Jade,

You had me so scared with your last letter, but thank god it was just female jealousy stuff that was bothering you. Hard to believe that they played such a huge prank on you, but glad you’re handling it well. After all, this is not the first time you had to deal with a few angry girls, right? I still remember your junior year…ㅋㅋ.

Anyways, a huge party on Saturday, huh? Although you didn’t tell me the place, I think I know where it is, because I’ve heard about it too. Have fun and let loose!!

Yours only,
Dan

 

 

I pushed past the dancing crowd and followed Minyeon across the club. It was hard to see where I was going since the lights were flashing rapidly, turning the place shockingly bright and later completely dark in a blink of an eye. The music was very stimulating too – the beat of the dance pop song matched that of my pulse and it even seemed to control it, making it go faster and slower according to the music. I didn’t have a single drop of alcohol in me and yet, I felt like I’m already on some kind of drug.

 

“Did this Jackie invite ALL of these people?” I shouted loudly for Minyeon to hear and waved my arm at the few hundred people around me.

 

“Don’t let go!” Minyeon reprimanded, as she grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. “It’s usually not this crowded, but there’s a promotional event tonight. Our party is going to be a little more private.”

 

A little more private was obviously an overstatement. After she dragged me out of the main dance floor and down a long hallway, we entered another club area. It was noticeably smaller, but the ceilings were high and there was a second floor, which overlooked the dance floor and bar. There were at least a hundred people dancing to the handsome-looking DJ and a couple more crowded around plush, red sofas, drinking happily. The theme was red and black and the way the place was furnished made the area look like an exciting living hell.

 

I looked around for familiar faces. Some SM artist groups were there – Girl’s Generation, SHINEE and F(x) although not all members were present. They sat at a huge area with Super Junior and the managers while the assistants sat separately in another area. The dance floor was completely occupied by the throng of superb dancers, each showing-off their skills. I gaped at them in awe – I had never seen so many good dancers dancing at once before.

 

“These are the choreographers and backup dancers,” Minyeon nudged me.

 

I nodded, still amazed. “I can tell… they are ing good.”

 

“Let’s go!” She ushered me towards the assistant area, but I refused, staring at her incredulously, as if she had gone mad.

 

“Are you crazy? I’m not hanging out with them!”

 

After discovering that the assistants were “bullying” me due to their jealousy, I had been nothing but icy towards them. Of course, this caused them to dislike me even more and sparked constant commenting and complaining about my disrespectful attitude on their part. Like I give a , I thought. I have no reason to be nice to those who aren’t nice to me.

 

“What – you rather hang out with them?” She discreetly pointed towards the other side of the room. “Are you crazy? That will piss them off even more.”

 

“That’s exactly what I want,” I smiled icily, before heading to look for Jackie to give him his birthday present – a watch.

 

“Jia-eun!!” A squeal came from behind and a pair of arms enveloped themselves around me. I turned around to see Yang-seun smiling at me. She looked very different today – a lot more attractive than usual with her smoky-eye look, curled hair and ultra-mini.

 

“You look so pretty!” I gushed.

 

“You too!”

 

I better, I thought. It took me so long to figure out how I should look today. It was my first time clubbing in Korea and I wanted to impress. I ended up donning a funky-looking neon dress and matching heels and wearing simple, but sharp makeup.

 

“Let’s dance,” Yang-seun whined, “I’m so bored back there.” It was obvious she had a few drinks already.

 

“Why aren’t they dancing?” I asked resentfully.

 

She rolled her eyes and pouted, “They’re intimidated by the dancers.”

 

I looked at the crowd of gorgeous men and women and took Yang-seun’s hand bravely, “Okay, let’s go have some fun!”

 

“I’ll help you give this to Jackie then!” Minyeon grabbed the bag in my hands and headed towards the bar.

 

Once we hit the dance floor, we swayed our hips and followed the music. As we adjusted to everybody’s movements, we blended into the crowd and became more carefree. Soon, some of Super Junior’s backup dancers recognized us through the flashing lights and encouraged us to join them by encircling us within their group.

