CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Forgetting

Jessica Jung walked as she always would, combing through the crowds and trying to avoid getting hit by anyone, on that fine but not fine Monday morning. She left her house early today, since it was a Monday and she really didn’t want to be left alone with her thoughts, yet there were more people in the streets than she expected. She looked as normal as ever, like she was back to her post-Krystal self, and she didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. But still she continued to walk, her firm expression unfazed even as the sun shone directly into her eyes, her delicate fingers clutching her school bag tight to her side. The ice princess halts at the stop and looks around as she waits for the next bus to her school like she normally did.

Nothing has changed, really.

That is what she would like to believe.

The sun shines brighter than ever, and a small sparkle could be seen from her neck when the sun brushes by the spot where she was.

It was her ice princess necklace.

She looks down at what could be the most important thing to her at the moment, but her face shows no emotion.

Yesterday was the worst Sunday of her life.

And yet she didn’t look like a life-changing event happened to her. She didn’t look like she was broken, or breaking apart. She didn’t look like a big piece of her was taken away, like a treasure had been stolen from her. Neither did she, however, seem like she was complete.

After everything that has happened, she didn’t think she would ever be.

So stares at the bus as it reaches the stop and she watches the people in front of her flood in to fill the seats inside it. She follows after everyone has gone in, taking the last seat at the very back o f the bus quietly. The ice princess focuses on the windows, watching as the people and everything else on the streets was blurred into a mix of colors. The bus was moving and she was headed to school, though she did not want to go anywhere but home. She did not know why she was here. She just thought she had to be. To apologize to Jonghyun, perhaps? Or to see her friends?

Not that she was thrilled at the idea of seeing anyone.

After all, why get attached to people when they’re gonna get taken from you anyway?

She sighs.

‘I am such a pabo.’

And she tries not to think about anything as she heads to school, keeping a stern expression on her face. She was back to being stonehearted and cold and everything every one didn’t want her to be. She was back to being miserable and unhappy.

She didn’t like it, and it was not like she didn’t have a choice. She could’ve chosen to be happy about it and think “positive thoughts”.

But really, what good could come out of something like this? How do you turn this situation around? How do you sugarcoat all the bad parts of the cake?

The answer?

YOU CAN’T.

It was just so horrible.

It was unimaginable.

And she tries to push her thoughts away.

But they pop into her mind. They charge in uninvited. They crash in like waves.

She remembered last night and how helpless she felt. Jessica hated herself so much. Nothing could ever make up for what she had lost.

Nothing will ever be enough compensation.

And when she said nothing, she meant it.

Jessica remembered that feeling all too well- the feeling of desperation. She hated being desperate, being helpless. It made her seem weak. It made her feel weak.

The feeling she had last night was the worst feeling of all. The ice princess never thought that she would get to feel like that again. She places her hand on her chest and she feels her heart beating fast. Her head is hung low.

It was the same thing she felt when Krystal died in her arms. And the death of her sister had to be the worst moment of her life so far, or not. Maybe last night was the worst moment of her life. She didn’t know. And she didn’t want to know. Jessica didn’t like weighing her love for the people who were the most important to her. It just seemed so wrong.

A tear threatens to escape from her eye, but she wipes it away quickly.

And from today on, she will wear armor forged form the strongest of metals.

She woke up on her bed at home that morning at four in the morning, with her alarm clock singing and dancing on her bedside table. She stares at the ceiling for a while, not moving from her position on the bed. The clothes she wore were the same clothes from yesterday, and whoever brought her to her room was nice enough to take her shoes off.

The alarm clock continues to sound.

She swings her hand sideward and knocks it over. It falls to the floor.

She hears something shatter, and she knows that her clock is broken.

 She does not give a damn.

If only breaking clocks could stop the time, she would have broken a thousand clocks.

And she would have done it a long time ago.

Her eyes blink.

Jessica tries to recall what had happened to her last night. She remembered the last thing she said to him was that she loved him, and then she out. She sighs. She must’ve gone way over the top if the nurses had to sedate her.

“But how...” She mumbles to herself. “Ah.”

Jonghyun must’ve carried her sorry home.

She sighs and her hands drop to her face.

“I owe him so much already...”

