Hope
Take Care
“Have you heard of that incident from last period? This boy no one likes, they actually threw stuff at him.” Eunmi asked her friend one day after school.
“I think it's his own fault. If he can't adapt to others he doesn't need to expect another treatment.”
Misun said unsympatheticly and closed the door of her locker.
“But don't you think that's a bit too much? I mean, what did he even do? There must be a reason.”
Misun shrugged. “I don't know and I don't care either. If he's hated by Hyunshik that's his problem not mine.”
Eunmi didn't say more. She felt that her friend wasn't the right one to talk about these things so she changed the subject.
Laughing, both girls headed home but no matter how hard Eunmi tried, she just couldn't forget the boy they had talked about before.
It was as if the conversation with her friend had caused a change in her that couldn't be undone. It was the first time she even bothered to think about the bullying going on in her school and she realized that once you actually thought about it you couldn't feel unaffected by it anymore.
And I don't even know his name.
Images of the thin boy with the pretty face and black hair appeared in her mind. Eunmi tried to remember what they had called him but the only thing she knew were the names they had called him. She had never heard his actual name.
At home she searched in her yearbook and finally found his name. Lee Taemin.
That's a nice name. I wonder what he's like...
The next day in school, Eunmi looked deliberately for him.
When she walked along the hallway or passed classrooms she would look around if he was there but her efforts were unsuccessful.
Only when she headed to the gym together with some of her friends, she spotted him. However, he wasn't alone. Hyunshik and a group of other boys encircled him in a corner. There were at least six of them while Taemin was all alone. His head hang low and he hold tightly onto his back bag. She could see his knuckles turning white out of anger but he stayed silent, enduring every insult they threw at him.
Eunmi's tensed when she heard what they said. “You must have been born on a highway cause that's where most accidents happen.”
“If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.”
“Here's 200 won, call all your friends and give me back the change.”
No matter how bad they offended him he wouldn't give them the satisfaction to react. Eunmi was impressed by his strength but at the same time she feared what it would lead to. She had heard the stories of Hyunshik beating up people who were weaker than him and she knew he wouldn't hesitate to do this to Taemin as well.
She grabbed Misun's arm, causing her to halt.
“What is it?”, her friend asked, slightly annoyed.
“I think they're going to hurt Taemin. We need to do something. Maybe calling a teacher or-”,
but Misun interrupted her: “What are you talking about? Who's Taemin?”
Eunmi motioned to the group not far from them.
“Oh, you mean the loser. Well, I guess we can't help him without getting in trouble with Hyunshik so let's go before we witness anything. I don't want to be a part of this.”
Eunmi looked at her friend in disbelief. How could she be so heartless when obviously someone was getting hurt and needed help?
Misun saw the shocked expression on her friend's face and sighed. “You can't help him without getting hurt yourself. Would you want to trade places with him? I doubt it. So let's go, we still have P.E and I don't want to get detention for being late.”
She took Eunmi's hand and dragged her away from the happenings. Eunmi looked back only to see Taemin being pushed and hit by the guys who just laughed as if seeing someone bleed was funny.
But Misun was right, she couldn't help him.
So she followed her friend, turning a deaf ear to the pained groans of the boy she had actually planned to befriend.
Never in her life, Eunmi had felt so guilty. In class, she tried to act normal but every time she did she was reminded of the events from before. How these cruel guys had beaten up a defenseless boy and even enjoyed it.
Taemin's sore cries still echoed in her head and made it hard for her to breathe.
I should have helped him, regardless of what Misun said. Everything would be better than what I feel right now. What if he's injured seriously and nobody came to help him? What if he's in hospital right now or even worse?
Suddenly, she felt sick to her core. The moment class was over, she stormed out of the room desperately looking for the one boy she felt more sympathy for than she had ever felt for anybody else.
After searching everywhere she could think of and even asking people if they had seen him, she finally found him at a staircase in a hidden part of the school, deserted as if no one even knew of its existence. No one besides Taemin.
He said there, just staring lifelessly straight ahead. It seemed as if he didn't even notice her only standing a few feet away from him.
He was injured, although not as bad as Eunmi had feared. He had some scratches on his face and arms, a black eye and he hold onto his stomach but he was at least conscious and alive.
Eunmi sighed in relief and just wanted to walk up to him when she saw the razor blade in his hand.
She stopped abruptly, her eyes widening in shock when she realized what he intended to do.
“NO, DON'T!”
The words escaped unknowingly. When he had moved the blade to his wrist her mind was blank and her body had reacted by itself. Nevertheless, it stopped him in his actions and made him look at her. His surprised expression made obvious that he hadn't expected anyone to stop him.
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” His question brought Eunmi back to her senses and she realized that she was still standing there like an idiot staring at him.
Eventually, she managed to answer: “I'm Jang Eunmi and you can't kill yourself.” She was panting due to her run here and felt like it was going to burst every second but Eunmi didn't care.
The only one she cared about right now was Lee Taemin.
Slowly she walked up to him until they were only a few inches away from each other. She bent down in front of him and carefully took the razor blade out of his hand.
Meanwhile, Taemin just watched her in awe. He willingly let go of the tool that was supposed to take away his misery when instead the unfamiliar girl put her hand in his, squeezing it securely.
She sat next to him on the staircase and quietly waited for him to speak. When Eunmi realized he wouldn't talk she said: “I can imagine how you're feeling. It must be horrible to be … treated like this. But I can tell you committing suicide is no solution. Just think of the people you would hurt by doing this. What about your parents? Don't you think they'd be heartbroken if you were dead?”
“I'm sorry for my parents but they just can't imagine what I'm going through in school. No one can.
When you're constantly suffering your perspective on the worlds changes, you know.
Everyone hates me, they don't care whether I live or die. They look at me and laugh … at the pitiful person I am. They want me to die so I'll do them the favor. This way I at least don't have to feel the pain any longer.”
His cold, sarcastic tone made Eunmi shiver. She would have never imagined him to feel this desperate. But what could she do now she knew. Comforting him? Encouraging him to not give up?
No, this isn't it. This won't stop the bullies from torturing him. But what can I do besides being his friend?
That was when it occurred to her.
There was no need to do anything else than just being his friend. A friend who stood up and defended him when Hyunshik and his friends insulted him. A friend who proved that Taemin, the boy no one liked, was actually liked by someone.
He just needed someone who cared for him.
“It's not true that nobody cares whether you live or die. I care. And I won't ever let you kill yourself. Consider me your friend now.”
This girl is crazy, Taemin thought as he saw the determination in Eunmi's eyes. But when he felt her warm hand in his and his heart skipping a beat as he looked at her, Taemin knew he wouldn't reject her offer.
I guess I just made my first friend.
And suddenly the broken boy had a feeling he never dared to feel before – Hope.
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