Dongho’s POV

The first time I saw her, I felt that she was really cute.

But her eyes weren’t for me. They were for my hyung.

When I asked who her favourite member was, I was already prepared for her answer. So why was it that it hurt whenever she answered Kevin’s name with such confidence and happiness?

I felt upset when Kevin hyung winked at her on the van. A part of me felt like pushing Kevin hyung to the ground. So instead of attacking him, I just said coolly, “Hyung, you will cause her heart to go into overdrive if you keep winking at her, I swear.”

It could work, couldn’t it? If I was cool enough…

Manager hyung brought them to our hotel? To chat? Don’t they have those 24/7 cafes or something? What if they were going to me and manager hyung’s room? I don’t want her to see how messy I am…

Luckily for me, they brought her to Kiseop hyung’s room. But that meant that it was Kevin’s room too.

I pouted when they were talking about the room arrangements. Maybe if I was cute she would like me.

We chatted for a long time, but one thing I could never forget was the way she looked at Kevin. They were so full of love. Why couldn’t she look at me like that?

Before they left, Kevin hugged her. Did he like her too? I wasn’t sure. So once we left them and arrived back at our hotel, all of U-Kiss huddled in AJ’s room.

Soohyun hyung seemed kind of angry. “Kevin, what were you thinking, hugging her like that?”

“What’s wrong with it? We always hug our fans,” Kevin hyung looked down.

“Yeah, but the way you hugged her was different. It was as if you were hugging a lover,” Hoon hyung pointed out.

“I think Kevin likes her.”

Everyone turned to face Kiseop hyung, who had been watching the argument all this time.

“What?” Kevin, Soohyun and I said at the same time.

“Don’t you think so?” Kiseop hyung shot back at us.

The room was silent for awhile. Then Soohyun hyung said, “She’s a fan. Even if our dating ban has been lifted… I’m not sure if we can go around dating fans.”

“Let’s just rest for the night, I’m tired,” Eli hyung stretched and walked over to his bed.

“Yeah, get out you guys,” AJ hyung started chasing us out.

That night, I tossed and turned around in my bed.

What was it about her that I liked so much? I couldn’t understand. I’ve liked different girls before, but this feels different. There was something special about her, something in her that was different. Maybe I was overthinking things. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll realize I didn’t actually like her that way and laugh at myself for being so silly.

I pulled the blanket over my head and went to sleep.

3 months passed, and I had forgotten about the feelings I thought I had for her. Well, I had forgotten until Kevin hyung dropped a bombshell on the whole of U-Kiss.

It started like this:

“Good work for rehearsal today! We’ll wrap up today then,” manager hyung was praising us (which was actually really rare) as we finished dancing Neverland. He walked out of the door, leaving us to pack up and head home. How I longed to curl up and play with my PSP!

Just as AJ hyung opened the door of our dance studio, Kevin hyung suddenly said, “Hey guys… can you stay for awhile? I need to tell you guys something…”

“Sure”, “Yeah, “Ok” went around the studio, and we gathered to sit in a little circle like we always did when we had to discuss something.

“So, what is it?” Soohyun hyung asked. He was using the “I’m the leader and I care for all of you” tone in his voice, and it took quite some willpower to not laugh.

Kevin seemed to hesitate for awhile. “Remember those fans we met 3 months ago after a concert? Well… I’m sure you guys are still in contact with them right?”

He paused for awhile, waiting while everyone nodded and agreed. Then he continued, “You know… the one I hugged… I think I like her.”

The whole studio was so silent I swear no one was breathing. Ok, maybe we were breathing, but if you get what I mean it would be good enough.

I looked over at Soohyun hyung. I don’t know if he was angry or confused. I think confused, because he was scratching his head like there was something there bugging him. Kiseop hyung just looked indifferent, as if he already knew that this was going to happen all along. I guess he did, since he had already suspected everything at the start. Eli and AJ hyungs just looked stunned, like they never calculated the possibility of it happening. Hoon hyung just asked Kevin, “What are you going to do now?”. That threw Kevin deep in thought.

And me? I knew for sure, at that moment, that those feelings weren’t fake. I was hiding, suppressing, forcing myself. I didn’t want to admit to myself, admit the fact that I had fallen hopelessly for her. I couldn’t say anything, I just tried choking back tears. I thought of my new PSP game to distract myself. It worked.

Kevin hyung answered Hoon hyung’s question carefully, as if he was scared we would kill him for liking a fan. “I think… I’ll wait a few months more to see if I really do like her… in that way… then I’ll ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“I think she’ll accept, you being her bias and all. Everyone knows she loves you,” Kiseop hyung looked up from his iPhone.

