip to cover the excitement and rested his hands inside his pants’ pockets; turning away and saying goodbye.

Andrew stared at Donghae, not liking the scene’s environment.

“Are you coming?” the boy asked the English man, curving an eyebrow, before they disappeared from the deck.

The English guy’s butler thanked the officials and they all went their way. Donghae took the chance to steal the man’s attention.

“Hei!” he tried, seeing the man grab his cigarette’s box. The goddamn rich kid made him waste his only one just to save his . “Can I steal you a smoke?” he asked and the man promptly gave him one, along with a match; a dark cruel look on his face. The man had that kind of face that gave you the creeps.

“You know… Interesting that if the boy slipped for his death like he said, how did you have time to take your coat and boats…” he said before going away.

Donghae bitted his lip. The guy was a butler or a cop? Jesus…

Still, saying it like that it sure sounded like everything but a robber… Did he suspect that Donghae was the guy or something? Or was he thinking Hyukjae was fooling around with guys?

Well, he surely didn’t look shocked… But Donghae had an idea why.

The young man went back to his bench, laying down to watch the stars.

He was pretty sure the butler guy knew everything about his English master and, surely, the guy had something on Hyukjae and it was not brother feelings. He knew people very well. He could sense that the attraction he had for Hyukjae was not one sided – the guy was going to kill himself, a ual preference for guys could be a good reason to do so since society could be harsh - but he was pretty certain the redhead had an owner. Or if he didn’t, Andrew will not rest until that changed.

Or maybe he was being delusional… The fact was everyone was right. Hyukjae was a first class guy, it was impossible for Donghae to get next to him even if the other guy was homoual. Still, he would have dinner with him and he would be able to get to know more of his small god and try to make him laugh, to finally see the way he looked when smiling.

 

***

The young Korean was looking at himself in the person-tall mirror, opening his white dress shirt with a few already opened buttons to change into his pajamas, his mind lost in everything but his own appearance, when Andrew entered his deserted room with a simple smile filling his lips. The previous guy left a small smile escape his plump lips, turning his eyes to his reflection once more.

“You look astounding today.” The blonde smiled looking also into his reflection and closing the distance between his chest and the youngest’s back.

“Thanks.” Hyukjae shared with no feelings. Andrew sighed.

“I know you’re melancholic…” the blonde whispered. “And I’m not going to pretend I know why. But I have something for you. I hope it wills bright you up a little bit.”

He looked for his pocket, never leaving Hyukjae’s eyes.

Hyukjae saw his reflection taking a dark box from his robe and Andrew leaned next to him, opening the box for him.

“…Perhaps as a reminder of my feelings for you.”

Hyukjae looked at the blonde man before looking at the present.

 

Inside the box was just a watch.

And it was the most beautiful watch he had ever seen in his entire life.

And he was a watch addict.

The thing was crystal clear, shinning in the candle tone lights, with a unique design and he could see all the engines inside it.

“Oh my god.”

“I know.”

“Is it-“

“Diamond. Yes.” Bouquet smiled. “I know you love watches… I’ve seen your huge collection. And I thought you should have the best of them all… 56 carats just for you, I asked them to convert the diamond into it. It was designed for your wrist.” he shared, locking the watch in Hyukjae’s wrist.

The redhead wanted to smile and laugh. He wanted to cry in happiness. He wanted to hug Andrew and thank him for the caring act. He wanted to be a naïve girl and fall in love with him and his money. He wanted to feel okay, receiving such gift from him.

But he couldn’t. All he could feel was a handcuff on his wrist, a low way of locking him right beside Andrew and his needs.

Sure, Bouquet could be in love with him but he still wanted the redhead to marry his sister and be his, right in everyone’s backs; giving his heart, soul and body to him and being his private right in their wives’ backs.

It was disgusting.

He was sick of being locked out, living just for everyone else’s joy like a little pet. Now that he was saved, he needed to make sure he could change his fate. He needed to do something.

“It’s overwhelming…” he complimented because he was a . But the reality was: the watch was everything anyone could love, if it didn’t scream prison.

“It’s for royalty. We are royalty, Hyukjae.”

He didn’t want to be royalty. He just wanted to be happy and free. He just wanted his life to be his, for a change.

“You know…” Andrew continued when the redhead said nothing, holding his waist in a caring way and slightly turning the boy to him. “There’s nothing I couldn’t give you… There’s nothing I’d deny you…” he shared caressing Hyukjae’s jaw. “If you would not deny me.”

The redhead lowered his gaze, adverting it from Andrew’s.

“Open your heart to me, Hyukjae.”

“Thanks for the gift.” Hyukjae smiled, uncomfortable.

“You want to use it?”

“No… I’ll rather keep it safe.”

“Okay… Are you coming to see me tonight?”

Hyukjae sighed.

“Andrew… I almost died today. I’ll enjoy you not forcing yourself onto me.”

“I’m sorry.” The blonde laughed kissing his forehead. “You’re just too irresistible.” He grabbed the younger man’s chin, forcing him to look at his water colored eyes.

“You know you can’t run away from me forever.”

“I can run until I’m ready.”

Andrew sighed, nodding.

“Certainly, my darling.”

 

Hyukjae only rested when the door was closed and that evil watch away from him. He was sick of running away from Andrew but he knew how much obsessed with him Andrew was and if he denied him and asked to end this madness this whole marriage was in danger. And sure, he wanted everything to end but he still had his mother who would be with nothing if he didn’t married Emily. He was stuck in an impossible situation and if he ran away he couldn’t know what Andrew would do. And his family’s name would be dead. Of course, he could take the chance and he really wanted to run away but it was easier said than done.

Why was his life so complicated?

At least he could still deny the blonde when it came to but the guy was more and more impatient, forcing his way onto him.

He couldn’t really get the message that Hyukjae did not want to lose his ity to him.

Andrew was astounding and sweet but he would not make love with someone he didn’t love, simple as that.

Unfortunately, the blonde looked like he did not agree in that matter.

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