Jessica wasn’t thrilled at the thought of facing Jonghyun or his friend any time soon. After everything that had happened and all the chaos that she stirred up last night at the hospital room, she doubted he would want to see her either. Actually, she didn’t think Jonghyun would ever wanna see her face again. He probably thought she was crazy. After all, that was quite a stunt she pulled the night before.

Jessica groans.

Kim Jonghyun probably didn’t even want to be her friend anymore. He was just being nice. That’s why he drove her sorry home last night.

Also, that was probably some sort of a parting gift.

She yawns, feeling something cold on her neck and she touches the part where her necklace is supposed to be. Jessica feels her fingers touch a cold diamond heart- probably as cold as her own heart was at the moment- and familiar sharp edges that made up the tiara of her ice princess necklace.

Memories from the previous night flood in like a tsunami, washing over her and pulling her into the water. And she is drowning in the reality that hurt too much to think about. She is sinking to the bottom of the ocean, suffocating in her thoughts.

It was so painful.

It was torturous.

She didn’t want to think about it- how happy they were a few days ago and how sad their parting was. She didn’t want to dream about him, or his kiss. She didn’t want to know what it was like if he had lived- would they have been married? Would they have had children? Would they have grown old together? Would he have left her for another woman? Would she have abandoned him? She did not want to know. She didn’t. She didn’t want to relive the moment when the heart monitor flat-lined, or her acts and screams desperation, or her failure to save him.

Especially her failure to save him.

She hated thinking about it.

She hated it so much.

For a moment, Jessica feels like she is devoid of emotion.

She lies on her bed literally frozen, her lips parted and her eyes fixed on the light bulb hanging above her head.

And then she screams.

“SCREW ALL OF THIS!!!”

Her sanity leaves her within seconds.

She grits her teeth and throws her pillows to the floor one by one. Then she sees the blanket covering her legs. Jessica’s eyes widen, and she kicks and kicks until it falls to the floor as well, screaming and thrashing on her bed.

She pounds on the bed furiously with her tiny fists- not like she would get hurt anyway- and she screams more.

Louder.

Jessica’s eyes dart around rapidly, her head moving in circles, as she surveys her bedroom. She grabs the first thing she sees, which is her bedside lamp, and uses it to pound on the wall. Jessica uses it like it was a baseball bat, except she was hitting “the ball” repeatedly. She went full force, until the shade falls off and the bulb breaks and the base cracks, and soon enough she is left with a wooden stick with a cord hanging from its side. She is breathing fast now, and she slowly backs away from the wall with the wooden stick in her hand. She grabs the cord. Shards of glass and pieces of wood are scattered on her bedroom floor.

Something else catches her eye.

It was a girl inside the “frame” above her dresser.

Jessica lets the stick fall to the ground, still holding on to the cord with her shaky hands, as she walks toward the girl who seemed to be inching closer to her as well. The sounds of the stick’s jagged edges scraping the floor demanded to be heard out. But she kept going, as if the sounds were muted, as if she couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of her thoughts.

She stops in front of the frame and examines the woman in the mirror carefully. It was strange how much they resembled each other. They looked so much alike, except the girl in the mirror looked like she was broken. She had bags under her eyes, which were dull and lifeless, and her hair was a mess. The unnamed woman’s lips were pale, her face ashen. The expression she wore was blank, but somehow she seemed sad to Jessica, and there were fresh cuts and bruises on her face and arms. Some of the cuts were bleeding.

Jessica frowns, and so does the broken lady in the mirror. She reaches out to the girl, dropping the cord on the floor. Jessica touches the girl’s hand, and she sees the girl touching hers as well. She gasps at the feeling. The girl from the mirror’s hand felt so cold, so inhumane. She shudders.

And she realizes she is not touching a hand.

There was a barrier in between them.

There was a barrier.

And she looks at her hands, cut and bruised and bleeding all over. She looks back at the woman in the mirror. Jessica touches her hair, and the lady mimics her. She feels her arms, claps her hands, runs a hand through her hair.

And the lady mimics her.

She cries.

And still, the lady mimics her.

She stops for a moment as her sanity returns to her bit by bit.

She is the lady. That is a mirror.

Still, there is a barrier.

Because no matter how much alike they were, Jessica knew.

There is a barrier.

This is not her.

This is not who she is.

And so, Jessica gets off at Seoul High and walks through the gates. The usual morning chatter filled the air. She could hear students laughing and talking like they always would. The chitchat was always louder on Mondays since it was after a weekend. Everybody had lots to say.