 

“Why aren’t the members dancing?” I asked to Yang-seun above the music. We had danced for about half an hour straight and I hadn’t seen a single Super Junior member yet.

 

“They won’t dance until they get high!”

 

“Speaking of getting high, I haven’t had a drink yet!”

 

“I’ll take you to the bar!”

 

With that, we excused ourselves, laughing and half-complaining about our sore feet. As we approached the bar, I saw Leeteuk waiting for his drink. He looked somewhat bored and seemed to be flipping through his phone randomly.

 

“Hey!” I whacked his arm, causing him to jump a bit.

 

He looked surprised to see me and laughed, “Oh it’s you. I didn’t know you’re invited.”

 

“Well, I am invited.”

 

“Hi, Leeteuk-shii” Yang-seun bowed respectfully, to which Leeteuk gave a warm smile and nod. He wasn’t too familiar with many of the manager’s assistants.

 

“What are you ordering?” I asked him.

 

“A few cocktails, but it’s not for me,”

 

“Why?”

 

He smiled and said in an embarrassed manner, “I actually have a low tolerance, so it’s better that I don’t drink.”

 

I replied with a small “oh” and waved at the bartender. I ended up ordering a fruity martini while Yang-seun ordered a screwdriver. When Leeteuk’s tray of drinks finally arrived, he heaved it into his hands and cocked his head towards the direction of his table.

 

“Do you want to come along?”

 

I nodded and pulled Yang-seun along with me. Despite being with Super Junior for only a short month or so, I was already much more comfortable with them than other manager’s assistants were. We weren’t exactly friends, but we were definitely more than just acquaintances.

 

When we arrived, the female artists had seemed to disappear while everyone else was happily drinking. Ryeowook was visibly drunk, laughing while the others tried to sober him up. Leeteuk shook his head helplessly, as he set the tray down and sat next to him. The rest looked happy to see us and motioned for us to join with them. Yang-seun quickly sat next to Sungmin, who looked like he hadn’t drank much either, and began to talk.

 

“Come, sit next to oppa,” Donghae slurred slightly, patting the empty space next to him. I plopped down next to him, grateful to finally sit down and rest. I finished my martini and grabbed another drink from the tray.

 

“Yah, that’s mine,” Eunhyuk teased.

 

“Whatever” I laughed, feeling the rush of heat, as the alcohol began to take an effect on me.

 

“Where are the others?” Yang-seun quipped, being more talkative than usual. She indicated at the empty seats around us.

 

Sungmin offered her his drink and replied, “They left early with their managers, because they have an early start tomorrow.”

 

“And because their manager doesn’t want to see them all drunk,” added Kyuhyun, sipping his drink. He wrinkled his nose and complained, “Wine is seriously so much better.”

 

“Then give it to me,” Kangin took the glass from Kyuhyun’s hands and downed it.

 

We talked for a little longer and I started to feel like dancing again. Except for Eunhyuk, none of them seemed to have even moved from their seats.

 

“Let’s dance!” I pulled Donghae up and dragged him to the dance floor. He laughed exasperatedly, as he struggled to get a proper footing and not trip over the legs of other members when he got up.

 

Many greeted Donghae when we approached, slapping his back and whistling, which caused him to blush visibly. I laughed good-heartedly before purposely placing my arms around his neck to a bit more. As expected, he went stiff and coughed nervously despite still moving his hips. I saw a few dancers eyeing us with interest while I felt daggers piercing my – the assistants, no doubt.

 

“Loosen up a bit!” I shouted to his ear, “You should enjoy yourself once in a while!”

 

“Who says I’m not enjoying this?” He pulled back and started showing off his skills. He stayed on the spot and displayed some amazing footwork before ending his little show with several hip s.

 

“You’re funny!” I laughed some more, feeling the alcohol in my blood.