“Just don’t rush things,” Hoon hyung said and patted Kevin hyung’s shoulder. The tone in his voice reminded me of a mother. I guess there was a reason why he would be the motherly role if U-Kiss was a family.

“Ok… sorry for holding up you guys because of something like this.” Kevin picked up his bag and everyone followed, wanting to go home and get some rest.

Soohyun hyung said to him, “Don’t forget the complications the relationship might bring. The public, the KissMes, they’re all going to know who your girlfriend is. And we might have to face the CEO of NHM too.”

Kevin hyung’s lips formed a thin line as he considered what Soohyun hyung just said.

Once I reached home, I found my family asleep. Well, it was 3a.m. in the morning after all. I tried not to think about Kevin hyung’s confession to U-Kiss, took a quick shower and climbed into bed with my PSP. My dog, Bbo Bbo, turned around 3 times, and curled up beside me.

I started the game. As I progressed through the levels, I started to hallucinate. Kevin hyung’s face was on my opponents’ faces. I rammed the buttons on my PSP, as if it would help me defeat the opponents. It was no use. It was all I could see. I switched the PSP off and flung it to the end of the bed. It landed without a sound on the sot mattress.

No. No. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to fall for her. To fall for the same person my hyung liked. I buried my face in my pillow and started screaming out my pain and frustration. Thank goodness or the pillow, or I would have woken the whole family with the screaming. Bbo Bbo started whimpering. I reached out a hand and started Bbo Bbo’s soft fur.

Why did it have to be her? Why couldn’t it be her friend?          

I stopped myself there. I thought for a moment and changed my mind. Kiseop hyung seemed to like her, even if he didn’t say anything about it.

Was I meant to be alone?

One thing was for sure. Or two things. There was no way I was going to view Kevin hyung as an opponent and fight with him over a girl, because it might ruin our relationship.

There was also no way she would fall for me. So I had to heal. Patch up whatever was broken and hurt inside of me.

And that’s exactly what I did the next morning.

9 months later, Kevin hyung and her were together. Just when everyone thought they were going to live a happily ever after, she broke up with him. Even though I was not supposed to, I grew hopeful.

Kevin hyung was lifeless. Whatever cheerfulness that was found in him was gone. He ate little, drank little, slept little. The only time he was ever cheerful was when we had to go for some show or important schedule, but all that was an act. He was broken, like I was before, but in a more serious manner. No one was able to cheer him up, to make him return to his chirpy self, not even Kiseop or Eli hyung who was always close to him. He threw himself into schedule and dance practice, into whatever could distract him from thinking about her.

Then one day, he suddenly came bounding into the dance studio, looking scarily energetic. “Guys, guys, let’s book air tickets! 2 of them!” the hint of excitement in his voice was unmistakable.

“For what?” Soohyun hyung furrowed with eyebrows.

“Let’s get the 2 of them to come to Seoul. You know, her and her friend?” He avoided saying her name. I assumed it was to prevent his heart from hurting.

Kevin hyung hurriedly filled us in. The reason they broke up, what he was going to do to get her back.

AJ hyung seemed so excited. “So you’re letting the CEO know? I think that’s a good plan.”

Air tickets were booked and sent over to the 2 of them. All that was done while I was away, busy with my individual schedule, so I was kind of annoyed with my hyungs for not waiting for me. I was sulking until Hoon hyung told me I could call her to let them know about the tickets.

I scrolled through the contacts in my phone until I found her contact. I took a deep breath and hit the call button. The dial tone seemed to go on forever. Was she trying to avoid my call? Suddenly, there was a burst of static and she picked up the phone. “Hey Dongho.”

“Hi~ I heard you broke up with Kevin hyung?” Was that too direct?

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing. But when you get home today, check your letterbox ok? Tell your friend too.” I ended the call before she could ask me any questions.

With Kevin hyung’s plan going well, the hope I had disappeared. I had accepted the fact that there was no way she would fall for me. Ever.

At the airport, when they had landed in Seoul, I took my chance. I didn’t care what my hyungs would say. It would be the last time after all.

I ran towards her and gave her a big hug from the back, knowing she would see it as nothing but a friendly hug, while, in fact, it was a hug meant to tell her I loved her, that I was willing to let go of her, for real this time.

Kevin hyung and her did get back together in the end, and led a happy life together. I still had no girlfriend ever though so many fans asked me out.

But a number of years later, she was born, and before I knew it, I had fallen hopelessly in love once again.