And so did she, in truth.

If only she had the courage to speak up, she thinks. But then again, even though she did try to tell anyone about her love story with a half-dead guy and an angel and her ability to communicate with dead people, no one would believe her.

It was all too good- or bad- to be true.

So she walked on, trying to ignore all the life around her, and she tried her best to fit in with the picture. Her long-sleeved top hid her scars and her skin-tight jeans hid her bruises. Her mask of happiness hides her pain. She didn’t need to hear how great their lives were.

She didn’t have to hear how horrible hers was either.

The ice princess was definitely cold today. She felt so bitter about the world and about everything.

Well, she did have the right to be.

Jessica walks briskly through the halls of the school, avoiding everybody who was human and happy. She slows down when a group of young people move in front of her. She scowls at them- they were probably just freshmen- telling them to get out of the way. They apologize and scurry along. She sighs.

Because deep inside, she knows she didn’t mean to tell them off.

And she tries to breathe in.

She reaches the classroom minutes later and sees that there is no one there. She sighs. Of course there’s no one here yet, everybody is still outside. They’ll only come in when the bell rings and the teacher arrives. She used to do that when she was shiny and happy, when she used to chitchat with her friends until it was time for class.

And so Jessica takes the window seat at the very back of the room- she loved window seats; she could look outside when the lecture became boring. She places her bag on her lap and she looks out the window, her right hand propping up her chin. The sun was shining so bright today. When Jessica sees this, she feels as though she is being mocked.

She frowns, crossing her arms over her desk and resting her head on them.  Jessica was seriously considering leaving the room and finding something to busy herself with. Being alone was hazardous to her health.

It might as well kill her.

She closes her eyes, thinking maybe she’d fall asleep and when she wakes up class would start.

But her eyes dart open when she feels someone tap her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” a deep voice says. She does not bother to look at the owner of the voice. She really does not care.

“Is this seat taken?” he says. Jessica grits her teeth and rolls her eyes.

And she, of course, thinks that that is the most idiotic question in the world. Of course the seat wasn’t taken. There was nobody in the room but her.

She is irked, but she replies politely, “No, it’s not.”

“Oh,” the guy says. “Thank you.”

Jessica closes her eyes again.

And once more, the guy taps her on the shoulder.

She balls her hands into fists and turns to face him.

“What?!”  she says to him, irritated. “Can’t you see I’m bu-”

She is cut off by what she sees.

Jessica sits there for a moment, amazed at whatever she was seeing in front of her.

Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. Slowly, she releases the tension in her fists and she lets her arms hang loose at her sides. Jessica blinks.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

“What?” the guy says, wearing a confused expression on his face. He looks around to check if it was him she was so surprised to see. Then his eyes disappear as he bears his shiny white teeth. He was smiling. And she knew this smile.

It was a bright smile, a smile she knew so well.

It was a smile she missed- a smile that belonged to a person she missed.

“Oh my god,” she says with eyes wide. Her confused expression turns into a happy one and her eyes are filled with tears.

“OH MY GOD!!”

She takes him by the shoulders and shakes him so hard that he begins to feel a little dizzy.

“Hey, slow do-“

“ONEW! OH MY GOD!” She pulls him into a hug, tears are streaming down her face.

She has found him.

She has finally found him.

And he is alive.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT, WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?” She says as she tightens her hug, he hugs her back and smiles.

Her tears do not stop.

He does not answer. And when she tries to say something, he silences her. He her blonde locks and then her back, enjoying the feeling of her tiny arms wrapped around his waist. He kisses the top of her head. She smiles at the feeling of his warmth, and his lips. This is the first time in days that silence was all she wanted.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he pulls away from the hug. He holds her by her shoulders this time and he pinches her nose. Then he frowns as he wipes hear tears off. He knew she had been crying- he could see it in her tired eyes. She had been hurting- and he could see it not only through the band-aids on her cheek but through the way she looked at him. This saddens him deeply. His fingers brush over her cheeks, tracing her jaw line and her collarbone. His eyes widen and he smiles when his hand finds the necklace he bought her. It was exactly where it was supposed to be. She smiles when he holds it in his hand.

And he knows that she never stopped thinking about him.

She never really forgot him.

And he was happy.