 

“Of course,” He smiled, putting his hands on my waist and brought me towards him. I must admit – when Donghae tries to be y, he succeeds, because at that moment, he exuded enough manliness to make my heart race even faster.

 

I was having so much fun that I didn’t realize other Super Junior members had joined us as well. Soon, I had danced with all of them although I wasn’t sure they even knew who they were dancing with. Eunhyuk, Ryeowook and Siwon were half gone and only Kangin, Sungmin and Leeteuk were remotely sober. Dancing with Eunhyuk was especially thrilling although he grinded a bit too much, which caused Leeteuk to pull him back.

 

“Hyukjae-ah!” He had laughed. “Control yourself, she’s 18!”

 

“Yah,” I smacked him on the chest, “Don’t be such a dad.”

 

Suddenly, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see a handsome, muscular guy who looked vaguely familiar smiling down at me. He was one of Super Junior’s back-up dancers and I remember him being quite good.

 

“You’re Jia-eun, right?” he asked, edging closer.

 

“That’s me,” I quipped, moving closer as well. It was evident that he wanted to dance, so I followed his lead into swaying my hips and matching his rhythm.

 

“You know who I am right?”

 

I nodded, which caused him to break into a satisfied smile. He was a little unsteady in his steps, which meant he wasn’t as sober as he appeared.

 

“Well, that was all I needed to hear.”

 

With that, he wrapped his arms around me, which caused me to fall on him a little. Before I could push him away or react, one of his hands moved downwards to my thighs and started to feel me up. When I began to struggle, the arm around my waist held me even tighter.

 

“What the hell!” I shouted, as I pushed onto his chest.

 

He released me and smiled smugly, “Don’t you like it?”

 

I glared at him and attempted to rejoin everyone else when he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back towards him.

 

“I know what you want, so stop being such a tease.”

 

“Get your ing hands off me!” I spat out.

 

“,” he grunted and crushed his lips onto mine. He gripped my head in place, so I could not pull away and held onto my other hand so I couldn’t push. I stepped on his foot with the tip of my heel, but except for a tiny, painful moan, it did nothing to stop him.

 

Suddenly, I felt him pull away and I saw a couple of his friends holding on to him, looking shocked and surprised. Leeteuk, Hang-seun and several of the members were also standing around us, speechless and furious.

 

“Junghyun, what the hell are you doing?” Leeteuk asked.

 

“I’m just doing her a favor,” Junghyun looked annoyed at his friends who were restraining him. With several tugs, he managed to wriggle them off.

 

“Excuse me?” I stared at him, not believing what I just heard.

 

“I’m sorry, he’s probably just –“

 

He took a step towards me and growled, “Aren’t you the dirty they’ve all been talking about? I didn’t know pick their partners.”

 

Fire was literally traveling through my veins.

 

“Hyung, what’s wrong with you?” Kyuhyun glared at him, taking a step forward as well. “You are usually not like this.”

 

Junghyun continued, still advancing menacingly despite his friends pulling him back. “So why don’t you want me, huh? Are you scared I can’t pay you, unlike Super Junior?”

 

Pay? What does he think I am? Some e?

 

Enough is enough. Before anyone else could speak, I took a step forward and slapped him hard on the face. I shoved him hard on the chest with both hands, causing him to stumble backwards. When he registered what happened, he spat out a curse and lunged at me, trying to swipe a punch. Leeteuk immediately stepped in front of me, shielding me with his arm and grabbed Junghyun’s arm before it came down.

 

“Enough, Junghyun!” he shouted. “Stop before you go overboard”

 

“He has already!” I yelled and Leeteuk turned around to glare at me.

 

What? Am I wrong? The literally almost me in the middle of the dance floor in front of everyone.

 

Donghae stepped up and pushed him back, “Apologize for what you did.”

 

There was no reply, so he repeated once more. “Apologize”

 

Junghyun glared at him for a bit, sizing him up and then smirked, “Of course you’d protect the girl. I heard you shagged her the other night, didn’t you?”

 

What?