His smile warmed her heart, but Jessica felt weird. They were way more intimate than they were before and it was so surprising. It was so new.

But she liked it.

She loved it.

The ice princess closes her eyes as her guardian angel cups her face in his hands. He closes his eyes as well.

And inch by inch they move closer to one another, until they can feel each other’s breaths.

She puts her hand on his chest, and she can feel his heartbeat.

It was all too real.

He was alive.

Centimeters now.

She smiles.

Just a little more.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

And the bell rings.

Jessica and Onew look away from each other, a tinge of pink brightening up both their faces. They look a little disappointed as their eyes drift over to the door.

And people start flooding in.

“It’s time for class,” she sighs. “You should leave now...I guess I’ll see you later?” Jessica looks at him with hopeful eyes- an expression that became so rare to her she would probably be surprised if she could see herself now.

He does not move. Instead, he takes the seat beside her.

“I think I’ll stay here,” he says.

“But you’re not even a student here,” she laughs.

So does he.  “Yeah I am! I’m just the geek at the back that nobody notices, that’s why you don’t know I’m even here!”

He winks at her.

“Lee Jin Ki, I swear to-“

“Jess, who are you talking to?” a familiar voice is heard from the group of people busting into the room. Jessica looks behind Onew as she takes her seat and she sees her best friends, Yuri and Tiffany, standing behind her. They giggle, and Onew hides his face with his hands.

Yuri takes the seat in front of her, and Tiffany sits beside Yuri.

Jessica panics for a moment.

“You can see him, right?” Jessica says to the both of them, pointing at Onew.

“What are you talking about?” Yuri says.

“You’re crazy, Jessi,” Tiffany replies with a chuckle.

“What?” She says, surprised, and she covers with her hands. Jessica looks over at Onew. He is still smiling.

“YOU CAN SEE HIM, RIGHT?” She screams so the entire class can hear.

No one replies.

All they do is stare.

“YAH! ANSWER ME!!!” She screams desperately.

No one responds.

She falls into her seat.

Yuri and Tiffany look at each other and stand up. Jessica’s head is hung low, and she says to them “Stop.”

“But Jess-“

“Stop, and sit down.”

“But-“

“SIT THE HELL DOWN!” She screams. And Tiffany and Yuri return to their seats, exchanging worried looks. Everyone is staring at the ice princess now.

“You,” she says as she looks up, “all of you...”

Slowly, she feels her sanity slipping away.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT HUH?”

They all look away. All of them do, but Onew who wears a worried expression on his features. He reaches out to touch her hand. She slaps it away.

“Sica...” Onew says. “Are you-“

“Please don’t talk to me... You can disappear now... way to lead me on,” she says.

“What are you talking-“

He is interrupted by a louder, more authoritative voice. He looks up and sees the teacher walking in. Onew just looks at the girl beside him and he sinks into his seat, looking a little sad.

“Okay, good morning class!” Mrs. Choi greets as she walks in, heels clicking. The students greet her back and she smiles at them. The teacher places her bag on her desk and stands at the center.

“I have a lot to discuss with you today, but before we begin, I would like to introduce you to someone,” she says.

Jessica’s ears perk up and she turns her attention from the floor to Mrs. Choi.

“Sir, if you would please come in front,” she says to someone near Jessica, though the ice princess couldn’t tell who it is because she didn’t want to look. She wanted to avoid locking eyes with any of her classmates as much as possible.

“Please introduce yourself,” Mrs. Choi says in a voice that is higher-pitched and sweeter than usual.

So Jessica looks in front of her.

And she is shocked at what she sees.

“Hi, I’m Lee Jin Ki,” he says. “But you can call me Onew. Nice to meet you all! I hope we can be friends.”

The girls squeal.

“You can see him?” Jessica whispers to Yuri, who is in front of her.

“Of course we can,” Yuri says. “You’re being so weird today."

The blonde turns her attention back to Mrs. Choi. “Thank you, Jin Ki,” she says. “I see you have found your place beside Sooyeon. Please take your seat,” she smiles.

Jessica locks eyes with Onew as he returns to his seat.

“I’m sorry,” she mouths.

“It’s okay,” he replies with a chuckle.

And they both smile.

Onew and Jessica were sat at a table outside Junhyung’s cafe later that day, with mocha lattes and muffins and stories to share.

He has his arm wrapped around her waist as he answers her questions about him. He tells her about the dream- involving him being whipped if he didn’t do his job properly- and his message and how sorry he was that he had to make her see him get hit by a truck, though he laughs at this. He told her about how he was hanging by a thread ever since. He told her about his mission. Onew said that the thirteen gods didn’t believe he was ready to go to heaven because there was no one to remember him as someone who touched a life, or something, since Taeyeon died. So he was given another chance to live. He would live again only if he completed his mission, which was also one of Jessica’s second missions- to help the thirteen gods help Onew find a reason to live, since she, too, was given another chance at life.

“So, that was your lame note?” She teases. “That was what the ‘Save me’ thing was all about?” Jessica takes a sip of her mocha latte. “I mean, why didn’t you just tell me...it would’ve been easier.”

“I’m not allowed to!” He chuckles as he pinches her cheeks. “And besides, there wouldn’t be any thrill...I didn’t make the rules anyway.”

“Well, I think I’ve had enough thrill for now...” she laughs as she shoves the last of the muffin in . She jerks up when she feels him tighten his arm’s hold on her.

Jessica looks at her angel boy intently.

“What?” he says, laughing. “If you’re worried about Jonghyun and my cousin, don’t worry. The gods altered their memories...they won’t remember,” he says as his hand grazes her cheek. She shudders, although she likes it.

She blinks at him. “I have a question,” Jessica says.

Onew takes a sip of his drink. “Ask away,” he says as he wipes around his mouth with a napkin.

Jessica hesitates for a moment, but then she finally gives in.

“Why are you suddenly so sweet to me?” she says.

He seems surprised at her question. “Why?” he frowns. “You don’t like it?”

“No!” She says defensively, putting her hands up. “I- I mean, no...” Jessica plays with her fingers. “I mean you had the opportunity before, but it seems so different now. You never used to hug me or kiss me or look at me the way you’re looking at me now.”

There is a moment of silence and all they do is look into each other’s eyes.

Onew laughs.

“I wasn’t allowed to fall in love with you,” he says. “I think that’s stupid, though...You really can’t help falling in love...”

She looks at him, confused, but not really confused.

The boy takes a piece of his muffin and feeds it to her. “I was in love with you...I just couldn’t show it because I might be punished...”

He touches her face and tilts it slightly so she is facing him.

“But I can do it now.”

Onew closes his eyes and moves towards Jessica slowly. He gives her a peck on the lips and he smiles as he feels the tip of his nose touch hers in the brief moments that their lips are not touching. Jessica smiles as well. He kisses her again, longer this time, enjoying the feeling of her soft lips on his. They tasted like strawberries, only a million times better.  Onew pulls her closer, his arm still around her wasit. He holds the kiss for as long as he can, and when he lets her go, he looks into her eyes.

‘You saved me, Jessica Jung,” he thinks to himself.

She felt so good, so new, so shiny. She was unbroken and she loved it. It’s like she could forget all her sadness and start anew.

“I love you,” Jessica says.

And for the first time, Jessica smiles because she is sure she hears him say it back.

“I love you too.”

Somewhere in the heavens, the gods are celebrating

T H E  E N D

Author's Note

Hello hello there! First of all, I would like to greet everyone a happy new year! And Yehey! The fic is finally done! I hope you liked the ending. Notice how I wanted it to end with fourteen chapters. HAHA. I squeezed it in. Kidd. I was really debating on what kind of ending to make when I wrote this ending about three or four weeks ago. I decided to make a happy one because apparently this story has had enough depressing things in it. Haha! (And If I made it sad you'll probably all want to brick me or throw rotten fruit.) But I wouldn't have minded to make it a sad ending, anyway. Anyway, I would like to thank everybody who has been following My Angel's Whisper, whether it be from the very beginning or the middle or whenever. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Especially to you people who commented and subscribed. You really make my day when I read those comments. Smile smile smile. ( Of course I love you little silent creeper readers too! Hehehehe.)  My fellow OnSica shippers, let us raise the flag wooooo. Hehe. 

Anyways, thank you so much again for following this story to the very end. I hope to see you all in my future fics. (And I also hope to see you people write more OnSica. Because, admit it, there are so few fics, and I know you all have your ideas! So please share them with us.) 

`Till the next time we meet, and may you find your own angel as you write your story.

-iheartleejinki