 

It was Donghae’s turn to lunge, but luckily Sungmin and Kyuhyun pulled him back.

 

“What the hell is going on?” It was Jackie, the host. He looked at the commotion with a bewildered expression, but seemed to understand that Junghyun was the one who had caused all the trouble.

 

“Get him out of here before anyone kills him,” Leeteuk barked, glaring at him and his friends, unable to control his anger any longer. I had never seen him this furious before; his brows were furrowed together and his usual sharp eyes were even more piercing than usual, emitting a deathly glare.

 

Jackie quickly ushered him and his friends away despite Junghyun’s struggling and continuous cursing.

 

“What the just happened?” Leeteuk turned around and was now glaring at me.

 

“How the should I know? He just randomly harassed me. I don’t even know him!” I defended myself, feeling the tears and fighting them back. Yeah I’m a victim, I thought. But there is no way in hell that I’m going to act like one.

 

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. His glare had now softened and he put his hands on my shoulder with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked and Kangin began to slightly fuss over me, checking if I was hurt.

 

I shrugged them off and mumbled, “Whatever”.

 

“And you,” Leeteuk turned his attention to Donghae, who was still trying to regain his composure. “Did he say you… shagged her?”

 

“Hyung, why would I do that?” He cried, wide-eyed and incredulous.

 

“So it’s not true?” Yang-seun suddenly asked – it was the first thing she spoke since the incident happened. She was clutching Sungmin’s arm and looked like a small, frightened bunny. If I didn’t feel so violated at that moment, I might have pitied her.

 

“No, I’m not some ing e.” I snapped, causing the others to wince at the directness of my words.

 

“Oh,” Yang-seun nodded although she looked somewhat unconvinced.

 

Leeteuk scrutinized, “Why? Do you know something?”

 

“I-I… no…” The hand that was clutching Sungmin’s arm gripped even harder and she avoided all of our gazes. She was a terrible liar.

 

“Fine,” She admitted quietly after a moment, unable to stare at me. “I’ll tell you guys this, b-but… don’t say it’s from me.” She took a deep breath, “It has been circulating around that Jia-eun is not as innocent as she seems and that she has been… fooling… around with back-up dancers and even some Super Junior members.”

 

“What?” I widened my eyes, as she looked at me apologetically. My pride had already been somewhat destroyed by Junghyun and now whatever that was left of it was crushed too. So I’ve been looked upon as a this entire time?

 

“That’s why all the assistants have been rather cold to you. They were disgusted by your behavior… and I guess somewhat jealous as well,” Yang-seun began to cry, “I’m sorry, I tried to convince them that it’s not true, but the stories became so realistic that I didn’t know whether to believe them or not…”

 

“This is ridiculous,” Kyuhyun shook his head in disbelief. “How can they bring us into the picture? We don’t just fool around with young girls like that, it’s so wrong.”

 

“Who told you?” I gripped Yang-seun’s arm desperately.

 

“I-I cant…”

 

“PLEASE!” I suddenly shouted, suddenly trembling all over. I couldn’t take it anymore – I was too humiliated and furious. I needed to get to the bottom of this.

 

Sungmin nudged her slightly and commanded softly, “Say it.”

 

She closed her eyes and breathed out, “M-Minyeon…”

 

Min… That .

 

“,” Donghae muttered.

 

“Where is she now?”

 

“Sh-she left a while ago,” Yang-seun replied, slightly frightened.

 

Tears now flowed freely down my face and I turned away and ran before anyone could see them. It was difficult to run in my heels, but I could care less despite stumbling every few steps. I could hear them calling my name, but as soon as I ran into the larger club area, I melted into the crowd and they could no longer find me. I couldn’t believe it was Minyeon, how could it be? Yet, Yang-seun would never lie, so it had to be true. But why? What was her motive? Was she jealous of me too? She was the only one I trusted wholeheartedly and even she betrayed me. I suddenly felt so stupid for not seeing through her act earlier. All this “I don’t want you to get hurt” bull – she was so fake.

 

I wiped my tears and saw streaks of black mascara tears at the back of my hand. I must look horrendous, I thought, and went straight to the bar. I sat down in front of the bartender and ordered a strong cocktail.

 

“Rough night?” He eyed me with concern.

 

“Obviously,” I grunted.

 

“Need help?”

 

“No.”

 

The tears continue to fall and somehow, the only way to stop them was drinking. I downed two cocktails in succession, feeling the vodka searing my throat. The painful distraction felt good and soon, I began to feel much better. Everything was just a bit number and since I felt weak and unfocused, my thoughts stopped running properly.  

 

“What are you doing?” It was a frantic voice. I think it belonged to Leeteuk.

 

I peered upwards and it was. He looked angry, but I didn’t know why. He was breathing very hard. Had he been running?

 

“Drinking,” I mumbled and added cheekily, “Like… obviously.”

 

“How many did you have?” He eyed the empty shot glasses on the table and groaned. He tried to take the half-empty glass out of my hands, but I frowned and clutched onto it.

 

“You can’t drink anymore,” he said sternly and tried to take it away once more.

 

“Stop it,” I smacked his arm, “It’s mine.”

 

“Jia-eun,” He sighed and sat down next to me, “Stop drinking, I’ll take you home.”

 

“Why do you want to take me home?”

 

He rolled his eyes and tried to pull my arm. When I pushed him away, he forcefully lifted me off my chair and onto my feet.

 

“Ouch, it hurts,” I complained, massaging the part of my arm that he was gripping on. I glared at him and attempted to finish my drink, but he blocked my mouth with his hand, causing the alcohol to spill all over his hand and down my dress. I glared at him once more, but with tears glistening in my eyes. “Why are you forcing me to do things I don’t want to do? Why are you like them… forcing me to do things I don’t want to do? I want to have some control in my life, but why is happening to me?”

 

The tears were coming back and they stung even more than before. My vision became blurry and I felt my knees buckle and my body suddenly going limp. Leeteuk grabbed me before I hit the ground, holding me close to him.

 

“Let’s go home, okay?” He asked softly. His voice was gentle.

 

I shook my head and sobbed. “I have no home – what is home anyway? I don’t have one here nor do I have one in the States. Home is a place where I feel safe, right? I don’t have one. I don’t ing have one.”

 

He slowly helped me up and guided me towards the door, trying to coax me to stop crying the entire time. I wouldn’t have followed him, except that the arm he had around me was so warm - I didn’t want to part from it. The somewhat cool air hit us, as we left the bar and he immediately took his blazer off to wrap it around my shoulder. It was a difficult journey to his car. I was stumbling and he had trouble holding me up.

 

“Get in,” he held the door open for me.

 

I stood still and stared at him, his face blurred. He had one hand to the door and the other on his hip. “What now?” he asked, somewhat exasperated.

 

“Wh-why should I trust you?” I clutched at his blazer protectively.

 

“Because I won’t hurt you”

 

“Yeah, that’s what Minyeon said before she ing betrayed me,” I spat out.

 

“But I’m not her,” he protested, staring at me pitifully.

 

“Prove it”

 

He looked straight into my eyes for a second and slowly walked towards me. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me and held onto me tightly. I shakily breathed in his scent – sweet cologne, sweat and the smell of cigarettes he picked up in the club – and breathed out. His hand rubbed my back in a comforting manner and I rested my head on the crook of his shoulder. Somehow his kind gesture brought back the tears again. I blinked and let them run down my cheek onto his shirt.

 

He pulled away and tutted when he saw my tear-stained face, “Don’t cry.”

 

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, “I’m trying.”

 

“Good,” he smiled and quickly swiped the wetness under my eye with his thumb. He put his hand on the handle of the door and waited. I got in compliantly and watched him as he began to drive. Gradually, I felt the familiar pounding sensation in my head and my eyelids became heavier and heavier. The last thing I remembered was Leeteuk calling my name.